(Author's note: Welcome to the next chapter in the Donutverse! The Fingers of Your Fire spans January through June of 2010, which encompasses episodes 1.14 through 1.22 of Glee. This prologue falls directly before 1.14, Hell-O.
The chapters will be divided into parts by episode, in an effort to tie all the multiple threads of story together. This is still primarily a story about Finn, Puck and Kurt, but there are a few new characters who will have a significant impact on the Donutverse who make an appearance in this story. If you thought it was complicated with Adam and Carl, just wait until the boy from the club shows up. =) And Rachel... oh, Rachel. *sigh*
If you have never read the Donutverse before, this is really not the best place to start. There are over 500k of story before this one. But if you absolutely must, here are the standard warnings: Dom/sub, discipline (spanking, etc.), flogging, daddy/boy kink, polyamory/multiple partners, turning canon On Its Ear, songfic, schmoopy romance, completely unbelievable plot elements, Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert and donuts.
Amongst the pairings you will find within are (deep breath): Finn/Kurt, Finn/Puck, Puck/Kurt, Adam Lambert/Puck, Adam Lambert/Kurt, Carl Howell/Finn, Tess/Carl, Finn/Blaine, Finn/Rachel, Jesse/Rachel (ew), Carole/Burt, Carole/Irene, Will/Toby, Will/Emma, Carl/Emma, James/Davis, Santana/Brittany, and Santana/Finn/Brittany.
Tess is written by Flynn Anthony (flinchflower). Blaine is written by knittycat99. Everything else is my fault.
Welcome back, and enjoy!
-amy)
Prologue
Saturday, January 2, 2010
"Sweetheart?" Kurt murmured, his hand on Puck's head.
Puck looked up from the musical scrawls in his staff notebook. As usual, when he sat beside the couch, he was on the floor at Kurt's feet. "Yeah, baby?"
"I was... wondering," he hedged, avoiding Finn's inquisitive gaze. "You never did tell us about your visit to Tessera."
Puck laughed in surprise. He turned to face them both. "Uh... I guess I didn't? But I totally would, if you wanted to hear about it. I mean, Tess said we could all come visit."
Finn leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, and grinned. "No way. Like your dad would ever let us go."
"That's what we thought about LA and Gaga, too, and what did the two of us get for Christmas?" Kurt waved his hand grandly. "Voilà - plane tickets."
"Yeah, but..." Finn lowered his voice to a whisper. "We're not going to Los Angeles to have kinky sex. And tell me, honestly, what else would we be doing at Tessera?" He turned to Puck. "Am I right?"
"Totally," Puck agreed. "Unless some miracle occurs and your dad suddenly gets even more awesome than he is already, we're going to have to stick with having kinky sex right here."
"Fine, then." Kurt puffed a breath into his hair, blowing the strands off his forehead. "At least tell us about your trip, so we'll know what to expect once we're all 18 and can go ourselves."
"Mmmm." Puck leaned on one elbow, thinking, a faint smile on his face. "Well, I got to meet the chef of Chanterelle. James. He's totally huge, like, scary tall. And he makes a mean roulade." He grinned. "He wrote me a note so I could stop at Charlie Trotter's in Chicago on the way home. I totally got to tour the back kitchens, and talk to all the sous chefs..." He paused, his smile fading, at Kurt's expression. "What?"
"Noah, I love to eat your food," Kurt said. "But I'm pretty sure that you're the only one who wants to talk about it right now. Come on. Tell me something astonishing that you saw while you were at Tessera."
"Yes, sir," Puck muttered, attempting to sound sarcastic, but Kurt knew better. Then he brightened. "Oh, I know - there was this guy in a leather vest and jeans, leading a woman wearing a full face mask, on a leash. Totally naked otherwise." He looked up hopefully. "Better?"
"Uh... yeah." Kurt felt a little flushed. "Better. That counts as astonishing."
"I don't think I'd want anyone leading me around on a leash," Finn said, wrinkling his nose.
Puck raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Not even Carl?"
Finn shivered. "Um," he stammered. "Tell us something else."
Puck's grin persisted. "There was a white-haired guy who had a single-tail whip, and he was, like, fifteen feet across from this chick, and she was hanging things from her nipples -"
"Things?" Kurt choked. "What kind of things?"
"I don't know. Little decorations. They could have been car parts for all I cared. Dude. Can I go on?" He waited impatiently for Kurt's nod. "So he stood way the fuck back there, and flicked the whip, and there was a really fucking loud crack, and - "
"Boys?" They all jumped and looked up, and even Finn couldn't avoid looking guilty as Carole's face peered down at them from the stairs. "Who's going to be here tonight for dinner?"
"Uh, all of us, I think?" Kurt said, glancing around at them. Finn and Puck both nodded. "Three here. You might want to check with Sarah; she was talking about getting together with Frances, I think..."
"Got it covered." She smiled at them. "What are you guys talking about?"
