Naruto: What?! Where?! What am I doing here? Where's my Ramen?! I want back to Konoha, datte-bayo!
MLC: Calm down. You're my new assistant for Naruto FanFictions.
Naruto: Ohh!! I understand! …What did I have to do again?
MLC: You're supposed to tell the readers about warnings and the disclaimer.
Naruto: Ahhh! I see, datte-bayo! I just- How?
MLC: -sigh- Just listen. The anime/manga and all characters in it belong to their rightful owner. I'm not making any profit with it. Warnings: light to medium OOC-ness on Shikamaru's part and- HOLY TOOTHBRUSH!! Evil kitties?!
"And what brings you back already, troublesome woman?" The Nara greeted the arriving Suna-kunoichi with a lazy wave, his trade-mark smirk being in his usual spot on his face.
"Usual diplomatic stuff…" She yawned as if to emphasize just how bored she was by having to travel between the two villages on regular a regular basis. "Why? Not happy to be here, crybaby?"
Shikamaru sent her a 'You-gotta-be-kidding-me'-look along with a short grunt. "I could think of over fifty places where I'd rather right now, but-"
"…but it's too troublesome to say all of them out loud, right?" The chunin's expression shortly switched from annoyed to surprised, but immediately went back to annoyed.
Placing his hands in his pockets, he sighed, "Exactly. Besides, as much as it sucks, it's my mission to guide you, so I guess it can't be helped."
Temari crossed her arms in front of her chest and slightly shook her head. "You really should think of a few new lines. Everything you say is either 'troublesome', 'this-and-that is a pain', 'what a drag' and 'well, it can't be helped'. Honestly, after the hundredth time I stopped listening." The Konoha-nin could clearly hear the annoyed edge in her voice, but skillfully ignored it.
Assuming her guide couldn't think of any good comebacks, her lips curled into a triumphant smirk. "Well…" Since Shikamaru seemed to purposely drag out his answer, the kunoichi raised an expectant eyebrow and signaled him to continue. "…sure, sure. You're not the first one to complain about my narrow vocabulary. But I didn't change those lines when someone told me the first time, and I definitely won't do so after the thirty-eighth one told me to, which would be you by the way."
He paused shortly and turned around then. "Besides, I guess we should inform Tsunade-sama about your arrival now. She'll tear off my head if I'm late again." With that being said he began to walk. For about five seconds Temari stared at his back unbelievingly, while the distance between them started to grow. Had he really kept count on how many complained about his speaking-habits? Wasn't it too troublesome to listen to people's complaints?
Noticing that Temari wasn't walking beside him the way she usually did, Shikamaru looked backwards to check if she was alright. "What are you waiting for? We both know that the message that patience is a virtue has yet to reach the hokage!" he called backwards, though the tone of his voice was making it sound as if it was an incredibly difficult task to walk forward and talk over his shoulder at once.
The Suna-ambassador rolled her eyes in annoyance, though it was more out of habit than actual irritation. "You better look forward while walking. It probably would be troublesome if you trip-" Temari's teasing was interrupted by the dull sound of a body hitting the ground. "-ped." Desperately attempting to suppress the growing urge to laugh, she managed to choke out the last syllable of her sentence. But the image of the ever-so smartassy chunin sitting on the ground looking as if a dog had just pissed on his shoe was just too priceless.
"See? Told you so."
His dog-piss-face switched back to the well-known scowl. "Don't blame that on me! This thing rushed right against my foot and I lost my balance." While muttering several curses he picked up the mentioned thing and examined it a little bit closer. The thing turned out to be black, furry, and four-legged and stared at him with big eyes.
"It's a kitten, in case you've never seen one." Temari stated, incredibly amused that all it took to make the shinobi lose his balance was a little kitten, earning her a glare from Shikamaru.
"Gee, I know that it's a kitten. But from what I can tell, it's one hell of a troublesome one." The Nara kept his grip on the back of the kitten's neck and sent it a short death glare. To Temari's great amusement the kitten glared back, hissed and swiftly scratched Shikamaru's nose.
The kunoichi snickered softly. "I don't know why, but I kinda like this kitty," Temari giggled and snatched it away from her guide, who was intensely twisting his eyes to stare at the slightly bleeding bridge of his nose in utter horror. Immediately the kitten's features seemed to light up as the blonde picked it up and it snuggled into her arms.
The Konoha-nin's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You know, this kitten actually is pretty cute." Within milliseconds various emotions crossed Shikamaru's face. Amazement; because of the discovery that this troublesome woman really had a soft spot. Horror; because a soft spot like this didn't fit her at all. Disgust; because of that cat's smutty grin. And lastly, the tiniest bit of jealousy shortly flashed in his eyes.
