Jasper was reading this damned book. I hate it when he does that. I really wanted him to be mine right now. But he was on my last nerve. Didn't he realize that? Why doesn't he make me relaxed? And am I getting a beat greedy? I think so. But it was Like He was ignoring me. I started at least:

Are you thirsty Jasper? I mean you just went hunting.

He nodded he's head due to his negative answer. Stop it already. I opened my mind to hear his thoughts:

Some say that the civil war was around 1861 …

He wasn't even thinking of me. Did I do something? Was it because I made him sad during the afternoon? Now it was around three AM. I was sitting on the sofa while Jasper was next to the kitchen's counter. I stood up and walked over there. Where he was. I held his hand that was set on the counter. I was getting freaking angry. I was red by now if I was a human. His eyes were steel set on the book's lines. Was I getting crazy? I wanted to break his hands undermine to get his attention. If Esme wasn't there I would kill Jasper. I said angrily:

What's wrong with you? Answer, my love.

He looked at me and rolled his eyes. I repeated:

What in the world is wrong with you?

He closed the book. He put it on the table and looked at me in the eyes. He finally spoke:

Sorry. This book is heroic.

More than me?

I chuckled. I was happy he spoke to me. He laughed and said:

Nothing and no one is more heroic than you. And you know that. At least for me.

Didn't you even feel me getting angry?

No. I was so in the book. I couldn't hear my mind.

I smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss. I let go his hand and put my hand on his neck. He got his hands on my neck to and made his head a bit closer to me. He pushed his soft lips on mine and gave me one of the best moments of my life. I pushed my lip on his and kissed him back. I couldn't breathe but that's ok I guess. I don't need that right now. He got the distance but his eyes didn't. I can say I was so happy. After all of that ignorance. But I can't call it ignorance because he wasn't doing it. But I was sort of creepy, too. I sat at the chair next to Jasper. Would hearing his mind be joyful right now?

Why was I acting like a freak? She tried but I didn't even turn around. So not joyful. I said:

You're not a freak. You're the best person in the world.

I kind of forgot that you could make telepathy. However, sorry. I love you.

I love you, too.

I guess you know what happened next.

Later …

Me, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmet were on our way to school. Roz said:

You know there's another newcomer. Alice saw it. She says she's freaking beautiful.

Jasper showed his apathy:

So?

I said:

She cannot be as beautiful as vampires. I mean nobody can. You're saying this because?

Roz said:

Guess what she is. Alice said if, even, a vampire see her, He'll say she's beautiful. Her name Is Sarah. Sarah Gardener.

Jasper laughed and said:

I guess I can say how she is when I hear her last name. I mean, everyone are absolutely gonna mock her because of that.

Don't be such an idiot Jasper. Gardeners are not that bad. Of course I prefer everybody to stare at me instead of her.

Emmet said:

I agree with Jasper.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes at him. I was drowned by my own thoughts. What if Jasper liked this new comer? She's beautiful and complete, I guess. Rosalie doesn't always speak of someone like this, does she? What If she is a vampire? Another thought answered. Hey stupid, Jasper loves you and is not gonna leave you. You kissed. The first and better thought answered. Not enough time to be so deep together. It's kind of soon. I am stupid. I'm fighting with myself and my inner self. I was talking to myself in silence. Jasper looked at me and said:

What are you worried about?

Then a wave of good feelings came to me. I smiled at him. I didn't wanna make him worried. I replied:

It's nothing. I guess I'm worried about the humans. I'm kind of thirsty.

He laughed and said caringly:

You wanna go hunting together? I mean if you can do it fast so why not?

No, thanks. If I was feeling bad I'll tell you.

We were finally there. I was nervous again, searching for a beautiful person around us. Jasper put his hand on my shoulder and gave me another wave. I was relaxed again and gave him a thankful look. He shook his head like "no problem". I wanted to surf the school. He got out of the car while Emmet was stopping it. He held the door so I could get out. I grabbed my bag and my jacket and went out. I wore my jacket and held his hand. He said:

I thought you don't like the attention.

I have to hold your hand. I need that.

He smiled. We walked into the salon. I looked at my watch. The bell was about to ring. I told him. He asked me:

What lesson do you have?

History with mister … Hermon.

Me, too. Let's go, I promise you'll enjoy the class.

He said that so it was fun. And it was indeed. I liked that teacher. We were talking about the cold war. At the end of the class he said:

Next session we're gonna talk about the civil war.

I saw jasper smiling. I gave him the asking look and he gave me the you'll know, look. I became a vampire during the civil war. I tried to fit in but Jane said that there could be some experienced vampire in it. Maybe jasper was one of them. We went to the cafeteria to act like we were drinking the morning tea. We walked there and I tried to find the new comer. No one. I was waiting for her. Jasper looked worried:

You're nervous again.

Yeah, I know.

I didn't want to give him details. I felt like my brain was trembling my stupid and negative thoughts, were fighting with me. Of course, I was the loser in that fight. I knew my brain and mind was gonna fall off. Jasper sent me a wave of happiness and good feelings. If that girl, Sarah, Showed up, I would probably miss that waves. I want him, Forever. But could I fight for him? Jasper broke my silence:

What's wrong with you? All of my brain is focused on you, I told you that they effects so much, So for God's sake stop it.

Fine.

He nodded and gave me the threatening look. I smiled at him and said:

Sorry. I couldn't control it. I don't wanna kill.

Love', if you feel so bad, you can skip school and go hunting. It's just the first.

I'll get better.

If I don't see her I was being truthful but if I didn't I was lying to him. I looked at the door, like I was waiting for someone. Have you ever looked at the right time? The door opened and a black – haired, beautiful, so so beautiful girl came in. My eyes we're getting big like a diamond. I took a look at jasper, but he had stuck in the same situation. He had stuck in the same situation? I called him. But he didn't answer. That was what I was afraid of. I called him again, this time louder. Sarah was giving him a crushable look. I yelled at Jasper, of course not so loud but it was with an angry voice:

Jasper? Do you get it why I was nervous?

Jasper looked at me wondering. He said:

Was that the thing you were …

I didn't think you'd act this way, but I know you're worthless.

Sorry! Please, forget me. That was… that was a…

Shut up until I can talk to you.

I was so angry. I wanted to go and kill that stupid girl.