Kurt swallowed back a cough, and felt his ears turning pink. "Just - Puck's trip."
"Oh, that's good. I'll call you when dinner's ready, then." She backed up the stairs, and Puck listened carefully for her footsteps to cross the kitchen.
He blew out a breath. "Okay, man, your mom's totally cool, but there are things she probably doesn't want to hear her son's boyfriend talking about."
Finn shook his head. "Kinky past," he whispered, his eyes on the floor. "Things I never needed to know."
Kurt patted his arm indulgently. "Poor traumatized Finn. I still don't think you want your mother to know everything, even if she doesn't mind the oversharing."
"Oh, hell," Puck said, slapping the couch in excitement. "I totally forgot about the cross."
"The... cross?" Kurt said slowly. He knew Puck was religious, but he was Jewish, while Kurt himself was about as atheist as they came, but using a cross in that setting... it was hard not to feel like that was sacrilegious.
"The St. Andrew's cross," Puck clarified, his hazel eyes sparkling. "Like a big X, right? There was a woman hanging from it, spread-eagle..." Finn leaned forward, and Kurt found himself doing the same; it was hard not to get drawn in by Puck's enthusiasm. "She could watch the guy flogging her in a little mirror by her head."
"Whoa." Finn looked intrigued. "You liked that."
"Fuck, yeah," Puck declared. "I had a dream about it the night after. You were there, and you, and the boy from the club -"
"And you, too, scarecrow," Kurt muttered. "There's no place like home?"
"Kind of?" Puck shrugged, not seeming bothered by the ribbing. "But yeah, I'd love to try that."
Kurt exchanged a look with Finn. Puck's newfound desire to dominate the boy in the club notwithstanding, he was primarily submissive - and it was likely that they could guess who had been doing the dominating in Puck's dream.
"Adam," Finn said, with a barely disguised grimace. "He held the flogger, huh?"
Puck looked suddenly uneasy. "Yeah," he said. "And... well. Whatever. Dreams are so weird..."
"Oh, not Adam?" Kurt grinned. "Who was it, then?"
Puck poked at the coffee table with one foot. "Uh... you? And... well, both of you, but... I wasn't in such a good space, I guess. Finn was... oh, fuck it. Things are totally better now. And I have enough new dreams every night anyway; I don't need to talk about the old ones."
Kurt ran his hand over Puck's neck, and felt his chest rise and fall with his sigh. Puck's dreams had always kept him awake, but since he'd returned from Santa Fe, they'd primarily focused on his new lover Adam, his daughter, due to be born in the spring, and the mysterious boy from the club. Kurt still wasn't sure what to make of any of them, but they didn't seem to be going away. He decided to touch on the least worrisome and most immediate of them. "Adam would enjoy Tessera, wouldn't he?"
Puck nodded, leaning into Kurt's touch. "Tess talked to him on the phone, when we were there. I think she wanted to make sure he wasn't doing anything... you know, inappropriate..."
Puck's face when he talked about Adam definitely verged on inappropriate, but Kurt didn't think it was his place to reprimand him about it. They're in love, he thought firmly. Nothing wrong with that. And, yes, maybe Adam did use a paddle on his behind... but he bought me one to use, too. The logic there made a convoluted sense to Kurt, at least in that moment, and he refused to dig any further.
Puck was going on. "But he could be there, with me, because he's an adult, as long as we all have permission. He said we should meet there sometime, the five of us." Puck nodded at Finn, who looked startled. "You and Carl could go."
"To Tessera? I, uh... I really don't think I could handle seeing Carl and Tess together... like that." He squirmed in his seat. "It's just... disturbing."
Kurt thought Finn was being a little hypocritical, complaining about the idea of Carl being Topped, when Kurt himself had witnessed Finn's own submissive reaction to Carl more than once. He didn't want Finn to be any more self-conscious about it than he already was. He'd only just gotten used to the idea of being a Top himself when he'd been ambushed and smitten by Carl. Kurt understood the brain-twisting that sometimes went along with being a switch. And he knew the effect Carl had on Finn. Kurt couldn't deny he was handsome, but Finn was definitely responding to more than just his dashing good looks.
"So Tess seemed to approve of Adam, then?" Kurt said, trying to drag the conversation back to more comfortable territory.
"Yeah, I think she might even have him come perform there sometime. He'd be a big moneymaker for her." He laughed. "They totally tag-teamed me, when I got up in the middle of the night and went poking around in the guest room... she gave me a hell of a sp- oh, hey, Burt."
Kurt looked up to see his dad standing right there, next to the television. He wondered how long he'd been there. Yes, his dad had said no more secrets, but that didn't mean he really wanted to know what that paddle Adam had sent him for Christmanukkah was supposed to be used for. "Hi, dad," he said.
"Puck," his dad said, staring fixedly at the empty coffee table, "Carole needs some help using that mandoline slicer you got for Christmas?"
"See, I told her I'd make dinner," Puck said, climbing to his feet and trotting up the stairs after Burt.