Wait a moment! Shikamaru had to shake his head. Did that cat really send him a smutty grin just now?
The genius pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to focus. No, he certainly had just been imagining things. Cats didn't have lips. They couldn't send anybody smutty grins. Dammit, Shikamaru had to ask Tsunade to give him the day off tomorrow. Apparently all that extra paperwork she had been dumping onto him lately wasn't doing him any good.
"Hey, lazy ass, wasn't it you who said we should head to Tsunade-sama? Why are you still sitting on the ground?"
The feeling of a foot nudging his side roughly tore Shikamaru out of his string of thoughts. "Huh?" It took him about three seconds to fully return to reality but when his brain started working again correctly, he immediately nodded and jumped up. "Ah, right! Hokage-tower! Inform! Tsunade! Got it!"
Temari sent him an odd stare, but decided not to comment on his strange behavior. At least there was a slight change in his vocabulary.
After about two minutes of walking, including Shikamaru and the kitten exchanging several death glares, the Suna-kunoichi decided to break the uncomfortable silence that was surrounding them.
"That kitten is getting heavy," she declared, twisting her stiff shoulders slightly.
Her guide tore his gaze from the fur ball in Temari's arms and glanced at her indifferently. "So what? Why don't you just put it down? I'm sure it can walk itself." The ambassador raised a slender eyebrow while the Nara resumed to his glaring-contest with the kitten. Was she imagining things or did Shikamaru really sound as if he was sulking?
The kunoichi evilly grinned inwardly. If he really had such a dislike towards this cat, why not tease him a bit more? Temari looked him innocently and stuck out her lower lip. "Why? If I put it down it'll probably run away." Suddenly her eyes widened and an unreadable spark flashed in her eyes. "Ah! I have an idea!"
Shikamaru watched in horror as Temari pulled a bit at her kimono's upper part, revealing more of her cleavage in the process, and placed the cat right in her… well… the space where any man would be a dead man if he touched it without her permission.
Noticing her guide's scandalized stare she put on another innocent grin. "Something wrong?" she asked in a voice that was far too sugary-cute for Shikamaru's taste, making him spontaneously develop a sugar-allergy. The grin widened as he shook his head, too petrified to even talk.
'There! That cat is grinning again!!' was the first thing that shot through the chunin's head when he looked at the kitten again.
"May I ask, why the hell you keep staring at my cleavage, as if it were some kind of cloud, like the ones you keep looking at all day?!" Temari's voice wasn't loud as she asked him, but the menacing sub-tone couldn't be missed.
Shikamaru sent the cat one last death glare before he shook his head and returned from his trance-like state. "I wasn't staring at your cleavage, I was staring at that- that troublesome thing!!" he justified himself pointing at the kitten. A few passer-bys, who didn't notice the unusual position of the cat and only saw the way Shikamaru pointed at Temari, exchanged a few sentences almost soundlessly. For a moment the shinobi thought he had heard somebody behind him say something like 'perv'.
Temari forced out a kind smile and gently shoved the genius' hand away. "Ohhh… And why would that be the case?" She asked trying to mask the venom that was threatening to infect her voice.
"If you could see that cat's grin right now you'd know why."
Sending him an incredulous look, the kunoichi grabbed the kitten at the back of its neck, lifted so that it's her eyes were on the same level and examined its features. "I don't know about you, but to me it doesn't seem like a grin at all," Temari stated indifferently. Confused Shikamaru took a step behind the ambassador, glanced over her shoulder and looked into an innocent and curious pair of eyes.
The chunin blinked a few times and took another close look at the kitten. No grin at all. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously and glared at the cat. "What the-?! Till a moment ago this thing has been smirking as if there was a fish-filet laid out in front of it!"
"You're sounding ridiculous, Nara." As if to provoke him even more, she stroked its back and put it back in her cleavage. Inwardly horrified Shikamaru watched as the smirk returned in all its smutty glory. Temari narrowed her eyes as she noticed her guide's gawking at her breasts. "What's up now?! You better look away now, or I'll personally take care that you'll never see anything again!" She snapped at him venomously.
"B- B- But that… that thing is making fun of me!!" the Nara cried desperately, raising his voice's pitch almost hysterically, successfully making some civilians stare at him oddly in the process.
The Suna-ambassador crossed her arms in front of her chest firmly, nearly making the cat lose its grin. "Listen, crybaby, that thing, as you so kindly called it, is a kitten and it's definitely not making fun of you. Besides, what's your problem with her anyway?" Though she inwardly was kind of amused by Shikamaru's hysterical behavior, the pure annoyance easily outweighed the amusement.
