Throw Out the Throttle and Give it the Gun!
"Ohhh," Remy groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. His head was full of cobwebs and there was a dull roar in his ears. He let out another groan as he turned over and shielded his eyes from the bright lights of the infirmary. "That's the last time I'm helping Mags after he's been set on fire," he muttered to himself glancing at his watch. "Man, my back is sore. Then again, sleeping on a cold, metal floor all night will do that to you."
Remy sighed as he struggled to remember yesterday's events. Pyro's latest "accident" with Magneto had resulted in a large portion of Magneto's flesh being burned. Remy had been tasked with bringing him to the infirmary and treating them. Unfortunately, the painkillers Magneto insisted on taking made him go kind of crazy. After forcing Remy to dodge several sharp, metal tools and nearly clobbering him with a bedpan, Magneto sent a whole box of high powered tranquilizers flying through the air, randomly injected himself with some and got knocked out cold. However, he had also gotten Remy with one which explained why Remy was just now waking up.
"Ugh," Remy shook his head as he clumsily got to his feet. "I need coffee." He slowly began to make his way to the door. "Lots and lots of coffee. Nothing like a nice, hot cup of coffee to wake you up after a deep sleep."
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
"Aaarrrggghhhhhh!" Remy yelped as he nearly jumped out of his skin from the loud noise. He stumbled out into the hallway and barely managed to avoid tripping on something secured to the floor.
"Huh?" Remy blinked at the four different sets of miniature railroad tracks that ran down the length of the hall and branched off in different directions. "What the? What's going on?" Remy wondered as he followed one set of tracks toward the recreation room.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
"What the heck's going on here...whoa!" Remy gasped as he stopped in the doorway. The entire floor of the recreation room was covered in miniature railroad tracks, ties, rails and rolling stock of every description. Miniature buildings, signals and signs were also spread around the room.
"Whoo-whoo!" Pyro tooted happily seated on a model train engine with smoke puffing out its stack. Half a dozen freight cars were attached to it. Piotr was nearby loading up the cars with rails, ties and small tie-string bags. Both of them had engineer caps on. "Hey, Gambit! Welcome to the freight yard. How ya doing mate?"
"I think I'm still asleep and having a really weird dream," Remy said stepping around the freight cars and carefully making his way to the couch. "What is all this? Where'd it come from?"
"Oh it's so cool!" Pyro squealed excitedly. "It's a live steam model train set! We found the whole lot packed away in one of the storage rooms."
"It is very detailed," Piotr said as he finished loading the cars and bent down to check a coupling.
"Yeah, it's got everything," Pyro added. "Whistles, bells, pistons, cars, mail bags, the works!"
"Everything appears to be built on a one-to-eight scale," Piotr reported looking up. "All the cars are set to a gauge of 190 millimeters."
"You know about model trains?" Remy asked sitting down on the couch.
"Not models. Real trains," Piotr explained with a smile. "There was a city with a railroad running through it a quarter day's journey from our village. A small group of people would go there every few months to trade and bring back supplies. I did not go there often, but I always loved seeing the trains. They were steam trains since the railroad was old and the city was not very big."
"Wow, that's really cool," Pyro said in awe. "I used to like trains when I was little. That is until one night I found myself gagged and tied to some train tracks in nothing but my PJ's. Didn't have a bloody clue how I ended up there. Good thing it was raining and the ropes were really slippery."
"Okay," Piotr blinked. "Were your parents upset at what happened to you?"
"Naw, they didn't even notice," Pyro waved. "They were having a party or something. It was a big celebration which is weird because they hadn't told me about it and it hadn't started when I went to sleep. Though they did stop right when I stumbled through the door in my ripped clothes and wet as a drowned rat. Then they just starting banging their heads and shouting 'Why? Why? Why?' Weird, huh?"
"Uh yeah, right," Remy coughed and turned back towards Piotr. "So you guys have been playing with this stuff since yesterday?"
"Yesterday?" Piotr blinked in shock. "Oh, we have really lost track of the time. Neither of us has slept. We must have been laying track down all night."
