Love and Lust

by DylanMcKaysdreamgirl

This story is a reimagining of Season 3 of 90210 after Dylan and Kelly tell Brenda about their summer together. How does Brenda deal in the aftermath of Dylan choosing Kelly? Is Dylan really in love with Kelly? BH 90210 really inspired me to want to write my own young adult fiction. This is my homage to my favorite show. Happy reading and writing! (I don't own these characters.)

1. Chapter 1

"Love and Lust"

"I hate you both never talk to me again!"

Dylan watched the girl whose heart he had just smashed into a zillion pieces walk away. The girl who he had loved. His first love. They had once craved each other with a heat and passion beyond their years. But now it was over. He was with Kelly. He kept watching as the too bright sunlight of the day glinted off Brenda's black leather jacket. The leather made her look tougher. Tougher than he knew she really was right now because he'd just broken her.

"She'll be okay," he said to Kelly but mostly to himself. He had to say it because the realization that he had just crushed the girl he'd loved like no other was too much to bare.

"Will we," Kelly murmered as she watched her best friend walk out of her life. She'd never had a friend like Brenda. They had shared everything together and been through the toughest moments. She'd never pictured in a million years that she would steal Brenda's boyfriend from her but that was exactly how it felt. She'd tried to convince herself otherwise when they walked over to Beverly Hills community park today to tell her that she and Dylan had decided they wanted to be together. The sun had felt so bright with the start of her new relationship with Dylan. She finally had him after a summer of torture and lust had almost completely overpowered her while Brenda was in Europe, and she'd spent half of senior year miserable having to see Brenda and Dylan together all the time. She should be happy. So why did it now feel like the storm clouds had just burst open and were raining on her parade.

Dylan finally turned away from watching Brenda walk away. If he stared any longer he would have to go after her. He looked at Kelly, the girl he'd chosen. He thought of that night in the pool. She'd wrapped her legs around him in the water that night, and he'd finally chosen. He wanted her. Wanted to taste her, and finally have his way with her. Fuck her brains out really. Practically every guy at West Beverly fantasized about doing the deed with thee Kelly Taylor. He'd known that probably a lot of them had but it didn't deter him. He cared for Kelly. This summer it had felt like he'd fallen in love with her but when Brenda came back his feelings for her became muzzled and he didn't know what he'd really wanted anymore. Part of him wanted to get Kelly back to his place and finally fuck her wild on his bed, but the other part of him wanted to bang his head against a wall and go drop down in a ditch because he knew right now at this moment he'd lost Brenda forever. His Brenda. She wasn't his Brenda anymore. He was going to have to get used to that.

Kelly bit her lip not really knowing what to say next. It was Friday they wouldn't have to see Brenda again until Monday. She and Dylan had the whole weekend together to relax and start get to know each other. They'd known each other since Kindergarten although they hadn't really talked about their old school days ever really. That was until Brenda had left for Europe. They never really talked about much of anything before Brenda left. Kelly always lusted after Dylan like all the girls in school did but he'd always been so wrapped up in Brenda when she'd brought him into their inner circle. Now she had him all to herself. Why did that make her feel like such a bitch. Maybe it was because her best friend had tears streaming down her face at this moment. Kelly tried to shake the feeling off as she took Dylan's hand. He hesitated for a moment, but then enlaced his fingers with her. There, that was better wasn't it?

"You want to go back to my place?' Dylan asked Kelly.

"Sure." Kelly didn't hesitate. She gave him a nervous smile. He tried to smile back but everything felt so strange now. It didn't feel like that night in the pool. Something felt heavier now. A part of Brenda was still between them even though he'd just broken up with her. He tried to pretend he didn't feel it.

Kelly tried to pretend the same thing as they started making a detour walking back to Dylan's house. They didn't want to run into Brenda again on the way home.

Chapter 2

Brenda burst threw her front door. The tears were practically blinding her, and she was gasping for breath. It felt like she was having a heart attack. She couldn't catch her breath. She headed for the stairs. She took them fast, and then her boot slipped a little and she almost collapsed. She gripped the banister as her tears fell down onto her lips. Finally, she made it up the stairs. She hurried into her room ripping her leather jacket off. The jacket felt like a million pounds of iron on her back. But it didn't matter the world was still on top of her shattered and broken. The sky was falling. Dylan was with Kelly now. Dylan and Kelly were together. Dylan had cheated on her over the summer with her best friend. Kelly

had put her hands on Dylan over the summer. Dylan chose Kelly. Her Dylan. It was over. In a single moment she'd lost the love of her life and her best friend. The pain felt like it would knock her unconscious. Dylan and Kelly's words floated through her head and body like a million knives stabbing her over and over again.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror now. Looking back at her was a girl. She'd never seen this girl before. This girl had no more hopes or dreams. This girl had nothing. This girl was destroyed. Next to her image she saw pictures lining the sides of the mirror. Pictures of them. Pictures of two of the closest people in her life. People she'd loved, and trusted, and shared intimate secrets with.

Brenda approached the mirror and in heaping sobs her arms reached up ripping the pictures down. They fell to the floor and around her like pieces of sky. A sky that no longer existed. Finally she could bare no more and let out a horrible screaming cry as she collapsed onto her bed a broken woman. The sobs were the only reminder that she was still alive because she felt more than dead inside. This didn't feel real, but it was. It had really happened.

Hours or maybe years later she felt someone shaking her awake. For a split second she felt like being in that park had been just a dream but then as her eyes opened up to her mascara stained bedspread and she knew it had been real.

"Bren...Bren what happened? Bren are you awake?" It was the voice of her brother Brandon.

Brenda rolled over and standing behind Brandon were her parents. They were looking around wildly at all the pictures and objects she'd knocked off her dresser and walls. Brenda burst into tears again. She could barely get the words out as Brandon hugged her and her parents consoled her. Her dad finally had a real reason to hate Dylan.

Chapter 3

Dylan and Kelly fell down onto his bed. They kissed hungrily as Kelly lifted her shirt over her head, and Dylan started unbuttoning his pants. Kelly fell onto the bed, and Dylan watched as Kelly's blond hair fanned out around her. The same way Brenda's dark brunette locks had before her.

Kelly looked up at Dylan as he pulled his shirt off now. She giggled a bit, but then her eyes fell to the comforter and sheet print around her. This was the first time she had been in Dylan's bedroom, and seen his sheets. But that wasn't what was catching her attention. While this was her first time seeing Dylan's sheets, how many times had Brenda seen them? The smile and laughter fell away from her lips. She was about to have sex with her best friend's boyfriend. Sex in the same bed Brenda had sex with him in.

Dylan immediately noticed Kelly's expression. It was the same one he wore now. He let go of Kelly's legs as the mood in the room changed.

Kelly sat back up. It was too soon. She couldn't possibly have sex with Dylan right now. Was Dylan thinking the same thing?

"What is it Kel?" Dylan asked

"I think you already know," she said icily.

"Yeah maybe it's too soon." Dylan couldn't believe what he was saying. He had been wanting to fuck Kelly silly for like almost a year now. He'd imagined this moment over and over again since the summer. So why did it feel like this?

Although Brenda and him had had a super hot sex life and had sex countless times since the summer. They'd even snuck away during school one day and fucked with the hood up inside his porsche in the school parking lot. Brenda was wearing this sexy tank top that drove him wild that day and these hot worn in jeans that made her ass look like a perfect plum. In spite of all that he still was just a young guy and he had started to wonder if he was getting too serious with one girl while they were still so young. He'd missed playing the field like he had before Brenda had captured his heart and mind. He was just a dude in the end. A dude with raging hormones and constant fuck fantasies like all the others.

There were other problems. He'd been sick of Brenda's dad who had always been such an uptight asshole towards him. He knew her father deep down hated him and wanted him far away from his daughter. Her father always thought Dylan was a no good lying thief like his own jail bird daddy. Dylan wouldn't have been surprised if old Jimbo had counted the silver every time he left their house.

Fuck Jim Walsh. He didn't want to think about that right now. He had Kelly fucking Taylor lying on his bed so he should have been thrilled. Kelly could stay the night if he wanted her to. She didn't have any Jimbo to answer to. He knew Jacky Taylor- who was definitely a milf by the way- wouldn't give a shit what time Kelly came home. Jacky just had a baby and had other things to worry about.

His mind drifted to that day in his porsche with Brenda. He'd remembered the way they laughed and sweated all over his seats. The way Brenda's silky hair had felt in his hands as he fucked her senseless. The way they'd smiled like too sickly happy fools as they walked back into school. His porcshe had always been their private hideaway.

"Dylan...?" Kelly wondered what the hell Dylan was thinking about. Their first time together was definitely not happening today. The mood had totally collapsed.

Dylan turned his attention back to Kelly. "Maybe we shouldn't do this now." He'd never uttered those words in his life. He felt completely turned off now. Kelly was beautiful and was his girl now but the stress of the day had been too much.

"Yeah I think I'd like to just go home." Kelly put her shirt back on wondering why her legs weren't wrapped around Dylan right now. It was what she had been dreaming about. Maybe she would tell Dylan to get some new sheets.

Chapter 4

Brenda spent the rest of the weekend in her room. She sat on her bed now reading something she knew Kelly Taylor couldn't even pronounce. Brenda hated her. She hated her best friend because she realized she had never been a best friend. What best friend could ever do this and live with herself. No, Kelly was her enemy now. The devil with blond hair. She'd somehow mind fucked Dylan and here Brenda was sitting on her bed. She hadn't showered or eaten anything all day.

