"Wonderful"
An Edge/Ashley one shot
The song is "Wonderful" by Everclear and thanks to my dearest Christal for getting me hooked on it lol!
Disclaimer: I -obviously and sadly- don't own anything.
Italics are for flashbacks, bold italics for the song lyrics;
Enjoy it and let me know what you think :)
Ashley walked quickly across the arena's corridors, trying to reach the women's locker room as soon as she could.
Not that this was her usual behavior, it was usually the opposite actually. Normally she would have lifted up her gaze, smiled at every crew members she met on her way and exchanged a few words with the other superstars she saw around. Yes, normally.
But that night was anything but normal.
It was the night of Backlash, an inter-brand ppv. So all the superstars from the three brands were there in that exact moment.
Every single of them.
This meaning that he must have already been there too. And that they were in the same building for the first time after months, many months.
That was the reason of her quick pace, she definitely didn't want to meet him again. Not after the way they had left each other.
Their story had been almost perfect till that unfortunate period, actually. It was one of those relationships that everyone had doubts before and gossiped about… just to think then that they were perfect for each other. And indeed it had seemed so to them as well.
They had met when he was drafted to Smackdown! little less than an year before and after the first, friendly chats among the crowded corridors, it had felt natural for them to grow closer and closer as time went by. Despite all the dirty looks from the others superstars and divas, much because he was usually hated by anyone. But apparently she had seen something different in him. Something more than that usual, annoying, cocky smirk of his. He wasn't just the Rated R superstar for her. She had actually bothered to look deeper and to find the real Adam.
Music was one of the first topics that had led them closer and she couldn't help but sigh as, pressing the play button on her inseparable iPod, a well known song to her started to play.
Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now
Wonderful, yeah, she had lied to her friends so many times claiming that everything was more than good for her after the break up, but apparently she could just convince the others of her lies. And about promises… she had believed in them… so many of them, and she had just learnt to never trust in them again.
/ 7 months earlier
It was an important day for the Rated R superstar as this was the night when he was supposed to get back his title back, after having been out for several months with an injury.
And she couldn't help but giggle as they walked hand in hand across the arena's corridors.
"Would you stop smiling?" He asked with a curious/amused expression.
"Nope, I can't." She shook her head and continued.
"Then can you tell me the reason of this good mood?"
"I don't know… maybe you should try to convince me to do so."
"Oh interesting…" He smirked before leaning in and kissing her. "Do you think that could do it?"
"I definitely think so." She giggled.
"Good, so what's up?"
"Well I'm just happy."
"Okay… and what for?"
"For two good reasons."
"And they are…?"
"Well 1) My boyfriend's finally back on the road with me and 2) He'll be the World Heavyweight Champion by tonight!" She beamed.
"Oh they seem pretty good reasons indeed." He grinned.
"I told you so." She couldn't help but smile "I bet you're super excited to be champ again."
"You got that right, punkie." He chuckled.
"So you're feeling like… on top of the world? Like there's nothing else above that?" She inquired in curiosity.
"…Kinda, but not for the title part actually, not only that."
"Really? What for then?" She smiled.
"What do you think?"
"Oh I have no clue actually, you tell me."
"Okay then, what about… dirty blonde hair, quite short actually but fine as hell, punk-ish style…" He trailed off with a smirk.
"Ooops, I think I got it then." She giggled "Are you serious?"
"Of course I am baby, I feel like I never felt before when I'm with you."
"That's good to know." She said with a faint blush.
"Hey, would you promise me something?"
"…Sure."
"Promise me to love me forever."
"Aw," she sincerely smiled "I can do that right now… but what will you need it for when you'll get tired of me?"
"Don't say that," he shook his head "cause it's not going to happen."
"And how do you know?"
"I just do."
"Fine," she playfully rolled her eyes before meeting his gaze "then I promise."
He took her hand and placed it just on his heart. "And then I promise you that we will never be apart."
"You do?"
"Absolutely." He solemnly said before sweetly kissing her again.
She sighed again adjusting a lock of her short hair behind her right ear and went on, ignoring whoever was calling her name, stopping just when she found herself safe enough surrounded by the walls of the locker room, with the door closed behind her back.
x—x—x—x—x
"Have you seen the girls? Like really see them?!" Zack Ryder asked with a huge grin on his face.
"Hell yeah I did! And they're all so fine…!" Curt Hawkins echoed.
"I'm telling you, they're even better of the ones we got on Smackdown!"
"Or on ECW, cause I have to admit, I wasn't thinking someone could look hotter than Kelly."
