(A/N: . . . yeah. I swear a lot in this, and there is a KKK reference. Don't be offended. This is merely crack. Which, I must've been on when I wrote this. I was in one of my 'weird moods'.)
DISCLAIMER: You better hope to God that I don't own them.
And Shippou Fell From a Tree
It was a gorgeous sunny day in the Fuedal Area. Thats right, it's not an 'Era' anymore. It gets it's own circumference now. Now, this could be all about something meaningful, but thats just to hard, isnt it?
Well, anyway, this starts out with Kagome screaming, InuYasha angrily swearing, Songo slapping, Miroku being a ecchiii (because just one 'i' isn't kewl enough for him), Shippou being a hyper schizophrenic-freak, and Kirara/Kilala/Kat being kawaii. Otherwise completely normal and OOC, seeing as all the authoress is doing is only focusing on their bad traits.
Or, in Kirara/Kilala/Kat's case, the only sane one.
"INUYASHA!!! LYK, OMIGOD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JEEEEEEEERRRRRRRKKKK!?!?!?!?!?" screeched Kagome, shattering eardrums from miles away.
"stfu, hoface bitch, dammit! Why the fuck is yew all up in my bitchin' grills because I fucking called you a fucking hoe, bitch twat cunt whore slut?!?!?!?!?!?!" InuYasha yelled angrily back. Not that some of those words slash slang wasn't even known to half-demons in the Fuedal Area.
Everything went silent when a loud SLAPHHNRIONTEKRKFNHDJKNISDFSHN!!!!!!!!!was heard.
"EEEECCCCCHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Songo in an oddly deeply manly voicely.
Miroku, as expected, was knocked unconscious. And forgotten.
But don't tell no one.
"that's it!!!!!!" exclaimed Songo very dramatically. "I have to tell all of you something that I've kept hidden for much to long!!!!!!!! Exclamation point!!!!!! I am a man!!!!!!!!" she confessed, ripping off her kimono (lyk, omigod, dont i sound lyk ttly Japanese-y now?!?!?!?!) revealing, that in fact she was a man.
Yup.
"pe-KKKKAAAAAAWWWW!!!!" exclaimed Shippou, running around in circles around the group. He stopped and started acting lyk he was talking to som1.
"nobody believed Shippou but we new." he said b4 darting to the left. (does ne1 else have 2 look at there hands 2 figur out left from rite???)
"they all thought Shippou was crazy but THEY were the crazy 1s!!" he exclaimed before darting to the rite.
"know we will reap upon them ourz master plan!!!!!!" they said in unison. (Well, in his mind they did, cuz we all no that cant happen)
InuYasha went over and dropped kicked him outta exhistence. Kirara/Kilala/Kat went to go find him. They were forgotten about to, but its a secret.
SSHHH!!!
Hm...this seems to be going nowhere fast. Time to make it ecchi!! (it's not as kewl as Miroku)
A magical being suddenly twirled into exhistence in a batch of flowery sparkles that got into the remaining character's eyes and made them tear up and cough before landing gracefully majestically and beautifully onto the lush green grass below her and everyone before she finally got tired of narrating in run-on sentences and gazed heavily onto the females scrutinizing them with her beautiful hazel no icy blue eyes making them kinda uncomfortable which just makes this run-on sentence even more awkward especially if one was reading this out loud though to I dont wanna no who especially if your all alone.
(pauses to catch breath)
"w-who r yew?!" Kagome shrieked.
"my name is Kyuushitousomtsugibadoneleistersen the Third." The women said. She was beyond beautiful. Long luscious black hair streaked an icy blue to match her eyes long thin athletic body porcelain skin full blood red lips (natural, btw. No lipstick) big boobs slash butt barely covered by a skirt shorter than Kagome's and a low cut shirt reaching down to her belly button. Witch was pierced with a blue cresent moon belly button piercing.
