Yo. I'm kind of new to FMA. (I just read the first like 5 volumes of the manga yesterday and have never seen the anime.) This fic starts before we first see Winry (in the manga) and ends a little after we do.
So! Here we go! My first Fullmetal Alchemist fic! It's in Winry's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA…duh! Or the Avril Lavigne song "When You're Gone"…duh again!
Song lyrics in bold italics
Thoughts in italics
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I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd
Need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years
When I'm alone
And the bed where you lied
Is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
I always hated the huge spans of time between the Elric Brothers' visits. I know I acted as if it bothered me when they showed up with their auto-mail totally trashed, but I actually looked forward to it. A lot.
I spent hours in my room, trying to figure out a way to make Edward's auto-mail lighter for him to lift, but more durable too. When I thought about making his prosthetics so strong they never break, it made me want to cry. If he never needed repairs, I wouldn't get to see him anymore.
After pulling an all-nighter studying Ed's limbs we replaced last time, looking for flaws to correct, I trudged into the kitchen, squinting from the bright morning light, and grabbed an apple. Munching on it, I headed back towards my room to get some rest, and caught a glimpse of the couch where Ed had slept last time he was here, the blankets carelessly tossed over the armrest. I smiled lightly and a tear slipped down my face.
I ran up the stairs and shut the door quickly to hide the sudden burst of tears that erupted from the dormant confines of my eyes. I coughed, hiccupped, and wiped away those silly, salty droplets resting on my cheeks. Why does this always happen? I shouldn't cry about it. He'll come back. I leaned my head against the closed door and sighed. I cried because I wasn't sure of my words. I wasn't sure if he would come back.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it all okay…
I miss you
I lay down on my bed and tried to will my eyes to close and sleep to come, but I couldn't. I just lied there on my back, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think of him. My heart was shattered, and the pieces lay sobbing on the floor until he came back and put them back together for me. He made me whole.
I closed my eyes and pictured his face, a smile gracing my lips as I did. I wished that face was really here, scowling as I made fun of him for being short, wincing in pain as we connected his new auto-mail, and smiling as he ate Granny's food and talked with us over the meal. How I wanted those expressions back here.
I turned over and tried to imagine his voice. I imagined him talking to me. About what, I know not; just the sound of his voice made me shiver and miss it. I wanted him here to talk to me…there's nothing to do here but wait for him to return. So I just have to wait…
I've never felt this way before
Everything I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
After a while, I was again sitting before the prosthetic leg we replaced before, –- he grew a whole centimeter that time! –- thinking of him. "Ed…Edward…" I whispered to myself. I couldn't get away from the things that made me think of him because they were everywhere. The auto-mail in my room. The food on the stove. The clothes he forgot in the corner by the couch. Sometimes at night, I crept down the stairs to those clothes and pressed them to my damp face. They smelled just like him. They tasted just like him. They felt just like him. So why weren't they really him?
The clothes had lost their smell. They had lost their taste. They still had their feel, but I wanted more than that. I went to bed again, praying that maybe he'd come tomorrow.
I must've been on God's good side because the next day as I was working on a new arm for Ed, Granny called up to me, "Winry! We've got company! Winry!" I jumped up and went onto the balcony off my room.
"Alphonse! Edward!" I yelled, waving. I smiled. I was in a great mood. I got my wish. Right in front of me was Ed's face, all around me was his voice, his smell. Just an arm's length away was his touch. He was here. He really was.
I was cheery all day – until Granny told them they could leave in three days. Three days. It wasn't enough time. A lifetime wasn't enough time.
And just like that, three days were up. I had seen his wonderful face. I had seen him scowl, wince, and smile. I had heard his voice. I had drunken up every word he said and locked them away in my heart, hoping it would be enough to hold me together until he returned. I had touched his face, his hair, his arms as he slept. I had smelled his scent all over the house. I had felt complete for three days, only to be broken worse than ever when he left.
One, two, three, four, five, six…How long until he returns? Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven…God, he walks slow. How far will that slow walk take him? Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…Will he miss me as much as I'm already missing him? Will he miss me at all? Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twen – He's out of sight. Now I have to count days. I have to count tears.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it all okay…
I miss you
Another span of time to hate came and enveloped my world. Time…I hated time. When he was here there wasn't enough. When he was gone there was too much. Time wore away my heart until it crumbled to pieces. Time took Ed farther and farther away until I couldn't sense him or smell him or hear him or touch him. Time was the devil.
This time he didn't leave any clothes. He left nothing but me, falling apart all over the place. I had nothing to hold on to but time, and I hated time. Time was the enemy.
I closed my eyes and made another wish. I wished I could destroy time and have Edward here in my arms for an eternity. I wanted to e surrounded by him, and I wanted him to be surrounded by me. I wanted his smell to linger on my skin, his voice to ring in my ears, his face to play over and over again in front of my eyes. Too bad wishes don't come true.
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe
I need to feel you here with me
Fate will bring him back to me. It has to. I figured telling myself something over and over would make it true. Boy, my logic was pretty screwed up.
I put everything I had into him. My time was spent mostly developing new auto-mail for him. Other customers wasted my time. I didn't want to help them. I wanted to help Ed. I wanted…
Granny started to worry about my health. She told me it was from lack of sleep. "No more all-nighters, Winry," she instructed. I laughed it off. I knew better than that. It wasn't because of Ed. Because he wasn't here. I missed him so badly it was making me sick.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
Will always get me through the day
And make it all okay…
I miss you
Time…tick-tock…time…tick-tock…time was passing. He should be back soon. I gathered the broken bits of my heart and prepared to put them back together. I waited for him to come back into my life and fill the empty spaces inside me. His voice, face, touch, and smell would soon engulf me and I'd be lost in it. Maybe this time I would tell him. Maybe he would say it back?
My patient waiting led to Edward and Alphonse returning, all right. So I kept waiting while they were here. Waiting for the right time to say those words I had bottled up for so long. Time…tick-tock…time…tick-tock. The right time never revealed itself. I again crept down the stairs while everyone was asleep and stood over Ed's sleeping form. He's so defenseless when he sleeps…so vulnerable.
I was done waiting. Tears spilled over my cheeks as I crawled up next to him. "Ed…" I could smell him. I could see him right there. I could feel him beside me and I knew it was okay to tell him, even though he wasn't really listening. "Ed…there's something I gotta tell you," I whispered through the darkness.
"I love you."