A/N: Okay, here it is! Please be helpful and review and maybe even spread the word if you like it!!

Disclaimer: Not mine but I'm still hopeful!!

"Sam, let's cut the bull, shall we?" said Dr. Ellicott. Sam looked at him, surprised. He had thought that James Ellicott would ask him about touchy-feely yoga crap and ask him "And how does that make you feel?" over and over again. Touchy-feely yoga crap? Man, I beginning to sound like Dean.

“You’re avoiding the subject.” Sam wasn’t sure what the doctor was talking about. He cocked his head a little and looked confused.

"What subject?" Sam asked.

"You. Now I'll make you a deal," Dr. Ellicott said, staring Sam straight in the eyes. Sam began to feel a little uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and couldn't wait to get out of that office. I can't believe Dean made me come here. He is such a jerk. But he would be making sarcastic comments and wouldn't get any information at all. Sam snapped back when he realized the Ellicott was talking again.

“I’ll tell you all about the Roosevelt riot, if you tell me something honest about yourself.” Ellicott leaned back in his chair and encouraged Sam with his eyes to talk. And Sam wanted to. But he also wanted to kill some spirits or whatever was in the asylum. And if he wanted to do that he had to get down to business. Sam gave the doctor another confused look. Honest? He couldn’t remember the last time he completely honest with someone. Jess and the rest of his college buddies never knew the real him. He hadn’t even told Dean about the nightmares about Jess at first. And he still had untold secrets. Seeing Sam was having a bit of trouble talking about something honest, Ellicott gave him an idea.

"Like, uh, this brother you're road tripping with. How do you feel about him?" Sam stared at him for a minute before responding.

"Well…"Sam hesitated, thinking of something to tell him without sounding crazy, talking about demons and spirits and such. If he talked about that, he would be sent to an asylum instead of willingly going to one.

"Go on, I'm listening," Dr. Ellicott said, snapping Sam back into the office. Partial truth maybe? If I keep my feelings balled up inside they'll just get worse and worse. Besides, it's not like I hate Dean, I just have a few problems with the way he handles things. Or, really, the way he orders me to handle things, Sam convinced himself.

“My brother is…different. He’s smart but he doesn’t apply himself in the ABC college sort of way. He’s more street smart. Not that that’s bad,” Sam explained with a grin, thinking back on how many times Dean’s quick thinking had saved his butt. Dr. Ellicott nodded and made a note on his legal pad.

"This brother, are you two particularly close?" Dr. Ellicott questioned. Sam grinned again.

“Yeah, definitely. You could say he practically raised me,” Sam said. More memories flooded in. Dean fixing Sam dinner when their Dad was out hunting. Dean and Sam goofing off in the empty hotel room. And his personal favorite, long forgotten until now, was when Dad was on a long hunting trip. Dean had led Sam into part of one of the largest hotel rooms they had stayed in. Dean had cleared all of the furniture and then had given Sam a soccer ball. They had played soccer the whole time Dad had been gone. It was memories like these that had made Sam love Dean. And hate Dad. Sam’s jaw clenched at the thought of John.

"Not a good relationship with your parents, Sam?" Ellicott questioned, knocking Sam back into reality. Not a good relationship? Understatement, Sam thought.

"My mom died when I was six months old," Sam said sadly as he thought, And it was probably my fault.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did your mom die?" Ellicott knew a breakthrough was coming. What he didn't know was that Sam wouldn't be telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Sam wanted to keep as many people as possible from knowing the truth about the darkness. He wished he still had that innocence and he would never take that away from anyone.

"A fire. Electrical," Sam lied. "It started in my nursery." Oops, shouldn't have said that. He's going to have a field day with that one, Sam thought.

"Your nursery? Do you feel responsible for her death?" Ellicott hit the nail on the head. It was like he had read Sam's mind.

"Of course not," Sam replied, lying yet again. He had gotten good at it. He had learned from the best. Dean could lie to you while looking you straight in the eye.

"That's strange. Usually people feel it was their fault. But it never is, you know?" Ellicott said, casually. But he stared at Sam, a stare that said that Ellicott knew Sam was lying. "Anyway, back to your parents. How do you feel about your dad?"

"Well…He and my brother get along better than we do," Sam said, for once truthful.

"And why is that?" Ellicott asked. Sam smiled and cocked his head.

"My brother is a very likable person," Sam said with a laugh. Every one night stand Dean had ever had in the time Sam had been with him came rushing back to him.

“Likable in what way?” Ellicott asked. Sam noticed that even though Dr. Ellicott probably didn’t care what would ever become of Sam, he made it look like Sam was the most important person. Sam liked that feeling. Dean made him feel…not exactly second rate, but it wasn’t much better. With Dean it was all orders, all the time. Sammy do this, Sammy shoot that, Sammy research this, Sammy don’t scratch the Impala. That precious car meant everything to Dean. Sam knew deep down Dean cared for him but he had to remind himself sometimes. Sam looked up at Dr. Ellicott who was still waiting for an answer.

"Sorry. He can make practically anyone like him. Except kids. My brother hates kids," Sam finally replied. Except Lucas, Sam remembered. More memories. We should go visit Lucas sometime. Dean would love that. Or would he? Dean tended to forget people easily. Facts about evil, he could remember at the drop of a hat. Names, people, faces, not so easily. Not to mention that was where Dean lost Bill Carlton and Jake Devins. Sam tried to tell him that he couldn't save everyone. That was the first time I ever had to comfort him and that lasted, what? A day?

"You're brother, does he have something like separation anxiety?" Ellicott asked.