"Yeah, it's great fun!" Pyro added. "Just plopping down track and seeing where it goes. I weld the rails and Colossus drives in the spikes. We must've covered nearly the whole base by now."
"Would you like to join us? There are a few more engines you can use," Piotr pointed at a small roundhouse containing several more sleek, steel engines.
"Sure, why not?" Remy shrugged and made his way over to it. He sat down on the tender of a black engine with gold railings and looked around it. "So how do I start it up? Where's the On switch?"
"On switch?" Pyro laughed. "I told ya mate. These babies are live steam engines. They run on propane."
"Propane?!" Remy blinked. "Uh, maybe this isn't such a good idea."
"It is alright," Piotr assured him and moved over to show him the controls. "It is perfectly safe. We have not had any problems even when Pyro used his powers to increase the boiler pressure."
"Well, okay," Remy reluctantly agreed.
"I'll catch you blokes later!" Pyro called out as his train starting chugging away out the door. "Gotta get this stuff out to the number six line and finish up the track!" He laughed happily as the train picked up speed and sped out of sight. "Yeah! Slam! Bang! Grease the engine! Throw out the throttle and give it the gun!"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
"Man, who does he think he is, Casey Jones?" Remy snickered.
"Who?" Piotr asked.
"Never mind," Remy waved. "At least he's having fun."
"He is not the only one," Piotr smiled back as he slowly led the train out of the roundhouse with a growing chug-chug-chug. He stopped the train on the turntable, brought it around, backed up and coupled it to a line of gondolas.
Piotr pulled out a sketchbook and showed it to Remy. "Here is a map of all the lines we have made. Pyro is on this one. You take the number six line and drop off this load of sheet metal at Storage Room Two. And you can stop by the kitchen and bring back some food. Take the third loop and do not forget to change the railroad switch first or you will end up outside the Training Dome."
"Got it," Remy nodded. "I gotta say homme, you are really into all this aren't you?"
"Well, I suppose so," Piotr blushed slightly. "When I was younger I often dreamed about being a train engineer. I thought trains were the most amazing machines in the world. I read everything I could about them, which was not much."
"Cool, so you've a chance to live your dream," Remy pointed out. "This is your train line, right? You're running the whole show. So make sure to enjoy it."
"I will, thank you," Piotr smiled and gave a small growl. "Now stop chatting and get going. I expect you back in twenty minutes. We have a schedule to keep!"
"Yes sir," Remy gave a salute and turned to leave. He then blinked and looked down at the engine. "Uh, just one question. How do I make the train go again?"
Piotr gave Remy instructions about the train controls and a copy of the rail map. Soon Remy was on his way. "Hey, this isn't very hard," he said listening to the rhythmic clickety-clack, clickety-clack, clickety-clack as the train puffed along. He neared a corner and blew the whistle.
WHOOOOOOOO-WHOOOOOOO!!!
"I've always wanted to do that," Remy grinned. "Boy, those guys did a great job. This is such a smooth ride."
Remy dropped off the sheet metal, loaded up on food at the kitchen and was on his way back when he past Pyro in the hallway. "Hey, you all done?"
"Yep, just finished with the welding," Pyro replied. "How do you like the train?"
"It's great," Remy smiled slowly down. "Though the whistle's pretty loud. Has Sabes complained about the noise at all?"
"Naw, he left for a bar or something right before we got started," Pyro said getting on his engine. "Muttered something about it being safer than hanging around here."
"Gee, wonder why he'd think that," Remy quipped.
"I don't have a bloody idea," Pyro shrugged. "Well, gotta go back and get a load of nitro."
"Nitro?" Remy blinked. "As in nitroglycerine? Why do you need that?"
"To blast through the wall, duh," Pyro scoffed. "How else are we supposed to make a direct line to the laundry room? I think there's one box of nitro left."
"Oh no. No way are you using that stuff," Remy declared. "Last time you played with some we all ended up in the infirmary for five days and smelling like halibut."
"Hey! I'm gonna use it and there's nothing you can do about it!" Pyro snapped and started down the hallway.
