Author's Note: How brilliant was this week's episode?! I am still annoyed that Evan is hanging around so I decided to sabotage (re-write) the scene where he stops Chloe from hurting herself but this time it is Ange, as it rightfully should have been. We will get rid of The Creep! This is most certainly not a cheerful piece so please tread carefully. Reviews always appreciated :)
Ange sighed as she hung up the phone once again. This must have been at least the twelfth time in five minutes that she had tried to call Chloe, thus receiving no response. Nobody had seen Chloe for almost an hour now and Ange's concerns were rapidly growing. She had wanted to talk to Chloe much earlier, when she first noticed the marks on her arms. She knew only too well what they meant and Ange hated the thought that Chloe had ended up back in that place again. She had not been in that place for a good few years now so to have fallen so far in such a short space of time must mean that Chloe felt so spectacularly out of control and Ange had to try and stop that before it spiralled too far.
She stood in the cubicle, scissors in her hand, staring blankly into space. She wanted to do it, she knew she did as somehow it felt like the only way. As she lifted her top, she was brought back to reality by the sound of familiar footsteps entering the bathroom.
"Chloe?" The voice said. "Are you in here?" The footsteps approached her cubicle and stopped outside the door. "Chloe?" The voice said again, softly and laced with concern. "I know it's you, I know you're in there. Now, either you open the door or I will." Tears escaped Chloe's eyes as she listened to the voice that had comforted her through many testing times throughout her life, her one constant. Her mum. Slowly, Chloe drew back the lock and opened the door, finding herself standing face-to-face with Ange. During those few moments, Chloe had almost forgotten why she was in there in the first place but it all quickly flooded back to her as she saw Ange's gaze drop to the object she clutched in her hand.
"I didn't do it." Chloe sobbed, unable to hold composure any longer as she let the scissors drop to the ground. "I wanted to but I didn't." All of a sudden, her legs turned to jelly and she started to fall forwards, however Ange, quick enough to react, took Chloe in her arms as they sank to the floor together. Ange was too distraught to say anything, all she could do was hold Chloe close and make her feel safe.
"I know this is probably a daft question." Ange began a little while later as they both sat on the sofa in Ange's office, Chloe with her knees drawn up to her chest, protectively grasping a cushion. "But why?" She asked. "This time, why?"
"Because of everything." Chloe replied almost robotically. "But most of all because of what happened to you." She looked at Ange.
"What do you mean?"
"I hate myself. I hate where I came from." Tears spilled down her cheeks once more. "It's a part of me, it's inside me and no matter what I do, I will always look at myself and see that and you must do too. I thought I'd got past this but I can't stop myself from feeling this way, mum, I can't get it out of my head." She frantically latched hold of her hair with her fingers, allowing her head to rest on the cushion which was becoming damp with her tears. "I wanted to make it stop even just for a minute and that was the only way I could." Ange shuffled closer to Chloe, embracing her withdrawn form and trying desperately to hold back her own tears.
"When I look at you, all I see is a wonderful, beautiful, clever young woman and I could not be more proud." Ange told her, her voice threatening to break. This only made Chloe's sobs intensify. "You have been through so much and put up one hell of a fight every time and I would be happy if I had half your courage. What happened to me all those years ago, Chloe, is completely irrelevant..."
"Of course it isn't, it's who I am!" She choked in protest, releasing grip of her hair and raising her head as she placed her feet back on the floor. "It's what I am."
"No, it is not." Ange said firmly. "Because you are worth a million of the man that did that to me. I didn't let it define me and I will not let you think that it defines you, okay?" Chloe shook her head desperately.
"No!" She cried, freeing herself from Ange's embrace. "It's not okay because it is in me." It broke Ange's heart when Chloe spoke in that tone. "It's in here." She pressed her hands to her chest. "And it is crushing me." She finished in utter devastation.
"I am so sorry that I couldn't protect you from this." Ange apologised. "If I could make all the hurt go away then you know I would but I can't..."
"I don't want to fight this again." Chloe said defeatedly. "I have done it so many times before and I am tired of it. I don't have an ounce of strength left in me to do it again. Please, mum, please don't tell me that I have to fight it because I really can't do that again." Her pleading eyes locked with Ange's and Ange could see that she meant what she said.
"I am not going to tell you what you have to do, Chloe, you know it has never worked like that. I know that you have that strength in you and you can find it. It might take time but you will get there and you will be able to fight again. We will fight it. Together, like we always have done. You are not alone." She promised.
"You have Dom now, you have a son. You don't need me." Chloe told her, putting on a brave facade, though feeling the complete opposite. "It's going to take me this time, I can feel it. Just...just let it." She finished quietly. Ange finally let out the sobs that she had been suppressing. Chloe turned away and put her head in her hands, hating to see her mum upset, knowing that she was the cause of this.
"No, Chloe, no." She begged, laying a gentle hand on her daughter's back. "You are still my number one. I might be Dom's biological mum but he has a family, a family that loves him and a mum that brought him up with nothing but love and that was not me. I brought you up with love and I swear that none of that has changed." She explained earnestly. "Will you come home with me tonight?" She asked.
"Why?" Chloe responded.
"Because I don't want you to be alone." Chloe turned back to face Ange, tears still in her eyes. She knew exactly what Ange meant but had neither the energy nor the heart to say so.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does to me. Or let me come home with you. Whichever you would be more comfortable with." Chloe looked down at her lap and after a few moments, gave a small nod. Ange smiled sadly, though relieved. "Good. Let me just finish up here and handover and then we'll swing by mine to collect some things and go back to yours. Is that okay?"
"Yes." Chloe said, though her words were barely audible. "But you don't have to."
"I want to." Ange said certainly. "Chloe, I am not letting you give up and end up back in that hellish place you've been in so many times before." She continued determinedly. "I won't let that happen, not this time. I do love you, despite everything that's ever happened in our lives, that has never changed and it never will do." Ange took Chloe's hand and Chloe looked into her eyes, starting to believe her words.
"I love you too, mum."