"She wanted to do it, for once. Just humor her, okay? And for god's sake, tell her it's delicious." Their voices faded away as they rounded the corner to the upstairs.
In the silence, Finn stretched out one long leg across the couch and touched Kurt's knee tentatively with his foot. "You wouldn't feel weird, if I... went to Tessera?"
Kurt nudged Finn's foot back. "With Carl?" Finn blushed and looked away, but after a moment. he nodded. Kurt thought about it. "I don't think so," he finally said. "If Tess trusts him, and he's taking good care of you... I can't complain."
"Kurt," Finn said gently. "You could. I mean, dude, you're my boyfriend. You don't have to like it that I'm... that we're..." He shrugged.
He knew Finn didn't feel any more comfortable talking about his feelings for Carl than Kurt did. "No," Kurt assured him. "It's not our agreement. No hiding; no lying. Right?"
"Yeah," Finn agreed. "I'm just trying not to feel too guilty about it."
That was a big enough admission for Finn that Kurt crawled across the couch and into his lap, twining his arms around his neck and kissing him until Finn stopped resisting and kissed him back. "You're not breaking any agreements," Kurt said, when they paused for air. "You're just being honest."
"For fuck's sake," they heard from the stairs, "I walk out of the room for five minutes and the two of you are into each other's pants."
Puck was smiling, of course. No matter what else was happening outside of their triad, it was a relief to know they could count on it - that they were back together. Mostly. Things weren't one hundred percent back to normal between Puck and Finn, but it was good enough that when Puck leaned over to kiss Kurt, he paused to kiss Finn, too.
"The two of you are just so damn sexy together," he whispered against their lips, and Kurt couldn't help but shiver.
"You should talk," Kurt murmured back, running a hand under Puck's t-shirt and tucking a finger into the waistband of his jeans. Finn made a low groan and cupped a hand behind Kurt's head - just in time to see Sarah and Frances stepping through the door to the garage, stamping off their boots and laughing.
"Bad timing, squirt," Puck muttered, while Finn sighed. Kurt climbed back out of Finn's lap with reluctance - but, really, as mature an eleven-year-old Sarah was, they didn't need to add to her education by making out in front of her.
"Hi, Frances," Finn said, smiling at her, and she blushed crimson before giving a little half-wave back.
"You have got to see the snow fort we built," Sarah declared, flopping down on the couch between Kurt and Finn. Frances perched on the edge of the coffee table. "It has four rooms, a snowball stockroom, six turrets and a lookout tower. And a secret escape hatch with a slide."
"And we will happily destroy you tomorrow at noon," Puck said cheerfully. "Winner takes possession of the fort and has to do dishes for a week."
"Deal," Sarah said, grinning. It was kind of a joke, because of course Puck didn't mind doing the dishes. She reached over Kurt to shake Puck's hand.
"It's supposed to be forty-six tomorrow afternoon, anyway," Frances offered. "It'll probably melt before -"
"Way to sustain the illusion of strength," Sarah muttered, rolling her eyes, but Frances didn't seem to be offended. "We'll hammer you with our arsenal before it all disappears like so much frozen water. And Tatenui told me to tell you that it'll be dinner in fifteen minutes, so you should stop sticking your tongues down each other's throats."
"He never said that," Kurt demanded, as Frances made a squeaking noise.
"So I'm exaggerating. It's still almost dinner. Come on, guys." She stood up again, and Frances stood with her. "You can have all the tongue you want after we eat."
Finn watched Sarah head up the stairs with disappointment. "Fifteen minutes?"
But Kurt just coaxed Puck off the floor. "Come on, Finn. This is us. Fifteen minutes is plenty." He beckoned him toward his bedroom door with one finger. "I bet we'll even have enough time for a shower afterwards."
"Yeah, and I didn't tell you about the specialty rooms yet," Puck added with a wicked grin, looping his arm around Finn's waist. "Like the school room... or the military room... or the doctor's office..."
"God," Finn moaned, and Kurt couldn't suppress a smile as he closed the door.
One Week Ago
Carole set down her knitting, glancing into the living room at Kurt and Finn playing video games on the small television - well, Finn playing video games, and Kurt complaining - and thought about what she had seen between her son and his new sweetheart. She sighed. I have no idea what to do with this.
The fact was, Finn seemed to be taking after her. It was true, Christopher had never been very understanding about her history, and she had mostly kept it to herself. It was in her past - things she had given up in favor of being a sensible single mother - but that didn't make them any less a part of her.
She needed to talk to someone about this, and she knew it wasn't going to be Burt. He was the kindest, funniest, most thoughtful man she'd met in years, but he was as vanilla as they came, and even the thought of some of the activities his own son might be involved in was enough to give him hives. This made her chuckle to herself. Which means my son is probably doing them, too.
