Five things Regulus Black regrets in his life, a harry potter fanfic

Author Notes: Written for the hp_toujours fic exchange on LJ.

Regulus regrets it the moment the Sorting Hat shouts out "Slytherin". He sees the look of betrayal in his brother's eyes. They were never close, but the last summer holidays, Sirius had grabbed his hand, pleading, and made him promise to try for Gryffindor.

"Please, Reg," Sirius had begged. "Mother and Father could never hate you." It was, of course, unspoken that perhaps some of their parental affections could somehow be transferred onto Sirius.

Regulus had squirmed uncomfortably and muttered something that must have sounded like assent to Sirius because a huge relieved smile broke over his brother's face.

"Thanks, Reg. You're a champ." Sirius paused for a second. "Say, want to come with me to the Potters this afternoon? James and I will be playing some Quidditch. We're practicing to be on the team next year."

"No thanks," Regulus muttered and saw something like relief in Sirius's eyes.

Regulus takes the hat off, puts it back onto the wobbly three-legged stool and walks quickly over to the Slytherin table. They are cheering and clapping him on his back. He doesn't look over at his brother and soon the feeling of regret fades. He belongs here, among the green and silver. After all, he's a Black, isn't he? They've always been Slytherin.

Regulus regrets sitting next to Severus Snape in the common room that first evening in the Slytherin dungeons.

He's never been an overtly friendly child and once the first cheers were over, the other Slytherins turned back to watch the rest of the Sorting. He watches as the other first years turn to each other and soon, it seems, they've all made friends.

As they all enter the common room, Regulus sees everybody quickly rush to take their favourite spot. The gaggle of first years go and sit on a rug in a corner and he's left standing alone. Looking around he spots a boy sitting alone beside the fireplace.

Regulus walks over and sits down beside him. "Hi," he says.

The boy looks up and Regulus winces inwardly. Sirius had always been a better judge of character. Despite being in Gryffindor, Sirius is at least friends with purebloods like the Potter boy. The person sitting in front of him is obviously not a pureblood. Regulus feels his upper lip curling. Greasy hair. Patched robes. No pureblooded family would let their child go outside dressed like that.

Surreptitiously, he looks around but it seems that every other position in the room has been taken. Besides, Regulus reasons, it would be impolite to walk away now. He swallows. "My name's Regulus," he offers.

"Severus," the boy mutters.

"What are you reading?" Regulus asks, gesturing to the huge book on the other boy's lap.

Severus lifts the book up and Regulus can't help but wince again. It was some esoteric tome on some obscure potion.

"Sounds interesting," Regulus says politely and grimaces as Severus begins a huge long, excited speech on the applicability of the potion.

With a sigh, Regulus wishes he had chosen to sit somewhere else.

Regulus regrets meeting Lucius Malfoy. He knows the type. Charismatic, powerful and self-assured. Everything Regulus isn't. Yet, he feels himself drawn to the man.

Severus had assured him that there was this new society, this new political organization that would be perfect for him. "You'll see," Severus had told him, eyes gleaming, "wait till you meet Mr Riddle. He's going to change the world. He's going to fix it so the Muggles never bother us again."

To Regulus, that sounded something like what his parents would say, but worse coming from his friend's lips. "But," he tried to say, "you're a half-blood."

Severus had turned away from him with disgust. "We're meeting tonight. Are you coming or not?"

Of course, Regulus agreed.

"Regulus Black, isn't it?" Malfoy says smoothly and holds out a hand.

Regulus takes it, knowing full well that his own hand is sweaty and shaking. He imagines the other man's look of disgust but can't bring himself to look up.

"I know your parents well. They would be proud of you."

Regulus frowns. But he hasn't done anything yet.

"They will be proud of you," Malfoy amends. "You'll see. Now come along boys. We must be going." He sweeps off with a swirl of his silver cloak.

Severus starts to go after him but stops after a few paces. "Are you coming?"

Regulus hurries after them.

Regulus regrets agreeing with Riddle's principles. He regrets not being able to see clearly enough to realise the lies behind the truth.

"We are heralding a glorious return to the traditional principles of magic!" Riddle shouts and the crowd cheers. "No longer shall the average witch and wizard stand idly by while our Ministry and Dumbledore hand the wizarding world over to the Muggles on a silver platter. Co-operation, they call it." He pauses. "Well I call it assimilation! Do you want to be assimilated into the Muggle world?"

"NO!" the crowd roars and Regulus hears himself yell along with them.

"The Muggles are a plague sweeping the world. They bring death and destruction wherever they go! They destroy themselves and if that isn't enough, their wanton lifestyle threatens our entire world. Witches and wizards, our world is standing on the edge of a cliff. Are we going to let ourselves fall?"

"NO!"

"Then follow me! We will not let the Muggles destroy us with their weapons of mass destruction. We will not let the Muggle-borns draw us into the Muggle world of death. We will put a stop to this! I call for a halt to wizarding-Muggle relations! Who will join in this just and worthy cause?"

Regulus feels himself clapping and cheering along with the rest of the crowd. Severus is beside him beaming. Regulus feels something in his heart twist as he realises something that he never knew before.

Regulus regrets kissing Severus Snape. It's Severus's last day at Hogwarts and Regulus is struck with the irrational fear that he'll never see his friend again.

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus said, when Regulus told him. "I'll see you at Lucius's house in August. He's having a fundraising party for the Magical Unity Party. Riddle's going to be there." There was a misty look in his eyes that made Regulus want to shake him.

"I'll… miss you," Regulus says awkwardly. "It won't be the same without you here."

Severus snorts. "You'll just miss being able to copy my Potion's work."

"No," Regulus exclaims and before he knows what he's going, he's placed his hand on Severus's. He leans in and feels the warmth of Severus's lips against his own for a second before Severus jumps backwards.

"Don't you dare do that again." Severus's tone is icy. "Don't you dare ruin our friendship."

Regulus feels himself shaking but he nods anyway. He watches as his friend walks away towards the carriages without so much as a backward glance.

Regulus doesn't regret taking the Dark Mark. He has resigned himself to it ever since his first meeting with Riddle. Or perhaps earlier, he isn't sure. He knows his parents are proud of him. Perhaps this was all meant to be.

As he feels the burning on his arm, Regulus turns his heads slightly and looks at Severus. He isn't sure, but for a second there, Severus stares right into his eyes and Regulus can see a flicker of regret.

And then it's gone and Severus is cheering with the rest.

Regulus stands up stiffly, displays his arm to the crowd and tries to smile. Sirius had always called him a coward, but he wasn't. He was just a survivor, always taking the path of least resistance. But no more.

As Regulus meets Severus's eyes again, he vows to himself to find out the truth.

-fin