Without you, there's no heart.

Yeah, right.

Remember what I said to you before you completely faded out of my sight? See ya and thank you.

See ya- means I will see you again.

And Thank you- means I truly am grateful with the change you did in my life and for always being there.

Now I don't even know if these lines will still be of handy.

First off, after 17 months of waiting, waiting since I rearranged my room so that my bed would be right next to the window, to the window where you first entered, to the window where you used to come out when there's hollows, I finally grew tired.

I am tired and very sleepy. Why? Because I sleep late at night. Because I've been thinking too much. Because I've been wishing too much.

I hate being this weak.

This isn't me. You trained me remember? You made me feel powerful. You made me feel worthy. You gave me your utmost trust and surrender almost all of your powers to me the first time we met. You believed in me

Then day by day, you helped me discover my strengths and weaknesses. You taught me patience. That in this life, there's time for everything. Time to be hurt, time to accept, time to cope and time to move on. You felt the same way I did when I thought of my mom, about how I atone for my failings and thirstily desire to be powerful, so that I could protect. So that I could save.

You confidently showed me how you portray me in your heart. An admirable soul and a dignified shinigami-representative. There was a time I feared to show you what I became like after that horrifying fight I had at the dome. But through your eyes, through the concern I saw in them, and through the memories we've had, you have eased my anxieties. Your words have simply eased me.

Then, you stayed with me for a month, during which, I had been losing my powers gradually. I continued being asleep, though subconsciously I knew that when I wake up, I wouldn't be able to sense souls anymore that I would become just a normal kid. That I would live the life that I expected to have. That I would never become a shinigami anymore. That I would never see you again.

You were there when I woke up. Then minutes after...You're gone.

You're gone for the past 17 months and running...

Lonely? Like hell I'd be.

Who cares if you're gone? Do you care? Do you still do?

I lost my powers, yes, that's fucking hard. I don't want to admit it. I've desired power since I lost my mom, since I became aware that i need to protect my family.

But all along I thought you would still be around, that you would visit. That you would still be here, like at least show up in a gigai or something. Anything that would let me see or sense you. Anything that would confirm that you're beside me. Just... anything.

I'm in a mess right now. I've met people not worthy to be trusted but could help me gain my powers back and more. People I've yet to understand, people that are not like you.

So unlike you in a lot of ways.

Are you still reminded of the last words I said before you've gone? Cause if you are, cause if you still do. Then to hell with soul society, just come over here and remind me of those lines. Because I don't want to forget, I don't want to regret. Because this time, I'm thirsty enough to have my powers back and temptations are surrounding me making it easy to surrender.

But more than anything else, I just need you back. No explanations involved... just our connection.

Without you, there's no heart