Pixilations
It's during the times when Kida is bloodless, or so pale that he must be under the spotlight of notoriety, that he thinks of Mikado.
He tends to think of him at other times too, when staring at a video game or the poster of a movie Mikado might like, but at those times his thoughts turn to key strokes and pixilated mutations of kanji icons, vague shadows of a few years noncontact. It's only when he is at his worst, however, that he remembers a faint voice, young and afraid and oh so very brave.
Mikado's voice would be be different now, as is his own, but perhaps (no, not perhaps, must, because that is something Kida won't let change even if it breaks him) it still contains that same Light.
(pale, angel white shimmers, because he can no longer think in bright sunshine yellow)
This is Kida's salve, an ill-deserved acquaintance with innocence that continues his movement unsettlingly backwards into darkness as much as it bids his mind to stay.
He knows Mikado won't agree, would find himself appalled at the thought of Kida using him this way (No, sweet, sweet Mikado would accept him as anything and this is the problem, because when Mikado accepts him he will be dirty and this will never be Kida's promissory wish.)
That is why he doesn't tell Mikado his voice is the only thing keeping him going.