It wasn't really so much of a surprise. The hardest thing was thinking about him doing them with this new gentleman. Even judging by the few minutes of interaction she'd witnessed between Finn and Carl, it was clear what role he was playing in that relationship. It wasn't exactly in line with the way she'd always thought of her son. Nor was it really compatible with the way he'd been behaving with Puck for - well, for their entire friendship, really.
But things had clearly changed there, too, she thought. Finn and Puck were on more equitable terms now than they ever had been. Maybe it wasn't what she'd thought, after all? She sighed. She needed more information, but she didn't want to press Kurt on a topic that clearly was personal to him, and Finn wasn't in any position to discuss it.
Then she considered what Kurt had said: Carl is Tess's friend. It was clear who she needed to call.
Tess tucked her feet up underneath her, and gave Carl a smile as he draped a soft afghan over her. "Thank you, honey."
"What are we watching?"
"What would you like? I'd like to do something that doesn't involve me thinking for a little while."
He laughed, picking up the remote to click the television on, looking to see what was in the DVD player. Carl glanced beside himself at her, but as usual she showed no reaction.
"Seriously, Tess? Gone With The Wind?
"Argue with Clark Gable, you little beast. And put something else in, if you like."
"Hmm. Portrait of Jennie?" He knew Tess loved the old black and white films - "Hey, ow," he protested, as she swatted his hip.
"No, my lovelorn darling, not Portrait of Jennie. Try again."
"Mmm. Top Hat? Astaire and Rogers?"
"Yes please," she said with satisfaction, starting to rise. He laid a gentle hand on her arm.
"I'll get it, Tess." He changed discs, and turned to see her smiling at him. "What?"
"I'm glad to have you with me," she told him firmly. "Thank you for coming back."
"Of course." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, and took a seat next to her.
The opening scene rolled, and Tess jumped a little.
"Tess?"
"My phone," she sighed, fishing it out of her pocket. "I can't imagine who - oh my. Honey-" Carl's eyes were panicked as he glanced at the display, and spotted Carole's name. "Hush. It's fine - there's three boys there, love, who might need a word. You relax. Carole? Hello there," she said easily, patting Carl's thigh firmly as she rose.
"Tess," Carole said, smiling. "It's nice to hear your voice. Thanks for picking up - I hope I'm not disturbing you?"
"Heavens no, Carole. You're fine."
She sounded calm, but Tess thought she might be detecting a note of anxiety behind her relaxed exterior. "That's good to know. Are you having a good Christmas?"
"Absolutely. My father's always here for Christmas, and he and the boys spoil me terribly," Tess said fondly. "James and Stephen stay as well; they're family."
"I'm so glad to hear that. I'm having more of a family Christmas than I have in years. My own family - and there are a lot of them, believe me - are all far away, and I don't see them very often."
"I'm sorry, Carole," Tess said compassionately.
"Oh, no - now that Puck is back in Lima, I see plenty of the three of them together. It's nice to be home with Burt and the boys."
"How are they? I haven't had a call from Puck in a few days."
She heard a hesitation. "It's good," she said. "They're so much better than they were this past month, after the fight. But it's... different. I'm not even sure how to put a finger on it, but both Burt and I can see it."
"I understand. That was a big, deep hurt, for the three of them, and things like that change a person - I dare say they've all grown up a little, hmm?
"Well, certainly they've done a little growing - they're sixteen year old boys. I sometimes feel like I open my eyes in the morning and can see Finn has grown a quarter of an inch overnight." She chuckled to herself. "But it's more than that. And... it has something to do with Finn's new romantic interest. That's actually why I'm calling. I hear you might know him."
Tess repressed a smirk. "Oh, you mean Carl?" She glanced at her boy as she spoke his given name, watching him cringe. So adorable.
"Yes... Carl." Carole said the name tentatively, as though she weren't quite sure what to make of him. "He came to the house, to take Finn out for coffee. He's... impressive. And he was very kind to Finn."
"I'm glad to hear that. Yes, I know him - we met in the Army, Carole, I think Carl was twenty-seven."
"Oh - so that was some time ago. Not that I'm making a comment on your age, Tess." She was smiling as she said it. "But Carl... he's not a young man. I suspect he's older than I am."
Tess laughed. "I'm not that old yet. And you know what they say, honey, a lady never gives her age. It's not so much the years that matter, I think, it's the person wearing the birthday suit."
Carole sighed. "I understand, and I agree... but you understand, this is my little boy, and... it's just a bit of a challenge to see him so clearly smitten by a gentleman so much older than he is."
"Would it help to know the age differential?" Tess asked sympathetically, reaching out a small fist and socking Carl's thigh firmly, then laying a finger over her lips.
"I'm not sure," Carole admitted. "But... more information is generally better than less, in my opinion. I suppose I can handle it. Although you may have to let me go pour myself a glass of wine first."
Tess laughed. "Go pour, honey. And I can cement that urge, here. I'm only six years older than Carl, and you'll have to tell me where and when you were born, love, to tell you the rest."