"I have to agree with you on that, dude. So, who caught your eye?" He smirked.
"Oh well… Maria, without doubts." The other grinned back. "And I think she broke up with CM Punk so…"
"Good luck on that then." Zack patted his best friend's back.
"What about you?"
"You know what? I think the one with the punk sty-"
"Wanna shut up or not?!" Adam suddenly exclaimed, bumping his first on the wooden bench. "I'm trying to focus before my match here. If you want to gossip around why don't you go the fuck out of here?"
"…Sorry man, but no need to snap like that." Curt rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, we're going, relax…!" And with that the two 'edgeheads' exchanged a confused look before walking out of the locker room and closing the door behind them, leaving the Rated R superstar alone with his thoughts.
He let out a deep breath, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair. It was not like he couldn't stand the annoying chatting while he tried to focus, it was more that he couldn't stand to hear someone talk that way about her.
For several months he had wondered if in meanwhile she had moved on with someone new… but he could never bring himself to directly ask the question to anyone. Even though he knew she had remained pretty close to some of the guys on the blue roster… he every time started a conversation trying to get the precious information… and then helplessly gave up just before getting to the point. Maybe it was better to not even know that, to pretend that it didn't matter, that it wouldn't have changed anything after all. And he was getting better at lying by now, he could just smirk when Zack or Curt pointed at him some 'hot chick' and pretend to be interested like them.
But now… now that she had to be somewhere so close to him… in the same arena, maybe even in the room next to his… no, he just couldn't lie to himself this time.
If just… if just things could get back like they once were, if he could just got back to that night and change the things he said… but that of course wasn't possible and so he just closed his eyes for a brief moment and laid his head against the cold wall.
I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
/ 9 months earlier
"Punkie, did you get lost?" He called out with an amused tone, wandering through his house's rooms with a pile of folded T-shirts in his hands.
She had just moved in with him and they were currently trying to arrange her stuff… or better to make room in his closet for her large amount of clothes.
"Oh here you are. What are you doing?" He asked as he finally found herself in his –now their- bedroom, with her hands on her hips, staring just at the wall above the door.
"I can't believe it. You didn't joke… you were actually serious about that!" She exclaimed in disbelief, still not moving her eyes from whatever she was looking at.
"…Baby? What are you talking about?" He asked definitely puzzled.
"You indeed have a Star Wars poster in your bedroom!" She finally said with a laugh, "Oh my gosh, I thought you were just kidding or teasing me…!"
"Of course I was serious… it's Star Wars! Why should I joke about it?" He replied matter-of-factly "But wait… why are you laughing like that? What's so funny?"
"It's… Star Wars!" She started to uncontrollably giggle "You have a Star Wars poster indeed!"
"…And so?" He asked with a confused expression.
"And so you're a dork!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are!" She giggled.
"C'mon it's Star Wars, it's… a classic! You can't help but love it!" He said in his defense.
"Actually I beg to differ Mr. Rated R superstar, you're a dork." She laughed as she jumped to try to reach the poster.
He rolled his eyes, "And what are you doing now?"
"C'mon, do we really need that on our bedroom's walls?"
"Hell yeah we do!" He seriously responded, rushing over to stop her.
And since she apparently didn't intended to let go, he had no choice but firmly take her by the waist –while she still jumped- and spun her around.
"Aww let me go!" She protested.
"No way, dirty diva, not before you give up on that…!" He retorted before falling with her on the bed.
"There's no way I'm going to!" She bravely pointed out.
"Are you sure? You still say I'm a dork?"
"Yes, I am!"
"As you wish then…" He trailed off with a smirk, starting to tickle her.
"No wayyyy, please stop!" She immediately started to laugh.
"Then am I a dork?"
"…Nope, nope!" She finally managed to affirm, in between the giggles.
"Alright, then." He grinned "I thought we could find an agreement on that."
"…You're adorkable though." She said with an innocent smile.
"I'm… what?"
"Adorkable." She giggled while he still had her pinned against the bed.
"And what does that suppose to mean? Something bad?"
"Nope, he means that I like you for this too." She chuckled before pressing her lips to his.
"Oooh, I like that then." He smirked, proceeding then to deepen their kiss.
He opened his eyes again, shaking his head as to drift the memories away… trying to send these thoughts away. But it never worked and it surely didn't work that night either. He could pretend all he wanted, but truth was that memories didn't stop haunt him for not even one day. And the fact that he knew it was all his fault definitely wasn't helping him either.