Brenda couldn't take the silence anymore. Her eye fell to a CD still on the floor. She got off the bed and picked it up. It was the REM CD she and Dylan had listened to the night they first broke up. At the time nothing had ever felt as bad as that. Now she would give anything to feel the way she had then. Brenda took the CD out of its case and popped it in her player.

"Ohhh life... it's bigger its bigger than you and you are not me..." The song Losing my Religion filled up her room. She bobbed her head to the song remembering that night in Dylan's car. She'd thought she'd been pregnant, and was scared to death that if she kept seeing Dylan she would end up knocked up in high school. She'd missed him so much when they were apart at that time, she'd wondered how she'd even survived. This was a billion times worse. This felt like a death. The Dylan and Kelly she knew and the life she'd thought she'd had were over. In its place was just her room and a song. Their song.

Brenda played the song over and over trying to pretend in her mind that it was last summer, and she and Dylan were just on a sort of break. But every time she stopped to look at the pictures of them all together she felt sick to her stomach. She'd even run to the toilet when the pain became too unbearable and heaved up the nothing that was in her stomach. She was dreading school on Monday. She felt like never going to school again. She would just live in her room for the rest of her life. She never wanted to see sunlight again. All she wanted was her bed and the four walls of her room. The soft feel of her bed quilt around her.

Brandon had come home from the Peach Pit and entered her room briefly. She told him he didn't have to talk so softly. Although she was completely destroyed she didn't want to be treated like a victim. She wouldn't let Kelly the whore and Dylweed the asshole have that satisfaction too. Brandon mentioned that Kelly had asked how she was at the Peach Pit. The sound of Kelly's name was like nails going down a chalkboard. Brenda wanted to never hear her name again. As far as she was concerned her friend Kelly was dead to her, and so was Dylan. She'd wished she'd never met either of them. She wished her family had stayed in Minneapolis and she could feel like her old self. Not like this shell of a person who was just existing in a room. Her soul had been lit on fire with life by Dylan and Kelly. They had been the greatest friends she thought she ever knew. But now that fire was extinguished and in its place was a gaping deep hole heavy with ashes. Heavy in her stomach. This hole could never give her peace again.

Brenda was actually kind of pissed at Brandon's behavior. She wondered why he'd even spoken to Kelly. She didn't have the heart to fight with her brother too so she just threw a stuffed frog at him and he left her alone. Brenda wondered though why he wasn't threatening to kick Dylan's ass. Back when she and Dylan had first started dating Brandon had made such a stink about it, but now he was acting like it was just another day in Beverly Hills. Fuck.

Brenda stared at all the old remnants of her life with Dylan. So many beautiful poems he'd written her, and poetry books he'd given her. Endless cards, and movie stubs. Ticket stubs from all the Paginini performances they'd watched. There was a blood donation receipt from the time she and Dylan had given blood together on Valentine's Day. So many photos crowded the bed. She and her friends had done so much together. They weren't her friends anymore. Her life would never be the same again. It would be so much emptier.

Monday finally came around and it was time to go to school. It had been the worst weekend of Brenda's life. She could barely make it out of bed but managed to throw on a flannel and her favorite worn in jeans. She put on what little make up she could but when it was time to go downstairs for breakfast and meet Brandon for her ride she couldn't do it. She sat in her room until her father came into console her. She cried into his arms as her eye makeup rolled down her cheeks. She actually ended up being late for school. Her father offered to drop her off at school instead of Brandon this morning.

Brenda made it through her first few periods, but she couldn't really hear what her teachers were talking about or what anyone was talking about really. It felt like the world was moving along for everyone else but for her it had stopped. She walked through school like a zombie. She wanted to be back in her room listening to Losing My Religion but she couldn't let Dylan and Kelly make her flunk out too. They weren't worth it.

She made it to lunch time and realized she didn't know who to go sit with. She'd always had lunch with Kelly, Donna, and Dylan before. She was in the outside quad wondering if she should just ditch when she finally spotted them. Dylan and Kelly having lunch together on a bench in the middle of the quad. Dylan's arm was around Kelly's shoulder and Kelly was kind of leaning into him. She noticed other people looking at them too and wondering what the hell was going on. Some who passed her gave her a strange look like "don't you see your boyfriend with his arms around your best friend." Brenda couldn't help but gawk at Kelly and Dylan. Lunch had always been her favorite part of the day sometimes she and Dylan would sit under their favorite trees to get away from everyone. A few months ago they'd even sat in Dylan's car and fucked wildly. They never got caught. Brenda remembered the way Dylan had clutched the back of her hair as they made love or fucked hard she decided. She remembered yelling out his name hoping nobody around had heard her. It had been the greatest pleasure. Now it was her greatest pain. Brenda couldn't bare the sight of them anymore and she turned around to get the hell out of there. That was when she slammed into Donna.

"Bren there you are I haven't seen you all day."

"Donna..." Brenda looked up at her friend. She'd been avoiding Donna too. If Donna was on any side but hers it was going to be like losing two friends with one shot.

"What's going on. You seem so out of it," Donna said puzzled.

Brenda didn't answer her as her gaze fell back on Kelly and Dylan. Dylan was sniffing Kelly's hair and she was swatting him away and laughing. What a couple of assholes.

"Oh my god Bren...Dylan made up his mind."

"Apparently..." Brenda replied icily.

"Bren you know when you guys gave Dylan that ultimatum this might happen."

Brenda crossed her arms and leaned against the wall closing her eyes. She wasn't in the mood for this shit right now.

When Kelly and Brenda had originally asked Dylan to decide who he wanted to date of course Brenda had been completely disgusted that Dylan was even considering going out with Kelly. She'd figured though that Kelly was just a girl who had had a long time crush on Dylan, and that when she got the chance to go out with him after they broke up briefly earlier this semester she just read too much into her one chance he'd given her. She'd never thought that Kelly had that much more of an upperhand on her after probably fucking Dylan over the summer. When they told her about the summer they'd swore they hadn't slept together but no way did Brenda believe them for a second.

"What I didn't think was going to happen Donna was Dylan and Kelly telling me they'd been screwing around together this summer. Kelly was seeing Dylan while we were in Paris Don..." Brenda told her friend point blank.

Donna looked completely shocked. "What you're kidding. It can't be true Bren, I couldn't picture Kelly ever doing something like that to you."

"Don it's very true because it came right from their mouths. They confessed finally after six months of lies."

Donna couldn't believe it. She couldn't picture her best friend since practically birth doing something like this. But then again maybe she could. When Kelly wanted something she always got her way. Weather it was a pair of pumps they were both eyeing in the store window, or deciding what movie they were going to see to which guys were hers for the taking. Donna remembered the way her friend used to flirt shamelessly with Dylan before Brenda moved to town. One time she'd even told him during algebra that her mom was out of town for the weekend and wouldn't be home. Dylan didn't seem surprised since all the guys at West Beverly knew that Jacky Taylor would be out somewhere on a coke bender on the weekend. There was always a party happening at Kelly Taylor's house. Dylan flirted back with Kelly expectantly but Donna could tell he wasn't really sincerely into it. It was a sixth sense she picked up from being looked at as the shy dumb one in her lifelong friendship with thee Kelly Taylor. The guys always flirted with Kelly while Donna hung back observantly gaining an eye for details. Donna knew when a guy was really into Kelly or when he just wanted to show up to school on Monday and brag to his buds that he'd banged her over the weekend. Donna figured Dylan just didn't see Kelly as any different from all the other girls at West Beverly. Kelly was a girl who liked to party, shop, gossip about her classmates, and then party some more. Dylan wasn't into any of that. Donna used to spot him alone, reading quietly on the stairs at lunch or she'd see him surfing and having bonfires at the beach by himself before the Walshes had moved to town. Kelly Taylor always seemed far from his mind. What had changed? It didn't matter now Donna could see her friend was shattered.

"Bren...let me talk to her...let me try-"

"Donna I know you're already thinking Kelly and I can work this out, but let me tell you we can't. It's over between Kelly and I and Dylan. I'm sorry but wherever Kelly is I'm not. I've gotta go Don, I'll call you later." Brenda ran her hands over her bangs and hurried off. She had to get out of there. She knew Donna and Kelly had been friends since long before she moved to town. She didn't know if she should expect Donna to cut Kelly off completely, but she knew she couldn't stand around right now and listen to any excuses for her.

The bell to signal the end of lunch period rang out and Brenda hurried back upstairs to her locker. She decided she just wanted to get her books and get the hell out of school for the rest of the day.

She was at her locker when a blond head popped up beside her locker.

"Brenda..." Kelly said nervously.

Brenda should have expected Kelly to not even give her a day of not having to see her blond bunny face after that confession.

She slammed her locker shut as hard as she could, and began to walk away. Anywhere away from a lowlife like Kelly Taylor wouldn't be far enough.

"Brenda please don't shut me out like this," Kelly's pathetic voice cried out.

Brenda stopped dead in her tracks and turned around facing Kelly. She looked at this girl. They had shared so much. Brenda had looked up to Kelly and considered her like a sister. She had been wrong though. She didn't know this girl. All she saw was a stranger and a spoiled rotten bitch upset that she finally had to face the consequenses of her actions.

"Kelly you have Dylan now what more do you want." Brenda turned back around leaving Kelly standing there with her mouth hanging open.

Brenda walked all the way out of West Beverly. Outside she took a big gulp of air feeling a bit of relief at having just spoken her last words ever to Kelly Taylor.

#

Kelly watched her friend walk away. Brenda's words burned a hole through the air. She leaned back against Brenda's locker thinking of all the times they had met up here discusssing the gossip of the day or to walk to their next classes together, and now it was all over. Brenda really was through with her. For the first time tears burned down Kelly's face realizing what she had really done. The pain she had caused her best friend. The choices she had made over summer and all through senior year. Kelly Taylor was finally reaping what she had sown.