"Not if I get there first!" Remy yelled and quickly took off after him.
"Hahahahaha!" Pyro laughed tearing down the track and looked over his shoulder. "Forget it Gambit! You'll never beat me!"
"That's what you think!" Remy shouted and increased his speed. He then spied a railroad switch ahead and picked up an apple he'd gotten from the kitchen. "Ha!" he threw it at the switch control.
"Hey!" Pyro yelped as he turned onto the wrong track.
"See you at the freight yard," Remy called out teasingly, only to miss his own railroad switch and found himself taking a parallel track next to Pyro's. "Oops!"
"Ha!" Pyro laughed back. "Let's see you make it over the bridge!"
"Bridge?" Remy blinked. "What do you mean bridge...whoa!" he yelped as the trains raced into the control room. Remy's train started up an incline and onto a large winding bridge which rose several feet above the floor. Pyro's train rode along a curved, separate track that ran beneath the bridge.
"How do you like it mate?" Pyro called up to Remy as he rode in and out underneath the bridge. "Colossus worked really hard on it. Made it so it could stand his whole weight even armored up."
"Aaarrrggghhh!" Remy yelped as he desperately tried to hang onto the train as it sped along the track. "Come on, brake! Brake!" He was just about to pull back the throttle when the train hit a large curve.
"Aaahhhhhh!" Remy yelled as he was tossed from the train and crashed into a chair. "Ohhh, that hurt."
"Uh oh," Pyro gulped as Remy's train left the bridge and continued down the track. "Get up Gambit!"
"Huh?" Remy blinked as he slowly got to his feet. "Hey, wait a minute! Come back!" He ran after his train as it chugged out of the room.
"Look out! Runaway train!" Pyro yelled as he sped off after Remy.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
"Ah, there you both are," Piotr appeared on another train near an intersection. "Hey, what is going on?" he blinked as the runaway train sped by him.
"Gambit lost control of his train!" Pyro said quickly rushing by.
"Oh no!" Piotr quickly glanced at his map. "I will try and circle around in front of it!"
"Just hurry before it derails or jumps the tracks or something!" Remy gasped as Piotr took off in a different direction. "Man, I hope these things were built to survive head-on collisions."
"It's getting away!" Pyro tried to increase his engine speed but couldn't catch up. "Come on baby, don't fail me now!"
"Get back here!" Remy shouted as he sped around the corner. "Man, that thing is really booking...uh oh!" he gulped as Magneto suddenly appeared in the path of the runaway train.
"Hey! Watch out!" Pyro shouted and started applying the brakes to his train.
"This is gonna be close," Remy sweated as he turned on the afterburners and took a flying leap onto the back of his train. He crawled his way toward the engine and slammed on the brakes.
SCCCRREEECCCHHHHHH!
The train shrieked as Remy was nearly thrown off again from the sudden drop in momentum. Sparks flew from the tracks as the train slowed down and barely managed to come to a stop just inches from Magneto.
"Whew, that could've been worse," Remy gasped as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"What is going on here?" Magneto glared at him dressed in a surgical gown and with a large bandage on his head. "What are you doing with my model trains?"
"What?!" Remy fell off the train in shock. "These are yours?"
"I think it just got worse," Pyro gulped from behind him.
"Of course they're mine!" Magneto spat and swayed slightly to one side. "What? A guy can't have a hobby about model trains around here?"
"Well...uh...it's just that...um," Remy stuttered.
"Why I've been building model trains for years," Magneto huffed and waved his hand around. "Actually it's been about three decades since I last worked on one. I was gonna spend more time on them but I ended up preparing for war with humanity instead."
"So you've keep this stuff in storage all this time?" Remy asked. "I never would've suspected that."
WHOOOOOOOOO!!!
Piotr steamed around the corner on his train and quickly came to a stop. "Oh good. You seem to have managed to stop...uh oh," he gulped seeing Magneto standing in the hallway.
"Hey, you stole my train!" Magneto stormed over to him and waved his arms at him. "Get off right now! Off! Off! Off!"
