Castiel couldn't help it. He was human after all. He was scared.
Dean had told him he couldn't stay in the bunker. He was starting his new life all alone, with no help along the way.
He was in the storeroom of the Gas-n-sip he was working at, curled up in his sleeping bag, trying to keep warm and get some sleep.
He was finally drifting off when his cell phone rang, disturbing the silence and jolting him awake. Groaning, he reached out blindly and pulled his phone towards him, answering without bothering to look who was calling.
"Hello?" he asked, stifling a yawn.
"Hey, Cas. Did I wake you?" a familiar voice replied.
"Dean? What's wrong?" Cas asked, assuming the worst.
"Nothing, I'm fine. I just called 'cause..." Dean trailed off, embarrassed.
"Dean." Cas was getting annoyed now. Dean had kicked him out after all.
"Sorry Cas. Can you come meet me? I kinda wanted to talk to you."
"You are talking to me." Cas was confused, Dean wasn't acting like himself.
"I meant face to face. Please? I wanted to explain."
Cas thought for a moment, wondering if the angels were leading him into a trap. He quickly filed that thought away, and replied with a short "ok."
Dean gave him the address of a motel not too far away, so Cas got up and left, having nothing else to do now that sleep was out of the question.
Outside the door of the motel room, Castiel hesitated. He tightened his grip on his angel blade and glanced around before knocking on the door.
It swung open to reveal Dean, no angels in sight, and Cas relaxed immediately. Dean always seemed to have that effect on him. He always felt better in his presence.
Dean closed the door as he stepped in to the room. Cas turned, ready for his explanation, to find Dean staring at him. There was something different about his stare, a new emotion that Cas couldn't work out. He decided to ignore it.
"Well?" he prompted. Dean blinked and shook his head.
"Sorry. Uh, yeah. Cas, I'm sorry I had to kick you out. I would never have done it under any other circumstance. Thing is, Sam was dying and the only way help him was to let Ezekiel heal him from inside. Then, when you finally got to us, Zeke freaked out, told me it was you or him, and if he left, Sammy would die." By this point, dean was pacing, agitated. He stepped up to Cas, forgetting his own personal space issues for the moment. "You understand, don't you? You see why I had to send you away?" he was desperate for Cas to understand, to trust him again.
"yes, I understand Dean. Your brother comes first, like always."
Dean relaxed, his shoulders slumping. He smiled at Cas, and Cas saw that new emotion again. He still couldn't work it out.
"Cas..." he had always liked how Dean said his name; the way his lips shaped the syllables. Thoughts flashed through his mind, and he suddenly wished to find out what Dean's lips, mouth, tongue, would feel like on his.
He looked into those forest green eyes, and found them once again staring into his own bright blue ones. They stood like that for a moment, until Dean made the first move. He put his hand on Castiel's waits, pulling him closer, and caught Cas's lips softly, only for a moment.
In that second, Cas's world narrowed so that all he could see was Dean. He threw his hands around Dean's neck, pushing his fingers through his hair and pulled him in for a longer, deeper kiss. Cas's mind promptly exploded with emotions; joy, exhilaration, wonder to name a few. But for the first time, Case realised the he loved this man. The man he had pulled out of hell, who he had rebelled for and died several times for. He finally realised that he had, in his own angelic way, loved Dean from the moment he raised him from perdition.
He wanted to tell Dean about his revelation, but their tongues were currently locked in a passionate battle, so Cas simply moaned and tried to move even closer to Dean.
They broke apart, gasping for air. There was a wild look in Dean's eyes as he removed Cas's shirt, stealing kisses as often as he could.
Cas tugged dean's t-shirt over his head and dumped it on the floor, then moved quickly to rid him of his jeans as well. Cas stepped out of his own jeans on the way to the bed, where Dean pushed Cas down onto it, then straddled him, and leaned down for another passionate kiss.
Cas let his hands wander, starting at Dean's chest, ghosting over his muscled stomach, finding each of Dean's scars from the thousands of hunts he had been on. Eventually, he ended up at the waistband of Dean's boxers.
