"The ultimate choice for a man, inasmuch as he is driven to transcend himself, is to create or to destroy, to love or to hate." Eric Fromm.

Jennifer Jareau sat by herself, files to her right, a photo of her and her high school friends in their soccer uniforms in her other on. She was amazed at how much she had changed in a few years.

Aaron Hotchner walked up to her. He placed a hand on the top of her chair, nearly touching her neck.

JJ had had a thing for her boss from day one, even more so when she found out he was married. She'd penned it down to wanting what she couldn't have. She always dreamt about him. Even when the job got too much, she never wished her dreams to end.

"Can't sleep?" he asked, sitting across from her. She tossed the photo on the table between them. He leaned over, picked it up and looked at it.

"You can't imagine the pressures a small town creates." Hotch let a smile form on his face as he looked at it. "To play, to win, everyone pushing, everyone watching, I hated it."

"Why'd you play?" he asked, putting the picture back on the table.

"Athletic scholarship was the only way I was getting to college. It was my only way out. Besides, having a thick skin when it comes to pressure is a good thing in this line of work, right?"

There was a moment's silence before Hotch spoke again. "You did exceptional work the last couple of days."

JJ nodded. "Thank you. It's nice to be noticed."

"Yeah. We don't usually, do we?" he said embarrassed.

"Eh, it's all right. It's not why I do it."

"Have you ever thought about taking the classes, becoming a profiler?"

"No. No. I admire what you guys do, but I like my role. I like being the person the family can turn to. Being the voice the poor, the over-worked homicide detective can call when he runs out of leads."

Hotch eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"I thought everyone wanted to be a profiler."

"Sorry," she replied. They both laughed. JJ picked up the stack of file folders sitting next to her.

"What's all of that?"

"New cases. I got to figure out where we're going to next."

"Hey, wait a minute, we're the profilers. I thought we made those decisions."

JJ looked at him. "Sure you do," she said, nodding. They smiled at each other. JJ looked down at her files.

Hotch turned his head and looked behind him. "All right. Well, I'm going to find someplace to get some sleep."

"Yeah, good luck with that, she laughed.

He got up and walked behind her. "Thanks." JJ laughed, then closed the file folder. She picked up her soccer photo before putting it aside.

Suddenly she and Hotch fell on her chair, JJ on top of him. She began ripping his shirt off as he started kissing her neck. She was about to undo his pants when she felt herself being shook and heard Morgan's voice.

She jerked awake in time to see Hotch stepping off the plane. "We're home, let's go," Morgan said.

She drove back with him and Morgan, lost in her thoughts. She hadn't realised when they had arrived at the office.

She ran up to her office. Half an hour later she was ready and happy to go home. She ran back downstairs and ran through the rain to her car.

She turned the keys in the ignition but all she got in return was chugging. "Oh no…" She stared at the dashboard. She continued turning the keys. "C'mon, baby….C'mon," she urged. But everytime she turned them all she got was chugging. "Don't do this to me, baby, PLEASE!" She knew she wasn't getting anywhere with her car. She figured she was going to have to call a cab when someone knocked on the window. She lowered it slightly to Hotch.

"What is it?" he asked.

"She won't start…"

He raised an eyebrow. "She?" JJ didn't answer. "C'mon, I'll give you a lift," he offered.

JJ hesitated before hopping out of the car and following Hotch to his car. She was so thankful when he turned on the heating. She laughed. "Ah… thank you."

"Don't mention it… You didn't seriously think I'd leave a woman in distress on her own on a dark stormy night, now, did you?"

"I thought you'd gone home to Hailey and Jack." He went quiet after a long while he spoke again. "Do you want to grab a drink?"

This caught JJ off guard and she hesitated. "Sure," she finally answered. He had been so sweet and open to her on the plane and there was most definitely something there. She had to know what it was.

They arrived at a nice, not too full and not too empty bar. After finding out what JJ wanted, he told the bartender their orders. They seemed friendly, as though they knew each other. JJ had never seen the out-side-of-work, friendly man standing in front of her. He turned and, placing his hand on her back, led her to a nice, dimly lit table near the back. No one was sitting in the surrounding tables, leaving them completely alone. Soon the bartender came with JJ's wine and, to JJ's surprise, Hotch's double scotch. She eyed it. He looked at her.

"It helps take the stress off," he stated.

"I only drink wine, beer and, on special occasions, champagne… I could never go s strong as scotch or whiskey…" She laughed. "When I started going out and when he knew I'd be drinking unsupervised, my dad always figured, it best to start me off with the strong stuff and make me think it only got worse."

Hotch smiled. "Smart man."

"So when did you start drinking, Hotch?" she challenged, taking a sip.

"I was smart enough to wait until I was well past eighteen…" JJ eyed him. He shook his head. "Fifteen."

She laughed. "Hotch…"

His smile faded. "It was when my father died…"

JJ looked at him. She never knew his father died. "How?"

"He had cancer but he had a heart attack one day and that's what got him…"

"I never knew. I'm sorry."

"Like you said, you didn't know." He took a large sip of his scotch and when he swallowed, JJ could have sworn she heard him say, 'bastard.' JJ didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. He looked up at her. "Why'd you join the BAU?" he asked.

