The Girl With The Sunset Hair

by nonsequiturs

One-Shot, written from Rory's POV in the episode "The Doctor's Wife". Rory has been trapped inside the TARDIS for years, but for Amy it has only been minutes since she last saw him. Driven almost mad, Rory escapes to sleep, only to find that he can no longer remember the love of his life. PICTURE IS NOT MINE

Trembling, I lower my hand from the vandalised wall. I know what's going to be written there, and I know it's not true; but for how much longer can I say that?
"I HATE AMY"
The same message, over and over and over again, written in whatever I can find. Sometimes in charcoal, from the fire a few years back. Other times it's gouged into the wall from the long shards of metal that I pulled up from the floor. Sometimes it's written in blood.

Every night I dream about her, her long sunset hair, her striking hazel eyes and the soft tone of her voice. She came back, years and years ago. I was in one of my rages, and I lashed out at her, screaming that she had abandoned me, and she vanished. But not before I saw the look on her face, the terror as she gazed down at what I had become.

That's how I know she's never coming back. She's scared of me, I'm scared of me. I'm lucky that all I did was scream; that I was falling out of the rage by the time she arrived. I could never forgive myself if I caused her any more harm that I already have.

I promised her, I promised her I would protect her, and now look at me. I have become the very thing that I wanted to prevent. What hurts the most is not that she abandoned me, that she left me in here with no warning and no explanation. No, what hurts the most is that I abandoned her. She's left alone in the universe with The Doctor, and all the danger that comes with him. Anything could happen to her and I wouldn't be able to stop it, I wouldn't even know she was dead. She could be dying as I speak for all I know, and I'm locked in here.

I can feel myself slipping into sleep, and I'm glad, for sleep is the one place I can see her again, my subconscious remembers every detail of her. How she moved, the sound of her laugh, the look in her eyes when she stared at The Doctor. The memories hurt, but they're my only way of keeping her alive. Better to have the pain than to have nothing at all.

I slowly sink out of this world, and into the dreamland, but something's wrong. She's not here, she's gone. My sluggish mind desperately searches for any last recollection of her, but they vanish as soon as I remember them, erasing themselves from my memory. Panicked, I try to awake, but my body is slow to respond. How can she be gone? How can I have forgotten her? Why did she leave me?

My eyes snap open in the darkened corridor, the shadows on the wall still spelling out my hate for her, whoever she is. The almost total blackness enfolds me, my chest heaving as I start to sob. Where did you go? Please, please come back. I need you, I NEED YOU.

My eyes slowly pick up on a glimmer at the end of the passageway. I drag myself along the floor, lacking the energy to rise to my feet. The long metal shards lying everywhere cut my hands and legs, but I'm already in too much pain to care. I reach the end of the passageway, but I'm too tired to raise my head. A soft voice, thick with tears says my name.

My chest feels as if it is ripping itself in two, and fresh tears stream down my face. Pain, Loss and betrayal flood my mind, but they are all overpowered by a strange nostalgic euphoria. Memories rush through me, giving me the strength to raise my head from the floor smeared with blood and charcoal.

And there she is. My Amy. The girl with the sunset hair.