A knock on the side door awakes me from a light sleep and I am about to get out of bed to answer it when I hear Lucas coming in from the other room, moving to open the door himself.
I half expect him to invite the guest inside, but I have a feeling that he wouldn't because I recognize the outline of a woman's curls through the curtains over the window of the door.
"Lindsey," he says, turning to me, the door only open a crack so I can't see the person, who I know is Peyton, on the other side, "I'm just gonna step out for a minute. Go back to sleep. I'll be right back."
I nod but don't lay back down as I hear the door gently shut behind him. They don't leave the porch and their voices are muffled but I can make out the words they're saying.
"What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to tell you…I'm getting married."
There is a pause, and I'm afraid of the thoughts going through my husband's head.
"To who?"
She snorts, "What do you mean, 'to who'? Who do you think? Probably the guy I've been dating for the last few months."
Her sarcasm has become known to me and my life. He tells stories about her witty comebacks all the time and I try so hard to pretend I'm interested when really, all I want to do is hit him and scream at him to never talk about her again.
"So you're marrying Victor…I always thought he was too straight-edged for you."
He means to sound protective but I'm sure that she can also hear the underlying jealousy and disapproval in his tone.
"Don't, Luke. Don't do this. Don't make me feel guilty about doing something I want. I didn't do it to you."
Again, he's silent until I hear the slightest whisper, "But I did feel guilty."
My heart should be breaking right now. Either it's petrified from the shock or I'm too numb to feel the pain.
"That's crap, Lucas, and you know it," she says loudly, and then quiets down when she realizes I'm right inside, "You married Lindsey because you loved her. Your love for me died a long time ago and I don't blame you. I should have said yes to you back then but I didn't, but it was my mistake. It continues to be my mistake. You did not feel one bit of guilt about marrying your wife. And I'm not going to feel guilty about Victor. Nothing you do or say is going to make me rethink this."
Silence again, and then I hear her start to walk away.
"If you marry him, your initials will be P.E.S.T.! Do you really want that?" I hear him call after her.
Her footsteps stop and I hear her slowly turn around, "No, actually, they'd be P.E.T."
He emits a spiteful laugh, "You once told me you wouldn't drop Sawyer for anything because it kept you close to your mom."
She's silent for a moment, "The girl who told you that doesn't exist anymore." I think I hear a sniffle and I know she's crying, or trying not to, "Now go back inside to Mrs. Lucas Scott. Soon I'm going to be Mrs. Victor Trout and we're going to be fine, Luke. You and me, we're going to be fine."
I hear his thoughts as he thinks to himself that it won't be fine because he's stuck to me and she's pulling away and now he's alone in this prison I call our marriage. I jump out of the bed, wanting to so badly not to let her run away. After all, the Lucas and Peyton in the book; I was rooting for them.
As I reach the door, I glance out the window to see her take a step towards him and lay a gentle kiss on his lips. His body reacts differently than it ever did to a kiss with me. She pulls away and gives him a sad smile before walking away, and this time he doesn't call her back.
I notice he's turned around and is heading back towards the door so I quickly rush to the bed and under the covers. By the time he enters the room, I'm already pretending to be asleep.
He gets into the bed and lays a kiss on my exposed shoulder, muttering "I love you" before turning around and dozing off himself.
My eyes snap open and I know that for the rest of my life we'll be living with his guilt, my knowledge of the situation, and the Trout family haunting our very being.
I hear him whisper something in his sleep, but I brush it off as nothing. Then he repeats it again, louder. I hear what he says but I pretend that I'm hearing something else. He whispers it again and again I hear words that shatter my already broken heart.
"I'll love you forever, Peyton Sawyer."
And then I hear silence.
