Fright Fest
Summary: crack!Akatsuki Halloween! Or is it?
A/N: A little late for a Halloween story. But I promise you, read to the end, and things will make sense. Or not. Oh, and please be sure to vote in my poll, it will determine what I update next, okay?
Disclaimer: Written by me, with lots of little ideas thrown in courtesy of Renren (PurpleWolfStar35). Also, there are references to lots of other things that I do not own. Like Pledge, Gumby, Christopher Walken, Harry Potter, Twilight, Full Metal Alchemist, Mortal Kombat, Sleepy Hollow and a load of other things I can't think to name. Oh, and I don't own Naruto, blah blah blah.
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Prologue
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A kunoichi, scantily clad in her underwear and an oversized T-shirt, scrambled up the stairs, sobbing, barely able to keep her footing. She reached the landing, and glanced behind her. The kunoichi's eyes widened and she shrieked, getting drunkenly to her feet and bolting for the nearest room. Someone...or rather, something, was chasing her, though only the kunoichi could see it. The girl raced through a long hallway, tripped over a rug, and crashed to her knees.
A massive arm ending in impossibly long talons swiped at the girl, narrowly missing her head and coming away with just a scratch to her cheek. The kunoichi screamed again and lept to her feet. The beast howled in rage when it missed the girl again as she sped toward a door at the end of the corridor. The girl tried the knob, and it wouldn't budge. Screaming in frustration, she shook it violently, but to no avail. The beast lumbered closer, growling in what could have been amusement.
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" the girl warned. The monster answered with a gravelly chuckle. It was almost upon her now...its heavy footfalls matching the rhythm of the girl's heart. In one last effort to survive, the kunoichi gathered the remaining few ounces of her chakra into her arm...and punched the beast as hard as she could. The monster slid backwards a few feet. Not very impressive, but it bought her time. She pushed the door off its hinges, and ran inside. She saw brilliant sunshine coming in through the window on the far wall, and knew she'd be safe outside.
The girl ran to the window, and pushed on it, but it was stuck.
"Shit!" she screamed, her fingers squeaking on the glass as she struggled with it. The kunoichi tried to focus more chakra, but she was drained. A hot, putrid breath blew at the back of her neck, and she knew that this was it. Everything faded to black as the beast began to rip the girl to shreds...the girl's screams continuing into the credits that began to roll.
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Pein sat there, in his living room, transfixed on the screen. He couldn't bring himself to move off the couch. He'd just witnessed a theatrical account (based on a true story, it claimed) of the Ninja Snacker. Its sole purpose was to eat ninja, shinobi and kunoichi alike. And the way it was summoned...Pein shuddered.
And then the phone rang.
The self proclaimed god stared at the phone, scared shitless. Just like in the movie...could it really, really be true? Pein slowly slid off the couch and tiptoed cautiously to the ringing phone. His hand hovered over it, sweat broke out on Pein's face, and he very slowly, very carefully picked it up, and pushed 'talk.'
"H-hello?" Pein answered. Heavy breathing and what sounded like static met his ears. Then...
"You will die in seven days." CLICK.
Pein stood there with the phone to his ear, unable to speak, unable to do anything but listen to the flat tone.
Holy shit.
The Ninja Snacker...was real. He was fucked.