Title: Flying Frying Pans – The Descriptive Version
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a woman with a frying pan. DASEY. Originally CASEYandDEREK's dialogue only fic – now with descriptions!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek or any of its characters. In addition, the dialogue is not originally mine; it is CASEYandDEREK's (also known as Jessie), but the descriptions are mine. In addition, I added in some sarcastic clichéd and regular humor and some extra romance into my descriptions. I hope you enjoy it! I know that I laughed the entire time I was writing out the descriptions to go along with Jessie's dialogue. I just could not stop laughing!
Note: Unfortunately, Jessie has decided to delete her entire FanFictionNet account. None of her old stories are available anymore, but here you have the descriptive version of one of her works. Another one like this, where someone else took one of dialogue-only fictions after getting her permission and wrote the descriptions to it, is available here somewhere that was written by someone else. Nevertheless, as AngelofMusic123 has pointed out in the Looking for Fic forum, Jessie is sorry that she deleted her account, but nothing else was said after that, and I agree with AngelofMusic – there is no need to pry. It is her life, her decision. If she wanted to tell us why she deleted her account she would, but she did not – so let us just leave it at that.
--
Twenty-year-old Derek Venturi was now hiding under the table keeping clear of any random kitchenware that might end up flying at his head. 'Scared for his life' was putting it mildly. What he did to deserve this he was not all too sure. All he knew was that Casey had a weapon and apparently, she was not afraid to use it.
"Come out from under the table, Derek," Casey coaxed. "You're acting childish!"
"And risk being killed?" He was not about to attempt 'dodge the flying frying pans' with her - no way, no how. She had very good aim, even for someone who did not play or even like sports. If he lost his guard for just one minute, something would probably hit him in the head. He was not going to sacrifice his life. "Uh, no thanks, Case!"
"I'm not going to kill you…," she tried to reason with him. She did not want to spend dinner with him hiding under the table. "Honestly, it was just an accident…."
"No, it wasn't!" Derek replied franticly, now in the fetal position under the table, his arms crossed over his legs, rocking himself back and forth. He knew this woman was going to be the death of him. He just did not know how long it would take her to finally murder him. He was going to end up dead and this woman was going to end up in prison before the night was over.
"Yes, it was!" She did not understand why he was acting like such a baby; it was just a little frying pan that had flown out of her hand 'accidentally.' "I didn't mean to throw that at you!"
"Then why did you say, and I quote, 'You better run, Derek, because my hands getting slippery and you're getting on my last nerve.'" He had quoted her exactly. Right down to the very last word. When that frying pan had left her hand is when he had run for cover.
"I was joking." She taunted. "Stop being a baby!"
For goodness sake, to think, the only thing that could make this boy hide and be in fear of his life was a forceful and irate woman with a frying pan in her hand.
"I'm not a baby--" He muttered childishly pouting. He had moved into an Indian style seating position and had crossed his arms over his chest.
"Says the man sitting under a table," Casey mocked. "Crossing his arms and pouting."
"I'm not a baby!" He yelled, still pouting. "God, Casey, you are so impossible!''
That was the wrong thing to say to her…he knew, and yet, he decided to go with it.
"I'm impossible?!" She looked around for something else to throw, but decided against it, knowing that it would be pointless with him hiding under the table where any object that she tried to throw would not be able to reach the broad side of his head on impact.
"That's what I said, isn't it?" He asked pompously from his safe haven. Since nothing was thrown after his last statement, he knew he was safe there under the table.
"Sam's right," Casey began, shaking her head disapprovingly. "You do act like a ten year old…"
"Ugh, why do you always do that?!" He was tired of hearing about Sam any time Derek would act the ways that Sam would say he acted. He especially hated the fact that whenever something like this was happening she would bring up her 'ex-boyfriend.'
"Do what?" Casey asked, seething innocence in her question, but knowing full well what he was asking.
He rolled his eyes. "You always bring up Sammy-boy when we're having a perfectly normal fight." Of all people to mention during an argument, it just had to be her ex.
