I don't own TVD.
I am not perfect but then again who is?
Yet it seems to be highly expected from me.
Ever wondered what it'd be like to just let go?
To feel numb?
To just forget?
Flip the switch as they say. Yes that's a perk of being a vampire. Flip the switch just turn is all fucking off. But is it really worth it? You turn it off to save yourself, and block out all the pain and the hurt. But what about all the pain you inflict on other people in the process?
Many people chase immortality – a trait that comes as an add-on with being a vampire. As a matter of fact for many it is probably the best part of being a vampire. Everything's eternal after all.
You find love; you know you have it for an eternity when you are a vampire. But what happens when you lose that love? What happens when you are left there broken and bleeding, dying of heartbreak? What happens when you are nothing but a shell of the person you used to be? When you lose that love, you are left to live alone, grieve alone till the end of time itself because you are immortal without the blanket of death providing an escape route for you.
There's nothing that hurt more than having a taste of something you've wanted your whole life, only for it to be ripped away from you.
And I am hurting so Goddamned fucking much. I feel like I've split into two the pain so unbelievably excruciating. Every moment my mind is consumed by thoughts of him. His crystal blue eyes, his cheeky smirk, everything remind me of him. I feel like I'm being flayed alive.
I can't move on. I'm lost. He told me once, he never let others see his lighter shades because people start expecting more and when he fails to deliver – they are disappointed. He didn't want people to expect from him and then be disappointed in him. But what he never realized is that when we see the light seeping through the pore of someone who is otherwise considered dark our expectation doesn't magically rise tenfold. However, our hope does. We hope that the light simply doesn't seep out of him but consumes him. That light pours out of him. We hoped that it bring out their real identity.
But now he's gone. And I can't cope. I just fucking can't. I need to forget him… literally. In order to move on I need to give him up… I need to forget.
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