Memories
Disclaimer:…I don't own Full Metal Alchemist -bawls-
The war… every time my thoughts approach the subject it physically pains me. Their haunted expressions, twisted in pain or death… it haunts my ever thought. Their terrified screams and wailing cry still echo in my mind, especially in the silence. Everything about the war from the coppery smell of blood mixing with the comforting smell of gunpowder to the feeling of the sand in my uniform and the blood stains my skin, I was never sure if it was mine, the Ishbalians or my comrades who I'd hold as they passed. All this plagues me, my thoughts and even my escape, the dreams that once held child like innocence are transformed into twisted nightmares of blood and genocide.
Those are the things I can't tell to the physiatrist who I am supposed to visit. Those are the things I want to tell to my taisa when he asks what's wrong. I am sure he knows though, he can recognize the look I get, he often has the look as well. But I don't tell him, I don't even tell Black Hayate my memories of the war, the nightmares that haunt me both during the day and the night. I wouldn't tell the Colonel as well because he has his own problems, he would blame himself for dragging me into the war. I followed him silently even from the time when my father was his teacher. Quite honestly he was one of my first true friends.
He remembers all to well as well, I can see it in his eyes when he feels particularly pathetic. He hides behind a happy, womanizer facade just as I hide behind my emotionless, serious façade. But he gets his moments when he gazes off into the distance, remembering those who have died for him, and who he has had to kill. I suppose I do too, but that's why I focus on the present and future, to escape those painful memories of the past. But I know he knows what I am thinking, his small real smile comforts me, lets me know that the future will be okay, and someday the past sins will be forgotten…
[End…for now]
A/N: I may add on to this one…