What My Album Fic Is: A normal fanfic with designated points in the story telling you when to play each song as you continue reading.
This is the prelude to this story. This is my first album-fic. There are 3 chapters to this story.
1. This prelude to the actual story. This prelude is based on Donald Glover/Childish Gambino's short film "Clapping For The Wrong Reasons". THIS HAS NO ACCOMPANYING MUSIC TO THE STORY
2. The actual story based on Donald Glover/Childish Gambino's screenplay "because the internet" which accompanies his album also titled "because the internet". YOU CAN READ THE STORY WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE SONGS AT THE DESIGNATED TIMES BUT THE SONGS ENHANCE THE READING EXPERIENCE
3. An epilogue that focuses on Robbie and Cat, based on Kanye West's album Yeezus. YOU CAN READ THE STORY WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE SONGS AT THE DESIGNATED TIMES BUT THE SONGS ENHANCE THE READING EXPERIENCE
EARLY MORNING
Andre is asleep in a king sized bed, he is awoken by a knock on his window, he looks out and sees an unknown girl and hears a phone ringing.
"Phone." The girl says walking away as Andre looks in confusion. Andre gets up, puts on a shirt, and walks over to the phone.
"Hello?" Andre says.
"Hello, who's this?" a woman over the phone asks.
"You called me."
"This is the Callifax Collection Company. Who am I speaking with?" The woman responds.
"I know who you're looking for; he's not here."
"Do you know where he can be reached?"
"Um...What month is it?" Andre asks casually.
"Uh, it is June I believe."
"Then he's probably in the Northern Hemisphere somewhere." Andre said, hanging up the phone.
Andre walks into a giant kitchen with two huge refrigerators he opens the one on the right, grabbing a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a half gallon of milk, he closes it and opens the one on the left, which is full of about 50 bottles of San Pelligrino. He grabs a bottle and closes the fridge. He walks through the kitchen, past Trina, who is sitting on the counter eating cereal with Sinjin and Burf.
"Andre was just yelling 'Calm down man, this is Connect Four, not chess!'" Trina said. A baby turtle jumps out of Sinjin's shirt pocket. Trina and Burf stop talking and just stare at Sinjin.
MORNING
Andre walks out to the pool to see Beck sitting on the outdoor couch, he sits next to him.
"Your girl woke me up." Andre said.
"My girl? I don't have a girl here, it might be Nico's." Beck responded, not looking up from his laptop.
"Anybody coming in today?"
"I heard Austin Moon might come in and work on that song." Beck said, still not looking up.
"Is he even in town this week?" Andre asked. Just then, Beck and Andre heard the sound of an airplane flying above.
"I love airplanes." Andre said, watching it fly away in the distance.
"My dad had me on an airplane." Beck said casually, still refusing to look away from his laptop.
"He had you on an airplane?"
"It's like that weird Bill Cosby episode where..."
"With the muppets?" Andre interrupted.
"He gave birth to sandwiches." Beck responded.
"Sandwiches and an orange soda, yeah."
"Yeah, except it was my dad giving birth to me and it was on an airplane. It was weird."
"That's like that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger." Andre said, taking a swig of San Pelligrino.
"Oh yeah, the one with Danny Devito, Twins? That was classic."
"No, it's the one where he's pregnant...fuck, what's it called?...uh..."
"Kindergarten Cop?" Beck asks. Andre chuckles.
"Junior." He says.
"Yeah Junior, that was really good."
LATE MORNING
Andre and Jade are sitting in the music studio room, each with their own laptops, working on beats for Andre's upcoming album. Andre hums while playing with his San Pelligrino cap.
"You think we're gonna use that, uh, that other song you did?" Jade asks.
"Which one?" Andre responds.
"The one with the slow 80's sound"
"I don't know, play it."
"I don't have it." Jade says.
"Wait." Andre says looking through files on his laptop.
Andre begins playing the beat, they both begin smiling and nodding their heads to it.