Actually part of him wanted to just open that damn door, run even through the whole building and find her, and then there was the other part that feared looking in those blue eyes again. Feared to see in them what he didn't want to know, that she was perfectly fine without him, that she had finally found someone better deserving her love, someone that was making her happy like he hadn't been able to do.
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.
x—x—x—x—x
Ashley sat down at the small make up table set up in the women's locker room, glad that Cherry had just done there since she was in no mood for small talk. Definitely not. So she distractedly nodded while the Smackdown! diva passed her by on her way to join Michelle, and was soon lost in her thoughts again, until she lifted her gaze up and noticed in the mirror her best friend looking at her.
"Hey dirty diva," Mickie James smiled sitting next to her "you've been a stranger tonight."
"Yeah… busy night, crowded corridors… not much time to catch up as usual." She replied in a tone that wouldn't have convinced even herself.
"Ash," she stated with a knowing look "you should know by now that I can tell when something's worrying you."
"Right… well, you know, it's not like I'm really looking forward to be the Glamazon's next victim later tonight." She rolled her eyes.
Mickie slowly nodded, checking behind them to make sure they weren't overheard before speaking up again. "Actually I was referring at him being here in the same arena for the first time after…"
Ashley distractedly rummaged in her beauty case as the brunette trailed off. "There's nothing to worry about, Micks. A few months passed by, it's in the past."
"I beg to differ hun," the women's champion sighed "you know as well as I do that it's not alright. You know I love you and I can't see you like that…"
"And what else could I do?" She almost whispered, not daring to lift up her eyes for fear of bursting into tears.
"It's time to move on, Ash. You have to move on. You can't be hurting for this anymore."
The punk princess just shook her head. She had listened to it all before, she had even tried to convince herself to do so… but it seemed that her heart just couldn't let her. There was something inside her that refused to move on. It was not like he had given her any hope, he surely didn't.
/ 5 months earlier
"I think we can't anymore Ash, this is not going to work."
"What do you mean…? What's not going to work?" She asked genuinely confused as he spoke with his head low, after parking his car outside the airport.
"Us." He stated almost in a whisper, making her gasp.
"You're kidding, right?"
"No Ash, I'm not… it's just, it's getting too much."
"What do you mean?" She raised her voice "Did you expect me to be just a meaningless flirt? If you forgot I wasn't the one who suggested to live together."
"I know. I'm not saying this." He sighed.
"And then what? What are you saying, Adam?"
"This is not going to work with you back on Raw and me on Smackdown!"
She almost laughed "…And that's it? That's the reason? You're being silly… of course we can work this out, c'mon!"
"Ash, I'm serious. Really."
"Then I'll tell Vince to draft me back to Smackdown! Or you can be moved again to Raw, who cares!"
"No, this is not going to work." He shook his head "That's it… that's how it ends."
Her amused smile immediately dropped, "Tell me you're kidding… tell me it's just a joke…" She pleaded while tears formed in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, but I can't… it's too much, the pressure… seeing each other in between our schedules…"
She shook her head in disbelief "That's bullshit, Adam. You don't break up with someone you swore to love, with someone you promised to love forever just cause you have hectic schedules. Be a man and say you don't love me anymore." She defiantly said, a lonely tear already falling on her cheek.
He remained silent for a few seconds, staring the wheel, before whispering the biggest lie of his whole life. "I don't love you."
And as the car's door echoed being slammed, he already knew that he was going to regret his choice, watching her walking away from him.
So why wasn't she able to let it go? He had been perfectly clear… she couldn't understand it either. It was something absolutely irrational or absolutely masochistic.
"You have to accept it… I know that you loved him but if it ended so maybe there was a reason, maybe it wasn't meant to be." Mickie sympathetically sighed "You have to let go. I know it sucks but sometimes our feeling and hopes deceive us… or we just grow up and what once seemed to be destined to be together, well, isn't anymore."
But she couldn't bring herself to believe it. No. She knew that Mickie was just trying to help her out, but she couldn't even listen anymore to such things. No.
I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no!
I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no!
"No!" She exclaimed interrupting her friend's speech and angrily tossing the black nail polish she had just picked up against the mirror, causing all the other divas to look at her in confusion.
And a second later she had already ran outside, slamming the door behind her.
I don't believe you when you say everything will be wonderful someday.
x—x—x—x—x
Her eyes were full of tears that she was desperately trying to hold back while she frantically rubbed her hands trying to clean off the black paint. It was too painful to talk about it, it was too painful even to just think about it. Maybe it was cause, unlike how it had happened with Matt, she totally hadn't see that coming. And when 5 months earlier he had told her those words, he had left a void inside of her. It was like when she had walked away from his car that night she had left herself there, next to him, and from that moment on she had just been the ghost of herself.