Carl's face was crimson. "She's talking about me, isn't she? God. Maybe I should go take a walk in the gardens."
Tess shook her head, and rested a heavy hand on him. "You stay put," she hissed at him, covering the phone for a moment.
"I'm from Dayton, born in 1972," Carole said. "I can't imagine he's that much older than I am."
"Wine in hand?" Tess inquired, and Carole laughed.
"Yes, I poured myself a glass of pinot gris."
"And you're sitting down? I don't want to have to ring Burt to tell him you've fainted." Her tone was teasing.
Carole's laughter intensified, and she heard her say to someone else, "No, honey, I'm fine. It's just a friend." Then, more quietly, she added, "I'm made of sterner stuff than that - trust me."
"So I thought. Nine years, Carole, between the two of you, give or take the months separating your birthdays."
"Oh." Carole did sound a little faint, but she took a deep breath and added, "Thank you. I did ask for it. But... god, Tess, that's a lot of years. What... thirty? For Pete's sake. I'm not sure what that might imply about Carl. Or Finn."
"Carl and I have discussed this at length." Tess' voice was firm. She socked him again as he moved, taking a breath to protest. "I was dubious about the age differential as well. But Carl," she said, a little iron sneaking into her voice, "is... answerable... to me."
"Oh." Carole's response was hushed. "I had - well. I guess I might have suspected, but... Tess, I really need to be clear here. Are you telling me you're responsible for this man?"
"Let's define responsibility, here. Am I responsible for Carl's career? No. Am I responsible for ensuring that he gets his bills paid on time? No. But am I responsible for the... type of relationship that he's embarking upon with Finn? Yes." Tess kept her voice kind. She patted Carl's thigh warningly, as he flushed even more deeply, hiding his head in the arm of the couch.
"Yes - yes. That's what I meant." Carole paused. "I'm... actually familiar with this sort of relationship. It's been a long time, but when I saw Carl and Finn together, I... I remembered."
"Really." Tess hesitated, glancing at Carl. "It would help if I understood a little more, Carole. I don't mean to pry, but I would like to relieve your mind. But only if you're willing, and comfortable to speak."
"No, I am. It's been a while since I talked about it, but I don't have any secrets, really. Just a lot of history, there. And... well, Burt isn't aware of most of it. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't tell him, or that I won't tell him. I think he just needs a little time to get used to the idea that I used to do certain things."
Tess laughed, startling Jesse a little. She smoothed his dark hair fondly. "I understand. And you... you might rely on John a little, here. He's been through this - and I think he might be able to help Burt understand, to some degree. And if you're willing, I'm here, Carole."
Carole sounded surprised. "That's very thoughtful of you, Tess, and... I might take you up on that. Thank you. I think we need to start with a little discussion of our own, though. I'm pretty certain Burt is aware of a few things going on between Kurt and Puck and Finn, even if so many words haven't been said. He's making progress on his own, at his own pace."
"It's no secret, Carole. Sam and Dean? Or if I order that properly, Dean and Sam. I know they've stayed with you, and you're... perhaps aware? of some of the intricacies there - but Dean disciplines Sam."
"Well." Now Carole was thoughtful. "I had some suspicions about that between Puck and Finn, myself, but... well, Kurt is such a sweet boy. I didn't expect him to be involved in this kind of thing. I don't know all the details - though I'm sure Finn would tell me, if I asked. I've let them keep it to themselves."
"If you're worried, Carole, ask. And don't just ask Finn - I'm fairly certain Carl has provided you with his number? You call Carl, and you ask outright. You're the mother of a young, sixteen year old boy - to whom you've given wide permissions - and you ask if you need to. Now, I'm not going to be privy to all of the details between the boys," she said casually, watching Carl's face sink into his hands. "And I won't be able to tell you anything that I've been asked to keep confidential. But you've raised an upright, honest boy, there - he takes good care of Noah, and of Kurt. For him to need something of his own? Not an extraordinary thing, it's all right. Carl is experienced, and he's closely invested in this - he's a very honorable person, Carole. It hasn't been easy for him, I think, to find that he has such intense feelings for Finn." She continued to stroke Carl's dark hair, feeling him relax into her a little. She smiled down at him fondly, even though he was barely able to glance at her, flushed darkly with anxiety and embarrassment.
"Yes, he does seem to," Carole murmured. "And Finn seems to feel them right back. I don't know for certain how far things are going to go between them, but... I know Finn, and I could see right away what he was feeling for Carl. I don't want to stand in the way of that kind of intensity, but.. I'm not sure if it's good for him. He's sensitive, and he could easily get hurt."
Tess was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Carole. I've seen any number of relationships that look unbalanced from the outside, for various reasons - age, gender, experience... I can tell you that I've asked Carl to think through all of the various steps - the levels, if you would, that a relationship like this can go to. I know Finn is sensitive - he wouldn't be so receptive to Noah's needs, or Kurt's needs, if he weren't. And... Carl is a sensitive man, Carole." Her hand rested heavily on Carl's dark head, feeling his shoulders shudder a little, next to her. She sighed. "It's not going to be easy, I'll warrant that. I considered for a long while, personally. And I've - " she hesitated, looking at Carl. His watery eyes met her, and he nodded a little. She leaned forward, holding the phone away for just a moment to kiss his temple gently.
