Delta Writes A Mary-Sue. Yeah.
CHAPTER 1: Delta and Her Invisible Friend Explain, Eat Pie, And Sing 'Margaritaville'.
El Disclaimero: Me not own. Me only own aberrations of Mary- Sue society. You see.
There are several types of Mary-Sue story. Yesh indeedy. There are different sects, types, categories, and levels of redundancy and disgustingness. The common response to all, however, is generally the same. Meaning, the range of negative responses varies from projectile vomiting to spontaneous combustion.
Though the fanfiction sites are positively crawling with these redundant masses of pink fluff, chewed gum, grey matter, and some narsty fangirl thoughts (from "Composition and Analysis- An Inside Look At The Mary- Sue", pg. 37) there are ways to fight back. MSTs, for example. Everyone loves a good execution, and the cynical, sardonic, sarcastic and often gratuitously violent MST writers do their job well. Long live the MST. Another way to fight back is by ruthlessly mocking, which is not the same as an MST. (What the hell does 'MST' stand for? I have no clue. Fun, demonstrating my stupidity, eh? Moo Says Toucan? Multi- Suckered Tentacle? Mister Stupid Thingamajig? Mary Sue Tackling? Am I getting warm?) No. It is not. Get that through your head. Nonono. Mocking is.mocking. Gee, imagine that, a literal phrase in what is obviously the works of a psychopathic vegan with a sponge and some tea bags. Mocking is where you take a story and, via Superdy- Duper Reverse Psychology Wooooooooooo, blow it entirely out of proportion. Yeah. This is a mockery. Yeah. This is a mockery. Yeah. This is a mockery. Yeah...
Anyway, we're taking three, count 'em , THREE types of Mary- Sue and placing an abomination in each one. Yes. Abomination. Meaning, in place of Skinny Blonde Slut Protagonist (Are there actually protagonists in these things? Or do all the 'characters' just kind of stand around and drool?) we will insert Masochistic Drug Dealer With A Lazy Eye And A Machine Gun. Muahahahahhhahaha, we are geniuses. We'll be here till Friday. Remember your posters so we can sign them.
The catch? Uh..*thinks* Well, the characters are aware that the Mary-Sue will appear at any given time, and are therefore surprised when aforementioned drug dealer appears magically in place of the supermodel they were expecting. Just to keep you 'Smile and Nod'ers informed.
The three types of Mary- Sue we will be slaughtering mercilessly are the most common type, a lesser- known type, and a rare but damn entertaining bit we like to call the Star Wars Jedi Hell Chamber. Sounds like fun, no? So please keep all arms, legs, baseball bats, pickaxes, poison darts, thumbscrews, 'Don't Mess With Texas' bumper stickers, Magical Fuzzy Slippers of Immortality, etc. inside the vehicle and remain seated at all times while the fic is in motion. And watch out for the Happy Typo Monkeys of Horiblle Speling. They throe thinsg.
CHAPTER 1: Delta and Her Invisible Friend Explain, Eat Pie, And Sing 'Margaritaville'.
El Disclaimero: Me not own. Me only own aberrations of Mary- Sue society. You see.
There are several types of Mary-Sue story. Yesh indeedy. There are different sects, types, categories, and levels of redundancy and disgustingness. The common response to all, however, is generally the same. Meaning, the range of negative responses varies from projectile vomiting to spontaneous combustion.
Though the fanfiction sites are positively crawling with these redundant masses of pink fluff, chewed gum, grey matter, and some narsty fangirl thoughts (from "Composition and Analysis- An Inside Look At The Mary- Sue", pg. 37) there are ways to fight back. MSTs, for example. Everyone loves a good execution, and the cynical, sardonic, sarcastic and often gratuitously violent MST writers do their job well. Long live the MST. Another way to fight back is by ruthlessly mocking, which is not the same as an MST. (What the hell does 'MST' stand for? I have no clue. Fun, demonstrating my stupidity, eh? Moo Says Toucan? Multi- Suckered Tentacle? Mister Stupid Thingamajig? Mary Sue Tackling? Am I getting warm?) No. It is not. Get that through your head. Nonono. Mocking is.mocking. Gee, imagine that, a literal phrase in what is obviously the works of a psychopathic vegan with a sponge and some tea bags. Mocking is where you take a story and, via Superdy- Duper Reverse Psychology Wooooooooooo, blow it entirely out of proportion. Yeah. This is a mockery. Yeah. This is a mockery. Yeah. This is a mockery. Yeah...
Anyway, we're taking three, count 'em , THREE types of Mary- Sue and placing an abomination in each one. Yes. Abomination. Meaning, in place of Skinny Blonde Slut Protagonist (Are there actually protagonists in these things? Or do all the 'characters' just kind of stand around and drool?) we will insert Masochistic Drug Dealer With A Lazy Eye And A Machine Gun. Muahahahahhhahaha, we are geniuses. We'll be here till Friday. Remember your posters so we can sign them.
The catch? Uh..*thinks* Well, the characters are aware that the Mary-Sue will appear at any given time, and are therefore surprised when aforementioned drug dealer appears magically in place of the supermodel they were expecting. Just to keep you 'Smile and Nod'ers informed.
The three types of Mary- Sue we will be slaughtering mercilessly are the most common type, a lesser- known type, and a rare but damn entertaining bit we like to call the Star Wars Jedi Hell Chamber. Sounds like fun, no? So please keep all arms, legs, baseball bats, pickaxes, poison darts, thumbscrews, 'Don't Mess With Texas' bumper stickers, Magical Fuzzy Slippers of Immortality, etc. inside the vehicle and remain seated at all times while the fic is in motion. And watch out for the Happy Typo Monkeys of Horiblle Speling. They throe thinsg.