"But...but I did not steal it," Piotr protested as he got off.
"Oh my baby," Magneto got down on his hands and knees and stroked the engine lovingly. "Good ol' Prussian Class P8 engine number five. Still hauling freight with the best of them. Who's a good engine? Yes you are! Yes you are!"
"Uh, anyone else think Mags is a little cracked?" Pyro asked as the three Acolytes stared in shock at Magneto's uncharacteristic possessiveness.
"More liked cracked up," Remy said. "What in the heck's gotten into him...ohhh, wait a second." He ducked into the infirmary.
"Well at least he did not yell at us very much," Piotr noted as Magneto continued to fawn over the engine.
Remy came out of the infirmary with a bottle in his hand. "Okay, this explains it."
"What is it?" Pyro asked.
"The painkillers Mags took," Remy explained. "Extra strength. By the looks of this bottle he's got quite a lot in his system."
"Meaning what?" Piotr asked.
"Meaning he's gonna be loopy for a while now," Remy said.
"Oh, really?" Pyro grinned and placed a hand on Magneto's shoulder. "Hey, Mags. Wanna play with us? We got tons of track laid and freight to move and everything."
"Really?" Magneto's eyebrows shot up as he looked at Pyro. "Okay, great! But I get number five!" he shouted climbing on the engine's tender.
"You got it," Pyro raced back to his train and started pulling out. "Betcha can't beat me to the freight yard!"
"Oh yeah? Bring it on!" Magneto snapped and sped away. "Prepare to eat my smoke! Hahahahaha!"
"In your dreams!" Pyro shouted as the two trains sped off down the hallway.
Remy and Piotr watched them for a second before turning toward each other. "Oh, this is gonna be priceless."
"I will go get a camera," Piotr said heading for his room.
"Here, get on and we'll get one for each of us," Remy smirked moving to the remaining train. "That way we'll be sure to catch everything Mags does on tape."
"Good idea," Piotr smiled sitting down as the train chugged off.
One hour later...
"Great, back to the nuthouse," Sabertooth grunted as he dismounted his bike and set down his helmet. He stomped out of the garage and headed toward his room. "The boss better not give me a hard time about leaving. Especially since he's the one who had to go to the infirmary. Bet he's really laying into the Firebug and..." he trailed off as he turned the corner and stopped dead.
"Wheeeeee!" Magneto sailed down the hallway on his train still dressed in the surgical gown. "Can't catch me! Can't catch me!"
"Wahoooooo!" Pyro shouted behind him on his train gaining speed. "Come on baby, let's crank up the heat!"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
"There they are!" Piotr called out controlling his train with one hand and holding a camera with the other.
"I'm winning! I'm winning!" Magneto used his powers to spike some track to the wall and then rode on it pulling ahead even more. "Wahoooooo!"
"Hey! No fair!" Pyro pouted and increased his train's boiler pressure using his powers.
"All's fair in war and railroads!" Magneto giggled uncontrollably and rang his train bell.
DING-DING-DING!
"Look out! Mail train coming through!" Remy steamed into view and started tossing mail bags everywhere.
POOF! POOF! POOF!
"Yay!" Pyro laughed as the lightly charged mail bags burst, scattering brightly colored strips of paper throughout the hallway. "More! More!"
"Listen to the mornfully crying, the wail of a mighty steam train!" Magneto sang happily. "I'm a proud child of the railroad, for I have engines on the brain!"
"Hey Mags! Bet ya can't make a new rail line from here to your office!" Remy shouted.
"Oh yeah? Watch this!" Magneto grinned and used his powers to lay down more track. He headed straight towards a wall, then made a large opening using his powers and rode through it. "Choo-choo!"
"Cool! A tunnel!" Pyro cheered and hit a railroad switch to follow after Magneto. "Tally-ho!"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Sabertooth did an about face and quickly headed back toward the garage. "That's it! I'm going out and not coming back for the rest of the week. You know this place has gone completely nuts when the boss actually starts getting along and playing with those lunatics!"
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution. The title and corresponding line in the story are from the book "The Train to Timbuctoo".