She sighed, wiping a tear with the back of her hand and zipped up the black hoodie she was wearing on the hot pink top she had chosen for her match later that night. Going back in the women's locker room was out of question, so she folded her arms trying to defeat a cold that had nothing to do with the temperature in the arena, and followed the corridor, not sure of where it lead.
And she surely didn't expect to see him and his friends in the opposite corner.
Okay Ash… just turn around and get back… just pretend like you haven't seen anything… She silently said to herself, slowly turning on her way… but it was already too late.
"Hey…!" One of his friends called out.
"Ashley!" The other one echoed.
There was no way out, she had to turn and face them… face him. Yes, there was always the option of starting to run Forrest Gump style as fast as she could… which was actually very appealing, but she had already made a fool out of herself enough for the night. And besides, she wasn't going to show him what he had done to her.
Hell no.
x—x—x—x—x
He was turned with his back at Zack Ryder when the latter called out her name… and he couldn't help but startle.
It's not happening, it's not possible…
But indeed it was, and he had no choice but to turn around and see her walking towards him. She looked gorgeous as always in his eyes, and he could definitely feel his heart skipping a beat as he found himself face to face with her after all those months.
"You look beautiful." Zack grinned next to him, abruptly taking him back to reality.
And he would have gladly smacked his friend's head if he could… even though he wasn't admitted to feel jealousy, not anymore. He had been the one who ruined it, who chose to ruin it all.
"…Thanks," She unsurely said, feeling the awkwardness of the situation.
Having her just before him suddenly woke him up, as he remembered that she actually didn't know the other two at all.
"These are Zack and Curt… my 'eadgeheads', you know." He casually said.
Their eyes met just for a brief moment as she moved her gaze from one to the other.
"Nice to meet you." Curt Hawkins beamed.
"Can we offer you something?" The other added, nodding at the canteen's door which was just in front of them.
"I… no thanks," she muttered, nervously tucking a lock of pink hair behind her ear "I have to go actually… bye…" And with that she stepped forward to pass them by… but something stopped her.
Or better someone, as his hand enclosed around her wrist.
She didn't need to look back to know who of the three was, she knew his touch too well.
"Ashley, wait…" He softly said.
It had been just a matter of few seconds but he knew that he had to act right in that moment. He felt that if he wasted this occasion he would have lost her forever. If he hadn't already, of course.
His buddies looked at him with puzzled looks, not knowing their history together, but they disappeared in the canteen nevertheless as soon as he motioned for them to go.
"Ash." He repeated, still not letting her go.
"What do you want?" She coldly replied, but still didn't move.
"I… just want to tell you that you look good." He unsurely said.
This was enough to make her move, she harshly broke free from his touch and turned to look at him with her hands on her hips. The hurt and the frustration she had felt for the last months building inside of her.
"And you not only have the nerve to stop me… but also to tell me that I look good?!" She began, her voice rising, "How dare you? Who cares if I look good or if I look like shit! Surely it's none of your business."
"I just-"
"NO! Now it's my turn to speak. Who do you think you are?! You think you can play with me like that? I'm sorry buddy but it doesn't work this way." She shook her head while a sarcastic smile curved her lips "You can't stop me after five months and present me to your friends and make me a compliment… you can't." She stopped when her voice began to quiver.
She knew that maybe this was a little too much, but she just didn't care. If she wanted to be an overreacting, immature, drama queen she had all the reasons in the world to go ahead this way. Just the sight of him there, standing before her, or the touch of his hand on her skin… it all brought back too many memories… she already knew that she was going to be miserable later on, and she couldn't just stay there and let him walk on the pieces of her heart he already broke.
Every single piece inside of her was screaming out loud. She would have died to have him back… to have everything like it was before. So perfect, so… wonderful. And she wouldn't have admitted it to anyone else, but she still daydreamed about that when she went to bed at night. And the fact of having him right now, right there… trying to make small talk, was the unbearable sign that everything was changed.
And she couldn't bear it anymore.
No, no, no, no!
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
He silently listened to her sudden outburst, a little taken aback, but conscious that he deserved every little, tiny bit of it. And it hurt in a way he didn't think was even possible to have her before him, shouting all her anger on him.
He knew she was right, and that was killing him.
He had messed up everything. He had been the idiot. He had not only killed himself, but he had pulled the trigger on her too. And he could never forgive himself.
Maybe that was his punishment, standing there and witnessing with his own eyes and ears how she hated him now.