#

Dylan sat in his car debating if he should even finish the rest of the day. There were three periods left after lunch. He and Kelly had gone public today and it had sent the West Beverly gossip mill into overdrive. Normally he never gave a shit about any of that talk. He was used to the kids talking about him, and making up stories. Before he and Brenda had dated exclusively there was all this talk about his conquests and which girls he'd slept with all over school. Sometimes girls even lied and said they had slept with him for popularity points. He remembered all the times he'd heard the words alcoholic and drug addict whispered as he walked through the halls of West Beverly passing people he didn't even give a shit about getting to know. He barely knew their names. He remembered the girls he would fuck in the bathroom during class when he got bored enough of all the talk and just needed a release from his mundane life of heading back to the Belage Hotel and staring at the hotel staff. He used to sit in Dad's private suite for hours with a book in his hand waiting for some call from his parents. He would wonder where the fuck they were and why they'd forgotten they'd had a son. When his father would finally come home he'd bring back a high priced Beverly Hills hooker escort to the suite and he'd overhear his father fucking some lowlife woman for hours. The women would often come out of his room and do blow on the coffee table right in front of Dylan. Sometimes Jack would even kick Dylan out for days at a time when he'd be entertaining those women. During those times he'd grab whatever liquor Jack wouldn't notice was gone and drive his car to the beach and just sit staring at the waves too numb and drunk to even surf with only a bottle in his hands. Sometimes he'd even thought about blowing his brains out. He knew his parents wouldn't even notice if he was gone for weeks probably. When his thoughts got too dark he'd write in his journals, or just keep drinking until he'd pass out. Sometimes writing was the only thing that kept him from going over the edge. That had been until the Walshes had moved to town and he'd met Brenda.

Brenda was unlike any girl Dylan had even known. She was like the lone real flower in the bouquet of artificial plastic that was Beverly Hills. Shy and beautiful yet dynamic and fiery Brenda was in a class by herself. He remembered the first few times he'd caught glimpses of her around school before he even knew she was Brandon's sister She looked so out of place but curious. One time he saw her quietly reading on a bench during lunch. Her dark brown hair was gently blowing around softly in the breeze. He'd so badly wanted to go over to her that day and ask her what she was reading, but heading out to his car to get drunk was also very tempting.

A week later he discovered she was Brandon's sister when he pulled up in the Walsh driveway to come take Brandon and his old girlfriend from Minneapolis to this hot club he used to frequent. Brenda had been impatient to get to some baby-sitting job or some shit like that. She'd hardly noticed Dylan, but he'd remembered her from that day at the bench reading. He hadn't thought anyone in West Beverly remembered what a book was up to that point.

A few weeks later he'd spoken his first words to her at his locker. She was so beautiful but shy. He was so curious about her. She being Brandon's sister made her all the more interesting. Brandon Walsh was just about the realest guy in school, so Dylan had known that his sister had to be pretty special. Kelly had also been at his locker that day. She'd come over to him asking him some shit about hair or something. Whatever she'd said just sounded like jibberish after locking eyes with Brenda that day.

How times had changed now that he and Kelly were dating. Dylan had known Kelly for a long time, but they had mostly flirted about stupid shit. He could tell sometimes she might have been harboring a thing for him but he didn't think much of it. He never had thought they had much in common. He recognized that Kelly was very good looking and wore the hottest clothes, but she seemed way too materialistic and into herself. So what had changed this summer?

Maybe he had changed. After months of sneaking around with Brenda over her father's dissaproval of their relationship, and Jimbo threatening him with statuatory rape charges something in his soul had burnt out a bit. He couldn't take the struggle anymore. He loved Brenda deeply but it was all getting to be too much pressure. At the end of the day he wanted to see what else was out there. Although he knew Brenda might never speak to him again, part of him also wanted her to see what else was out there. Maybe there was more for such an amazing person as herself than having to cater to a recovering alcoholic cheater who'd been lying to her about almost fucking her best friend over the summer.

Dylan felt disgusted with himself. He didn't think Kelly was a bimbo, but he knew she was screwed up like him. Screwed up in ways that he thought Brenda could never fully understand.

Dylan was about to turn the key in his porshe ignition to roll out of there for the rest of the day, when he saw a flash of dark hair hurrying out of the school. It was Brenda. She looked as sad and as destroyed maybe even more so than she had a couple days earlier at the park.

Dylan could tell from the way she was running out of school that she was also ditching the rest of the day. He didn't have to wonder why. He and Kelly hadn't exactly been discrete with their lunchtime display of affection. What was he thinking carrying on like that knowing how much hurt he'd caused her.

He watched as Brenda wiped tears out of her face. Her face was red and puffy, but she looked so beautiful. He opened his car door a crack to call out her name and run to her as he watched her begin to walk away from the school. Then he remembered he was the reason she was ditching. He'd done this to her. What right did he have to go after her. He didn't deserve to breathe the same air as Brenda Walsh anymore. He watched as she got further and further away. The girl he'd loved. The one who had made him cry, and write poetry and who'd he'd begged to take him back when she'd first broken up with him. The girl whose body he'd caressed and explored who'd he'd shared his deepest secrets with. He had told Brenda that he'd once been suicidal before her. She'd listened and not run away. And now here she was running and he was just letting her go. Dylan almost wished he had warned her when they met to spare her the pain. It was unfortunate such a beautiful soul as hers had crossed paths with someone as despicable as himself.

#

Kelly walked out of school hurriedly and rushed down the front steps of West Beverly. Dylan said he was going to give her a ride home today since they had rode to school together. She hadn't seen him though since lunch. Where was he? Kelly hated to hang out in school any longer than she had to be here. She wasn't exactly the extracurricular type. That had always been Brenda's department. Kelly winced thinking of her friend. She hadn't seen Brenda since that scene at her locker earlier. It had felt like the longest day. Kelly's thoughts grew more paranoid as she began to realize she didn't know where her "boyfriend" was. She couldn't spot Brenda around either. She tried to ignore the irrational thoughts swimming around her head. Dylan had chosen her. She hated to hurt her best friend but it was what it was now. There was no going back to the way things used to be.

Kelly waited and waited until the lot cleared, and half the school was gone. Where the hell was Dylan? He had never been late to give Brenda rides home. Kelly silently fumed. She was sitting on the steps when suddenly she saw Brandon hurrying out of the West Beverly doors.

"Brandon." Kelly said.

Brandon had almost walked right past her he turned around. "Kelly hey what are you still doing here."

"I should ask you the same thing," Kelly said.

Brandon stammered for a minute. He and Kelly were the only kids still around. West Beverly seemed so quiet. He had to admit even though he was pissed at Kelly for what she had done to his sister he had to admit she looked beautiful today. Her gorgeous blond hair looked like clouds of silk against her stylish blazer.

"Uhh Andrea and I had some last minute stuff to go over for the paper before we put it to bed."

Kelly made a funny face.

"The paper that is..." Brandon stammered kind of laughing but sort of embarrassed at the same time. "What are you still doing here?"

Kelly looked down at the steps. After a moment she said. "Dylan was supposed to take me home, but I have no idea where he is."

Brandon made a face. He didn't really know what to say. Dylan had always given Brenda rides home. Normally when he'd get home from his shifts at the Pit after school Dylan would be there most nights and he and Brenda would be studying together. This whole change was weird for him. He didn't understand how Kelly didn't find the whole thing weird herself.

"Look Kel I don't really want to get involved." Brandon turned around without saying goodbye jingling his Mustang keys in hand ready to get out of there.

Something was bugging him about Dylan and Kelly being together. Of course most of it was what they had done to his sister. But somewhere inside he felt maybe a bit dissapointed.

"Brandon..." Kelly hurried after him grabbing onto his shoulder to get him to slow down.

"What Kelly?" Brandon whipped around. "I've got to get to the pit."

"Look Brandon, Brenda is your sister and you have every right to be on her side. I get it. But you have to know I never meant to hurt her. That was never my intention in all of this-"

"Look Kel I really don't want to get into this right now. The fact is you did a really messed up thing to Bren. Just standing here talking to you right now feels wrong." Brandon admitted sadly. Kelly had always been his friend to. He had once told her he had loved her like a sister when she had tried to hook up with him years ago at the Spring Dance. For a long time he had believed that, that Kelly was like a sister to him, but maybe that was just because she was always hanging out with his siter. Looking at her now he felt a different kind of loss. He knew he wouldn't be seeing her around anymore at the house or hanging with Brenda. The thought made him sad. He would miss her. Not like a sister he decided.

Kelly sank back a little. "Then I guess a ride is out of the question then huh?" Kelly bit her lip.

There it was that kind of dangerous look that Kelly Taylor could give you. Brandon knew he was putty in her hands again. Just like when she had practically twisted his arm to go to the Spring Dance together. He watched as her blue eyes looked down sadly. He couldn't say no.

"Come on..." Brandon motioned for her to follow him, as Kelly quickly obliged.

Brandon opened his passenger side for her and caught a whiff of that blond hair as she quickly got in the car. He shut the door. Rolling his eyes to himself.