"I've asked him to talk this over with me. To be honest with me, about what he's feeling, what he wants. And equally, he's agreed to listen to me - you may think of me as Finn's advocate, in a way, here. He's young, and inexperienced, and he needs looking after. I'm trying, Carole. The only thing I can't protect is Finn's feelings. And I'm fairly certain that if J- if Carl listens to me, that Finn will be frustrated, maybe even hurt - because I'm cautioning Carl to be slow, and deliberate, and to use his brain."
Carole laughed. "Well... if there's one thing it's difficult to expect of a man in love, it's that he would use his brain."
"And if he uses the wrong one, he'll be hearing about it from me, in a manner which would perhaps... deter future lapses in judgement." She ignored the cringe beside her, gently patting at his backside. It was sure to be sore, but it wouldn't hurt him, to remind him that softly. "And I have no hesitation to not only explain to Finn, but to ensure that Finn witnesses."
Carole sounded suspicious. "Witnesses... Tess, can you be more specific, here?"
"Carl Jesse is answerable to me, Carole. He has been for a long time. If he errs that badly - I'll put him over my knee, bare, to bring the lesson home. And be certain that I'd be placing a phone call to you at that point as well." Tess ignored the desperate squirm next to her on the couch.
Carole sounded more calm, now, which was a relief to Tess. "Can I just tell you - I'm gratified to hear that?"
"Thank you," Tess told the younger woman. "It's no less of a standard, Carole, than he's been held to for half his life, now. There's no shame in that," she said, to both Carl and Carole, really.
"Oh, no," Carole assured her, "I don't see any shame in it at all. It's just been - well, a while. Since... I did anything like that."
"Carole?" The question was implicit, and very quiet. Her hand moved to soothe Carl's back. She wanted more than anything to draw him to her, to relax him, but she was well aware that she might now need to move to let Carole have complete privacy, for their conversation.
Carole's answering chuckle was rueful. "Honestly, it's been years since I thought about it, and even before Burt and I got together... I didn't think I'd be bringing any of it back up. But then Finn..." She paused, and then resumed, thoughtfully. "You know, I think I must have noticed something between him and Puck, long ago... but I didn't really see anything clearly happening until Puck made us dinner, back at the beginning of November."
"And what did you see - that you thought you recognized? And I won't lie, Carole. I'm curious to know why you recognized something."
"I'm not even sure." There was a thoughtful pause. "This was the only the second time I'd seen the three boys, together. I'll be honest; the friendship Puck and Finn has had has always been a little unusual, but I didn't really notice anything until then. Finn was... calmer, and more in touch with his feelings. And the way he was with Kurt... they were both calmer. I think - I think he and Finn, both, were taking care of Puck."
"That's very typical, Carole, and I dare say you know that?" Tess hinted. She wasn't ready to push, by any means, but she was reaching the end of her patience. Carl was slowly relaxing under her touch, and she'd wiped a tear or two away, not worrying about it.
"As I said, it's been years, but... yes. I'm familiar with this kind of relationship. I also know how much it can affect a couple... or in this case, three of them. I don't want to stand in the way of them, discovering their own way."
"Carole. Help me out here. How familiar?" Tess gentled her voice away from the hard tone she'd rather be taking. She felt Carl's curiosity under her hand, but she didn't change the soothing strokes along his back, quieting him.
Carole's response came after a long pause. "About the time that Finn was born, I met someone who introduced me to the scene. She... for me, it was mostly social, recreational, but I could see that it was significant to her. I knew - I know it can make a big difference between two people." She took a deep breath. "I haven't had that kind of relationship... in a long time."
"Carole?"
Her voice was low. "I'm not really certain how Burt would take it. It hasn't come up. But now that it's clear that Finn is doing something of that sort, I suspect it's going to have to."
"Sweetheart," Tess said. "Yes." She shook her head at Carl, who was looking at her with a half curious, half desperate gaze.
"It's possible it won't be a problem, after all. Burt's been remarkably willing to deal openly with the three boys together." Carole laughed again. "Do you know, that first night we met, I didn't think I was going to like him. He sure changed my tune quickly enough."
Tess laughed in return. "I don't think he'll feel any differently about your history, Carole. He might feel differently about you asking him to participate - but that's up to you, to judge." No, she shook her head at Carl, and then later, she mouthed, feeling him squirm, but patting him comfortingly.
"I know. I don't think I'll ever really be able to let that history go, but... starting again in a relationship at all, after so many years, Tess... we're starting again, this enormous conglomerate family of ours. It's better than anything I've had in years. I don't want to risk it."
