About a week after the first time he held his prince, Suzaku was called into Sir Jeremiah Gottwald's office for a briefing.

"His Highness, Prince Lelouch, will announce his engagement to the Princess of Erin later today. The wedding is in two weeks. Normally, as his knight, you would be responsible for the security, but given your youth and inexperience, I will take over that responsibility. Your duties will be his safety and the safety of his wife, once they are married. Understood?"

Suzaku hadn't heard a thing after 'wedding'.

Prince Lelouch was no help. When Suzaku confronted him about this, and about the fact that his new knights would be chosen from amongst the elite troops in Erin, he just smiled and said that, yes, that was the case. Suzaku stuttered and stammered as Lelouch walked around his desk to stand in front of him.

"You're a superb knight, Kururugi. You can find a place with anyone."

Suzaku didn't want to be with 'anyone'. He wanted to be with Lelouch. He'd thought… after that night when Lelouch had ordered him to hold him, had called him by name as they made love in the prince's canopied bed… he'd thought that there had been something there.

Obviously not.

"Th-thank you, Your Highness," Suzaku said, unable to look directly at Lelouch.

He missed the look of disappointment Lelouch flashed him. "It's no more than the truth, Sir Kururugi. If that's all, then…"

And Suzaku bowed and left.

The first week crawled by. It was odd; the time between Suzaku realizing his desires for his prince and acting on those desires had been so short. The aftermath, day after day after day of wanting his prince and not being able to do anything about it, seemed to last forever.

And Lelouch was completely blasé about the whole thing.

They no longer went on picnics under the guise of evaluating the grounds. They never talked, other than brief exchanges or when Lelouch gave him an order. They never, ever, touched.

But he was able to be with Lelouch nearly all the time, at his side, protecting him, watching over him. At one point, that would have been enough.

And yet, with the memory of Lelouch's face as he came in Suzaku's arms, his voice as he called out Suzaku's name, his hands, clinging desperately to Suzaku as Suzaku pounded him into his bed…

Suzaku was a greedy, selfish person. At least he was self-aware. And right now, he was aware of how his body reacted around Lelouch, the way he leaned closer when the prince spoke, the way he loomed closer when others approached him. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't helpful, and it was completely inappropriate, but it was what Suzaku did.

And Lelouch never noticed, never even seemed to look at him anymore. Suzaku missed the way they'd occasionally smile at each other, the simple trust and mutual affection before they'd acted on their equally mutual attraction.

Possible mutual attraction. Suzaku was beginning to suspect that Lelouch had been making fun of him the whole time.

The next week was different. With the wedding coming closer, Lelouch's regular duties were replaced with fittings and diplomatic meetings as he was introduced to his future wife's advisors. She never came, at least, which was a relief to Suzaku; he was jealous enough that other people were taking Lelouch's time from him. How jealous he'd get if it was the woman who was taking Lelouch from him…

The arousal and desire never went away. Every night, after he escorted Lelouch to his chamber, Suzaku retired to his and got himself off, still in uniform, thinking of Lelouch. It was so completely unsatisfying that it had begun to almost hurt, but it was better than crying, which was the only other release Suzaku could contemplate. Sometimes, when Lelouch looked especially beautiful or vulnerable, Suzaku had to excuse himself to jerk off in a nearby bathroom, humiliated by his lack of control, but even more saddened by how pathetic he was, needing this still.

Especially when Lelouch clearly had no need for him.

And now it was Lelouch's wedding day. And he looked incredibly beautiful and composed and by this time tomorrow, he'd be gone.

"Come, Kururugi. It's an hour-long drive; if we don't leave now we'll be late."

"Yes, Your Highness." Suzaku bowed and followed Lelouch to the limo.

Lelouch wasn't even looking at him, his face propped up with one elegant hand, looking dreamily out the window. Well. It was his wedding day. It would be normal for him to be preoccupied.

Suzaku tolerated the tense silence for a few minutes before cracking.

"So… have you met this princess?"

"A few times," Lelouch said to the window. "Mostly we've corresponded by letter."

Clearly he didn't want to converse. Suzaku respected that as much as he usually did. "What's she like?"

"…she has an interesting sense of humour." Lelouch smiled. "And an interesting sense of hierarchy. I think we get along fairly well."

Well. Good. After all, she was going to be his wife. And, later tonight, he'd take her to his bed and… "What does she look like?"