#

Brenda didn't know what to do. She was up in her room home early from school. Her father was at work, Brandon was still at school, and her mom was out running errands. She had the whole house to herself and she didn't like how that felt. She'd never just ditched school before the day was over. That had always been Dylan's department. Countless times he'd wanted to but she's always been too goody goody to do it. Too worried about her GPA and missing homework assignments. Kelly had also used to try to convince to her to ditch. She always wanted to go shopping or to the beach, or just go back to her place and take a swim. Brenda had always talked her out of it. Brenda felt the tears coming again. They were never far away now. She was getting sick of crying. Sick of the tissues filling up her wastebasket. Sick of the tangles in her hair and the dark circles that wouldn't go away now under her eyes. No wonder Dylan had taken up with Kelly. The two of them could do whatever they wanted now. Ditch to their hearts content. Hell maybe they were doing it right now. Fucking on the beach. The waves crashing over their bodies. Or Kelly was breathing in the sweet smell of Dylan's leather car seats mixed in with Dylan's scent of saltwater and fresh cut grass. The smell used to intoxicate Brenda's senses. She could smell him in her dreams still. She could taste it on the tip of her tongue. But he wasn't really there. He never would be again.

She started to cry and cry some more until she could make out her black eye makeup on her already dirty pillow sheets. God she never thought this would be her life. It was like time had stopped. She was trapped in her room watching the world going on without her. A world that didn't seem to notice or need her at all. Once again like she'd done since she found out, she cried until she was numb and drifted into a restless sleep.

#

2 Months later

Dylan sat across from Kelly at the Peach Pit as she blew bubbles into her soda. He wondered what the hell she was doing. Where was the sophisticated sex pot he'd discovered over the summer. He stared at her trying to stifle a frown.

#

Kelly sat and blew bubbles into her soda. She didn't know why she was doing it. Maybe she felt a little bored and like the mood needed to be lightened. Dylan was so serious all the time. She just wanted to have some fun. He'd just taken her to see some super long classic silent movie. Dylan had been totally enraptured by it but Kelly had been bored to tears. Aside from surfing, she decided Dylan had some really dull hobbies. All he liked to do was read boring books with outdated language, and watch movies with captions. She must have missed a dozen great parties in the last few months since they'd officially become a couple. Dylan hated parties and pretty much anything that resembled fun. Kelly wondered why he didn't just hang in the library all day since anywhere they went he seemed to despise noise and general human happiness. I mean she couldn't totally complain though. They had a really hot sex life. They did it constantly. At Dylan's place, at hers, in Dylan's car, in the shower. The sex was great. She cared about Dylan, but everytime they finished having sex this sort of emptiness would take over her and settle in the air between them. Like it would only be a matter of time until she was at the next boring movie, or listening to Dylan talk about some old dead author who lead a miserable life. The sex always good, but when they weren't having sex things seemed to be rolling down a hill and Kelly didn't know how to get them back on track again. If they ever were on track that is. Kelly could tell Dylan wasn't exactly thrilled with her bubble blowing at the moment.

As she looked up from her straw mid-bubble she caught Brandon's eye from across the Peach Pit. He was behind the counter taking someone's order but he was looking right at her and gave an amused smile. Like he'd found her bubble blowing cute. Dylan on the other hand was not amused. Kelly brought her eyes away from Brandon's as his went back to his customer.

"Thirsty Kel?" Dylan asked waking her out of Brandon's gaze.

Kelly looked at Dylan. He was still this big unsolved mystery to her. She felt like even though he was hers and she his she hadn't even begun to crack the surface of the great Dylan McKay. She still felt like there was something she wasn't getting. She was desperate to find out what that was. Plus he was so incredibly sexy. That little scar and annoyed superior look on his face turned her on endlessly.

"Always," Kelly said sexily in this little voice she used whenever she wanted to get her way.

Dylan gave her back his approving look. Kelly reached across the table and put her hand on his. Dylan took it carefully.

Dylan gave his shy little smile. "So what did you think of the movie?" he asked her sincerely.

Kelly pulled her hand away quickly.

"The movie?" she said nervously.

"Yeah the movie? What did you think? I mean I couldn't really tell?" Dylan offered her.

Kelly was surprised. Couldn't really tell? Her eyes had to have shut at least ten times during the thing or whatever it was that they'd seen. Kelly didn't even know the name of it. All Kelly remembered was scenes of old guys talking and bad fake rain falling and of some lady crying and looking out a window. It went on and on. The whole time Kelly had been wondering what she was going to wear to school tomorrow. She couldn't tell Dylan that. She stammered for a moment but all of a sudden she was saved by the Brandon.

"So do you guys need anything else tonight?" Brandon stood over their table. Looking down at them. His spatula tucked cooly in his apron. He perfect popador gelled on his head, and his bright green eyes sparkling and curious. He smiled genuinely at Kelly and winked.

"Hey Brandon," Kelly said greatfully so thankful for the distraction from conversation with Dylan.

"Yo B," Dylan saluted his best friend.

"So Kel did you happen to know I was the bubble blowing champion of 5th grade." Brandon smiled a big smile.

Kelly looked down bashfully and laughed. "Sorry hope I wasn't being too loud."

"Hey what's the point of a coke if you're not even going to use it for bubble blowing." Brandon offered.

"My thoughts exactly," Kelly said sarcastically. Looking back at Dylan who hadn't even seemed to have really heard them.

She and Brandon smiled at each other as Brandon cleared Dylan's third coffee away. That was another thing about Dylan that Kelly didn't understand. He could drink coffee morning, noon, and night but it never seemed to put him in a chipper mood. He still remained quiet and sullen no matter how much coffee he drank. Kelly wondered what his point was drinking it but she didn't bother asking. Just like he didn't bother asking why she always felt the need to point out her new shoes to him, or ask him what he thought of her hair in a certain style. These were all questions between them that would never get straight answers.

"So what's on the agenda the rest of this evening?" Brandon asked.

Just then the little bell over the Peach Pit door jingled, and Kelly was shocked to see Brenda walk in. She hadn't seen her here in over a month. She gaped at her as Dylan and Brandon followed her gaze.

"Hey twin sister, what's the rumpus?" Brandon called out encouragingly to her.

Kelly could tell by his voice he was just as shocked to see Brenda here as she was.

#

Brenda's eyes locked with Dylan's then to Kelly. She halted in her steps just by the Peach Pit door. Damn it. Of course they would be here the night she decided to make her return to the living. Over the last month she hadn't done much of anything but sit in her room after school and read. Donna had tried tons of times to get her to the movies but she hadn't been ready. School had started to feel like a monastery to her. She would go to class, and she ate lunch everyday in the library alone. Donna told her she'd meet her all the time, but Brenda wasn't up for it. She just couldn't deal with her friends interrogations and her classmates curious stares, and endless gossip about the great girlfriend switch of Dylan McKay. She began to sink into her alone time as if she had never really had any friends or been with Dylan. Being alone, had started to feel like the only way she could get through this. She must have read close to 50 novels in the last month alone. Books were her best friends now. At least they would always be on the same page she'd left them on when she returned. If only her friendships and Dylan could have been like that when she returned from Paris.

Brenda quickly looked away ignoring her own brother's greeting. Afterall he was over there with Dr. Jeckyl and Mrs. Hyde right now. Brenda strided over to the counter and took a seat next to an old man who was smothering his fries with way too much ketchup. The sounds around her of silverware clinking, and the jute box playing started to overwhelm her senses. She took a couple of deep breaths letting it sink in. She could do this. She had to do it. Dylan and Kelly didn't own this place. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction anymore of keeping her locked away forever. She could taste the betrayal on her tongue as fresh as it had been a month ago. Her craving for a Mega Burger started to go away. Who could eat with the non stop hollow brick inside her stomach everyday. Her stomach answered her by growling, but she still didn't feel much like ordering anymore. She picked up a menu off the counter and used it to block them out of the scene. She sat reading the same description of a Mega Burger over and over again until someone came over gently pushing the menu down from her face.

"Hey Bren." It was Brandon. His eyes shined hopefully back at hers, but he was still speaking to her in that new whisper voice he was always using with her now since that day. Brenda hated that voice.

"Brandon you don't have to talk softly," Brenda told him for the zillionth time.

Brandon smiled sincerely. "I know it's just great to see you here."

"Thanks," Brenda answered. She could feel herself blush a bit at the fuss he was making at her. But maybe it was actually the feeling of being in the same room with Dylan and Kelly together that was causing a dizzying heat to spread over her. Brenda gripped the counter to steady herself.

#

Brandon wanted to ask Brenda what finally had gotten her out of the house, but decided against it. It was just great to see her. He and his parents had bee so worried about her. She wasn't the same Brenda anymore and he didn't know if she ever could be again after what had happened. It was just great to see her here. It was a start.

He served her a grilled cheese with tomato then put down a fresh slice of peach pie al a mode on the house for her. It was compliments of him and Nat.

"How was everything?" Brandon asked his sister trying not use that quiet voice she said she hates.

Brenda wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Mmm everything was great. Glad to see the food hasn't lost its touch since I've been gone."

"With you back darlin everything tastes better tonight," Nat said standing behind Brandon's shoulder.

"Thanks Nat," Brenda replied. To the corner of her eye she could feel Dylan and Kelly getting out of their seats to leave. She didn't want to look but it was like a strong magnet was forcing her head to turn in their direction. It was a reflex she couldn't control.

Dylan's eyes bore into hers as Kelly trailed behind him. She looked down and could see Dylan had a hand in hers. She raised her eyes back to his. She couldn't read his expression. It was something between sadness, anger, and indignancy. Brenda turned back to the melting ice cream on her peach pie, and swirled it around with her fork. It started to look kind of gross.

" Later B," Dylan gave Brandon their complicated handshake that involved a loud snapping sound. This was the closest Dylan had been to her since she found out.

They had a few classes together at school but she'd managed to just make sure to sit far away from him. She even got a new lab partner in chemistry. After chem class a couple weeks ago he'd actually called her name out in the hall after class but she just kept walking. There was no way she could hear what he had to say. It was like they had never really known each other. All that was left from her relationship with Dylan was sitting in a box in the dark garage back home. Just getting the stuff out of her room had been like trying to carry a box of cement blocks around.

