Disclaimer: I don't own 'um I just use 'um. They're all Paramount's. I don't know who owns the songs I put in here but "The Locomotion" is by Gerald Goffin and Carole King, "The Monster Mash" is by B. Pickett and Leonard Capizzi, "The YMCA" is by G. Englund and Nicholas South, and "I Will Survive" is by Gloria Gainer. The alternate lyrics are all mine though. Other than that I don't own anything so please don't eat me.
Author's note: This would take place anywhere during seasons five and six. The song at the end is to the tune of "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gainer. I tried to write this in the form of "The Night Before Christmas" but it kind of faded towards the end, you'll have to excuse that. If you want to know what Seven is saying but don't know piglatin, all you have to do is get rid of the "ay" on the end and put the third to last letter in front. Also, this is my first flic so sorry if it seems a little disjointed.
A Little Day in April
'Twas March 31st and all through the ship, not a creature was stirring except a certain Talaxian. He whispered over the com to all but the captain, "Come to the mess hall, I'll tell you what's happening." All the crewmembers forced themselves out of their beds, where dreams of voyages danced in their heads. They crowded into the mess hall, most still in their pj's and some muttered, "This had better be good Nelix." Nelix called over the din; "I have called you here for a most special occasion. As you all know tomorrow is April 1st, what you may not know is that it is also April Fools Day. People on Earth would play practical jokes on each other. As you have probably noticed, we are all in on this except for the captain. So, I am requesting that each of you do something for the duration of tomorrow completely atypical, try to stun the captain." "I have something to add to that," called Chakotay from the crowd, "When the captain is not around you can return to your duties and drop the act. Also, if we should fall under attack, we will need you as your regular selves." B'Elanna chimed in, "I can make it so your commbadges will beep if the captain gets within ten meters or so, it will warn you to get ready to pull your prank." "Alright then, make sure you're got something and see you tomorrow," exclaimed Nelix. Everyone left, planning what they would do, and went to sleep satisfied that tomorrow would be memorable.
B'Elanna stopped by Tom's quarters, on April Fools morn, to walk with him to the turbo lift that would lead to the bridge. As the door slid open, what to her wondering eyes should appear, but white boxer shorts with red hearts on the outside of his uniform. Tom said, "While searching around for something to wear, you'll never guess what I found in my replicator." "Cute," was all that a dumbfounded B'Elanna could reply. They were soon stopped by Harry, who had replicated some pips. They gave him a once over, knowing he was dropping a hint. Harry had acquired, by means of the replicator, enough pips to circumnavigate his collar. Tom hurried to the bridge and B'Elanna to engineering, while Harry flashed his pips on the way to astrometrics.
Soon Janeway reached the bridge, not suspecting a thing, until Tuvok sneezed and she saw a mustache, quite pink. Tuvok wiggled his nose, causing the mustache to jiggle and the captain, though not sure what to think could suppress a giggle. B'Elanna whispered to Tom over the com, "Hey, I need a song." "From when," Tom replied. "The seventies or eighties." "Okay, um, supernova." "The nineteen seventies or eighties." "Oh, well that does change things. Let's see, The Locomotion?" "Thank you," she called, but before the link was ended, on the bridge arouse such a clatter that B'Elanna could not help but ask what was the matter. "It's Chakotay," Tom explained, "he's pulling his prank, acting like he's in boot camp, it's great." When Chakotay got done ranting and raving, Janeway said, "I should get the doctor the check my hearing."
When she stepped inside, she was greeted once again by a sneeze. A fake mustache however was not to blame this time. A sign pinned to his shirt explained everything though. It was inscribed with the words; "there is no cure for the common cold." Forgetting about her questionable hearing, Captain Janeway left saying, "I guess I should leave you to your, uh, cold." "Thank you Captain," replied a very stuffed up doctor."
Kathryn decided to go to astrometrics and see if she could find and anomaly that would take her mind off of whatever her crew was doing, or help her figure out why they were doing this.
Seven and Harry were in astrometrics plotting star systems when their commbadges beeped. "Glad B'Elanna got these to work," said Harry, "Do my pips look okay?" Seven nodded.
Kathryn was still recovering from seeing Vorik with a sign on his back saying, "Bite me," when Naomi Wildman stopped her. Kathryn asked, "It seems your hands are very full, is there anything I can help you with?" Naomi replied, "I've got all this, but it looks like I've got a string sticking out of my dress, could you get it?" Kathryn pulled the string, which seemed never ending until finally tracing it to its source, a spool of thread. Naomi exclaimed, "Aw man, forgot I had that with me, sorry captain." Kathryn smiled and gave the thread back to her, then walked into astrometrics.
"Hello Seven, Harry, anything good out there?" she questioned. Seven replied, "Aptaincay, eway ereway ustjay udyingsay aay olarsay ystemsay aay ouplecay ightlay earsyay niay rontfay ofay suay." Harry exclaimed to himself, "Piglatin, Seven I am impressed." Janeway gave Seven a definite, you-just-confused-the-livin'-****-out-of-me look and turned to Harry doing a complete double take. "So," she said, "what rank does that make you exactly?" Harry replied, "I'm not sure, I just thought they looked good Captain." "I need some coffee," said Janeway and promptly left. As soon as the door closed, Harry lost it and started cracking up on the floor, even Seven couldn't avoid a smile. Harry, still laughing, said, "I never knew you were fluent in Piglatin, did you see her face?" "Yes," Seven replied, "It was amusing."