"I like that. We could do something that's like, badadada badadada badadada badadada , cause no one raps over stuff like that...at least I don't think so." Andre says. Just then they hear a knock on the window outside. It's the same girl who woke Andre up.
"Your brother wants you." The girl said walking away. Andre turns to Jade questioningly who just shrugs her shoulders.
Andre dribbles a basketball up a huge staircase and throws the ball downstairs when he gets to the top. His brother Nico is playing video games with his friends Grady and Chad.
"Your room is disgusting." Andre says, stepping over clothes, pizza boxes and empty condom boxes.
"It's not...that bad." Chad says.
"That's debatable. But yo, Chad swears Cat has a crush on him." Nico said.
Grady laughs, not looking away from the game.
"What's so funny?" Chad asks.
"Dude, you look like a gay porn star." Grady says. Andre and Nico laugh.
"How do you know what a gay porn star looks like?" Nico asked. After a couple of moments of silence, Chad starts cracking up.
"Man, you sent your girl down there to get me for this?" Andre said to Nico.
"I didn't send a girl." Nico responded, confused.
"Chad?"
"Not me, I'm looking for new girls. You got girls downstairs Grady?" Chad asked, mockingly.
"No, I don't invite your mom over because it'd be awkward around you." Grady said. Nico laughs, Chad throws a pizza crust at Grady and Andre walks out.
"YO! IF THAT GIRL'S CUTE, TELL HER TO COME UPSTAIRS THOUGH!" Nico yells to Andre.
EARLY AFTERNOON
Andre's grandmother is in the backyard, working with her meditator that helps her remain calm, they are doing yoga exercises. Back at the pool, Andre is leaning over the side to talk to Tori who is swimming.
"What did you think of track eight?" Andre asks.
"Sweatpants? I don't know. It was okay. I don't know about the second one though. It wasn't scary enough." Tori says, teasingly.
"What do you mean scary? It wasn't scary enough?"
"You're not scary."
"I'm pretty scary, I can be scary when I wanna be."
"Try."
Andre pushes Tori's head under the water and holds it.
"Totally scary." Andre says as he lets her head go. Tori comes back up and spits water on him.
"You totally missed." Andre lied. Tori splashes water on him.
"Okay." Andre said, walking away. He runs back up and jumps on Tori in the water, Tori screams and laughs.
"MY PHONE'S IN MY POCKET!" Andre screamed as he realized the fact.
AFTERNOON
Andre is demoing a song to singer Austin Moon, Austin's label exec Jimmy Starr, and a rapper named Franklin Bash in the listening room. They are listening along.
All the girlfriends saying "here we go again"
Rich kid but he act like a gentleman
Last one didn't end like it should've been
Two dates and he still wanna get it in
And they're saying it's because of the Internet
Try her once and it's on to the next chick
X-O the O face on your exes...right?
And we can do the same thing if you wanna have at it
When your thoughts can't breathe and you thinking asthmatic
And you wanna be a mom and I wasn't mad at her
I was thinking 'bout me, I'd be really bad at it
Cause I'm thinking 'bout me, weeks in Dubai
Fourth of July, house in Kauai, yeah we can try
So let's...
The song stopped and the lights went out
"Oh shit." Andre says.
"That was really good." Jimmy says.
"The power went out."
"Because it was too turnt up." Franklin said, not even smiling.
AFTERNOON
Franklin and Robbie are playing a quiet game of Connect Four in a random room.
"This decision is pivotal." Franklin said. Franklin places a piece, then Robbie places a piece, then Franklin places another piece.
"Thanks." Robbie says.
"God dammit, did I just do it? I just did it."
Franklin watches Robbie place his winning piece.
"GOD DAMNIT!" Franklin screams, storming out, Robbie laughs.
AFTERNOON
Andre and Robbie are having a push up contest in the backyard. Nico, Trina, and Beck are watching.
"All those muscles are just for show Dre, they don't do anything." Robbie said.
