Author's Note: Inspired by Adam Lambert's 'Aftermath.' I'm trying not to write angst, but sigh. And I cried a little when I typed this up.

Disclaimer: Nothing changed. I still don't own them. I love them like I would love friends, though.

In the Aftermath

They say that after a huge disaster, you're gonna find the strength to move on and be all right. But did they really speak from experience, or did they just think that that was what people should be doing? Did they really know? Or were those who gave such an advice never experienced so much hurt? They didn't know what they were talking about.

They don't know.

I lost him.

He died.

His last breath was in my arms. His last vision was of me, a miserable wreck. His last thoughts were surrender – to surrender to Death. Mine were to fight Death just to get him back. But it didn't happen. He slipped away, forever gone now.

Forever.

Huh, that was such a long time, wasn't it?

You think, after 800 years, I would know what living forever would mean. But I don't, I thought I did. That was before. When you have nothing to live for, what is forever but just days ahead of you? I had something. After 800 years, 800 full years of nothing specific, of nothing out of the ordinary, I found someone I thought I'd spend my forever with.

Like the start of a sad story, it was happy. There was bliss.

But bliss would not last very long. Not if you're part of such a world.

It's not right, they told me. To weep, to just shut down and withdraw. To lose who I really was because one of my "play things" had died. But they don't know. Nobody really knows the depth to what we had.

I loved him. I love him.

Alexander Lightwood was not a plaything. I have been with a hundred people, maybe more, in my 800 years. But nobody had lighted up such a dark world, nobody but him. And they say he was nothing, that I could just move on, that I could just forget.

And I thought about forgetting. Just to get rid of the burning pain in my chest, the same burning pains that tear my heart apart, that leave tears running down my cheeks every time I wake up in the middle of the night alone in bed and without his familiar breathing under my ear. That leave me panting from nightmares. That leave me nothing but bittersweet memories.

I remember them now.

I remember his arms, strong, muscled arms. I remember his blue eyes as they looked at me, for the first time. I remember him, every day. It doesn't get easier.

I've tried screaming, I've burned down something. I've inflicted pain upon myself, just to forget about the other pain, the pain that really bothered me. I don't want to hurt; he didn't want me to hurt. But all the same, I could not bring myself to forget. To forget him would mean that I have shrugged off what we had, that the love I claimed to be so strong was just nothing, because I forgot.

What would happen, then, if he saw me? If he saw me and I forgot about him. Nothing. Because he was dead, and I would not remember. I can't bring myself to forget, never.

Magnus? …Magnus? Magnus! Don't…Please, stop.

I sighed at that, and felt the lightest of a brush of fingers on my cheek, smelled his sweet, sweet scent.

Don't hold back on yesterday. You'll be alright, baby.

No, I won't.

Just remember…You're not alone.

I am, Alec.

But not for long.

The tears well up in my eyes as I lie there, blood all around. Were we really immortal? Of course not. One way or another, we would die. And my death will not be easy. Just as how his was painful.

Magnus. You have to live. For both of us.

Nobody understands. Nobody ever understands how I can't spend a day trying to remember our moments of happiness and not end up crying. Nobody understands how I don't come back home that much, or stay for long. Nobody understands how I spend the many hours of my day just thinking about you, or visiting your grave.

Nobody understands, Alec. Nobody understands how you meant everything.

I might be one of the most self-centered people on Earth, but that was me with others. Not with you, Alec.

Magnus, you'll move on. You'll…Forget about the pain. About me.

I will not.

It's not too late. Magnus, get up. You have an antidote there. Please, don't do this.

There's nothing else but that strange sweetness around me, that strange light that fill my vision so much that I have to close my eyes.

My fingers curl, and I feel the life leaving them. I feel the pain in my chest.

This isn't the same pain, the same longing, the same darkness inside me, but something else. It is still pain, but no pain can compare to the pain of loss, to the pain of death. Not even mine.

I see those blue orbs when I closed my eyes, and I felt that gaze hold mine.

I wasn't strong enough, Alec.

It's been a year since then. I lasted this long.

And so my name is Magnus Bane. And I welcome Death like I welcome my lover into our very own Eternity.

…Alec, darling, did I make you wait long?