I continued running, until my legs ached, until I could hardly breathe. Once I stopped, I had no clue where I was. I sat down, heaving with the exertion of having run hundreds of miles in hours. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do more right now – cry and howl out my pain or lie down and sleep forever. I knew that, although my body was recuperating quickly from my long run, I couldn't over-exert myself this much.
My human instincts told me to run back home to my family, my pack – but I couldn't. I was weak and hollow – I was sure the darkness in my heart would devour me if I let it loose. The hole in my heart, the truth of Bella's plans the truth that I had lost to some blood-sucking leech that was just too perfect, made me want to puke. I rescinded the emotions, locking them away in the corner of my heart – in a cage made of steel. All of my human emotions, instincts and thoughts I locked away as well. For the time being, I just wanted to be alone – away from all living creatures. I wanted to be the wolf, not Jacob, the weak human boy that wasn't worthy of love.
I took in the forest around me, the mountain close by, exploring with my eyes the smallest details. No creatures were in my direct vicinity, allowing me to feel my disgrace in peace. I lay down on the ground, my head on my paws, tongue lolling to one side. I stared upward at the sky, watching eagles fly higher and higher and then, suddenly, dip down to come to the tree tops and resume their flight to the heights of the sky.
I was so lost in my musings, I didn't hear the other wolf enter the clearing where I was laying until I heard a brief yelp of surprise. I looked over to find a small red wolf, her head tilted to one side, as though asking me what my business was here. I looked beyond her, other wolves emerged from the forests. I wasn't sure what to think – I didn't really know that much about wolves, but I could tell who the alpha was when I saw him.
He was silver, almost brilliantly so, his luminescence casting strange shadows in the forest. He was almost as big as I, but not quite my size. He lumbered towards me, his dominance noted in his alert posture – ears up, tail held high. There was no sign of submission in his stance as he closed the small distance between the two of us.
Suddenly, as though in a dream, the wolf started to change, taking on a different form - a human form. I was surprised to find myself face to face with a man, not much older than I in looks, but his eyes held a totally different story. I could see ages and ages in his eyes, as though he had lived ten men's lives. His hair was short, his arms muscular. He looked up at me, in awe and wonder himself.
"Brother," he said out loud, "I have not met one so young in such a long time. You may stay with my pack as long as you like, but remember that I am the alpha, and you must obey what I command. If you choose to be alone – that is your decision. I give you permission to share my territory – only that you do not impede on my pack."
I understood what he said, still in shock as he changed back into his wolf form. Suddenly, I saw his thoughts, as clearly as though they were my own. I sent him a message through our link – I would not bother him or his pack – I wanted to be alone.
The silver wolf looked at me once, understanding finally lighting his eyes and also the familiar tinge of pity I had seen among my friend's faces, as he turned his head and walked away, back to the few other members of his pack. I lay back down, watching the wolves recede into the trees, wondering how this could really work out.