He had pulled the trigger and probably someone had been there to rescue her. Just the thought of it was torturing him… had been tortured him for so long. But he had lost all claims on her, he hadn't a right to be jealous anymore… she hadn't walked away, he had sent her away from him.
And there wasn't a single day when he wasn't regretting it.
He just needed the final shot to complete his pain and to know that everything was lost forever.
And he wasn't going to turn back right now.
"…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you… I just wanted to know how you are doing." He finally managed to say, in a soft, defeated tone.
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.
This definitely took her by surprise. She was expecting him to snap back at her or something… but she had never heard such hopeless tone coming from him, and that struck her. But it wasn't still enough to let her heart hope again.
His agony went on as she didn't immediately reply, leaving him nervously stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets, waiting for the answer that would have definitely bury him under the weight of his mistake.
I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.
"I'm alright," she lied shrugging her shoulders. What was he expecting her to say? That she missed him every single day of her now empty life? The scene she had just made was already enough.
He casually took the blow, slowly nodding his head. Even though… no, it couldn't be. Her eyes didn't tell the same story, but it wasn't for him to read in her eyes, not anymore. He could just doubt what he saw.
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now.
"Glad to hear so… you deserve the best."
She couldn't refrain from rolling her eyes and sarcastically asked the same. "What about you?"
He didn't get the hint… and decided to lie as well. What was the point of confessing the truth when she had just confirmed that there was no hope to make amends for his mistake?
"I'm great, thanks."
"Wonderful."
"Yeah…"
"Now I have to go." She stated, not even looking one last time in his eyes as she turned away.
And he couldn't bear it. Not a second time. Not because of a lie again.
…
"I lied, Ash. I lied." He spoke up while she walked away… and she immediately stopped.
"What did you say?" She almost whispered.
"I lied. Now and back then too." He said stepping forward and standing just behind her, while she still had her back turned at him. "I'm not great, I'm miserable. I'm miserable without you. And I know it's all my fault and I know I deserve it… but that's it. That's the truth. Nothing is the same without you by my side… I even had to take down the Star Wars poster… it was too painful to think about you every time I entered my room… not that I don't think of you every time anyway…"
She lightly smiled at this, but still didn't say a word and didn't move.
"I'm sorry, Ash. I really am. I'm happy to hear that you're doing good, trust me, but I am not. I know that you deserve to be happy and to move on… but please, at least say that you forgive me… cause I can't live with this pain." He sternly said.
"What does it mean that you lied 'back then too'?" She unsurely asked, afraid of having gotten it all wrong, of having mistaken his words.
"It wasn't truth that I didn't love you anymore. Of course I did. Hell, I still do." He honestly said "I was just being the jerk I am… I was afraid of losing you… I was afraid of missing you too much when we had to be apart… and I thought this was the best way for both of us. Yes, I'm an idiot. I repeat it to myself every single day, you have no idea. I'd do anything to get back to that day and change what I said… I'm so sorry…"
"I-"
"I miss you, Ash. I miss you every single moment. I… I guess that's what I wanted to say. I'm sorry if I hurt you… I hurt myself in the process too if that can make you feel any better. And I hope you can forgive me cause I didn't mean to… and I know you moved on by now but-"
"Adam, would you shut up just a second?" She interrupted him with a playful smile, finally turning to him.
He just stared at her, confusedly looking at the mascara stains on her cheeks.
"I haven't moved on. I still miss you every day of my life… you broke my heart when you left me… and I'm not being the same anymore." She sincerely sighed.
"…Then let me mend it… cause it was the worst mistake of my life. Please, let me… if you still love me give me another chance… I swear to God that this time I won't waste it. Please…" He pleaded, cupping her face in his hands.
She closed her eyes for a moment, fresh tears falling down.
"Please…"
"I do."
"What?"
"I still love you." She whispered, opening her eyes again just to meet his.
Now it was his turn to be surprised, while he wiped her tears away with his thumbs.
"And you…?" She unsurely asked.
"Like I promised, punkie. Forever." He solemnly said, then his lips curved in a smile when she buried her face on his chest, finally letting him hugging her. "God, how much I missed you… I can't believe this is real…"
She lifted up her chin just to capture his lips with her, starting the kiss they both have waited so long for. When they finally pulled apart she breathlessly smiled, still with tears in her eyes.
"Why are you crying now, punkie?" He softly asked, caressing her cheek.
"…Cause I can't believe how everything is wonderful now." She beamed while he chuckled and pulled her closer again, kissing the top of her head.
Yeah, everything is wonderful now.
Everything is wonderful now.
Everything is wonderful now.