Happy Christmas everyone! So, like Lapland last year, this year I'm uploading a Christmas story. However, this story features the cast as children, and attending Henry VI's Christmas Court in my home country of England! It was inspired by the awesome play, The Lion in Winter, featuring Henry II's rocky Christmas Court with his sons and his wife all trying to seize power.
Obviously, it's modern day, so I've taken artistic liberties with medieval kings and whatnot, ie. Ned, the future Edward IV, is a laddish university student.
And, once again, I don't own anything.
Ned's car zoomed along the motorway. The window was open a crack so that he could try and get rid of the smell of the spliffs he and his mates had smoked without freezing himself to death. If his mother found out about some of his uni antics...let's just say she wouldn't be impressed. And it would be best if his younger brothers didn't start whining about the smell. The wind ruffled his blond hair, and the radio blared out Christmas tunes. Ned sang along loudly. No one was going to hear, so why not?
He grinned, looking at the time. Almost there. The traffic hadn't been that bad, but the journey had been long, and he was looking forward to seeing his family again. How many weeks had it been now? Ned gave up trying to count them. Either way, it would be great to get home and just relax. All of his clothes were bundled into laundry bags so that the servants could do them when he got home.
"Driving home for Christmas" Ned continued to sing "Oh, I can't wait to see those faces!"
The Yorkist Plantagenets had all planned a traditional family Christmas at Ludlow Castle. Everyone was coming home. His dad had decided to put aside the problems with the Lancastrians aside for a couple of weeks so they could just relax and enjoy each other's company. Ned found himself getting angrier and angrier with the Lancasters for treating his old man like shit. It wasn't poor mad King Harry who was the problem, it was that bitch wife of his, and that bratty little son they had together. Once, Ned caught the demon terrorizing the Earl of Warwick's little daughter, Anne, and had almost kicked him down the stairs to see how he liked being bullied. Luckily, his brother Edmund had stopped him just in time.
The car pulled into the driveway. Ned glanced up, and saw Richard's little face peeking out the window. He grinned, and then grinned some more when he saw his brother notice him. Richard's eyes lit up delightedly. Ned could almost hear his brother running downstairs, shrieking "HE'S HERE! HE'S HERE! NED'S HOME! FINALLY!"
Ned climbed out the car, and the door of the castle was thrown open. Richard came running out, with Edmund following at a more leisurely pace. George skulked along behind them, trying to act cool, but Ned knew he was happy to see him too. They were all happy to be reunited.
"Ned! Ned! You're back!" squealed Richard. Ned bent down and scooped him up. Richard flung his arms around him. Ned laughed, and kissed his little brother's dark head.
"Yes, I'm back" Ned smiled "Did you miss me?"
"Yes! I missed you so much!" Richard cried "Now you're here, it's properly Christmas!"
"Move over, Dickon. Where's my hug and my kiss, Ned?" asked Edmund.
"Be patience, Edmund! It's George's turn!"
"Yuck! I don't want to kiss you. Urgh!" George ran back inside. Ned just laughed, and hugged Edmund, whilst still holding Richard. Richard was clinging to him like he couldn't bear to let him go. Ned indulged him, and carried him back into the castle, where the rest of his family were gathering to greet him. A massive Christmas tree was set up in the hallway, and sparkling tinsel was wrapped around almost everything. Ned smiled. Christmas had truly began.
"Now, Mercutio" said Adelaide sternly "We are about to go through airport security. Have you got anything you shouldn't have in your pockets?"
"No" pouted Mercutio.
"Are you sure?" asked Adelaide.
"Yes" Mercutio blinked innocently.
"All right. I believe you. Now when we go through security, I need you to behave. Do you understand?"
"Yes, mummy"
"Do you understand?" repeated Adelaide "No bomb jokes, no drugs jokes, no knives jokes, none at all!"
"Yes, mummy!" cried Mercutio.
"Right. Now we're going to go through security. Look how Benvolio's behaving. He's behaving beautifully"
Mercutio glanced over at his best friend. He was pale, and clasping his mother's hand very tightly.
"The only reason he's being quiet is because he's scared of flying" retorted Mercutio.
"Well, act like Angelo's son, then, he seems like a good boy"
Mercutio glanced over at the little blond boy clinging to one of his uncle's politician's hands. He'd never met him. He'd only really hung out with the children of the nobility before, rather than the children of those elected into power. He'd seen him a few times, tagging along after Angelo at the palace, but they'd never spoken. Perhaps he'd have to play a few pranks on this kid, and see what he was made of.
