This is going to be a collection of drabbles delving into the black, f***ed, but somehow completely endearing mind of Sirius...

J.K. Rowling owns all of this. I'm just playing with it!

Venia Amuletum, my lovely BETA-ee, is responsible for this, because she completely enticed me into loving this particular version of Sirius Black with her stories. For those of you who have not read the Unbridled, it is about a version of the Marauders' time at school where Snape is not the only one in secret and forbidden love with Lily... while still remaining true to our faithful, stoic Sirius- who loves James more than anything in the world...

A taboo thing to most fanfiction readers, but somehow completely fascinating to me. What's better than the combination of Sirius Black and unrequited love?

What's better than taking a handsome, over-confident, womanizing man, and putting him in a position where his feelings are out of control? Furthermore, one who is caught between these feelings he cannot get rid of, and his own sense of extreme loyalty and love for his best friend?

Too intruiging.

Thanks to our chats about his character development I could not get him out of my head, and she graciously encouraged me to borrow him and take him for a spin-

This is going to be dark, (black, ha...) at times, light at others... just be warned.

1. Wedding Night

Rain sprayed across roof and window, like a thousand needles across precious metal, setting Sirius' teeth on edge. The sound felt like shrapnel and reminded him of the woodlice rice thrown by the little girls in pink at James and Lily's wedding. The needles closed in on his brain and heart.

His head was already throbbing from the countless ounces of liquor he had ingested in 'celebration', and his mind was becoming dangerously clear. He shifted restlessly between black satins sheets, feeling trapped by the heavy down quilt and the body next to him. She was beautiful, he supposed. The black of the night brought highlight to her dark lashes and wild curls, but she reminded him the smallest bit of Bellatrix, and that sent the most primal urges of man through him. He wanted to grab a fistful of that jungly hair, wanted to degrade her, and throw her bodily from his bed.

He hated Bellatrix with more passion than he had ever loved anything, save for the only thing he should not love, and hate brought out the true Black in him, he supposed. Subtle incestual urges and all. His rapidly clearing mind wondered for a moment, why his instinct to kill was so closely tied to his instincts to conjugate, but again, he supposed it was simply in his blood. Everything a Black did must be indusive of self-hate, or else they just might be in danger of giving up their money and power to join the world of the happy.

Sirius looked upon the girl next to him. Angela, he thought her name was. She had been sweet as an acid pop, vain and simple. She had cried during the vows, like a feeling person should, and had blushed when he approached her, like most young women did. She had been sweet. Sirius wondered why he hated her so much.

He supposed it stemmed from the throbbing mess of nerve endings exposed in the vacuum of his chest. It had ended today. The thing that could never have started, that would, for him, never really end- it had taken some sort of symbolic twist today.

Lily had been spine-tinglingly lovely in her gown today. The mess of his heart ached sharply, making him feel suddenly ill. James had looked handsome, he had looked happy. Sirius had been happy to see that, but he had also never hated him more.

He wondered how far a heart could split. Back, years ago, when his deviant mind had fallen victim to the powers of red hair and green eyes, he had thought that at some point his heart would go one way or the other. Then it had been subtle. He had loved James as his only family, and Lily as a distant desire. It had been fairly simple. Now he could feel a constant duality in his heart that battled and battered him until he hated himself so much he could hardly breathe. He still loved James as the only true friend, Brother, and family member he had ever had- but God- he hated him. With as much force as a bleeding and unrequited heart can love. That's how much he hated James sometimes.

The girl stirred in her sleep, sliding over black satin to nuzzle into Sirius Black's bed-warmed skin. He automatically stroked her hip with his thumb, feeling like a factory worker assembling the thousandth cheap toy of the day.

"… Mm- 'You still 'wake?" she murmured into his ear.

"No." he whispered flatly, staring at the high arched ceiling.

Her breathing deepened and she twitched gently against him, lost to sleep. He knew he would most likely not be joining her tonight, and settled for shutting his mind tightly against visions of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, radiant with love and the promise of a future.

He focused on the rain, spraying across roof and window, like a thousand needles across precious metal, his head throbbing, his teeth on edge.