"Blond, a little shorter than me. Bright blue eyes that smiled when her mouth did." Lelouch finally looked over at Suzaku, his lips twitching. "Well endowed, although not too top heavy."

She sounded pretty. Suzaku swallowed down his nausea. "Congratulations, Your Highness."

"Well…" Lelouch's lips settled into a smirk. "That's the first time you're said that, Sir Kururugi. One might think that you weren't happy with my marriage."

"…'snot my place," Suzaku muttered looking away. Lelouch made a soft, disgusted sound and turned to the window again, his previously calm face marred with an angry frown.

He looked so far away, so cold and distant and untouchable. As if to test that, Suzaku reached out a hand, placing it on Lelouch's arm.

Lelouch started at that, looking at Suzaku's hand, then up at Suzaku's face. "What are you…"

Suzaku didn't let him finish, grabbing at Lelouch's oh-so-pretty wedding suit and pulling him in for a kiss. They were both still belted in and the angle was awkward, but the moment his lips touched Lelouch's Suzaku felt something click inside him, something sliding into place that had been just wrong for the past three weeks. "Your Highness…"

Lelouch shoved him off. "What do you think you're doing at this late hour?" He demanded.

Suzaku winced. It was true; he was far too late now, but… "I love you."

"You… what?"

"I love you, Pri– Lelouch." He'd called Lelouch by name that night and never before or since. But now, on the eve of losing everything… "I'm in love with you."

Lelouch stared at him before smiling coolly. "And? Do you think that changes anything, Sir Kururugi?"

"No," Suzaku said. "I don't." He unbuckled his seatbelt. "And I don't expect to be forgiven for this either." He pressed Lelouch against the car door, kissing him deeply and unbuttoning his vest. "Lelouch…"

Lelouch moaned and threaded his fingers through Suzaku's hair as they kissed, shifting impatiently under Suzaku's hands. "Suza… ku… H-hurry…"

A slip of Suzaku's wrist as he undid the last button and Suzaku discovered that Lelouch was already hard. "You…"

Lelouch undid his own seat buckle and shrugged out of his clothes, throwing them on the floor. "Don't stop."

…that sounded like an order. "Yes, Your Highness."

"None of that," Lelouch chided. "I called out your name, the least you could do is offer me the same courtesy."

"Yes, Lelouch," Suzaku said and nearly groaned as Lelouch's eyes sharpened at that. "You're so beautiful."

Any response Lelouch might have made to that was swallowed by Suzaku's mouth, as was the moan he made as Suzaku palmed him through his pants. Suzaku felt his head swim with pleasure as his body thrummed with desire. He wasn't sure he'd last long enough to do everything he wanted to do to Lelouch. He undid Lelouch's pants and touched the hot, damp skin beneath, pulling back just enough to allow Lelouch's yelp and gasp to echo unmuffled.

A quick glance at the front seat was all Suzaku needed to verify that the driver either couldn't hear them, or was very good at pretending he couldn't. Suzaku couldn't for the life of him remember if the glass partition was sound proof or not.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch's plea brought Suzaku's attention right back to him. "Gloves off, I… your hand…"

Shit. That was close to the only thing keeping Suzaku under some semblance of control. Suzaku took a moment to postpone touching that glorious skin with his own defiled flesh, shrugging out of his jacket and removing his tie. Lelouch watched him with heavy eyes and flushed cheeks, his expression a mixture of impatience and a strange sort of malcontentment. Suzaku hesitated. "Lelou…" no "Your Highness?"

Lelouch glared. "What? What are you waiting for? Don't you want to get in your last go?" He was still flushed, his breathing was still pressured, but he looked more angry than turned on right now. And, just under the veneer of irritation, Suzaku could see something like… hurt?

Suzaku's stomach lurched. The last thing he'd ever wanted to do was hurt his Prince. "I don't… I didn't…" He pulled back. "My apologies, Your Highness."

Lelouch snorted. "Then that's it, is it? I can't really blame you. After all, this relationship was forced by me. You must have regretted it immensely."

"I never–" Suzaku cut himself off, looking closely at Lelouch, at what his body was communicating. Lelouch was adept at lying with his words and face, but his body… "I never regretted anything I did with you, Your Highness."

"Then let it end there," Lelouch said, turning away.