"Hey! Wooshy-wo!" yelled a familiar loud voice.
"Hermy-wa!" Mercutio whooped, turning around to see a small red-haired girl standing with the Capulets "I didn't know you were coming too!"
"Yes! All the noble families are coming! My dad says King Harry is trying to get everyone together to make us all love each other and make peace" Hermia pulled a face "And he's doing a talent show for us and some of the other kids. I think I'm going to enter. I'm going to beat Tybalt up in front of everyone so everyone laughs at him for being beat up by a little girl"
"Hermia, that's enough" scolded Lord Capulet, picking his daughter up and carrying her away "I want you on your best behaviour whilst we're in England"
Mercutio shuffled along after his mum. All the adults had told them to be on their 'best behaviour' But what if he didn't have a 'best behaviour?' Mercutio was always as naughty as he could possibly be...
They got through security, and went to the terminal. Escalus led the party, with his Deputy following after, and then Angelo tugging his son along. It seemed to everyone that Angelo was ambitiously coveting the Deputy's position. And he was popular and everyone seemed to like him. Mercutio, however, thought he was a swarmy git.
At the terminals, the Capulets sat on the opposite side to the Montagues, and vice versa. Mercutio and his family sat in the middle. After a while, he got bored, so he scampered off to sit with Romeo and Benvolio.
"Why are you green, Benvolio?" asked Mercutio.
"I don't like flying" mumbled Benvolio.
"Cheer up, Benny" said Mercutio "It's Christmas! We're going to King Harry's Christmas court, where we'll have real snow! We hardly ever get any in Italy, and Harry is King Hal's son, so I know he'll be lots of fun and we'll have a great time"
"I don't see why we couldn't have driven to Calais and taken a ferry to Dover" moaned Benvolio.
"Because plane is quicker" Anthony rolled his eyes "Stop being so stupid"
"He's not being stupid, he's just not used to flying yet" said Briony, Benvolio's mother, gently stroking strands of curly hair out of Benvolio's eyes "But he'll be brave, won't you?"
"Yes, mummy"
"Terminal 5 is ready to board" announced a cool, female voice.
"Oh no..." whimpered Benvolio.
"Benny's a coward!" sang Beatrix gleefully "He's scared of a plane!"
"Don't be horrible to your brother, Beatrix" said Briony firmly. She stood upright, taking Benvolio by the hand. Across the room, Hermia was bouncing with glee to get on the plane. Tybalt looked grumpy. Juliet was as excited as her sister, but seemed to have the hang of this 'best behaviour' thing, and was calmly following her family to wait in line.
Mercutio returned to his family, where they boarded the plane first, since they were the royal family. Paris was looking smug and pompous, playing his part of a little lord perfectly. Mercutio was determined to show him up.
"And," said Margaret aloud to her personal assistant "And, for god's sake, don't invite the Duke of York and his horrible family"
"Yes, your grace" the young girl replied.
"Margaret, we can't not invite them" said her husband softly.
"Why not?" she demanded.
He looked like he was about to shrivel up in fear. But Harry composed himself, and replied gently "Because Christmas is an important time of forgiving, and togetherness. And I want us to be at peace"
"There'll be more peace if we leave them to whatever they have planned at Ludlow Castle" retorted Margaret "They'll be happy there, and we'll be happy here. The Duke can screw the Duchess to his heart's content, and she can give birth to yet another son, and Edward can screw the local girls to his heart's content, and they can give birth to bastards"
She laughed, thinking how witty she was.
Harry flamed red "Margaret...I know you're upset we didn't have more children...but you know I don't like...don't like to..."
Margaret just rolled her dark eyes. Harry bent his head, ashamed, before trying to speak again.
"They'll be offended if we don't invite them"
"Let them be offended" Margaret rolled her dark eyes again and crossed her legs. The door burst open, and her crimson lips spread in a wide smile "Edouard, mon petit tresor! Why aren't you with your tutor?"
"Because he's a prat and I've fired him" replied Edouard.
"Again? Edouard, you fire tutors every other week!"