They remained silent for the time being; Casey really not having an answer and Derek waiting for one.
When Casey had decided that the silence had gone on long enough, she spoke up – reprimanding his behaviour once again.
"Derek, come up from under the table and eat dinner with me, please!"
"Fine, but don't think I'll like it." If she threw any more objects he was going back under the table – and he would spend the night there too, just to be on the safe side.
As they sat down to dinner, Derek looked over the meal that sat before him on the table. He looked up at Casey with a questioning look that she only returned.
"What is this?" He was not going to eat anything if he did not know what it was. It looked like charcoal. If it were, then it would not be edible anyway.
"Chicken, Derek."
"Isn't it a bit…" he tried to think of the right words to describe it without making her want to throw objects at his head again. "…black to be chicken?"
"No, now please stop being immature, and let's try to stop fighting." Casey was getting tired of the squabbles. She just wanted to enjoy this meal and stop fighting with him. He was making that feat very hard to accomplish on this night, however. It was their third anniversary, and she was beginning to wonder if it was going to turn out just as badly as it seemed it was going to.
When they had finally gotten together three years ago, everyone said they had been expecting it to happen all along – which was news to them. To think, only three and a half years ago she was offended, disgusted, and turned off, or at least that is what she had told herself and many other people, by everything he did – especially when he would be acting just as he is now.
"I will if you will quit trying to kill your only, and may I say…" he began his attempt at asking for forgiveness in his own usual way of course, impishly wiggling his eyebrows at her. "Extremely handsome and smart, boyfriend."
She narrowed her eyes at him, and then raised one eyebrow in question. The result of doing this had her burst out in laughter.
Derek sat there, giving another questioning look. It may have been funny, but he was being serious.
"It's not that funny," he retorted. "I was somewhat serious, you know."
"I know that's why it was so funny…" She said through her laughter.
Derek gave her a hurt look and she only continued to laugh even more.
"Stop laughing!" He shouted. Could she not at least think that for a moment in time he could actually be serious? "I can be serious."
She smiled, "Derek, just a minute ago you were under the table." She began to explain why serious and Derek having the same meaning was laughable as she looked over what he was currently doing with his food and beverage, causing the rest of her statement to be forgotten. She gave him yet another questioning look as she said aloud what she was observing. "You are blowing bubbles in your chocolate milk, and making a smiley face with your peas."
"Well, that's because it's inedible." He said attempting to turn the rock hard mashed potatoes into a makeshift building.
She flung a pea at him with her fork. In her mind, he deserved it. She spent a lot of time fixing this meal and he was being very insensitive about it.
"Ow!" He exclaimed, covering his eye with one hand. That pea felt like the bullet from a BB gun. "Casey, that hit me in an eye."
"Oh, stop being such a baby, Derek."
"How many times have I told you? 'I AM NOT A BABY'." He began to pout again.
Casey only sighed and looked off to the side, now ignoring him. He tried to get her attention, but any attempt to try to get her to respond was futile.
"Casey, stop giving me the silent treatment."
She continued to ignore him as she began to eat the meal sitting before her.
"Please, please, stop it!" He was getting desperate now. It was better than her throwing pans at his head, but he would rather have her speaking to him. "I'm sorry, I'll eat this, err, chicken, just for you, eh?"
He was met with only silence once again. "Casey, c'mon, we're suppose to be madly in love and lovey-dovey on our anniversary."
"You don't think we're madly in love?" Casey finally spoke up when she heard the words 'supposed to be.'
"What?" He was caught off guard, not expecting her to question him like that. "No, of course I do. I don't think us fighting is a good idea."
She only kept her silence, as an attempt to agree with him, finding not speaking the best option for the moment.
"I do love you, you know?" Derek spoke up again.
"I know…it's just that," She sighed, hating the fact that she was having to hint around for what she was wanting. "Emily was saying how Sam surprised her with roses on her bed, and this gigantic present."
He tilted his head, looking at her, as he asked, "Is that your hint you want your present now?"
