ME: Yes I've never read Twilight. Glad not to have. This was done because of an author named Laluzi. She inspired me to do this. And I'm bored with nothing to do really.
Just for those of you who aren't familiar with Canadian Forces organization, a section is like a squad, and a Combat Group is comparable to a fireteam. And there is a discreet COD MW2 referrence...
"Hunter One-One, this is Hunter One-Six. Confirm you are en route to the RV point, over."
Sergeant Kate Moore nodded to herself inside the cramped LAV III as she answered via the radio to Second Lieutenant Garth Hopper. "Roger One-Six. Hunter One-One is Osvar Mike, repeat, Hunter One-One is Oscar Mike. ETA seven minutes, over."
"Copy. Don't know if the rest of the platoon last that long but I can wait. And tell Lilly I love her, out."
The squad leader of Hunter One-One sighed as she sat back down. So far it was mainly uneventful patrols and checkpoint monitoring, but now they had a dangerous terrorist threat in Afghanistan. Some said it was a ghost while others a vampire.
"Alright boys and girls!" she announced suddenly. "I told our good platoon leader we'd be there in seven and counting, so we better hurry up and keep our promise!"
"Our promise?" Reba inquired as she ate a berry. "You were the one who told him that Kate."
"Could've just said please," her twin sibling Janice commented as the armored vehicles increased noticeably.
Kate merely said, "Thanks," as she continued to sit in the commanders seat. Normally the soldier in charge of the vehicle would be where she was but that person was out sick. Lucky him/her.
"No need to tell me Kate," her younger sister said, her pure white fur more than providing sufficient resemblance to the flower and bright violet eyes full of life. White signified innocence but someone had listened to a private conversation.
And this was the shy high school girl with self-confidence issues before the Army?
Now the NCO reviewed the other soldiers in her mind. There was her boyfriend Master Corporal Humphrey, second-in-command and leader of Assault Group 2. His three cohorts, Salty, Shakey and Mooch, gave him two extra C8 carbines in addition to his own and a C9 LMG to suppress and cut down any insurgent that was unwise enough to pick up a Kalashnikov. She, Lilly and two other woman known as Candy and Sweets were Assault Group 1.
Kate loved being with her troops. There couldn't be anything better than leading the best.
"Alright!" Janice called out as the LAV finally stopped. "We're here!"
"Things go south, I've got the Twenty-Five on standby."
"Got it," Kate acknowledged. "Thanks."
With that the eight members of the Princess Patricias Canadian Light Infantrys 1st Battalion disembarked, weapons at the ready.
Garth saw them and waved them over. "Guys, we've got a situation!"
"Taliban sir?" Kate asked, trigger finger iching.
"Al-Qaeda?"
"Random nut?"
"This some big joke?"
"None of the above," the Lieutenant replied. He pointed to something distant.
Every head turned and they found what they were looking for.
"HELLO! MY NAME IS EDWARD CULLEN! I AM A VAMPIRE WITH A GIRLFRIEND! IT TOOK LESS THAN ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS TO MEET THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS! AND I LOVE SPARKLING!"
"Sir," Garth began, "this is Hunter One-Six. QRF in position, I repeat, QRF in position. Codename Diamond Boy in sight, repeat, codename Diamond Boy in sight. Ready to engage tango immediately, over."
"Hunter One-Six," came Garths father Lieutenant Colonel Tony Hopper voice, "what're you waiting for? Drive the stake through his heart! Repeat, drive the stake through his heart! Over!"
"Orders to eliminate hostile recieved," Garth said. "Roger, Hunter One-Six out."
"Lieutenant?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's time to kill this guy."
The blood sucker turned his head towards the assembled Canadians, yakking on and on about his girlfriend Bella and his pet/friend Jacob-.
Then there was cannon fire, bullets and grenades.
He screamed as he took damage. Apparently 25mm shells were more effective than stakes as the moment Edward Cullen took one of them to the chest he simply disappeared.
Anyone who served as a member of the Quick Reaction Force that killed a rather annoying vampire that day would become one of the first recipients of the Canadian version of the Victoria Cross, presented by Queen Elizabeth herself.
"And that kids," Winston Moore said to his grandchildren and his own daughters friends offspring, "is why your parents are to this day hailed as the greatest heroes in all of Alberta!"
"Wow!"
"That's so cool even though you've told us literally a hundred times!"
"My favorite part was when they killed that Cullen guy!"
"I know," Humphrey said as he suddenly walked in with the other members of Hunter One. "That's our favorite too."
ME: Did I do a good job slotting Cullen or was it too bad?
TO ANY ANGRY TWILIGHT FANS: Vampires fail to sparkle unless they're wierd as heck or over-enthusiastic fan girls put glitter on them.