She could even smell his scent now he was so close. She took a moment and breathed it in but instantly regretted it. His saltwater and grass smell made her want to cry. She could feel her heart start to beat in a frantic rhythm, and her palms begin to sweat.

"See you man," Brandon said quietly to Dylan. Brenda could feel Brandon's eyes on hers again as she looked down at the gooey peach mess in front of her.

Dylan was so close that Brenda couldn't help but to turn to face him again. His eyes looked right into hers. They were like a dark ocean she could drown in forever.

"Hey Bren," Dylan said quietly.

Brenda couldn't have spoken if she wanted to. She looked down so tempted to curse him and that bitch out right here in front of everyone. But her lips wouldn't move.

"Brenda..." she could hear Kelly say now.

"I'm going to go put some quarters into the jutebox," she said to her brother chipperly ignoring them both.

She got up and walked right past them. Dylan was so close, but so far. She didn't know who he was anymore. He was not the person she'd fallen in love with so deeply. And Kelly. Brenda regretted the day she ever sat next to her in class. Kelly had just invited her to sit down because Kelly didn't want to sit next to this really overweight girl she used to make faces at. That should have told Brenda right then what kind of person she was., but she had been new in town and needed a friend. She thought she had found one, but she had been wrong, very wrong.

Brenda hovered over the jute box looking for a song any song. None of them seemed right. To her left she could see Dylan and Kelly talking to Brandon about something in quiet voices. Then, the bell jingled over the Peach Pit door again and she knew they were gone, just as she selected her song. Walking in the Rain by Del Shannon. One of her tears slipped down and plunked down onto the jute box as the first lines of the song belted out.

#

"Do you think she's ever going to get over it?" Kelly asked Dylan.

They were back at his place now, sitting on his futon couch. They had been quiet driving back to Dylan's from the Peach Pit after seeing Brenda.

She'd totally blown them off like usual. Kelly felt numb, but partly disgusted too. She didn't know if it was with Brenda or with herself. Despite what Brenda thought she really hadn't meant for all this to happen the way it had. It was killing her that Brenda was hurting so bad, but she couldn't help the fact anymore that she and Dylan had gotten together. She couldn't go back and change the past even if she wanted too. It had happened.

Dylan sat down next to her opening a bottle of water. He didn't start drinking it though. He just twisted the cap around and around in his hand.

"I don't know Kel. I don't know if we can ever really expect her too," he finally said after thinking a moment, then sighing.

"I guess, but I mean don't you think she's being a tad over dramatic. I mean it has been two months already."

Dylan didn't say anything. He just stared into the television even though nothing was on.

"I just thought you know..." Kelly started

"I guess it is what it is. There's no going back now," Dylan stated as if he had been reading her thoughts.

"You mean you would do things over again if you could?" Kelly asked him point blank.

She didn't know if she really wanted to hear his answer.

"I don't know," Dylan stated honestly.

Dylan cared about Kelly a lot. They shared so many similarities, but he couldn't help the fact that these last couple months of not having Brenda in his life anymore had been awful. It was like a part of him had died inside.

It was like this dark cloud was hovering over his new relationship with Kelly. It seemed like they would never really get a clean start.

Kelly didn't know if she liked that answer, but honestly she didn't know either. She loved being around Dylan. It was amazing having access to his world. She'd always been so curious about him. Despite the fact that he seemed to be into things that didn't really interest her, she still found him interesting. She didn't know if she was ready to give that up.

Before she could think about it too much she and Dylan were kissing. Then they were fucking hard. It was amazing. Their sexual chemistry was off the charts. They moved from the futon to Dylan's room naturally. Kelly could stay the night so they fell asleep.

In the middle of the night Dylan woke up suddenly. He could see the outline of Kelly laying next to him in the dark shadows of his room. Her silky blond hair lay partly on his chest. He tried to shut his eyes and go back to sleep, but he couldn't. He'd been dreaming about her. About Brenda. In his dream they were talking about something, anything, everything. He didn't know they were just talking and talking. Then they were laying in the grass looking up at the clouds together. It had been beautiful. So peaceful and sensual. There was nothing sexual in the dream but laying in the grass with her had felt so erotic.

Dylan stumbled out of bed trying not to wake Kelly. It was surprisingly not impossible. He would never tell her because she would be horrified but Kelly Taylor could snore like a sailor. When she fell into a deep enough sleep she was out for the rest of the night. He knew by now, after all the nights she'd slept over. Jackie didn't care when she came home apparently.

Dylan stumbled into the hall footing his way into the kitchen with only his boxer shorts on. It was a dark night. And his bungalow house felt kind of hot and uncomfortable.

He threw open the refrigerator door, but then closed it with a thud.

He walked back to the futon and threw on his jeans and and shirt he and Kelly had thrown off in the midst of their fuck session tonight.

Once he was dressed and his shoes were on he grabbed his keys off the table, and walked outside jumping into the speedster. He cruised around until he found an all night liquor store. Once he found one a ways out of Beverly Hills, he bought a six pack of beer and threw it in the backseat not knowing where he was headed next. The piece of shit liquor store guy had sold it to him without even asking for an ID.

He knew though there really was only one place he really could go tonight. He drove himself to the beach, and parked. He knew this spot well. It was the spot where he and Brenda had first broken up about a year and half ago. He still even had the CD of their song in the glove compartment. The sound of REM Losing My Religion began to fill up the air, as the waves thrashed and crashed in the hot winds.

Dylan reached into the back seat grabbing the six pack. He pulled one off the ring popping the tab. He stared at it for a minute as the song lyrics banged against his head. He could almost smell the scent of Brenda around him like some kind of phantom of her was in the car with him. Her sweet cheery scented shampoo mixed in with this intoxicating misty perfume she would wear. He couldn't stand it any longer. He arched his head back as the liquor went down his throat drowning out his taste for her. One by one each can flowed through him until he was faced with only a too bright sun, and the taste of sawdust on his lips.

#

Kelly rolled over and opened her eyes. She pushed her wispy blond hairs out of her face, to find that it was morning. She could hear a bird outside chirping and she smiled to herself. The smile didn't last long though when she realized Dylan wasn't next to her.

She sat up with a start looking around the room wildly. No Dylan. Wrapping Dylan's geo print comforter around herself she got out of bed and hurried into the hallway. When she made her way into the living room she still found no Dylan.

She opened the front door a crack even though she knew she was naked underneath the comforter. The Speedster was gone. He didn't even leave her a note. Slamming the door shut she walked back into the house and looked around at the nothing around her.

"Thanks Dylan," she said aloud to herself. Angrily, Kelly unwrapped the comforter off her body, and threw it to the ground in a heap.

Not bothering to pick it up she walked back towards the hall and started a shower and later dressed to leave. Before she left she made sure to step on the comforter on her way out.

#

Brenda closed the door behind her. She had just had her first appointment with her new psycologist Shelly Mitchell. Her mom had given her the number. She'd been recommended by one of the women in Cindy's book club. Whatever. Brenda really didn't want to go, but it was either go or figure out all the new ways she really didn't want to spend her time. She never considered herself one of those girls who needed to have a boyfriend to feel whole but she couldn't deny how bored she'd been lately. After her big night out at the Peach Pit she'd went home and watched a movie she'd already seen a billion times before. She thought of everyone outside looking up at stars, and dancing. All the lovers walking down a moon lit beach holding hands. She'd remembered how Beverly Hills used to smell at night when she'd be out with Dylan. It was the glorious smell of lilacs, with fresh grass and it bit of ocean mist hovering in the air. She thought of all the nights in Dylan's porshe laughing and listening to music with him. She'd felt so alive. Like every cell in her body was awake and moving. Now she felt like she was just watching herself go through the motions but she felt nothing. It was like she'd step out of her own body and was watching someone else live her life for her, if you could even call this living.

She talked to Shelly for a little over an hour. Brenda didn't know why but she just couldn't tell her about Dylan and Kelly. She wanted to but she just wasn't ready to relive the whole horror of it outloud. It made it too real. At least this way in her own mind she could pretend it never happened, that she never knew Dylan and Kelly. But she couldn't pretend for long. Not only was losing Dylan an agony she couldn't fully comprehend losing her best friend in Kelly was something else entirely. So many times she saw something at the store or thought of something funny she wanted to tell Kelly about. She'd forget sometimes for a split second that they weren't friends anymore. When reality set back in it was like a cold shower of icy needles was poured all over her.

Basically, Brenda had spent the last hour talking to Shelly about how she was having sleep problems. She blamed it on too much schoolwork. Whatever, Shelly had given her what she wanted, a prescription for some sleeping pills. At first all she could do was sleep, but now she found it was getting harder and harder to settle down at night. She'd been lying awake for hours wondering what Dylan and Kelly were doing. When she'd think of Dylan making love to Kelly she would sob into her pillow. The only reason her family didn't hear was because she'd bury her head into her pillow then put another one over her head then cover herself with her blanket. She'd finally awake in the morning exhausted and not rested at all. Then the day would go pretty much as the night before. It would be long and uninteresting. Just when she wanted to come alive in the night it would be time to sleep, but she couldn't come alive. Not without him. In her bed her eyes would be open in the dark. She'd think of everyone outside enjoying the night, the way she used to. She'd remember being so happy to close her eyes and dream of Dylan all night until she got to see him in the morning again at school. She used to leap out of bed. Sometimes Dylan would even wake her up with a phone call asking her if she wanted a ride to school. He was her energy. Her reason for the day. Now the day just seemed pointless. It was like the sun would sit in the sky taunting her. So bright yet mocking her. Lighting up the emptiness that now filled her days and hours. The sun was her enemy. The night was her imaginary lover leading her to another day of emptiness as the next morning went on and on bleeding into the next... It was an endless circle of misery.