"That's what makes honesty so important," Tess told her softly. "The lack of honesty, that's the true risk."
"Of course," said Carole, "you're right. I'm just going to have to figure out how to go about it. We have lots of time."
"Honey... never assume you have time. You may need to approach it slowly and gently, but make a start."
Tess could hear Finn's voice in the background. "Hey, Mom; we're heading to bed now."
"Oh my, don't turn that one down, Carole. I don't remember the last time I had a boy suggest that he was going to go up to bed on time." She patted Carl's thigh meaningfully, watching him hide his face again.
"Finn's a good boy," Carole said, with a smile. "I've always known that. You have a good night. I'll talk to you again soon. Merry Christmas, to you and - everyone."
"Thank you. I'll pass that along. Enjoy the time with your boys, and with Burt." Tess disconnected the call, and held up a hand to Carl, who had launched himself upright.
"Tess," he exclaimed, aghast. "Is she - she's not going to ask Burt to discipline her?"
She sighed. "That's what comes of only hearing one end of the conversation, love. No. And mind I don't have her permission to speak to you about what she's shared with me - shush. I think it's better that the two of you have those conversations - oh, stop it. She's been wonderful, and very permissive thus far, young man. Keep an open line of communication with her. The only thing that I will say to you is that apparently she understands far more than either of us imagined. Perhaps that will make it easier."
Carl contemplated that dubiously. "Maybe. I'll try, though, I promise."
"That's my good boy," she praised. "And thank you for not making a peep. Now, do we need to discuss this, or shall we go back to relaxing?"
"I'll take the second option."
"Then come here, you." Tess pulled him close to her, and kissed him gently and matter of factly. "I do love you, you silly molecule."
He chuckled at that, and got his arms around her, leaning back with her, smiling as she shifted, and pulled her feet up on the couch, tucking them flat against his shins, the way she always had. That more than anything else let him pick up the remote and start the movie again, her dark head resting on his shoulder.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Breakfast was Jesse's favorite meal of the day. If he did it early enough, he could get eating over with and not think about food for a while. He could eat a lot of carbs and not get looked at funny, because when you danced as hard as he did, you needed a lot of fuel. And it was pretty much the only time he ever got to see his dad anymore, which, as far as he was concerned, was just the way things were. He and his parents all expected Jesse to grow up and leave Ohio, and now senior year was coming to an end. He wouldn't be sticking around much longer. He'd learned that his uncle and aunt were really his birth parents when he was in middle school, and since then, his dad had made an extra effort to spend time with him while they were still living in the same state. And, well, he saw his mom every day at school. Sometimes he wished for a little less time with her, to tell the truth.
Their favorite place to meet for breakfast was the Coney Island in Mansfield, the one on Fourth Street near Martini's. It was just halfway between Lima and Akron, so neither of them had to drive more than an hour and a half to get there. They met every couple weeks to talk, and his dad gave him another check for school because really, when your adoptive parents ran a daycare center and your birth dad was a lawyer, there wasn't much contest about who was going to pay for private school. He always threw in a little extra money, too, which Jesse appreciated; voice lessons didn't come cheap.
His dad lit up in a smile as Jesse sat down at the table and set the fat envelope in front of him. "UCLA?" he said, picking it up. "They liked your audition tape?"
"If a full ride is any indication," Jesse said, trying to sound cool about it and totally failing. "Looks like talent counts to them more than perfect grades in math."
"I told you that C in geometry wasn't really going to hurt you." His dad ran a hand through his blond hair, and handed Jesse a menu. "Come on; we'd better order before the breakfast rush starts."
Jesse watched his dad over the top of the specials list. Sometimes Jesse really resented how freaking gorgeous he was - and he knew what he was talking about. Not that he thought of his dad that way, but he had eyes, and they would have had to have been completely nonfunctional for him not to notice. Jesse knew he was cute, in a Harry Potter teddy bear kind of way, but there was no way he could match his dad. There was too much of his mom in him.
"You're going to take it, aren't you?" His dad took a sip of his coffee and cocked an eyebrow at him. "I mean, you'd have to be a complete idiot not to."
"Yeah, I'm going to take it."
His dad nodded soberly. "I'm sure you'll come home for holidays. Who knows; maybe you'll meet a nice guy and I can fly you both out here for Thanksgiving..."
"Whatever, dad." He grinned good-naturedly at the suggestion. "I think you're going to be way too busy with your new guy to notice much about me for a while."
It was pretty easy to pick up his dad's not-so-subtle cues, too, and his grin widened as his dad's face turned an interesting shade of scarlet. "Who told you?" he demanded. "It wasn't your mom, was it, because I didn't say - she doesn't -"
"Not her. Nobody, in fact; I just guessed. You're practically displaying it in LED letters on your chest. I'm in love." He laughed at his dad's disgruntled expression. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you. When do I get to meet him?"