The size of the chunin's eyes almost doubled. "Her?!? What the hell gave you idea of this thing being female?!? I bet my left leg that this cat is male and only acting all sugary-cute so that troublesome, clueless women do exactly what you're doing right now!!"
Temari sent the genius a stare that clearly said 'what the hell is wrong with you?!?' Trying to calm herself, the jounin inhaled deeply. "Well…" She forced a smile. "But if it's such a big problem if that cat is male, and neither of us knows for sure if it is, there wouldn't be any problem at all if it is female, right?"
Assuming she had won the discussion, the Suna-nin straightened her back and sped up a bit. Noticing her guide didn't follow, she turned around, only to see him staring at her completely petrified. His expression seemed much like the one of a cow which had just found out, that patties are made of meat. Temari raised an expectant eyebrow, waiting for the shinobi to say whatever had shocked him like this.
"Now that'd be even worse."
It took the ambassador a moment to understand what he was getting at, but after she had figured out that he was referring to the kitten's gender. "And you think so because…?"
Shikamaru gulped heavily, his expression seemed to be at least twice as horrified as before. "Because that would mean that this cat is a lesbian!!" The chunin's statement almost made Temari trip over her own feet.
The Suna-nin coughed awkwardly, since she couldn't think of any remarks at all right now. The Nara's accusation had caught her completely off guard. Realizing she was holding her breath she exhaled shakily. "Shikamaru, I'm sincerely worried about your mental health right now."
"O- Or maybe… maybe this kitten is a spy from Oto Gakure!!!"
"A spy?" Temari sent him a 'you've-got-to-be-kidding-me'-glance and mentally facepalmed herself. The past few minutes Shikamaru had been coming up with various ideas on how evil this kitten really was. This was going so far that the jounin was already waiting for her guide to claim that this cat actually wanted to take over the world by hypnotizing all of the five Kages along with a few elite-ANBU-members.
The chunin gesticulated frantically. "Sure! Just like Kabuto disguised as ANBU-member a few years ago at the chunin exams, this might be another Oto-nin who has transformed into a kitten to gather information and his having the time of his life while being stuffed into your cleavage right now!" His gesticulating came to a stop as he pointed at the cat.
Temari thanked the heavens that the street they were walking along was almost empty. Sighing irritated the blonde massaged her temples and couldn't help but wonder if the way towards the Hokage-tower had always been this long. "Nara Shikamaru, calm down! First of all, once we've reached Tsunade-sama's office I'll tell her to give you a few days off, because I think that you're drastically overworked, and secondly, if you really feel the urge to talk about my cleavage this much, then please do me the favor and don't point at it every time you mention it." The ambassador muttered and Shikamaru couldn't help but notice the menace that was vibrating in her voice and kept his mouth shut.
The triumphant grin plastered on the jounin's face didn't vanish until they eventually reached the Hokage-tower.
Before Temari could register what was happening, the kitten hastily peeled itself out of its warm spot, gracefully landed on the ground and made a mad dash into the next alleyway. The blonde's grin vanished and nearly instantly Shikamaru's lips curled into a smirk similar to the one Temari had been wearing just seconds ago.
"Bye bye, kitty!" he laughed arrogantly, but the relief in his voice couldn't be missed. His laughter died down when he noticed the odd smirk appearing on Temari's face. Gulping heavily he readied for a nasty hit by her fan.
"You were jealous weren't you?" The odd smirk seemed to have widened by at least one inch.
The genius straightened himself and firmly stated, "Jealous? What are you talking about? Jealousy is far too troublesome."
The kunoichi laughed in amusement. "Oh, really? Well, I certainly would have been if I were you," she replied mockingly and playfully linked arms with him dragging him after her into the Hokage-tower.
The kitten came out from behind a box in the alleyway and with a loud poof! smoke suddenly surrounded it.
After the smoke cleared up a bit a man in his mid-twenties, wearing glasses appeared. He shortly shook his pale blue ponytail and then watched the two other shinobi enter the building.
"How in hell did that bastard figure out it was me?!?"
MLC: GAH! The beginning was a pain in the butt to write, but altogether I enjoyed writing this.
Naruto: What?! Why am I still here?! I want some ramen, datte-bayo!
MLC: *snips fingers* *ramen appears* Here you go. *rolls eyes*
Naruto: Thanks!!
MLC: Well, since Naruto's eating, I guess I'll have to do it. Please review! Virtual-kitty-plushies if you do!
Note: Sorry if my grammar is a disaster, but my beta is quite busy right now, so I had to check it myself and since English isn't my mother tongue blah, blah, blah…. T_T