Suzaku took off his gloves, tossing them to the side. "I have no intention of ending anything." He grabbed Lelouch's pants and pulled them down with one strong yank. "Nor is this merely some kind of 'last go'."

Lelouch yelped and grabbed the seat as Suzaku pulled his legs out from under him. "Then what is it, Sir Kururugi?" He managed to sound challenging and not nervous, but his eyes were huge and uncertain.

"It's…" my last chance to…"is it not your wish as well?" Lelouch's adorably wide eyes narrowed with irritation and Suzaku bent down to lick a firm swipe up the underside of his cock. "It was ready before I even touched it…"

"…d-don't…" Lelouch protested, spreading his legs wider and fisting his hands. "You're just…"

Suzaku turned his head and kissed the inside of Lelouch's thigh as he slipped a finger, slicked with Lelouch's precome, into Lelouch. "Please, Your Highness. Allow me to pleasure you."

Lelouch whimpered and didn't struggle as Suzaku turned him over and settled against his back. Lelouch's spine curved beautifully and Suzaku couldn't resist licking up its length, ending at Lelouch's ear. "Can you give this up, Your Highness?"

"W-what?" Lelouch stammered, letting out a broken gasp as Suzaku bit at his ear.

Suzaku slid a second finger inside Lelouch. "Your body wants this, Your Highness, something no wife could give you." He twisted his fingers, making Lelouch arch under him and cry out. "It craves it…"

Lelouch laughed shakily. "That's what you think? You think this is a bodily craving, something I'd do with anyone?" Suzaku took the moment of distraction and pressed his cock into Lelouch in one smooth movement. "Hahn!" Lelouch clenched around Suzaku rhythmically before gradually relaxing. "I'm fully aware of how disgraceful I must seem…" Suzaku started moving and Lelouch's words became more breathy, more stuttered. "I alone expected… you must have been so amused…"

Amused? "I've been holding back so desperately, I've managed to restrain myself up until this point, and you thought I was amused?" Suzaku pulled out of Lelouch and flipped him over, slamming back in once Lelouch was on his back. "I love you! This flesh, this heart, this soul, are all yours!" He kissed Lelouch fiercely.

Lelouch shook under him. "I… I feel the same way."

"…what?"

Lelouch looked away, clearly hating how exposed he was. "It was obvious, moron. You were completely hesitant; you only obeyed my orders, when it was clear you didn't even want to touch me. And yet, I still…"

Suzaku stared at him. "Your High– no, Lelouch…" Lelouch didn't look up and Suzaku felt his chest lurch.

Before he could think better of it, Suzaku grabbed Lelouch's arm and pulled him up, until he was sitting in Suzaku's lap, impaled on his cock and surrounded by his arms in a tight embrace. "Why… how could you think that, Lelouch?"

"It's not like I fantasize about such things," Lelouch snapped back, his face still flushed.

Suzaku kissed his neck and pulled back far enough to look him in the eye. Try to understand; it was never because you ordered me to. My desire for you was all of my own will. I only hesitated because… you were engaged and since that night you never… I though you were trying to erase me."

"How could I erase you?" Lelouch asked. "You just… since that night you looked at me with such a troubled face…"

He looked so sad and confused that Suzaku felt his heart go out to him. "Of course I was troubled, Your Highness. For I was… I am a knight who desires his Prince so desperately… who craves his embrace as well as his company. I used to think that all I needed was to be by your side, but lately… I've been so scared of touching you, of crossing a line and losing you…"

Lelouch cupped his face. "You never said anything. You idiot, if you'd just told me in the beginning…"

"I'm sorry." Suzaku smiled sweetly and Lelouch's eyes softened as he ducked his head to kiss Suzaku as deeply and passionately as Suzaku had ever kissed him.

"Do you… want me?" Lelouch asked breathlessly when he pulled up for air.

Suzaku was short of breath as well, wound tighter than he'd ever been before. "I don't know if I can hold back."

"Then don't," Lelouch said simply, moving his hips up and down until he was riding Suzaku's cock, making the most incredible noises and moving achingly slowly. Suzaku let him set the pace for a good ten or fifteen seconds before throwing him down on the seat, Lelouch's head missing the door by millimetres, and pinning him down by his arms.

"I love you." Suzaku bent down to nuzzle and lick at Lelouch's chest as Lelouch's legs decided where they wanted to be – one over the back of the seat, the other at an awkward angle, dangling off to the side. Then Suzaku thrust into him and that leg flew up to wrap around Suzaku's waist, Lelouch's heel striking Suzaku's flank as he cried out.