"This is my mansion Robbie, you're homeless. I could do this all day, I feel great." Andre said.
Robbie slowly starts lessening how far he goes down to the ground.
"Go all the way down when someone makes you do push ups." Andre teased. Robbie falls over, exhausted. Beck, Nico, and Trina cheer and Andre screams at Robbie in victory.
LATE AFTERNOON
Andre is DJ-ing the song "Fruitsnacks" by Kyle in the music studio room. Burf is dancing behind him. The girl who woke up Andre walks by and Burf waves to her. Andre stops DJ-ing and turns to Burf, who is still dancing without music.
"Do you know her?" Andre asks.
"No." Burf responded.
"Then why'd you wave?"
"I'm a gentleman." Burf says. After a few moments of silence, Andre begins DJ-ing again.
EARLY EVENING
Andre is sitting against a tree holding the lemons that Cat picks and hands to him.
"I've had the most strangely reoccurring dreams over the last week. And uh, it's like of my wedding, but nothing is going right. Everything's a disaster. My guests are all there, it's all of my real life friends. They all look gorgeous. They're all like fully done up in their gowns that they're probably going to wear to the wedding, my family is there. But suddenly I realize I should've been married by now, and I'm not married, I'm not in my wedding dress. I'm all alone, in this giant area where I see my guests being served their cocktail appetizers off of paper plates. Everyone seems to be having a great time, but they're eating off of paper plates. But I am wearing cargo pants. Army cargo pants." Cat rambles as she keeps picking lemons.
"Like Old Navy?" Andre asks, barely getting a word in edge wise.
"Yeah, exactly. Like Old Navy cargo pants. I don't own Old Navy cargo pants. I'm not even sure where that came from in my head, but I'm wearing that with a T-shirt and I'm supposed to be getting married. My hair's not done, my makeup's not done. And my mom comes in and asks me, 'Why aren't you getting ready for your wedding?' And I'm like 'Oh, I will be, I will be' but suddenly I'm smoking a cigarette, I even don't know why I'm smoking a cigarette, but in my mind I also feel that I'm three or four weeks pregnant. Horrible, right? So I tell my mom, 'Mom, you don't know this, but I'm three or four weeks pregnant' and she says not 'Put down the cigarette', she says, 'Maybe you should get into your wedding dress'. It's all very, very weird. I'm not sure what it means at all."
"I think we have too many lemons." Andre says, looking down at the 38 lemons in his towel.
"One more?" Cat asks grabbing another one.
"Yeah."
"And these two."
"Yeah, grab a couple more...that'll be enough."
"We can make guacamole!" Cat exclaims.
EVENING
Tori is playing "Tell Me That You Love Me" on the piano in the piano room while Jade and Franklin play Connect Four. Andre walks in. Tori looks over at Andre and keeps playing, Andre walks over to Jade and whispers "I think i'd be best to just let him win.", then he walks to the kitchen to help Cat.
NIGHT
Andre is sitting in the movie room with Jade.
"Okay, let me hear the serious verse." Jade said.
"Investing time on writing lies, slightly truth without a clue. I met my higher self, pissing off the roofs of drunken goofs. He said 'keep the mic smelly like a rotten tooth'. And all your fears forgotten when Dre is in the booth. I'm an angel in an agony of flame. Feathers growing at the mention of my name, reinvention of my shame. I'm a slave to the darkness of my innermost cave. And all these words I hold tighter than a glow stick at a rave. Dance around the camp fire, buttnaked, blowing trees. Could give a single fuck if somebody sees, I'm free. Red "V" bleed out a scarlet letter, kill a king. And I'll sitting ready for whatever weather the seasons sing. Picking up expensive habits, chasing after little rabbits. Hope they lead me to a place of magic. Sad at all the times I never thought I had it. Losing all these memories, and y'all doubt it matters...patterns." Andre rapped. Jade sat and nodded, showing no emotion.
"Now let me hear the laid back verse." Jade said.
