A/N: The one that started it all. This is what happens when Tumblr user Makapedia talks about Soul in a shark kigurumi when I'm mentally checked out from finals studying. So take some crack, where everyone's out of character and the points don't matter!

"You owe me big time for this," Soul growls, shifting uncomfortably in front of the mirror.

Maka tuts as she finishes zipping up the back of his shark kigurumi, patting the dorsal fin affectionately. "I owe you nothing. This is for Angela, remember?"

Soul sighs. They are crammed in their apartment's sole bathroom getting ready for the little witch's birthday party, which is apparently zoo-themed. "But I don't wanna wear this…this…" he flails his new fleece-fins at his reflection for emphasis, "embarrassing excuse for sleepwear anywhere near public!"

Maka rolls her eyes before answering, "It's just at the park, I think you'll live. Besides, it'll make Angela really happy! So let's finish getting ready and hit the road. Sound good, Jaws?"

"Your face is Jaws," Soul mutters petulantly.

Maka looks over at him coyly. "Don't get sharky with me, Soul."

He groans, slowly lowering his tooth-crowned head to rest on a finned hand.

"Poor, unfortunate Soul; your life is so hard being partnered with the smartest meister in Shibusen."

"Your wordplay is as bad as your taste in music."

"Say what you want, Sharkman and Robin."

"Stop it right now."

"Does Sharkboy miss Lavagirl?"

"Maka I swear to God -"

"But I thought we were chums."

Soul throws up his fins in frustration. "This is cruel and unusual punishment." He pauses as what he just said sinks in. Does he really have to go along with his punny meister's stupid word games subconsciously? Soul resonance is a load of shit if all it does out of battle is make him prone to finishing his meister's terrible attempts at being funny.

Maka grins, "Oh, it's pun-ishment all right," and Soul just curls in on himself and slouches further down the wall. "Nope. That's it. I'm done."

Still giggling, Maka grabs the corner of his right hand-fin and tugs. "C'mon, I actually have a surprise for you. Consider it a thank-you for going today - I know how much being around groups of people drains you."

"S'fine," Soul grumbles, but he stands up straight and follows her into the kitchen anyway. On the counter is a platter of sashimi, but before he can take another step closer Maka turns towards him with an absolutely predatory gleam in her eyes.

"I heard sharks like to play with their food."

She had attached a piece of butcher's twine onto the end of one of those unnecessarily long gag gift pencils that Black*Star had given her for Christmas and is now tying a piece of sashimi to the free end. Soul doesn't know what to be more upset about: the fact that this isobviously premeditated or that his first instinct was to immediately accept anything she gave him like the sad little shark puppy he apparently is.

Soul looks at her flatly. "No fuckin' way." He has dignity! He's too cool for this shit! He's–!

Maka pokes her tongue out in concentration, fumbling a bit with the knot she's tying, and suddenly all he can think about is what that pink flesh would feel like in his mouth.

He's screwed.

Smilingly slyly, Maka finishes tying the raw fish to the end of her makeshift fishing rod and dangles it a few inches in front of his face. Soul swats it away, scowling. She bounces it back in front of his face like he's a goddamn cat so he crosses his arms and growls, "No. What kind of thank-you is this?"

"Awww, is someone a Grumpy Shark today?"

"'M not grumpy. Or a shark."

"Would you prefer Sharkitty?"

"That's SharCAT to you, and hell no! 'M not a cat either!" He makes to move around Maka so he can eat his sashimi like the cool, composed human being he is but she dangles the fish in front of him one more time and he notices that it has begun to slip out of her poorly secured knot.

Never one to let good sashimi go to waste, he lunges sideways and tilts his head to curl his tongue around the fish before swallowing it whole.

He straightens up, about to give her a piece of his mind, when he notices the pink tinge to her cheeks and how her eyes had darted quickly from his mouth to his eyes when he stood. Oh. Oh. Well then, two can play games.

"I'm still hungry, Makaa," he purrs, deliberately licking his lips.

She blushes a darker pink and breaks eye contact, mumbling, "Then go eat your stinky fish." Oh yes. That's the reaction he's looking for.

"I thought my Meister wanted to play with her Sharkitty?" he breathes, stepping closer to lean over her and grab another piece of fish. He takes his time drawing back, reveling in the warmth of her elevated body heat and the sound of her increasingly shallow breaths. Tying the sashimi to the vacant end of the string, he catches her gaze and places his hands over hers on the pencil end, pulling it up to dangle the fish anew. "Let me show you how far fromgrumpy I am."

He steps back and, never once breaking eye contact, kneels before her. He slowly opens his mouth and cranes his neck towards the lump of fish hanging a few inches above his head. It's still just out of reach, so he unfurls his impressive tongue and delicately wraps it around the fish, carmine eyes burning into jade.

He pauses for a moment with the twine in his mouth, considering that she literally has him hook, line, and sinker, before swallowing the fish and flashing her his widest, sharkiest grin.

Maka has officially reached tomato status. Stuttering about grabbing Angela's present, she positively flees the kitchen and Soul hears the bathroom door slam shut.

"I didn't know we were keeping her present in the bathroom, Maka," he calls, supremely pleased with himself.

Over the screech of the faucet turning on, he hears his partner muttering about 'stupid weapons' and 'stupid tongues.'

Soul places his fins behind his head. Maybe he'll keep the shark pajamas after all. Yanno. For the memories.

Maka strides out of the bathroom and Soul is momentarily distracted by a drop of water that is lazily making its way to the dip of her collarbone.

"You ready?" she asks stiffly, still clearly a little flustered.

"Got the present?" he drawls in return, glancing at her empty hands.

"It's on the coffee table. I'll grab it on our way out." She heads towards the door but slows as she approaches it, turning to look back at Soul. He swallows nervously; the devilish glint is back in her eyes.

"Hey Soul, want to bet how many tabloids will be talking about a landshark tomorrow?"

Soul's mouth again opens slowly, this time in horror as he realizes that he is about to drive his motorcycle across town dressed in a shark kigurumi.

Maka hums off-key and skips the rest of the way to the door, twirling to face him as she opens it. "What's wrong?" she asks innocently, voice dripping honey. "Don't you want to show your Meister how not grumpy her Sharkitty is?"

All he can manage is a weak, "That's SharCAT to you," before he's walking out the door and revving up his motorcycle for a very, very smug meister.