"Because I hate them!" snapped Edouard "This one was ugly and fat, and he had man boobs"
"Edouard, mind your language" said Harry, blushing at the mention of the word 'boobs'
"I'll talk how I want!" Edouard snapped at his father. He turned back to Margaret "Anyway, mama, I want to open my Christmas presents now"
"You can't, sweetiepops. If you open them now, it's bad luck"
"I don't care!" yelled Edouard "I want them now!"
"If you open them now, you won't have any to open on Christmas day" said Margaret.
"You can buy me more" replied Edouard.
"Edouard, sweetie, I know you love opening your presents, but we did that last year and by Christmas we were running out of things to buy you"
Edouard's mouth were open and his lower lip wobbled. He glared angrily at his parents.
"But, how about," said Margaret "You open one now. Just one, to tide you over"
"But I want them now!" screamed Edouard "I want them!"
Harry looked horrified.
"You can open two!" Margaret shouted.
"I want to open them all!" Edouard continued to scream "They're mine!"
"All right! Fine! You can open them!"
"Ok!" Edouard bounced off happily towards his pile of presents.
Margaret turned back to Harry "Do you see how upset our son gets? Imagine what he'll do when the vile Duke of York and his brood of brats show up"
"The Duke of York?" Edouard whirled around "What about him?"
Margaret smiled smugly "Papa says we should invite the Duke of York and his family for Christmas court"
"I HATE THE DUKE OF YORK!" roared Edouard "I DON'T WANT HIM HERE!"
Harry cowered in his chair. One of his attendants rushed forwards and offered him a glass of water, murmuring gentle words in his ear.
"Well...perhaps...maybe if we invite them...they probably won't attend anyway if they have plans..." Harry stammered.
"Hmm..." said Margaret "That sounds more like it. And if they refuse to attend, well, we can be the insulted ones"
She laughed. Harry smiled uncertainly. Edouard ripped off the wrapping paper.
"This isn't the bike I wanted!"
"Tybalt, sweetiepops, do stop sulking" Regina clucked.
"Tibby's annoyed because Rosaline couldn't come" sang Hermia.
"Shut up, stupid girl!" Tybalt snapped.
"You love her" giggled Hermia. She turned and addressed the rest of the plane "TYBALT LOVES ROSALINE!"
"Shut up!" roared Tybalt, aiming a punch at her. Hermia, small and swift as always, ducked quickly, even as she sat in her seat.
"Tybalt! You do not hit people!" scolded Regina "What will King Harry say when we get to England and you act like that?"
"He won't care. His dad beat up all those French people. If he's anything like him then he'll just laugh"
"I don't think so" said Lord Capulet "From what I've heard, he's quite...different, to Hal"
"Different is good, different is cool!" declared Mercutio.
"Unless you're you" retorted Tybalt "Then you're just a goddamn freakshow"
"Tybalt" gasped Regina.
"Don't say nasty stuff to Mercutio!" hooted Romeo. He grabbed his coke and hurled it forwards a few rows at Tybalt. It hit him straight in the face and dripped over his clothes. The Montagues all sniggered, whilst Tybalt seethed.
"That's it!" yelled Tybalt "You're on, Montague!"
He unclipped his seatbelt, and stormed down the aisle towards the Montagues.
"Oh no..." whimpered Benvolio.
"That's enough!" Escalus jumped out in the middle "There will be no fighting in the plane! And when we get to London, there will be no fighting either! I want everyone on their best behaviour. We are representing Verona, and I won't have the whole of England believing we're a bunch of violent nuts"
"But in England, they are a bunch of violent nuts" protested Mercutio "Aren't they fighting over who gets to be king right now?"
"Yes, they are, but that's irrelevant. King Harry wants peace, and so do I, as a matter of fact. Tybalt, sit back down in your chair, Romeo, no throwing drinks, and Mercutio, stop showing off"
"I was not" grumbled Mercutio.
"Ned, we have so much to tell you!" exclaimed Richard, tugging on his older brother's arm "You've missed so much!"
"All right, all right, calm down, Dickon" Ned ruffled his younger brother's hair. Richard glowed delightedly and wrapped his arms around Ned's waist.
"Edward, darling!" cried his mother, rushing forward to greet him. She hugged him and kissed him on his cheek "Gosh, you're even taller than when you left! Do you ever stop growing?"
"Last time I checked, I was six foot two" replied Ned proudly "So where's the little man?"