#

Brenda took the bag from her pharmasicist that contained her new sleeping pills. She hoped they'd give her some solace. She just wanted to turn her mind off and stop the worry of what the future held for her. She just didn't want to feel anymore. Numbness would be her friend. She prayed tonight she'd get the relief she so desperately craved. She hoped tonight she wouldn't see his eyes staring back at her in the dark.

#

"Brenda," Dylan awoke with a start saying her name out loud.

Instead of Brenda answering a segull squaked overhead. Loud and harsh. Dylan started coughing. Then he lifted his head up over the side of the porsch and spit out the nothing taste in his mouth. The sun was beating down hot and strong. He put his hand to his eyes rubbing his face.

When he adjusted his vision he saw the beach in front of him. The waves cascading back and forth like liquid silk. The sand soft and tan. Families and lovers walking and running in the sunshine. Without her, it was the ugliest sight he'd ever seen.

#

Dylan walked through his front door. He had a hangover that felt like a thousand hammers were inside his head beating his brain and heart into pieces. He stepped back a moment when he saw his comforter on the floor in a messy heap. He wondered for a split second if he'd been robbed, but then he sort of remembered the night before. Kelly. Fucking her and then leaving. He picked up the comforter and stared at it a moment. Instead of taking it back to his room he threw it on the futon, and then his keys on the kitchen table with an angry thud. He knew she wasn't here. That she'd left. He didn't care really much at all.

#

Kelly pushed her way through the crowds at West Beverly. She didn't know if it was just her imagination but she could hear her name being thrown around back and forth through the crowd. Like little voices hovering over her shoulders.

"her best friend"

"good fuck"

"bitch"

"they were still together..."

She turned around wondering if anyone had the guts to say anything to her face. Instead they all just kept walking and so did she.

Kelly hated that her name was back at the top of the rumer mill like it always used to be Freshmen and Sophmore year. All the talk, the whispers, the looks, the long silences. Everyone knew about her and Dylan. She didn't know if that made her glad or not. She'd wanted to be with Dylan out in the open but she hadn't given the other part of that much thought. The reactions. How her friends and classmates would react to seeing her hugging and kissing on her very obviously best friend's ex boyfriend.

Donna had tried to remain impartial. Kelly loved Donna. They had been friends for so long, and she knew there was little she could do that would ever really make Donna turn against her save for fucking David. Yuck.

Andrea had seemed awkward and uncomfortable about the whole thing. David was not surprised since he'd seen her and Dylan together over the summer. She knew Steve was very jealous, but he was jealous of every guy she'd been out with since they broke up. And then there was Brandon. Brandon was definitely not cool with her taking up with his sister's ex-boyfriend. She'd felt though that his reaction wasn't quite anger though. It was more like a dissapointment in her. That day he'd given her a ride home from school it was like there was feeling of regret in the air between them. Brandon was dissapointed in her, and his dissapoinment bothered her which seemed ridiculous. She realized as she walked through the halls she was wondering where he was. Brandon that is. She kept her eyes peeled as the rumors and jealous dirty looks went on around her. If these people only knew that Dylan had left her lying alone in bed last night.

#

Brenda ran into the restroom inbetween class. She was glad no one was in here right now. She propped her bookbag on this sink, and began digging around in her backpack. Then she pulled it out her little orange bottle. This wasn't her sleeping meds it was an anti anxiety med Shelly had also prescribed for her.

Despite the fact that she was here facing the day school wasn't getting any easier for her. She hated it here now. West Beverly felt like a prison. Everyday in her mind she was counting the days until graduation. There was still three months to go, and she didn't know if she could possibly last that long being under the same school building as Dylan and Kelly.

Brenda unscrewed the cap after reading the pill directions. It said she should just take it once a day but didn't specify the time. She shook one of the little green pills out into her palm. She wondered how such a small pill like this could really calm her nerves. How could a small pill like this stop this humongous hole in her heart from consuming her in full. It didn't matter she'd try anything right about now. She unscrewed the cap on her half dranken Aquafina and washed the pill down. Some of the water from the bottle dripped down onto her green bodysuit and faded jeans. Great let all the kids think she pissed her pants. Then they'd understand why Dylan chose Kelly over her.

The pill went down kind of sour, and she zipped up her bag as she took a look at herself over the sink mirror. Despite popping her first sleeping pill last night and falling into a dreamless state she still looked like hell. There were dark purplish circles under her eyes. Her eyes didn't sparkle either. They looked tired and flat. She noticed the gray pallor of her skin as if she wasn't living in a sunny Southern California paradise. This was her now. She was defintely no Kelly Taylor in the looks department. Dylan must have thought so too. Stifling back a tear Brenda pushed her bangs away from her eyes and walked out of the bathroom.

#

Dylan didn't even know why he bothered showing up today. All he really wanted to do was hightail it to Mexico and leave everything behind here. He'd made such a mess of things he wondered if he should just go start fresh somewhere else. Away from Beverly Hills, and the whispers and accusations of his classmates. Away from his jailbird daddy. Away from all the people he had hurt. But he knew if he left he would never see her again. Brenda. He realized what got him to school today was the fact that he might catch a glimpse of her. After his drunken night on the beach he couldn't get her out of his mind. He needed to see her desperately, but at the same time he almost couldn't bare it. Because everytime he saw her he would have to just keep facing the reality of what he'd done. The descision he'd made. He had to live with his choices now.

He rounded the corner and then he saw her. Not Brenda but Kelly. He stopped in front of her feeling a bit guilty. It seemed like he should just change his name to Guilty Mckay these days. Guilt dripped off him like sweat.

"Hey Kel," he said tiredly.

"So thanks for the note," Kelly replied in her very Kelly way.

"Yeah, I'm sorry it's just I needed to you know clear my head a bit."

"Really, well were you even going to call me?" Kelly asked accusingly

"It was nothing personal Kel," Dylan tried to reassure her. He wasn't in the mood for a bitch out from Kelly right now.

"Really, well it seemed pretty personal to me Dylan. I sleep with you and then you leave me lying in your house like some kind of call girl while you're out god knows where doing god knows what." Kelly was seething. She pierced her red lips together, and sucked her cheeks in.

Dylan looked around suddenly and he could feel the eyes of their classmates watching their scene in the hallway intently. He hated this attention. Hated it.

He didn't know what to do or say to her, so he did what he knew how to do best. He grabbed the back of Kelly's hair and pushed her lips to his. Just to shut her up. Just to get his classmates to move the fuck on already. He could hear the snickers around them as he and Kelly sucked face in the middle of the hallway. Despite her anger with him Kelly kissed him back. At first she kind of resisted but then they fell into it. Kelly's lips made a loud sucking sound against his as she pulled away. She folded her arms and just looked at him. Dylan waited for her to say something, but then he saw her. Brenda. She was coming out of the bathroom and by the startled deer in headlights look on her face she had very much witnessed he and Kelly slurping face here in the hall. Dylan's stomach sank as his heart started beating wild in his chest. Fuck.

The look on Brenda's face was heartbreaking and it made him sick. They kept their eyes together for a moment. His were full of shame and regret but he didn't think she could see that as she suddenly looked away and walked off in the opposite direction trying to act like she hadn't just seeen them. Brenda looked like a ghost. Her pale skin and dark hair looked paler and darker than usual. She didn't look like happy go lucky Brenda anymore, but her still her beauty and the expression he saw on her face had stopped his heart. He could feel a ripping pain through his chest.

"Dylan...Dylan did you just hear me. So I'll see you at lunch?" He looked back now at oblivious Kelly.

"Umm yeah," Dylan said.

"Kay see you then," Kelly kissed him on the cheek and walked away.

Dylan felt dizzy. Like he was still hungover from the beach, but it was more than that. He wanted to go after Brenda and tell her it wasn't what she thought. But it was exactly like she thought. He'd broken the love of his life's heart for a summer fling. For her best friend. He hated himself. God, how he hated himself.

#

Brenda's eyes blurred as she hurried out of West Beverly. She didn't know how many times she had ditched school over the last few weeks, but it wasn't her fault that the faculty didn't bother to lock the doors.

Despite what she had just seen she couldn't even cry anymore. It was like the tears had dried up. In their place was a dark throbbing head pain. As she got outside the front doors of West Beverly she winced in the sunlight. Looking up at the sky she wished she could fly away from here. Away from Dylan and Kelly. Away from her thoughts of him. His dark eyes. The memories leave them down here forever. Just float up and into the sky until she wasn't even her anymore. She wanted out of her body. She wanted to float and leave herself behind.

Instead of floating she walked all the way home. Stumbling a bit through the streets of West Beverly Hills.

She wasn't going to go inside if her mom was home, but luckily Brenda saw that her mom's car was gone as she walked up the little grassy hill that led to her front door.

Back in the house she made her way upstars and threw her books down with a thud not even looking where they landed. She sat on the edge of her bed, and took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself. She didn't know if it was the anxiety pill she had taken at school that was making her head pound or what she had seen. Dylan and Kelly kissing passionately in the hallway. It was like no matter what she tried she couldn't get away from them. They were haunting her life and mind. She felt short of breath eventhough she was barely moving. Whatever that anxiety pill was doing to her it sure wasn't calming her down.

Her room felt like the walls were slamming down on her. Like they wouldn't let her breath. Looking for any relief her eyes landed on the little orange pill bottle on her nightstand. It was her sleeping pills. It was the middle of the day and the directions on the bottle said to take in the evening.

