"Are you sure about this, Love?" Edward said wearily.
Trees and clouds whizzed past in a blur. Edward gripped the steering wheel tighter, pushing Alice's bright yellow porche to 120 mph. I was used to Edward speed, so it wasn't his driving that caused the shiver that ran down my spine.
"Bella?" his voice was unsteady though he was trying to hide it.
I was also trying to hide how I felt at the moment, if Edward were to look over at my face to see my reaction, he would see the fear in my eyes. He would definitely turn the car around right now and head straight back to Forks.
I attempted to keep my tone steady, "Yes...I..I'm sure."
uh..now I had to go about this a whole different way, he had heard my voice crack.
The car screeched to a stop as he veered off the road. A cloud of dust swirled around us.
"Bella, we don't have to do this. We can turn around right now, and, and go back home, and you can think about it for a few months and then..."
His excited tone snapped me back into attention. "No! no...I'll be fine Edward, honest, I want to do this."
I was trembling visibly, with fear and anticipation. This didn't seem to help the situation at all. I could tell he was already too nervous for me to make it any worse. Reaching across the seat, he unbuckled my seat belt and lifted me effortlessly into his arms. Holding me there he began to kiss the hollow of my throat. I shivered, moving my lips to his. They were cold and they molded against mine softly as his hands brushed through me hair and then moved them down over my hands. Twining his fingers with mine, he pulled me protectively closer to his marble-like body. And then leaning back slightly, he met my gaze with his. The moment seemed to last forever as his liquid topaz eyes pierced my surface, attempting desperately to dazzle me one last time. It was working; I watched his face with sadness, he was so flawlessly beautiful and concerned. I lay my head against his chest and rested there. Genuine fear rippled through me as I thought of the obstacles that lay ahead. I will have to leave Forks, Washington, maybe forever. This place has become my home and I will miss it, everything about it, from the canopies of moss to the rain, especially our meadow, and the old Cullen house. I will probably never see Charlie or Renee again. I would be too tempted to kill them, and by the time I'll have learned enough self control…well…" I tried hard to force the thoughts out of my mind, but they bombarded the walls and soon I was panicking.
"I would never see Jake again, he will never be my friend after this, in fact..." I shuddered "we will be mortal enemies." I fought back tears as I pictured his face, the face that I loved, the face that I would always love. Jacob, my Jacob, grinning his mischivous little grin that I had grown to adore. His eyes soft and burning, like embers in the dark. I will never forget the night I first met my best friend. We were at that bonfire, and the Quilloites were telling those wonderful stories that they all knew by heart. Poor Jake, I had tricked him into telling me everything that night, breaking the treaty, and betraying his ancestors. All at once the memories came flooding back. Jacob stealing me away at the prom, we danced to that one song." The melody hummed in the back of my head. "Jacob holding onto me as I sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder. Jacob pushing our bikes out of his garage for the first time, "So are we going to ride or what?" and hugging him that day, he was so warm...so very warm. Jacob and I walking along the beach in La Push, "I'm in love with you. Bella, I love you, and I want you to pick me instead of him." Jacob being sick with the "fever", and being away from him for weeks, what that had felt like, it felt like..." I didn't want to think about it. "Jacob when he was first initiated into the pack, "Go home Bella, we can't hang out anymore." He had really hurt me that day, but he made it up later that night by sneaking in my bedroom window, "Im trying to keep--"he huffed, "my promise!" He had kept his promise, he had saved me from the emotional hell that I had been living, Jacob saving my life from Laurent, Jacob saving me from freezing to death, telling me that he wanted to die, Jacob striding towards me and kissing me...me kissing him..." The hot tears flowed down my cheeks, I could not stop them now, the memories were too painful. Jacob in the hospital bed, "I am exactly right for you Bella. It would have been effortless for us--comfortable, easy as breathing...He's like a drug for you, Bella. I can see that you can't live without him now. It's too late, But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun." I head my own voice echoing, "The worst part is that I saw the whole thing--our whole life. And I want it bad Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy. And I can't Jake and its killing me." finally, he ran away without even a goodbye, he couldn't take it anymore, after all this time I had never been a good friend to him, I had only caused him pain.
Somewhere in Northern Canada, my Jacob was all alone. Sam had heard from him earlier this week to tell the pack that he was alive, but not ready to come home. I reminded myself to thank Sam for calling me. He was so far away meet again, the first time in years maybe. There he was, my Jacob, overwhelmed with joy to see me after all this time…he ran towards me, open armed and grinning my favorite Jacob smile. He stopped 10 feet in front of me. Maybe he could smell me…who knows if that whole smell prejudice is real. The daydream continued. "Bella?" His face was wrought with confusion. He looked around. And then…realization hit. His face fell. He was hurt more than anything, not angry or disgusted, but hurt. "Bella…I…you…why!" He chocked out. I could only watch him, wishing I could cry too. He dropped to his knees and shook with anguish. He wept, howling in pain as he had the night he overheard Edward and me talking about our engagement. "Bella! Please no! GOD!! NOO! Bells, ple e ea s se!"
The image left me, and there I was again, in the arms of my true love. Brushing the tears from my eyes, I looked up at his face; he was watching me for any sign of weakness. "I love him more than I love anything else in this life and the next" I thought. More images dashed through my mind. "What if the blood lust drives me to love Edward less? I would be so strong and full of rage and what if…I hurt someone…someone in my new family…Alice, or Jasper" My heart sank. "Emmet, or Rosalie, Carlisle or Esme. What if I killed someone…they'd be so concentrated on protecting me…especially Edward…" My heart stopped. "Could he protect himself from me?
"Bella?" It was Edward this time. "Are you sure about this?" I took a deep break and exhaled my fear. As convincingly as I could I said "I'm sure, Edward. I'm ready."