Kathryn was heading back to her ready room when she heard someone singing, "Come on baby, do the Locomotion!" Unable to help herself, she followed the voice. "You gotta sway your hips now, so come on, come on, do the locomotion with me!" Kathryn caught up with them just soon enough to see none other that B'Elanna Torres dance into engineering. She followed, for scientific reasons of course, and stepped into the room to see a full gospel choir. She stayed for just long enough to analyze this and here a definite "They did the monster mash!" It was quite amusing, then left to go to the mess hall for some coffee.
In the corridor, she bumped into Samantha Wildman. After taking a second look at the ensign and her full-fledged mohawk she could only exclaim, "Nice hair."
Walking into the mess hall Kathryn called, "Nelix, do you have any coffee?" She was confronted with an assimilated version of the Talaxian. He said, "We are the Borg, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile," while poring her cup of coffee. She left with an astonished, "Thanks."
She went to the observation lounge and decided to call an impromptu senior staff meeting. Maybe she could get some answers out of them. As they all came in, she saw Tom wearing white boxers with red hearts on the outside of his uniform. "Musta missed that while he was on the bridge, I've gotta pay more attention," she Janeway thought, smirking. Next came Chakotay, still in military fashion. "What did he eat for breakfast and lunch and, uh, dinner?" she said to herself. Next came Tuvok, Seven, and Harry. "Good thing Vulcans don't get annoyed or that mustache would be long gone," she thought. Out loud she said, "Seven, I was hoping you would be kind enough to make your report in English for us." This was met by a, "Hatway?" from Seven. To herself she said, "Figures, how did Harry get enough pips to be an admiral five times o- Yikes!" Her thoughts were interrupted when B'Elanna made her dramatic entrance singing, "Everybody now! It's fun to stay at the YMCA!" Complete with arms from everybody including Seven and Tuvok. "Okay," Janeway said, "Now that we got that settled, let's get on with the meeting." As they went over their stations, B'Elanna was working overtime. She had seen where this was going and was sending the entire crew signals via their consoles and for the senior officers, their PADDs. Using a tricorder that she had smuggled in rigged to the display bored, she sent a ship wide message, giving instructions. Also, she gave two individual notes, one to Seven, saying, "Drop the piglatin." The other went to the doctor, saying, "Come on the display screen and have your holo-imager ready, catch her face."
Finally the question came up, Janeway asked, "So, (B'Elanna started a countdown from three all over the ship) what have you been doing to me all day?" Suddenly, a hundred and fifty voices came over the com all saying in unison, "Happy April Fools Day, Captain!" A sudden look of understanding, astonishment, hilarity, anger, embarrassment, and confusion swept over her face. It was met with laughter of the senior officers that was soon accompanied by the entire crew as the doctor rigged the picture all over the ship. The captain herself couldn't keep from laughing after she saw her own face. Finally, Kathryn gasped, "Who organized this?" Everyone replied, "Nelix." "Well," she said, "it seems I have a bone to pick with a certain Borg wanna-be."
As soon as she left, B'Elanna sang, "When I saw the captain's face, I was petrified. I saw without my help our guts would soon be fried. I could see it in your eyes as you realized our fate, wonderin' if she'll blow up in our faces. But since we're stuck, in outer space, it will be a long trip home stuck in the brig or our own place. She can't punish us all at once hardly anyone at all, but to remain on her good side you would need some help from me. You thought she'd blow, right out the door, but calm yourself now, there's an angel in your midst. How can you think I'd let us down without a fight? You think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I! We will survive! I'll bail all your guts outta this I promise you I'll try! I've still got tricks up my sleeve and a tricorder along, and we'll survive, yeah we'll survive! Hey hey! It took all the strength I had not to fall apart trying hard to link the people that were decks apart. You guys were sitting over there just feeling sorry for yourself, about to cry, but then a message reached your eyes. And you see me, across the way. I brought the whole crew to our rescue so we could all have our say. With a few choice a hologram popped up to take a picture of her face. When she finally asked what's goin' on we all were in our place. She finally popped the question and we all knew what to say. She was met to her surprise with the voice of all the crew. I might have died, but I survived. I won't forget her face when we said Happy April Fools! And we survived, yeah we survived. So go, dance out the door, tell the whole ship the new score! Cause we survived," B'Elanna is suddenly joined by the whole crew singing, "Yeah we survived!"
B'Elanna looked around saying, "Holy cow! You weren't supposed to still be listening. I thought I cut the link!" Behind her the Doctor whistled and looked around innocently. She was met with wild applause that only added to her already red cheeks. Hanging her head in embarrassment, she was caught off guard by one final, "We survived!" from the crew. She finally let out a smile and wondered out loud, "What's the captain doing to Nelix?"
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