She unscrewed the cap and shook one out into her hand. She popped it in her mouth quickly. Crunching down on it she swallowed the dry pill dust down her throat. She didn't even get any water. Hurriedly she got under the covers of her bed and closed her eyes. Luckily, the sleep came quick and fast.

He just gets to me he always gets to me. He crys into her shoulder. She sooths him like before. Only this time she's crying too. They both cry hard and deep clinging to eachother as if they will shatter if they let go.

It was the middle of the night and the words echoed in her mind like a loud bang exploding all over her body.

She could hear his footsteps behind her and him grabbing onto her shoulders begging her not to leave. Then his lips burning through hers. The soft fabric of his jacket as her hands grabbed onto his back for dear life.

His face those eyes. His cries. Where was he. She was there but she wasn't. So badly wanting to get to him. Where was Dylan?

Brenda knew it wasn't real. But that night had been. The night of their first kiss. He cried in front of her. He'd let her see him. All of him. All the messy brilliance of him. His mystery unraveled. Fully clothed but naked and real. Dylan McKay.

Brenda swallowed hard pulling the blanket closer over her throat. Her family must have just let her sleep, but he wouldn't let her. She wanted to cry out in agony and begin sobbing, but what would that do. She could scream and cry all night but it woudn't bring him back to her. Dylan was gone.

#

Kelly adjusted her blouse while she waited for Dylan to meet her for lunch. She'd been so mad at him ealier but now she couldn't wait to see him. That kiss in the hall had set her on fire. She'd wanted to tell him she wanted to go back to his place and lye on his bed some more but she decided she needed to make him suffer a bit for leaving her last time. Still she couldn't wait to ravage him. She looked around but didn't see him. Where the hell was he now. Kelly checked her watch and realized there wasn't much of lunch left. Just great he'd ditched her again, and she'd eaten alone. Looking around the quad she tried to find some other friends. She spotted Donna and David sitting together on a bench. Donna had a kush ball in her hand that she was playing with, while David had on some headphones and was obviously rapping to himself. Kelly turned away quickly feeling embarrased for them both. David did have talent, but lunchtime rap was not exactly what she was in the mood for. Then she spotted Steve who was throwing a football around with Kyle Conners and this big goon Tony Miller who she'd heard through the grapevine had a thing for Brenda. She definitely wasn't going over there either. Then a ways up ahead of her she could see Brandon and Andrea. Andrea was holding a copy of the West Beverly Blaze in her hand, and was obviously lecturing and arguing with Brandon about something. Brandon looked annoyed and looked like he was doing his best to not walk away. He had his hands in the back pockets of his faded blue jeans as he listened. It was obvious Andrea was arguing with him about something in the paper. God, that fucking paper. Kelly really liked Andrea and everything but she was such a geek when it came to the school paper. She'd go on these rants about stories and deadlines and it was all Kelly could do to not tell her to relax and take a chill pill. Andrea really needed to get laid Kelly thought to herself smirking. For a split second she imagined Andrea and Brandon having sex, and the thought made her frown.

Finally, Andrea threw up her hands and walked off. Brandon rolled his eyes and started walking in the opposite direction. Quickly Kelly gathered up her lunch trash and hurried over to catch Brandon.. He was the only one of the gang she felt like saying hi to right now.

"Hey Bran man," Kelly said slyly rushing over to him.

"Hey Kel," Brandon said kind of annoyed.

"Whatcha doing?" Kelly asked in her baby voice she liked to use when talking to cute guys.

"You saw that?" Brandon asked. His voice was still full of annoyance.

"Yup I did, so what'd you do now? Not fill up the copy machine with paper?" Kelly teased him.

Brandon smirked. "Something like that. You know Andrea, if it's not going in the paper than what's the point?"

"That's Andrea, Kelly said. "So what did she want in the paper?"

"I don't think you really want to know." Brandon said seriously as he kept walking.

"Aww that means, I definitely want to know," she insisted, but Brandon just kept walking.

Kelly had to reach out and grab his shoulder to get him to stop.

"Brandon seriously tell me."

"I don't think so," Brandon answered quickly looking at her concerned.

Kelly folded her arms. The curiosoty now eating her up.

"Brandon I promise you can trust me," Kelly insisted speaking softer.

"Can I?" Brandon answered back snidely.

"What do you mean?" Kelly took a step back from him .

Brandon rolled his eyes. "I mean that Andrea wanted to write a story about you."

"About me? What about me?"

"I think you know Kel?"

"Know I don't so please tell me Brandon."

"Come on Kel, haven't you heard all the talk around here. The endless speculation and gossip. Everyone completely fixated on what happened between you and Dylan and my sister."

"Oh my god Andrea was going to write about us?" Kelly felt too shocked too yell.

"Well, not exactly about you. More so inspired by you. Andrea wanted to write about why love ends and why men become tempted to cheat."

"What!" Kelly was livid. She would ring Andrea's neck. She would die before she'd let that appear in The West Beverly Blaze. Everyone would know it was about them. "You stopped her right. How could she?"

Brandon didn't answer for a moment. He just looked at her at Kelly. It was a shame a girl as beautiful and quick and downright pretty sharp as herself had to use all her gifts for the wrong things. Like enticing his sister's boyfriend to have an affair. God West Beverly was a regular episode of Days of Our Lives.

"Yeah I stopped her Kel. Told her the piece wasn't very fair since it was mainly going to point the man as the bad guy in the situation."

Kelly took a minute before answering. She actually finally felt embarrased. "You mean you think I'm the bad guy?" She realized it really bothered her what Brandon thought of her. Him standing there thinking the worst of her. She couldn't take it.

Brandon chewed on his gum furiously just looking into her eyes. "Honestly, Kel I don't know. I don't want to think that about you, but what can I think. Brenda's my sister so I have to be on her side."

Kelly digested that for a moment. "So what about Dylan? He just gets off scott free in your mind, while I'm the homewrecker whore?"

"Never said that Kel," Brandon answered sincerely.

"But you're obviously thinking it. Go ahead and think the worst of me. Everybody already and always does." Kelly couldn't take it anymore. She felt sick, but it wasn't about the rumors. She hated Brandon to see her like that. As some manjy whore who destroyed his sister's life. She and Brandon while maybe didn't know eachother as well as she and Steve did had always shared a certain understanding. Maybe it was their love for Brenda, but it was also something else. The Walsh's hadn't moved to town yet when Kelly was considered the school slut. They hadn't been there through the thick of it when guys were pushing her into bushes to take advantage of her. When Brandon looked at her, she always felt he was kind of of protective of her. Like he looked into her eyes and gave her the benefit of the doubth even when the other guys wouldn't. The other guys couldn't get past her reputation, but Brandon wasn't like that. He always listened when she spoke and treated her fairly. Brandon Walsh didn't judge. If Brandon liked you and considered you a friend than you knew you had a friend for life. That look on his face. It was like he could see her shame. Kelly always tried to stuff it away, but it was always there. Her insecurity and fears. Never feeling like she was enough or worthy. She knew she was popular but once you know what popularity was she knew it meant nothing really. Her popularity was like a veil she wore covering up her true self. She never thought people would like the real her so she always held back in certain ways. But who was the real her? She really didn't know anymore. She knew though that she didn't want to be this girl. The one who everyone thought of as a boyfriend stealing slut. She especially didn't want Brandon to think of her like that. She'd respected and admired him for too long.

"I'm out of here," Kelly stalked off leaving Brandon to his gum chewing.

"Kel..." Brandon called after her but she wouldn't turn around. "Kelly!" he yelled stronger, but she just kept walking. Brandon watched her go until her blond locks dissapeared within the sea of West Beverly. Reluctantly he continued onto his next class, but what he really wanted to do was go after her.

#

Brenda sat across from her family while Brandon went on and on about the latest issue of the Blaze and how Andrea wants the paper to be award winning this year. It just sounded like a bunch of talk to entertain her parents since Brenda wasn't exactly the most talkative these days.

She pushed her food around on her plate and wondered why she didn't say she was too sleepy to come down to dinner. Her eyes felt like they were dropping, and her head felt heavy. She couldn't rememeber anymore the last time she felt clear headed. Today had been one of her worst days on record and she'd had some pretty bad days lately. Actually they were all bad days now. Just a few months ago she'd been another person. She remembered feeling excited about the future and what life after high school would bring. Now all she wanted to do was go back to before all of this. Before she went away to Paris leaving Dylan and Kelly here to fall in love. She cursed the day she stepped foot on that airport shuttle and headed to the airport leaving Dylan behind. Brenda eyed her father and tried not to glare, as she pushed her mom's rosemary augratin around on the plate. Her dad was the one who came up with the Paris trip as a way to give she and Dylan some distance, and boy did it work. Not only had it given them distance it had destroyed their relationship forever. She loved her father and knew in his heart that hadn't been his intention for Dylan to fall for Kelly, but at the same time his interference had ultimately pushed them apart completely.

"Brenda?" her dad spoke up finally after Brandon decided to give his yapping a rest.

Brenda took a moment to answer as she looked up from her plate. She looked into her father's eyes. "Yeah dad?" Brenda answered. Everyone was looking at her concerend. Her mother was ripping up a dinner roll absentmidleldy as she looked at her father nervously. Brandon clasped his hands together at the table seriously.

"You know the school called me today and said you've been absent from your fifth and sixth periods lately. You mind explaighing what that's about?"

