"You look like you could use a cocktail" Chuck said.
"You're too late" Blair chirped with a smirk.
Chuck released a small laugh, the largest laugh Chuck Bass would probably ever make in his life.
Blair's eyes softened as she watched him laugh and suddenly her annoyance with him for everything he had done that day melted away for a moment.
"Wow," she said in a surprised tone.
"What?" Chuck queried softly, glancing at her.
"That's the first real laugh I've gotten out of you in a while," she responded, blinking and shaking her head in wonder.
Chuck noted how pleasantly surprised she was by his laughter and he felt guilty about everything. He knew he should explain his behaviour of late to her, like Nate had just urged him to.
He sighed, taking a seat.
"Listen Blair-" he started, but she interrupted him.
"No, me first," Blair in a serious tone, "Nate's waiting for me to give him an answer."
"I heard."
"Do you want to know what's stopping me? I can't answer his question while I'm waiting for you to answer mine, the one I asked you forever ago." she said as evenly as possible. Blair felt it was time to draw the line and figure out what was going on between her and Chuck. He had left her completely shattered several times over the past year, but at times his jealousy proved to her that he did love her, despite being afraid to tell her.
Chuck looked down, shaking his head. He wasn't sure what he was going to say. He was sure he was in love with Blair. He realised this the moment he saw her with Nate at cotillion where he lost his heart, and that love had only grown over the past year as she kept challenging him in each different game they played. His father's death had made him even more afraid of letting anyone become close to him, for fear that they might suddenly leave.
"What are we Chuck?" she asked.
"Blair-" Chuck began, about to come clean about what was really happening inside his mind.
"Last fall you said we couldn't be together, and I believed you, but every time I try to move on you're right there, acting like-"
"Acting like what?" Chuck interceded, daring her to say it for him. He loved her and wanted her all for himself. It killed him watching her with Nate, Carter and Marcus. Chuck just wanted to be with her, desperately and yet he couldn't. He couldn't destroy her in that way.
"Like..." Blair said softly, studying him. Chuck had a moment of vulnerability where Blair discovered the pain and desperation in his face. It was so intense that she had to look away for a moment.
"Maybe you just want me to be as unhappy as you are" she quickly covered; the look in Chuck's eyes had frightened her and left her unsure for a moment.
"I would never wish that on anyone, I want you to be happy" Chuck said with assurance. He had come far from trying make others feel the hurt that he was going through. It wasn't like when he destroyed Blair's life last year in an attempt to make her feel as badly as he felt from her rejection. Chuck had realised that nobody ever would be able to feel as shattered as he felt about his father's death.
"Then look down deep, into the soul I know you have and tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it's just a game. If it's real, we'll figure it out, all of us," Blair said, her voice quivering with unshed tears, "But if it's not, then please Chuck, just let me go." A tear finally dropped at the thought of his feelings not being real.
But Chuck, who had been staring at her intensely without blinking, thought the tear represented her unhappiness with the thought of being controlled by him and simultaneously being with him. That's all a relationship with Chuck Bass would cause: hurt, sadness and tears, Chuck realised. His father knew it, everyone else knew it and Chuck knew it. It wasn't Blair that would screw everything up, it was him.
Blair nodded slightly, encouraging him to say the three words she desperately wanted to hear.
Chuck took a deep breath, smiling sadly.
"It's just a game. I hate to lose, you're free to go" Chuck said as believably as he could.
"Thankyou" Blair choked out, completely winded by the hurt that she felt, leaping off the stool and stumbling away as quickly as she could.
Serena suddenly appeared beside Chuck.
"Chuck, why did you just do that?" Serena asked, bewildered. She knew Chuck loved Blair and had been on his way to tell her this not too long ago, until he discovered that Nate was with her.
"Because I love her, but I can't make her happy" Chuck spoke almost to himself, as though Serena wasn't there. He had his own hang-ups to deal with before he would deserve someone like Blair.