Suzaku ignored the unimportant pain as he drove into Lelouch's welcoming body. "Lelouch… I love… you…"

"It's too much…" Lelouch gasped out. "I'm coming undone…"

Suzaku quickened his pace, wrapping a hand around Lelouch's cock to jerk him off in time. "Let go, Lelouch." He urged. Let me undo you…

Lelouch arched and cried out and came, his body tightening around Suzaku's cock, drawing Suzaku's orgasm out of him within moments. Suzaku collapsed on top of Lelouch, revelling in the afterglow and the smell and warmth of the body under his. "Lelouch." He lifted his head enough to capture Lelouch's lips in another deep kiss. Lelouch's arms settled on his back, holding him close.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch reached up to brush Suzaku's hair. "What do you want now?"

Suzaku nearly told the truth. Then common sense intervened. "I… I want to be beside you, Lelouch. In whatever capacity you'll have me." It was close to the truth.

Lelouch looked at him, entirely unsatisfied. "Is that all, Sir Kururugi?"

Suzaku winced at the title. "That… is all I have any right to even ask, Your Highness. And I have no right to expect an affirmative answer."

That didn't take the unsatisfied expression away. If anything, it sharpened it. "I see." Lelouch wriggled out from under Suzaku. "Then I'm sure you won't be disappointed." He said with his polite, public smile.

Suzaku felt like he'd failed a test. An important test. And one for which there was no retest.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"The groom, Prince Lelouch vi Britannia!" The announcer called out and Suzaku escorted Lelouch towards his future bride. She was as beautiful as Suzaku had expected, buxom and blond and smiling brightly as if she was completely in control of the whole situation; the most composed bride Suzaku had ever seen. Lelouch also looked composed, but more coolly, as if this was something he did every day. Suzaku felt like he might throw up any second.

Most of the ceremony passed by without Suzaku able to pay attention, his entire being focused on Lelouch; the way he looked standing at the alter, the slightly rumpled suit a testament to their activates just before the wedding, the scent surrounding him like an exotic cologne that of him and Suzaku and sex. He looked every inch a prince, and his bride looked like a princess and they were so well suited for each other…

"Psst."

Suzaku looked up, frowning, at the imperative hiss. It was the bride. "Y-your Highness?"

"That's your cue."

Suzaku's frown deepened as everyone's eyes were on him, even Lelouch's. "W-what?"

Lelouch sighed. "Please repeat that last line, if you wouldn't mind."

The priest looked as confused as Suzaku felt. "Ah, well… If there is anyone here who knows why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Forever. That was a long time. Lelouch and his bride looked at Suzaku expectantly and Suzaku felt like he'd been completely set up. "I don't… it's not my place…"

"Then you're fine with this?" Lelouch asked gently.

His bride was a little more aggressive. "Aren't you going to even put up a little bit of a fight?"

Suzaku looked between the two of them. "Well… that is…" The entire nation was watching, but so was Lelouch and, at that moment, Lelouch was fa rmore important. "No. I mean. Yes. I mean…" He grabbed Lelouch's arm and dragged him out of the room, leaving a sudden cacophony of angry, accusatory voices in his wake. To Suzaku's ears, they were drowned out with Lelouch's soft laughter.

They ducked into a bathroom and Suzaku tried to figure out what to do next. Lelouch traced his face and neck with his long fingers before burying them in Suzaku's hair and leaning in to kiss Suzaku deeply. "I knew you wouldn't let me go through with it."

Suzaku kissed him back, adrenaline and relief flowing through him. "I… I didn't… I couldn't let you go."

"As it should be," Lelouch agreed. "I wouldn't have let you go either."

Suzaku groaned and pulled him closer to kiss him harder. "This is a huge mess."

Lelouch laughed. "Don't worry about it. Milly and I are both experts at cleaning up messes and finding exceptions and ways out. By the end of the day, everyone will be grateful that we're not married and you'll be a hero for your quick thinking. But for now…" He spread his legs and let Suzaku slide in. "Perhaps it's appropriate for you to demonstrate why you couldn't let me go."

The door wasn't bolted and anyone could walk in and this was precarious and foolish and all Suzaku could think of was how good Lelouch felt in his arms. "Yes, Your Highness."