Brenda should have known the school would get back to her father eventually. She'd been cutting classes left and right. She couldn't make it though a whole day at West Beverly anymore. Today she'd cut most of the day after what she'd seen. Dylan kissing Kelly in the middle of the hallway in front of everyone. It was like he wanted the whole school to know he was with Kelly now. He might as well have just tattooed a giant K on his forehead. She already knew they were together but what honestly hurt the most was that he didn't seem to want to be discreet with Kelly at all. He flaunted it not caring if she saw them. He used to claim to care so much for her, and now it was like Dylan was another person entirely. He was another rich Beverly Hills guy who cared for status and having the hottest blond on his arm. Where was the Dylan who would read Balzac and shy away from attenton. In his place was this imposter Dylan. He was a man she didn't even know, but god how she craved him. She hated how much she still wanted him despite what he'd done. It made her feel weak and helpless.

Brenda closed her eyes at the table. When she opened them her family was still staring back at her questioninly.

"It's nothing dad, you know I am a senior now so does going to class really even matter?" She pushed some food into her mouth.

Her dad seemed bewildered which wasn't unusual. He seemed to take everything she did that he didn't approve of personally.

"Actually honey I think it matters very much. The school says if you keep skipping class you're going to flunk these last credits you need. They said they won't let you gradute if you continue to skip."

Brenda was shocked. She hadn't thought the school would try to stop her from graduating if she kept ditching class but apparently West Beverly was into hard else could go wrong in her life.

She took a deep breath. She wondered if she even cared about graduating anymore. Maybe she should just get out of here and start over somewhere. She'd never be the perfect little daughter her parents needed her to be, and who at school would miss her much anyways now. If she left town she would miss her brother though. They exhanged a look while her parents waited for her to respond. She'd noticed he hadn't cut Kelly off though, and it bugged her. Maybe it was for the best if she just got the hell out of here. First she'd start with leaving the table.

"Well thanks for dinner. I'll make sure to get to class. After all colleges really love to see basket weaving 101 on my transcripts." She pushed her plate away and hurried up to her room.

"Bren," Brandon called after her concerned but she didn't care.

It hurt her to leave her parents sitting there like that. They gave her a beautiful home and food to eat but it didn't matter. She was screwed up now. Maybe she'd always been screwed up, afterall she'd fallen in love with a guy who decided it was perfectly fine to go fuck her best friend.

She walked into her room, and found her pill bottle. She popped one into her mouth crunching down hard. It wasn't enough though. She shook out an extra one from the bottle and swallowed that too, soon a soundless sleep came and she was glad.

#

Kelly rushed through the halls. She knew the latest issue of The Blaze was out today, and she was horrified. As she walked though the halls she held her book bag a little tighter to herself wondering if people were still talking about her. She wondered if Brandon had told Andrea to go ahead with the story about cheaters and why love ends. Finally she got to The Blaze office and saw the stand with fresh copies of the paper stacked on top. She grabbed one quickly and hightailed it out of there before Brandon and Andrea could see her. At her locker she flipped through the paper then stopped when she got to The West Beverly Thoughts section. This was the section of the paper where personal issues and West Beverly politics are discussed. Her heart stopped thumping when instead of the cheaters article she saw a story called "Who's that girl? Why do we always assume the worst of people? By Brandon Walsh.

Kelly's heart started to beat faster as she read throught the article. Brandon talked about why is it that we always need to feel like we've got people pegged down into a category when there could be so much more to them than you ever realized. She loved it. Brandon was an amazing writier, and an all around great person.

Kelly smiled happily, and could feel herself blushing at her locker. She was so satisfied with what he wrote she didn't even notice Dylan as he appeared at her locker.

"Hey Kel," Dylan said kind of nervously.

Kelly grabbed the back of his head and pushed his lips to hers. Reading Brandon's article had put her in a great mood. She didn't even care anymore that Dylan had blown her off for lunch yesterday.

"So I take you're not mad." Dylan pulled away.

"Why would I be mad it's a beautiful day, the sun is shining and you're here."

"Yup, I'm here..." Dylan smiled back at her.

#

Dylan didn't feel like he was here. He felt a million miles away. He started to wonder he and Kelly were doing together. It had seemed like something that needed to happen this summer, but now it just felt like they were going through the motions. He wasn't present when he was with her, like he was with Brenda.

Kelly grabbed his hand as they walked to class together, but Dylan really wanted to hightail it to the exit and go get drunk.

#

Brandon looked away from Kyle and Tony going over the play by play of last Friday's football game in time to see Kelly and Dylan sucking face by her locker. Kelly had a copy of The Blaze in her hand, and she looked pleased.

Brandon was glad she was in a good mood but seeing her standing there kissing Dylan made his stomach drop a bit. It was a strange sensation. He'd seen Kelly kiss a zillion guys but seeing her now with Dylan was doing something to him and he didn't like it. It wasn't completely over what she'd done to Brenda it was what she was doing to him too. He liked her, not just like a friend. Kelly was beautiful, and charming. That was why he'd written what he'd wrote in The Blaze. He knew there was a lot more to Kelly than her sexiness, and hot clothes, and partying. She had layers. Seeing her with Dylan, Brandon wanted to curse himself that he'd ever turned her down two years before. What was he thinking. He and Kelly could challenge eachother. They were from two different worlds but that was what was so intriguining about her. If he hadn't been so stupid two years earlier he could have saved his sister gallons of pain as well as himself now.

He said bye to the jocks and went the other way as Dylan and Kelly walked off to class together.

#

Brenda walked through the halls. She never knew just finding the strength to come to school and get to class would take all her will but it did. Walking through the day felt like the biggest chore.

Every step through the halls of West Beverly was a reminder of what was and what would never be again. The pain of losing Dylan was like a knife she couldn't remove from her heart. Everytime she thought too hard about him, she could barely contemplate the future without him. It was going to be a long endless road of loneliness and regret. You don't just meet a Dylan McKay everyday. It had been a once in a lifetime love, but now it was over.

She walked the halls half listening to the familiar school sounds of lockers closing, and friends talking. David was playing music inbetween classes at the DJ booth. She would see couples holding hands and kissing between class. They were so carefree and alive. She felt like a walking corpse compared to them. She was here but she wasn't. When had life become so unbearable. The pain wouldn't leave, it was sticking to her like glue. God, how she missed him. God, how much she needed him. Dylan. Speak of the devil. She rounded a corner and smacked right into him. Dylan McKay stood right in front of her.

#

Dylan left Kelly to her class. He'd only been half listening as she ranted on and on about some article Brandon had written in the school newspaper today. He was still hungover from last night. He'd ditched school and spent the rest of the day at the pool hall getting wasted. It was a familiar haunt for him. The booze wasn't really helping though because he could still feel all the things he was trying to push out of his mind. The thoughts of what a liar he was. Of what a coward he'd been to lie to Brenda for months and months. How he'd humiliated her. How he was using Kelly for sex but knew deep down they weren't in love. How'd he'd broken Brenda's heart and destroyed their relationship forever. Brenda. She stood right in front of him. His drunken haze had caused him to knock right into her. He hadn't been this close to her since that day in the park. He took a moment and just greedily stared at her, instead of getting out of the way.

#

Brenda looked up into his eyes. They were staring back into hers as if they'd never left. He looked beautiful. His hair was a little longer than usual, and he looked a little messy but he was still Dylan. She looked away from his eyes trying to go around him quickly.

#

"Brenda," Dylan said aloud as she tried to go around him. He didn't want her to leave. He wanted to take her in. God, she was beautiful. That long dark hair, and her pale eyes. She wore some faded in jeans with cowboy boots and a black wanted to take her and push her against the locker. Feel her soft lips next to his. He wanted to grind into her the way they used to laughing and free. He wanted to see her eyes shining, and her face happy and glowing like when they were dancing in Baja or making love in his Porsche. Her eyes didn't look like that now. She looked tired and sad. He knew he caused it. She was suffering like him. Only she didn't deserve it the way he did.

She ignored him and kept walking. Dylan couldn't take it. He grabbed her hand and turned to face her.

"Please talk to me," he begged.

Her mouth moved like she wanted to say something, but she let his hand go dropping it in disgust, and walked away quickly.

#

He grabbed her hand. He wouldn't let her go around him. Dylan. His eyes were bloodshot, and he smelled like booze. It was pouring off him. She wanted to tell him she knew he'd been drinking but her lips couldn't form the words. He wasn't hers to care about anymore. Dylan drunk. Dylan fucking Kelly. She didn't know who he was anymore. He was in the body of the guy she'd loved but it was like his soul had been taken and replaced with an imposter.

Before she could start crying and breakdown right there he hurried away. After all he didn't really want to talk to her. He was drunk, and not in his right mind. She couldn't let him see her crack. She ran off even though all she wanted to do was stay. All she wanted to do was help him. Make him strong, but it was her who wasn't strong. She was still in love with him, and it hurt like hell. She hated herself for loving someone who could treat her like this. Who could take off with her best friend as if they'd never meant anything to each other. As if she hadn't lost her virginity to him, and almost lost her family for him. They'd fought so hard to be together, and he'd just given up on them. He'd given up on her.

Brenda stopped in front of her next class, but instead of going in she went to the bathroom. She knew her pill bottles were waiting for her at the bottom of her bag.

#

Dylan hit a locker as Brenda ran away from him. Then he leaned against it and banged his head. He deserved everything he got. He deserved for her to never speak to him again. He'd failed her. Dylan Mckay was a failure. He knew the universe wasn't surprised.

"Dylan is there a problem?"

Mrs. Teasely the school vice principal stood in front of him now. She was eyeing him strangely.

Dylan hurried away answering, "no problem," as he ran his hand down his face.

"Dylan," Mrs. Teasely called after him, but he just kept walking. To where he didn't know. Maybe he'd just get the hell out of here again. He could hear the six pack back home in his fridge calling his name.