If I owned Bleach, this would be in Japanese... it isn't, so I don't.
Anyway, this is my first attempt at a humor fanfic, which should be very interesting. It's supposed to take place a little bit after Orihime is kidnapped and brought to Hueco Mundo, but before anyone goes to try to rescue her. So, there are possible spoilers for pretty much anything until that point.
Also, this story might end up being a bit disjointed, but I'm going to try my best to keep everything in chronological order so it's not more confusing than it already is. I would tell you other things, but i don't think you're here to read my blather, so on with the story!
--
Ichimaru Gin was grinning.
Actually, that wasn't such a rare occurrence ─ he was always grinning ─ but the fact that he was grinning as he entered one of Aizen-sama's useless tea parties was a little disturbing to several of the Arrancar waiting behind him to get into the meeting room. Grimmjaw Jaguarjaques ─ closest to the door, which was not in standing with his position -was especially put off by Ichimaru's smug refusal to give a decent response to any of his questions. Grimmjaw, however, was notorious for pursuing lost causes.
"Just tell me who, damn you!"
"Why should I? You'll find out soon enough anyway," said Ichimaru snottily, smirking at Grimmjaw.
"An important visitor, and one that I've met before. That bitch Matsu-something?" It was a shot in the dark, but Grimmjaw was getting annoyed.
Ichimaru, grinning, informed him, "Nope! A distinguished guest, remember!"
Grimmjaw glared, not a pretty sight by any means. The other Espada, who had been watching the conversation with mild detachment, now edged into Aizen's tea room. The animosity between Ichimaru and Grimmjaw was infamous for its tendency to end in violence. It was best to avoid the one-sided fights that inevitably broke out when the two bickered.
Grimmjaw, now alone in the corridor, burst out, "I know that! What I wanna know is why this guest is so important that you're actually going to this damn tea party!"
In an irritating, superior tone, Ichimaru beamed, "Orihime-chan has come to visit!" He clapped his hands twice in a manner reminiscent of an excited child, and, beaming, walked into the tearoom.
Grimmjaw blinked. "Eh?"
-- an hour before Aizen's tea meeting --
A loud rap on the door startled Orihime from her thinking. To be honest, she wasn't actually thinking; she was debating nicknames for the various members of the Arrancar that she had met so far.
Admittedly, it was a peculiar way of dealing with the overwhelming stress, but it certainly worked. She had just eliminated Aizen-chin from her list of possible titles for Aizen ─ it just seemed too downright demeaning for someone who had power over the whole of Hueco Mundo ─ when the sharp knocking distracted her.
Orihime wandered over to the door and called, "Come in!" expecting the Espada who called himself Ulquiorra. I could call him... Ulku-san, maybe? The newly christened Ulku-san was, after all, the only one polite enough to knock, and even then, he only knocked occasionally.
It was a bit of a nasty shock when the door flew open and Orihime discovered that the man outside her door was not an Espada at all, but the evil Aizen-chin himself. Orihime, completely surprised, bowed deeply. What else was there to do?
Ignoring her bow, Aizen smiled benignly and presented her with a wire coat hanger.
She blinked twice and stared at the proffered hanger. "Er... what?"
Aizen gave her a slightly less benign grin (a bit frustrated, really) and asked, "May I come in?"
Orihime blinked again, totally confused.
Aizen beamed,"I'll explain it all, but I really need to have a seat. It could take a while."
"Um," stuttered Orihime, staring at the clothing on the hanger, "Why do you have my school uniform?"
The evil overlord of Hueco Mundo sighed. It would definitely take a while to explain his idea to the girl. She had incredible power, yes, but she could be so dimwitted at times. It was quite trying. He began in a weary voice, "You still haven't been introduced to all of my devoted Espada. I have tea every other day at precisely four, and I require all of them to attend to give me updates. I wondered if you would accompany me to tea and in doing so, meet the remainder of my Espada."
Orihime brightened. "Tea? So it's like a captain's meeting in Soul Society, but with tea! I understand. It sounds like fun!"
"So you'll go?" asked Aizen, hoping he didn't sound too much like he was begging.
Orihime nodded her consent.
Aizen sighed with relief - convincing her had been easier than he'd thought - and informed her, "I'd like you to put on your school uniform before we go. I will wait outside while you change."
He turned and started toward the door. A sudden noise from the girl made him turn around in annoyance. She hadn't changed her silly little feminine mind, had she? "What?" snapped the overlord of Hueco Mundo.
"B-but... why? Why my school uniform?" she stuttered, quailing under his decidedly annoyed gaze.
Hesitating, Aizen cast around for anything other than the actual reason. Finally, he hit upon something. "It's much prettier than your current dress, don't you think? The colors suit you better." He dashed out of the room before she could say anything else.
--
Inoue Orihime was a girl of many dispositions, but stupid was not one of them. She merely processed information in a way that would allow her to remain happily oblivious to everything she didn't want to think about until she was absolutely forced to face it. For instance, she was quite aware that Aizen wasn't telling her the whole truth. She simply didn't want to deal with this bit of information at the moment.
So, who was she to be picky? After a week of sitting in her cell doing nothing, she had just been invited to a tea party! Orihime waited until the evil overlord had closed the door and threw on her school uniform, wearing a slightly manic grin. She hoped they had pepper in Hueco Mundo. Tea was never as good without it.
--
Well, there's the first bit. Opinions are appreciated.