"I'll have less of the little, young man" growled his dad, the Duke of York, as he moved out to greet his eldest son and heir "I can still bend you over my knee and give you a good hiding!"
"I've only just got here and you're threatening to beat me?" whined Ned "That's abuse!"
"Naughty Ned!" giggled Richard, still practically bouncing around with delight at having his older brother back.
"Calm down, Dickon. You wouldn't act like this if me and Edmund went away for three months" said George.
"That's because I don't like you, you smelly old poohead" replied Richard.
"You're a smelly old poohead!" George shoved him.
"Oi!" Richard shoved him back.
"That's enough!" Cecily held her two sons off of each other "If I see you two fighting like that again, it'll be you who your father will be giving a good hiding too!"
"Sorry mum" mumbled the two boys.
"Hey, there's a letter down here" said Edmund, reaching under a newspaper on the coffee table.
"Oh, there it is!" sighed the Duke of York "I've been looking for that all week. Open it, son"
Edmund shelled it open "To the Duke of York and his family. You are cordially invited to attend Christmas Court at Buckingham Palace with his grace, King Henry VI and Queen Margaret, and their son, Prince Edward. Christmas Court will begin – that's today!"
"Christmas Court!" spluttered the Duke of York "I thought we weren't invited!"
"And I thought we had plans for a traditional family Christmas" protested Ned "And I drove past London on my way here! Think of all the petrol I've wasted!"
"We can't possibly go" said Cecily "It's too late! If it's starting today, we'll have missed most of the festivities. And anyway, Rich, you said this Christmas you didn't want anything to do with Court. You said, you wanted to have a nice, calm, peaceful family Christmas"
"They are our family" said the Duke of York gloomily "And if they've invited us, then they'll expect us to turn up. If we don't, Margaret will turn it round and say we snubbed her deliberately"
"For goodness sake! Didn't they know we planned our Christmas here?" Cecily cried.
"Yes, they did, but it looks like they seem to have forgotten"
"Well, how do we tell them we can't come?" asked Cecily.
"We can't. Not without Margaret turning it around on us and twisting our actions to make us look like the bad guys"
"We could...tell them we're snowed in" suggested one of their daughters.
"Where's the snow? This is the Welsh Marches. All we have here is rain, and sheep" said Ned.
"We'll have to pack in under an hour and start driving immediately if we want to have any hope of getting there in time" Cecily rubbed her forehead anxiously.
"So, we're going?" asked Ned.
"By the looks of things, yes" sighed the Duke of York.
"That's not fair! You know what will happen! Edmund and I are the oldest, and we'll just get lumbered with babysitting people's kids!" protested Ned "And remember what happened last time I babysat that brat they call the prince?"
"You locked him in a cupboard. How could I forget?" the Duke of York rolled his eyes.
"He deserved it" shrugged Edmund. George and Richard both giggled.
"But Margaret was not impressed" the Duke of York replied "And Harry was horrified"
"Everything horrifies the poor loony king" said Ned "He can't govern this country whatsoever. Why don't they just hand you the crown?"
"Ned, don't say things like that in front of your brothers"
"You mean dad should be the king?" asked Richard.
"That would make us princes!" exclaimed George.
"And how could dad be the king, anyway?" asked Richard.
"We're descended from Edward III's second and fourth son, but Harry and Edouard are descended from Edward III's third son. The rule is that the sons of the first son come before the second son and his sons. His first son and his sons are dead, so that means the crown goes to the second son. But Harry's granddad decided to pinch the crown for himself just because he was a man, and our ancestor who the crown belonged to was a woman. So that's how dad should be king" explained Ned.
"Oh!" said Richard "So...if dad is king...and I'm a prince...does that mean I have to act like a psychotic brat like Edouard?"
"No! Whatever you do, do not act like that!" shouted Ned.
"And don't repeat it!" said the Duke of York darkly "If you say that to the wrong sort of people, Dickon, then they could hurt you very badly. Children, if we're going to Christmas Court, then I want you to listen very carefully. You have all got to be on your best behaviour. You will be representing the house of York, and I want everyone to see how wonderful you are. You mustn't repeat secrets you've heard whispered here, you mustn't taunt the prince, and you must be good! Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, dad!"
"Yes, daddy!"
"Aye, aye, captain!"
"Good. I'm glad that's clear" the Duke breathed heavily and deeply "Now, what are you all waiting for? Pack!"
The children scattered.