{Prologue}

Tony didn't glance up from Dummy's internal wiring when he heard the shrill sound of an incoming call over "the eye of the tiger is the thrill of the fight-"

"Mute the phone, JARVIS. Kind of busy."

"Sir, I'm afraid that this a rather important call. You'll want to take it."

Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes, keeping the wrench steady. "Tell whoever it is that I'm out. Way out. Like, halfway to Venus out."

Suddenly, the music was stifled, and the ringing of the phone grew more pronounced.

Tony could barely suppress his outrage. "What, now even my AI doesn't listen to me? I swear to the large blonde Asgardian, JARVIS, you're getting more and more like Cap every day-"

His AI cut in with an impertinent tone. "Sir, it's the New York City police department, and they claim that this matter requires your urgent attention."

"For the love of Thor, JARVIS, I am not dealing with any more subway rats, and I don't mean the ones with wings-"

Suddenly, a shrieking, infantile cry broke over the intercom, causing Tony to drop the wrench and stare wildly at the speaker that the sound was coming from.

"God, can't anyone get the baby to SHUT UP?" a very different, New Jersian voice barked on the other end of the line. "That thing's been crying for almost an hour." Obviously, JARVIS had patched him through.

"Where are its parents?" said Tony aloud.

"Oh! Mr. Stark! I didn't realize that we had been put through. My name's Valasquez, Officer Valas-"

"Yeah, yeah," Tony cut him off, the baby's wails staring to give him a headache. "Where are the parents? They can usually get the kid to be quiet."

There was a slight pause on the other end of the line. "Uh… They're dead, Mr. Stark."

Unsurprisingly, Tony felt little to no emotion in response. Terrible things happened every day. "And? What does it have to do with me?"

"Um…" There was a rustle of papers, and the clearing of a throat. "The kid in question is the child of David and Charlotte Tanner, your cousins."

Tony stared at the far wall, expressionless. The silence stretched into almost a minute.

"Uh, Mr. Stark? Did we lose you?"

Tony cleared his throat quickly and said, "No. You didn't. Why are you calling me?"

"Because…" again, there was a shuffle of papers. "According to their paperwork and lawyer, you are now the child's guardian. They left him to you in case anything would ever happen to them."

JARVIS came back on the intercom. "Congratulations, sir. You're a father."

Tony blinked and stared at his half-full glass of scotch. "Shit."