"Mouth to a Pelligrino, bottle color of envy, who the fuck is Andre Harris, I hand a waitress a Benji to act like she never met me. I'm saying though, they want the game changed when your shit on the radio. Fruit was so hanging low, I didn't even bother, she tryna land Obama's, man she get it from her mama. I don't blame her, I tame her, give her something to visualize. On my couch watching DVR'd "American Dad". Man those new Celine bags are so to die for. I'm in that Porsche on Prozac, them suicide doors. Watch her walk as the death becomes her, cause Mrs. Tarantino kill bills, no wonder. My heaven is the present, so maybe this is it. Pray to God every night to make me believe he exists. Drink a fifth of vodka, I don't need no sponsor, heard a preacher holler, make him hold these souls...and that's when the singing part comes in." Andre said.
"Yeah, that's cool, I like them both...you know, you got a little..." Jade says pointing to Andre's nose. Andre touches it to find blood dripping.
"Oh shit."
"Yeah." Jade says as Andre runs off to the bathroom.
Andre examines his nose in the mirror, surprised by the bleeding. He looks for the source of all the blood, and notices and obstruction in his nasal passage- it's a string. Nauseated and scared, he pulls the long, blood soaked string while gagging and coughing. Finally, he dislodges the string and what is attached at the end? A golden tooth. He places it next to the sink and washes his hands, as the sound of the running water transitions into a similar sound of the shower water as Andre now sits in the shower. He is still, and seems frightened.
NEAR MIDNIGHT
Beck and Andre sit at the outdoor couch.
"So, what's up with you and Tori?" Beck asks.
"Nothing." Andre responded quickly.
"...is there any guacamole left?"
"Grady ate it all. Me and Cat will make more tomorrow though."
"How's the album coming along?"
"Slowly."
"Like you and Tori's little thing?" Beck teased.
"Yeah." Andre responded, not looking at him. They sat in silence.
"You know, Tori and I had sex last night." Beck said casually.
"WHAT?!" Andre screamed turning around as Beck laughed.
"I'm lying, I just wanted to prove that you like her."
"Oh." Andre said relaxing.
"We did kiss two weeks ago though."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah." Beck said, awkwardly putting his feet up on the table.
"Okay good."
"Good?"
"Yeah, now I don't feel bad about sleeping with Trina." Andre said.
"Dude...what the fuck?" Beck asked, laughing.
"Come again?"
"Trina? That's disgusting."
"I was drunk." Andre lied.
"But you weren't drunk enough to forget it. That's must keep you up at night."
"Trina's a beautiful young woman." Andre said.
"I...I can't really judge you because while you were on tour in 2011, when we were in Russia, I was with this groupie that looked kinda like Sylvester Stallone."
"I remember her, she threw her bra at me on stage, that was the first time I ever threw a bra back into the audience." Andre said as he and Beck laughed hysterically.
"You were kidding about Trina, right?" Beck asked.
"Nope. She was wearing Iron Man underwear too." Andre said, as Beck made a mocking gagging noise.
"I'm gonna go inside." Andre said getting up.
"Alright man, I'm gonna stay out here. Look at the stars. You know, my dad gave birth to my little brother on a star." Beck said as Andre laughed and walked away.
Andre walks down the hallway as the girl who woke him up walks by him in the opposite direction, drinking a bottle of San Pelligrino. Andre turns around quizzically.
"Who are you?" Andre asks. The girl doesn't respond, or even look at him, and keeps walking. Andre continues walking to his room. Andre falls asleep, the phone rings and he opens his eyes. He picks up the phone.
"Hello who is this?" the same woman from earlier asks. Andre immediately hangs up, takes off his shirt, and falls back asleep.
Andre wakes up, realizing the entire past 24 hours was a dream. He relaxes in his bedroom. He's not famous. He doesn't make music anymore. This mansion isn't his. There is no random girl running around. Just him, his brother, and their friends.
THE END...ALL WILL MAKES SENSE AT THE END OF because the internet.