The Lighter Side of-Animorphs
2
*Scene- Cassie's barn*
Ax: The Andalite fleet is coming.>
Rachel: "No, it isn't."
Ax: Yes, it is.>
Rachel: "No, it isn't."
Ax: YES, IT IS!>
Rachel: "NO, IT ISN'T!"
Jake: "Enough! We don't know if the fleet is coming or not!"
Marco: "Dude...I am so f*cking stoned..."
Jake: "Huh?!"
Marco: "I know the secrets of the universe..."
Jake: "Marco, are you high?"
Tobias: Yep, he is! And for five dead rats, you, too, can be as content as Marco!>
Jake: "Tobias...are you dealing weed?"
Tobias: No...I call it 'Roadkill Smoke'. It'll leave you satisfied...but in need of more. Five dead rats for half a pound!>
Jake: "I'm sure that's illegal and immoral...but, what the hell, this leadership thing's getting to me...Ax, kill some rats."
Ax: Ah, do it yourself, you lazy, pathetic excuse of a man.>
Jake: *Veins throb* "What...did you just...CALL ME?!"
Ax: Um, my supreme leader of this and every other universe?>
Jake: "Better...and where's Cassie?"
*Cassie enters, wielding a chainsaw*
Rachel: "Cassie? Why do you have a weapon?"
Cassie: "Years of pent-up agression. And now, I will kill you all!"
Jake: "Um...would you mind killing some Yeerks, instead?"
Cassie: "Oh, no, I couldn't...killing innocent Hork-Bajir or humans would be immoral and conscious scarring."
*A group of Hork-Bajir controllers run in, shooting dracon beams. One signs Cassie's hair*
Cassie: "Hey! He shot my hair!" *Revs chainsaw* "Son of a bitch."
*A few seconds of mass murdering later...*
Marco: "Why you so violent, Cassie? Peace and love, yo..."
*Cassie walks away from a pile of dead Hork-Bajir and random limbs*
Cassie: "I think I will, now. That really helped me blow off some steam..."
Rachel: "The Yeerks know where we are now! We have to kill them all!"
Jake: "Usually I'd make some self-contradicting yet inspiring statement, but I forgot to have my Honey Bunches of Oats this morning, so I say...what the hell? KILL THEM ALL!"
Marco: "Leader, man...be at peace, yo..."
Ax: There is no need for all of us to go...this mission seems adequate for...> *He runs off, with Tobias following. They come back a few seconds later, dressed in cheap masks and capes* ...AX-MAN, and his faithful sidekick, BIRD-BOY!>
Tobias: Holy bad roles, Ax-Man!>
Jake: "Um...kay...we'll let you handle it, then..."
Ax: Thank you, good citizen. Come, Bird-Boy!>
Tobias: Holy crap storyline,
Ax-Man!>
*Later, down in the depths of the Yeerk Pool*
Ax: Now, my eager young ally, let's kick Yeerk butt!>
*They leap in. Ax strikes a Hork-Bajir with his tail, but instead of the noise the wound would generate, a large cardboard cutout appears, with the word 'SLASH!' written across it*
Tobias: Holy cheap effects, Ax-Man!> *He uses his talons to rake a Taxxon's eyes, and a cardboard cutout with 'RAKE!' appears*
Ax: *Punches a Hork-Bajir, with a 'POW!' sign.* Hurry, Bird-Boy! We must destroy these villains before the evil Visser arrives!>
Visser One: *Enters* It is too late for that, Axmilli.>
Tobias: Holy evil villains, Ax-Man!>
Ax: ...okay, stop that, it's getting annoying.>
Visser One: Before I kill the two of you for your impudence...there's something you should know about us, Axmillli. Elfangor never told you what happened to your father...>
Ax: Happened? My father's perfectly fine back on the homeworld!>
Visser One: No, Axmilli...I am your father.>
Ax: !!!!>
Tobias: Holy rip-off revelation, Ax-Man!>
Ax: NOOOOO!!!!!>
Visser One: Now, get out of that silly outfit, and join me...so that we may rule the galaxy as father and son...>
Ax: Wait...you can't be my father...>
Visser One: Why not?>
Ax: For starters, you're a Yeerk...and Alloran has no DNA similar to mine...>
Visser One: Yeah, that doesn't make sense...>
Ax: Anyway...at him, Bird-Boy!>
Tobias: Holy understated credit
sequence, Ax-Man!>
*Back at the barn*
Jake: "Got any threes?"
Rachel: "Go fish."
Marco: "Fish, man...fish is like, the essence of water, man..."
Cassie: "Yes, that's nice..."
*Crayak appears*
Jake: "AAAH! A cheaply designed evil villain!"
Crayak: "Shut it, human! I am here to break the rules of the game and slaughter you all!"
Ellimist: *Appears* "No, you will not!"
Crayak: "Get out of my way or be destroyed!"
Marco: "Yo, you super-dimensional beings need to chill, you dig? Have some Roadkill Smoke."
Ellimist: "Um...okay, sure..."
Crayak: "Eh, what the hell..."
*A few minutes later...*
Ellimist: "Man, this shit is AWESOME!"
Crayak: "You know, I wanted to tell you something, man..."
Ellimist: "What?"
Crayak: "I love you, man..."
Ellimist: "Dude, I love you, too."
*They hug, despite the fact they don't have bodies*
Marco: "Yo, that's it...be at peace..."
Rachel: "That stuff must work wonders...guess I'll try some."
Cassie: "Me, too!"
*A few minutes later*
Rachel: "Cassie, this is worse than that time you and I 'experimented'."
Cassie: "If Jake gets stoned, maybe we could let him in on the action..."
Jake: !!! *Instantly takes Roadkill Smoke*
*Later still...*
Ax: *He and Tobias enter, with Visser One as their captive* We've done it! We finally caught Visser...what the hell?!>
Tobias: Holy stoned teenagers, Ax-Man!>
Crayak: "Be happy, bird...be at peace, yo..."
Marco: "Have some o yo stuff, Toby, man..."
Jake: (v/o) "YEAH! YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YA, BITCH?!"
Ax: Doesn't anyone care that we caught the Visser?!>
Marco: "Not particularly..."
Rachel: (v/o) "HARDER, YOU STUPID MALE!"
Cassie: (v/o) "STOP HOGGING HIM!"
Ax: Sigh...whatever.> *He kicks
Visser One into high orbit, and takes the Roadkill Smoke*
Tobias: Holy crappy sequel,
Ax-Man!>
*In another place*
Visser One: So, they're human...why
do I feel so stupid? Ah, well...MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *hack, cough, gag*>
THE END?