" my past was horrible!" she started, although nobody asked " my sista was all lyk, I HATE YEW BITCHS!!! To meh Fasha and Masha and they were all lyk, IT'S NOT OUR FAULT WE HATE YEW BITCH!! Then she took out this huge ass AK-47 and shot every1 'cept me cause meh Fasha was tottlly lyk, NOOO!! NOT KYUUSHITOUSOMTSUGIBADONELEISTERSEN THE—but by that tyme he was all lyk, shot 2 death. Then I was all lyk, I HATE YEW BITCH!! And killed her with my super-awsome power thats more powerful than all of InuYasha's, Sesshoumaru's, Kouga's, Shichintai (spelled wrong on purpose), Naraku's, Sailor Moon's, everyone from Naruto, Bleach, and just everyone in general combined powers. Except for the Queen of Candyland. Oh how I despise that bitch. She gave me candy knowing that I was diabetic!! BITCH!!!! And THEN there was this hole mess with the Lollipop King, but I dont even want to START with that."
"so....basically none of that made any sense?" Songo asked.
"yep!! But, now I has to get rid of ze boyz"
Some invisible force dropped kicks InuYasha and Miroku (who the authoress just remembered) into different parts of the forest and turned them into horny and masturbating bastards. They can't be in the same part, because that would be yoia. Thats for later.
"you're outfits wont do. If your planning to seduce those boys that already so horny their ready to fuck a squirrel, you need to get SMEXXIII!!!" she twirled her dainty finger in a circle, witch made Songo and Kagome twirl in a circle, making there clothes twirl in a circle, witch by this point the picture is just ridiculous and the readers are falling over from dizzyness, so they all stopped simultamiously. The girls looked at each other and gasped.
The mysterious beautiful women was rite. They were smokin'!!!! Kagome was dressed in a black leather leotard wuth black stiletto heals black cat ears fake(?) fangs and black nails. Songo was dressed in something smililer but she had a whip and army boots.
Forget the fact that Songo was a man two seconds earlier. Kyuushitousomtsugibadoneleistersen the Third twirled around her anatomy too.
The mysteriously beautiful women clapped her hands to gether. "perfect!" before she left. Mysteriously. And beautifully.
The to girls ran to there boys.
Since it is above this aurthoress's's's's's .......'s capabilities to rite more than one smutty smexxii lemony lime scene, and because having yummy smex with a half-demon is SOOO much smexier than just to humans, Miroku and Songo inexplicable inexplicably popped out of exhistence with Shippou and Kirara/Kilala/Kat.
Kagome walked – no, everyone can just walk, let's make her saunter. That sounds SOO much more smut-tastic – smexily and smeductively up to a horny hanyou. Ha ha horny hanyou. I just made a funny.
How bout just for kix, we make him turn youkai??
"damn bitch" he growled huskily. Notice how he didnt even talk, or talk after he talked he talked. Maybe by talking we can see that he talked without actually talking about talking about how he talked or didn't talk.
Yea. Something like that.
He pinned Kagome up against a tree, because we all know that InuYasha's youkai would totlly become lust driven, besides the fact that every time before he went on a bloody rampage/massacre/riot/slaughter thing.
But since this is fanfiction, things like silly 'facts' lyk these dont have to be in here.
The InuYasha stared wide-eyed at his bitch, a creepy smile firmly on his soft, moist lips.
"uhh....are you alrite?" Kagome queried.
Please ignore the fact that she didnt get mad at him callin her a bitch like she did earlier. Nor reacting to that now he was suddenly and without reason a youkai. Again, those things called 'facts' and 'logic' are silly. Dont let them hooligans who got edumacations fool you otherwise.
"'course I am, bitch," he said, his creepy smile widening wile he turned his head to the side. "everythins fine now that your my bitch"
" oh InuYasha! That's SOOOO romantic!!!! I lurves you!!!"
" stfu and fuck me BI—ATCH!!!!!"
" hehe, oh InuYasha, kay!!"
They had sex.
After a wile, Kagome decided that demon-InuYasha wasn't doin it for her. she pickd up her clothes and was leaving.
" where yew goin??" slurred an inexplicably drunk InuYasha.
" I faked it. I's faked everything!!!!!" she exclaimed very dramatically!!!! " I dont love you, InuYasha even though I have admitted it before and through everything we've through it wouldn't make sense if I wasn't, I iz in love with your brother who I've said about ten words to!!!"
" NOEZZ!!!" InuYasha – back to being a hanyou – inexplicably – was upset for exactly three seconds before he started laughing his ass of.
" FINALLY!! I iz gonna be ridda you!! Even though I should be very angry and feel betrayed from your obvious betrayal since we are literally meant to be together, I dont care cause I has been cheating on you with Kikyou!!"