"He's in Iowa," his dad said, but then the waitress was there to take their order, and they had to pause in their conversation for a moment. Neither of them were particularly closeted, but they knew enough to be careful. As soon as Jesse had figured out he was gay, his dad had explained how things were in small-town Ohio. Your personal life is just that: personal. Don't air your dirty laundry; no sex or fighting with your lovers in public. And sometimes, it helps to have a little camouflage. His dad's high-powered lawyer persona was handy for that. Jesse relied on his friends at school to provide his cover most of the time; he had plenty of female performer friends in Vocal Adrenaline who went with him to prom and on the occasional date. He knew he was lucky to have not two, but four understanding parents, none of whom judged him or expected him to be something he wasn't. Soon he'd be able to escape the confines of the midwest. He felt a shiver of excitement at the prospect.
"Iowa, huh? Long drive." He watched his dad nod glumly. "And even more middle of nowhere than here. I'd think you'd be sick of midwest sensibilities by now."
"I think when you get older it doesn't matter so much," said his dad. He smiled at the waitress as she set his omelette in front of him, and she visibly melted a little. When she walked away, his dad leaned in. "He's a chef, and he works for a restaurant down there, in a club."
"That kind of club, huh?" Jesse murmured, sampling his French toast before buttering it. He knew well enough what his dad did in his free time, and about his consulting business. "Well, at least he understands that part of you. You're not going to try to hook up with somebody like Mom again, are you?"
His dad snickered. "What, you mean somebody vanilla? Or somebody female? Either way, not really my cup of tea."
Jesse smirked. Whatever had made his dad think he was straight enough to marry his mom to begin with, honestly, he had no idea. But then, they'd grown up in a tiny town, with hardly any awareness of what being gay even meant, and they'd both been juniors in high school when they had Jesse. They probably hadn't had any idea what they were doing. "Glad to hear you know it now, at least."
The shadow that fell over his dad's face didn't make any sense, but it was enough for him to add, "I mean, lucky for me you didn't know back then, because I probably wouldn't be around otherwise, huh?"
"Something like that," his dad agreed. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Jesse reached over and took a bite of his dad's omelette, and his dad appropriated some French toast in exchange.
"How's VA coming along?" his dad asked. "You guys looking at another national title this year?"
"Maybe." Jesse shrugged.
His dad leaned back in his chair and regarded him quizzically. "Don't tell me you're getting senioritis already. It's not even spring yet. You've got plenty of time left to enjoy what you've got here, Jesse. Trust me, I would have given my right arm to have these kind of opportunities in high school. Me and your mom, we were some pretty big fish in our small pond."
Jesse had heard that story a million times, but he just nodded. "I do feel lucky, Dad. It's not that." He hesitated, thinking of what she'd said to him, just the other day: Don't mention this to anyone. Not your teachers, not your coaches, not your dad. "I'm having some trouble in VA. Chandra, Andrea - they're giving me a hard time. We've got a new choreographer, and I can tell he's going to be good, but... it's tough to concentrate." He tried to make his sigh appropriately dejected. "I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting."
"Maybe," his dad said. "Maybe not. You could talk to your mom. I'm sure she'd be okay with it if you needed a break."
Jesse almost smiled at that. "You're probably right. I'll try that."
They agreed to meet again in two weeks. He gave his dad a hug, and accepted the check he handed him. "Thanks," he added. "For all of it."
"You know you can always call me, if you need anything," his dad said, clasping his shoulder. "I'm only three hours away. We stuck around in Ohio so you'd have the kind of support you need. Don't hesitate to ask."
"Thanks," he said again. "I'll let you know how my first week goes back at school."
Once he made sure his dad got back on the highway and was at least ten minutes ahead of him in the direction of Lima, he followed, carefully maintaining the speed limit so as not to catch up to him. He called his mom right away.
"You're on your way?" she asked, without preamble. "You know where to find her?"
"Hi, Jesse, " he sing-songed. "How was your breakfast, Jesse? Did you and your dad talk about anything interesting, Jesse? Like, maybe, the fact that said dad is in ridiculous love with somebody new?"
"Really." Her voice was flat. "Great. That's the last thing he needs."
"You told me you don't believe in love anyway."
"I don't. But he doesn't need that kind of distraction. He's a big enough mess without adding another person to the mix."
Jesse personally thought his mom was a pretty big mess herself, but she wouldn't have appreciated hearing that from him. "You're not telling me to sabotage this relationship, too, are you? Because I honestly don't think I'm up for two at one time. Especially not when one of them is a relative."
"What, are you getting cold feet? Having second thoughts?"
He considered the highway, stretching out before him, and sighed to himself. "No," he said. "No second thoughts. Just let me know what you need. You know I'll come through."
"I can always count on you, Jesse." Her tone was brisk, which was as close to loving as she got. "I'll see you at school on Monday."
He found a comfortable pace and set the cruise control to follow the car ahead of him. "Sure, Shelby. I'll let you know how things go with Rachel. Don't worry about a thing. I've got it taken care of."