Thank god for change of subject, she thought. She shrugged. "I honestly don't know… I wanted to work in media when I was a kid but when I got older I realized I wanted to get into law and I guess here I am… What about you?" She knew they'd gone through this story before but she was going crazy trying to think of things to keep the conversations going.

"I had prosecuted dozens of murder cases, and by the time they reached my desk, it always felt like it was too late. I wanted to, um ... stop them before they got to my desk." He smiled at her. "We've been over this before haven't we?"

"Yeah…"

"And you weren't happy with the answer, were you?"

She shook her head. "No…"

He laughed. "If I'm being honest, it started years ago… When I was a kid, I knew someone who was being physically abused… I knew him well. His father was a drunk, his mother was being beaten as well, and he did everything to keep these out lashes from his younger brother…He couldn't confide in anyone…It made me sick and I guess I've been carrying it around with me all those years and I figured something needed to be done." He was speaking more to himself then to JJ.

JJ stared at Hotch. "Ho- It was you, wasn't it?"

Hotch looked up at her and any darkness that had been in his eyes, any trace of anger or sadness that he felt passed. He smiled. "Here," he said. He reached over and grabbed her hand. JJ looked surprised.

"But I'm not finished my drink…" she protested.

"You can come back to it." Hotch led her to the dance floor as the Music Master played a slow instrumental song. Hotch brought JJ into his arms and held her close to him. She rested her chin on his shoulder and placed her hands there too as he put his on her hips.

At first she couldn't stop shaking and hoped it wasn't noticeable. She relaxed when she realised how calm he was.

He was married with a child. He knows the bartender. He wouldn't risk ruining his marriage in public. Let alone with me. But her mind kept swimming. Why did he bring me here? Why is he dancing with me? Why did he tell me all that stuff about his father?

Finally letting her thoughts subside, she realised Hotch had moved and the song had changed. It was still slow but it wasn't just instrumental. She knew it was Jewel's Near You Always. She loved Jewel and slightly tightened her grip on Hotch. His forehead was resting against her shoulder. She could feel the warmth of his breath. He stopped dancing but kept JJ close.

"Can we go?" he asked.

JJ nodded. They went back to their table to grab their stuff and Hotch threw a ten dollar bill to the bartender. He nodded his thanks.

They arrived outside JJ's apartment.

"Thank you for coming out tonight."

"Do you want to come in for a coffee?" she asked.

He nodded and followed JJ into the apartment.

As she waited for the kettle to boil, she observed him. He looked exhausted, worn out, like he could do with a break. Just curl up in some abandoned island for a week or two.

"Have you slept lately?" she asked.

He looked at her. "Excuse me?"

"Tell me to stop, but, you look exhausted Hotch. Rundown, I mean…"

Hotch took a deep breath. "Do you want the truth?"

JJ knew she was going to regret this. "Ok."

"I love my work and I love my family, but right now all I can think about is dumping both. The only time I feel sane and calm is when I'm on the plane and everyone is sleeping and there is absolutely nothing else. And now…" He stopped before he dug a bigger hole for himself. It would be awkward enough without him revealing his biggest secret.

"What? Hotch, what?"

"There's…someone else."

"Wh?... Are you having an affair?" JJ asked, shocked that her normally in control boss was in such trouble.

"No… but I want to…"

JJ took a deep breath and began to turn, but she was too late. Hotch had her by the shoulders and pushed her against the wall as he pressed their lips together. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, but she soon came to her senses. "Hotch," she tried to protest but he took this attempt to let his tongue slide into her mouth and she knew there was no turning back. In reality, she knew she couldn't sleep with a married man, but in a second life, her life where there were no rules, no cruelty, she could have him. "Please," she whispered, taking his left hand and sliding his ring off his finger. She placed it on the counter and pushed him toward the bedroom, moving with him. When she assumed he knew where to go, she let him push her. Pushing her against the wall by the bedroom door, he took her top off. She undid his pants and pushed them down before pushing him into the bedroom. Unable to keep up with JJ, Hotch tripped and fell to the floor, bringing JJ with him. She got onto her knees and began undoing her own pants before sliding her hands under his boxers to touch him.

An hour later, they got up and moved to the bed, then fell asleep in each other's arms. JJ woke first, it was three a.m and Hotch was still in her bed. Minutes later he moved onto his side, gripping her tighter. He put his lips to her ear. "I want you."

JJ laughed. "I think you just had me…" He kissed her neck. "Mmmm, Hotch… Stop."

"I… can't," he said in between kisses. "Need… to kiss you…" But he stopped kissing her. Instead he opened his mouth and put his tongue to her neck and moving it up and down. JJ's mind started spinning. She sat up. Hotch followed and put his hand on her shoulder. Chills ran up her spine.

"What?" he asked as he put his chin to her shoulder.

"It's late… you should go."

"It's early," he countered.

"You have to go…"

"JJ, I need to stay with you… I need to be with you."

"Hotch, this isn't fair…"

"No one has to know that this happened, JJ…Just…" He started kissing her shoulder again. JJ laughed, exasperated, and fell back onto the pillows, letting Hotch climb on top of her.

Before she woke up again in the morning, she knew she was alone and that she was late for work.