" gasp!" Kagome gasped. " I hate you!! Y did you betray me InuYasha?!?! Now I iz gonna run off into the demon infested forest with out any protection or weapon!!!!"
Kagome got about to feet before Sesshoumaru stepped into the clearin. Kagome gasped excitedly before running up to him and launched (not lunched) herself into his arms. He easily side-stepped it, and Kagome knocked head-first into a tree and fell unconscious.
And was forgotted.
" I has only one true lurv in this world and that is Kirara/Kilala/Kat!!!!" Sesshoumaru shouted to the world. He wirled around to where Kir – this is getting annoying. She is gonna be KKK from now on – was currently poking at a (dead?) Kagome who was supposed to be forgotten seeing if it was yummy enough to eats.
" COMES TO ME MY DARLIN CLEMINTINE!!" Sesshoumaru shouted (again. Ice-cold-never-show-emotion lords sure do shout a lot) with his arms out-stretched.
KKK made a totly HO' SHIT face and rans from that place, thinking, am I the only sane one left?! That's it, I'm taking Shippou and we're getting outta here!
Sesshoumaru, however, was devastated. " NOOOOOEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!! I have to go into a dark corner and cuts myself now!!!!!" Sesshoumaru did exactly what he said he do. Only, what he didnt no was that that razor (how he got a razor blade . . . no one really knows) blade had other's blood and he gots AIDs and died.
Cause that would totly happen. –beats away hooligans with a fish–
" welp, I'm bored." InuYasha – who the authoress almost forgot about, but then she remembered the anime/manga she was writing for – said, putting away his popcorn and soda. He looked as Miroku and Songo screamed as they came out from oblivion and into the clearing.
" finally! My monkey mans here!" InuYasha said before he ripped his kimono off revealing a very revealing cat suit underneath. InuYasha cat-walked up to Miroku.
" Me-ow!!"
–readers hear static before the three monkey sprites behind a desk pop up–
"We are sorry for the interruption," one started.
"But the authoress is now huddled in the fetal position in the corner right now," another went on.
"Because the image of InuYasha in a cat suit gave her awful visions," the third finished.
–readers hear more static before the scene in clearing comes back into view–
InuYasha's run to Miroku was going about as fast as . . . well, a snail was faster. For some reason Miroku kept picturing him in a suit running along a beach. Oh well because.........................
Kouga suddenly entered the picture!!!
Songo waz transfixed. She had hearts for eyes as she gazed at her one true love – Kouga. He was just so dreamy as he stood there inexplicably in his skirt. Or, ahem, excuse me, loincloth. Cause that sounds just so much more manly.
Before Songo got the chance to launch (not lunch) herself into his arms, somebody else stepped into the clearing!!!! It was...................
Naraku!!
Except, something wasn't right about him.
Miroku looked towards the sky where he suspected the authoress was. "Is anything about this thing 'right'??"
The authoress then used her 'the pen is mightier than the sword' excuse and made Songo snap out of her daze long enough to clunk Miroku's head with her hiraikotsu.
Anyway, something was definitely not right with Naraku. In fact, what he was going through was almost scarier than InuYasha in a cat suit.
Almost.
" kuKUkuKUkuKU I iz a crazy kuKU clock!!!!" he exclaimed, his eyes crossing at every 'KU'. He began running around the clearing exclaiming 'kuKUkuKUkuKU' and crossing his eyes.
Suddenly, Cosmo from the Fairly Odd Parents poofed in and shot Naraku in the butt with a needle.
"Night-night, crazy-man!"
InuYasha then screamed and fainted because he couldn't believe that Fairy godparents actually existed.
(Un)Fortunately, Cosmo had gotten the needle from the same source as Sesshoumaru's razor, so Naraku also got AIDs and died.
Songo finally got her chance and ran at Kouga, who got knocked in the head with a rock and fell just before Songo reached him, so she also crashed into a tree and died.
And Shippou fell from a tree.
..: :/\/\: :..: :..: :/\/\: :..: :..: :/\/\: :..
(A/N: O_o;; . . . I told you. I blame lack of sleep and ice cream. Review if you want. I just hope that I'm not the only one that got weird images of InuYasha in a cat suit. –twitches–