"Mmm," she nodded in response.
"Fine, hold on…." He stood from his seat and began to dig into his pocket for something.
Casey stood too, to see more clearly, what he was doing. All she could decipher was that he was digging down into his pocket. "Derek, what are you doing?"
"Hold your horses, Casey…jeez…I wanna do this…" He trailed off, still working on getting whatever it was out of his pocket.
"What? Molest yourself?" She asked, amused at his antics.
"Ugh, no! I'm…trying…to…get…this out…of…my…pocket!" He showed her a cupcake that he had removed from his pocket, smashed from being in the pocket for so long.
"…You got me a smashed cupcake…" She tried to smile, taking the cupcake from him, but her smile looked sad. "That's…that's sweet, Derek, really, uh, thank you."
"No, no, give me the cupcake, Case." He grabbed the cupcake from her and began digging his fingers down into it.
"Derek, not that I wanted the cupcake and all…," she began as she watched him sabotage the cupcake into bitty pieces as if he were searching for something inside of it. "But you digging in it is really making this anniversary depressing."
When he finally found what he was looking for, he voiced his finding aloud. "Okay, here we go."
"Uh," he looked her in the eye, and then coughed twice as he got down on one knee raising the object up to where she could see it as he did so. She gasped when she realized what the object was. "Casey MacDonald, will you marry me?"
She began to cry. This was the most romantic thing he had ever done, and that was saying something. Especially since the ring he was now presenting to her had come out of a smashed up cupcake. Nonetheless, it was sweet and very romantic.
"Casey, please don't cry!" Derek stood, taking her into his arms. He was frantic to get her to stop crying. It made him think he had done something wrong…
"Mmm," she leaned away from him as she looked at the ring still in his hand. "The ring is beautiful, Derek." Then as an afterthought, she decided to apologize. "I'm sorry for aiming that frying pan at you…"
"Ah, ha!" He clicked his fingers before pointing directly at her in an accusing way. "So you admit you threw it at me!"
"Mmm, hmm," She smiled sheepishly and nodded, slightly laughing.
"So, I guess I am always right …" Derek stated with a self-righteous look.
She laughed at his audaciousness. At times like this, aside from being full of himself he could also be rather amusing.
He was lost for words. How could she find this amusing? He just asked her to marry him – where was the humour in that. The look on his face could only be described as completely perplexed.
"Oh, c'mon, Case, don't laugh after this great proposal I made…" He was starting to feel dejected by his new fiancé. "In fact, I think you should take away this crappy yucky food and go order something expensive for me."
He was met with the same silence as before, a glare on her face, as she grabbed the same frying pan from earlier and he ran across the room knowing what to expect. She threw her arm back, then forward and released the frying pan aimed straight for his head.
He dodged the oncoming pan swiftly as he wondered if he actually made the right choice in asking this woman to marry him. His punishment for it would mean that he would have to deal with stuff like this from her every day. Wait, he already had to deal with her mood swings every day now! What would be the difference when they are married? Not much!
"Haha, Missed m…," Was his response directly after dodging that last pan, but mid-sentence another frying pan flew through the air coming from Casey's locality and hit him directly in the head.
"Ow!"
Author's Note: Date – Thursday, November 30, 2006 – Wednesday, January 17, 2007.
Totals: 8 pages, 2,600 words, 254 lines, and 87 paragraphs.
I will not say much of an author's note for this one because the original concept was not mine; I got permission to expand it with descriptions. Anyway, one thing I have noticed in this is how they seem to be somewhat out of character – but apparently, I can work with that. Another thing I noticed is how it seems to be saying that Casey is a bad cook, but in the episode "The Fall," it is said that she is a good cook because she makes the meal that they all eat at the end of the episode. That was when Derek took back the "Klutzilla" nickname and called her "Casserole Casey" instead.
Ah, well. Remember this was Jessie's (CASEYandDEREK) idea first (being the one who wrote the dialogue for this). I just added the descriptions. Let me know what you think!
— Destini V. —