Castiel's mind suddenly flooded with panic. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. It had been simple with a girl; he could draw from Jimmy Novak's memories. But now he was in the dark. He frantically trawled through Jimmy's memories again, looking for anything to help him, when it suddenly forced its way to the front of his mind. A hidden, half suppressed memory of Jimmy's came to the fore. He was 18, and thought the boy he sat next to in math was cute. They had only got together once, but the boy had experience, and knew what he was doing. Cas tried to copy what he had done, and palmed Dean's hardening cock through the material of his boxers. Dean gasped in shock, then relaxed and decided to go with it.
Cas felt blood rush to his own cock as dean moaned and gently nipped his ear. Dean kissed down the angel's jaw, then neck, and sucked lightly at the skin on his collarbone. He was rewarded with a guttural moan from Cas, who's hips lifted off the bed to grind against Dean's for a moment.
Dean chuckled against Cas's shoulder, sending vibrations through his chest. He lifted his head and slowly tugged Cas's boxers down, watching as Cas sprang free of the retraining material. The underwear was tossed carelessly aside as dean nudged Cas's legs open using his own.
Dean paused. His beautiful angel lay before him, ready and eager for Dean. He leaned forward and whispered in a gruff voice, "I've dreamt about this moment for so long."
He then sucked on his fingers, hoping his spit would be enough. Slowly, he inserted the first finger. Cas tensed immediately, watching dean intensely.
"Relax, I don't wanna hurt you." Dean said, running a reassuring hand over Cas's chest and massaging his shoulder.
Cas focused on relaxing his muscles, allowing Dean entry.
Dean slid his finger in and out a few times, and then added a second, and a third, watching as Cas's breathing became more laboured and he began moving with Dean's fingers, dragging his nails over Dean's bare arms while his eyes closed.
His eyes shot open when Dean withdrew, and watched as he moved into position.
"you okay?" dean asked. Cas only nodded mutely in response. The throbbing in his dick was close to painful now, and he could tell Dean was close too. Neither of them were going to last much longer.
Dean thrust in without warning, and Cas cried out in pleasure as he hit that spot straight away.
"Dean!" he growled as Dean withdrew torturously slowly. He saw a smile play at Dean's lips, so he called out again as Dean moved back in.
He moaned as dean grabbed his hot, hard cock and started rubbing it in time with his quickening thrusts. Dean was close to coming, but he was determined not to let go first. He picked up the pace, filling Cas to his limit.
"Dean!" Cas cried once more.
"Come on Cas, come for me." Dean growled.
That was all Cas needed to hear, and he was pushed over the edge, spilling over Dean's stomach. Dean followed almost immediately, and then he collapsed onto Castiel's chest, panting heavily.
Once they had caught their breath, dean moved up to lie beside Cas, wiping his stomach onto the bed sheet beside him.
Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder, and the Winchester wrapped his arms around the ex-angel.
Neither of them spoke for a moment. Simply lying in each other's arms was enough.
"Dean?" Cas finally broke the silence.
"mmmm?" came the reply.
"Dean, I – um..." Cas broke off, suddenly afraid Dean wouldn't say it back.
"I love you too, Cas."
Castiel looked up, startled. Dean smiled, and Cas realised that Dean had known for a long time, and the emotion behind his eyes that Cas couldn't place before was pure, unadulterated love for Cas.
Cas kissed Dean ferociously, and then, just because he felt he really should say it at least once, he mumbled "I love you, Dean Winchester."
It was the right thing to say. Dean grinned wildly. Suddenly, he sat up and practically ran for the bathroom, leaving a bewildered Castiel on the bed.
When he heard the shower turn on, an idea formed in his mind. He followed Dean into the bathroom.
A while later, they emerged and dressed. Dean was at the door before Cas had finished buttoning his shirt.
"Dean, what's the rush?" Cas asked, bewildered by his impatience.
"Come on, Cas. We gotta go sort Ezekiel out."
A small spark of hope flared in his heart.