"He doesn't like to be alone," Sam said, realizing something. Sam thought back tot the night when Dean came for him to help find Dad. Dean had said that he needed Sam to help him. Sam knew he didn't and had told him so. Dean had paused and replied, "Yeah, but I don't want to." Dean had always seemed like the invincible big brother. Recently Sam had found out Dean hated flying. Now Sam realized Dean had another fear. Loneliness. No wonder Dean always hooked up with all the girls. No wonder Dean had dragged him to Jericho.

"He's lonely," Sam said aloud, but it was for himself to hear. Of course Dean would never admit it but he had come very close. How could I have been this stupid, this dense? And I thought I knew Dean. His brother now had two chinks I his armor or at least that he knew of. That he knew of!

"I don't know him at all…" Sam whispered. Dean, his Dean, invincible Dean. They had grown up closer than most siblings. Why had Dean hidden this from him? There were two possible answers. Either they weren't as close as he thought or Dean had assumed Sam had known. The first one was stupid. They were close. Dean had raised Sam. So it must be Sam's fault. How many times had Dean hinted at his fears but Sam was too preoccupied or self centered to listen? For the first time since Sam had stepped foot in Dr. Ellicott's office, his memories failed him. How could I be so blind? Sam asked himself as he paid Dr. Ellicott who looked a little confused at how the session had ended.

Sam's anger flared up at Dean. Dean always tried to get Sam to express himself but Dean wouldn't just come right out and say how he felt but he was criticizing Sam. God, Dean, what the heck is with you? Express yourself Sam. Why don't you express yourself Dean? What, you can't? Because Dad told you to be strong? Because God knows you always listen to Dad. Forget about listening to me or anyone else in the world, only Dad because dean was his good little soldier, Sam though mockingly and filed with hate. No, I don’t hate him. I really do love him even though he pushes my last nerve past the edge. I just wish that he would just tell me. God, I am the worst little brother throughout the world, I bet.

Sam started to head outside to Dean and have a chick flick moment but he sat down in the waiting room thinking about how he was a bad little brother. He had never thought about Dean being vulnerable. When he thought about Dean's fear of flying, it was funny, good to use for making fun of him. Right then, inside Dr. Ellicott's waiting room, Sam made a promise to himself. From now on, he would pay attention to every little thing that came out of Dean's mouth, no matter how sarcastic. Finally, Sam regained his composure and went outside to Dean.

"What took you so long?" Dean asked with fake impatience. Sam searched Dean's eyes as he told him all about the riot and the dead Ellicott. Sam could see nothing out of the ordinary, but maybe he just couldn't pick it out.

Dean, meanwhile, was wondering what Sam did talk about. While there was a lot of information on the riot, there just wasn’t enough to fill up the time frame Sam had been in there. Did he really express himself with one of his “chick flick” moments? No, Sam wouldn’t tell a complete stranger personal things about his life. Sam hadn’t even told him about those nightmares about Jess until recently. Still, a flicker of doubt remained.

Dean looked at Sam. Why is he staring at me like that? Dean thought. Well, it doesn't matter. It hasn't happened…yet. It was the fear that Sam would've gone in there and actually had a session with Ellicott.

A real session scared him. Dean had been to one once. The doctor had asked him all about his family and Mom's death. Dean had lied of course. He had started lying from a very young age. He had perfected the art. But he had hated that session. He skipped out on the sessions that the shrink dude had prescribed. He had told his dad that the physiatrist didn't need to see him again. It had worked and he had had to intercept a few phone calls and some letters but that was easy because Dad was always gone.

Dean had been picking up signals from Sam that Dean was pushing it with the orders. But Dean had thought that Sammy would understand. After all, they were incredibly close. Part of Dean didn't think so though. That part had seen Sam talking to Ellicott about how much he blamed Dean for everything about Jess, about how he couldn't go back to college now, no matter how much he wanted to. Dean wouldn't be able to stand it if Sam left. Dean wouldn't even have Dad then. Dean couldn't be alone. Sammy could never know though. He had too much on his plate already.

Sam doesn't need to know that he's the only thing keeping me sane right now. That'd be too much pressure. Sam would crack and then I'd crack, Dean thought. He had decided that right after Jess died and Sam decided to go hunting with him, Dean would never let on how relieved he was. He hated the fact Jess was dead and Sam was in so much pain but he was so happy when Sam had told him, "We've got work to do" that night. Only one hint had ever escaped Dean's mouth about how much he needed Sam. That night he came to get Sam to go find Dad.

He had told Sam that he didn't want to go by himself. Sam hadn't picked up on it and Dean was glad. He didn't want to have Sammy worrying over his big brother. Dean felt like his sole purpose was to keep his family together and he would not, could not, fail. He would never add to Sam or Dad's burdens. They had bigger ones then he did. He wasn't as important. He would do anything for them. He pretended not to care but he did. Dean kept everything bottled up. Not to mention Dean could tell Sam thought of him as invincible. And he should. Dean had saved his butt countless times. Dean always tried to live up to that standard. Why is he staring at me like that? What is he not telling me?

The funny thing was, Sam was thinking the same thing.

A/N: I know, it's kind of long but will yo stick with it because pain is just around the corner! Preview: Sam get's hurt and he needs to tell Dean. Also, a flashback. Anyway, leave me a review if you will! Pretty please with a cherry on top? Maybe if I can imitate Sam's puppy dog eyes? It's really easy! Just click the pretty button! Tell me your favorite part, a part I did awful on, what I could do to improve, anything!! Thanks for reading!!