Title: Lord of the Penguins
Author: GrimsClockwork
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, except the penguin he's all mine!!! I also used a quote from Steven Colbert.
Rating: K+ (to play it safe)
Summary: What would happen if the Fellowship met a penguin…?
Authors note: I wrote this story when I was more bored then I have ever been in my life. This is my first fanfic so bare with me, and excuse my terrible grammar. The English language hates me.
Chapter 1: Lord of the Penguins
One fine and sunny day the fellowship of the ring was walking through Middle Earth. Frodo and Sam where arguing about who had a better butt, Legolas or Elrond. Gimi was hacking at random trees with his ax, Aragorn and Boromir where having a heated debate about who could carry the most hobbits at once, Merry and Pippin where playing I-Spy, Legolas was skipping along singing to himself, And Gandalf smoked his pipe.
Suddenly Gimli tripped over a tree stump and fell to the ground, "Damn," he yelled. "I fell."
"It seems Gimi has tripped over a tree stump," Gandalf said.
"What a very odd tree stump Gimli has tripped over." Legolas said leaning in for a closer look. "I've never seen a black and white tree stump before."
Suddenly the black and white tree stump opened its eyes and looked up at the fellowship.
"OH MY GOD IT'S ALIVE" Frodo yelled.
The other members of the fellowship all reacted to this frightening news in their own way. The hobbits all screamed and ran around in circles, repeatedly running into each other, then getting up and continuing to run. Gimli got up from the ground and ran away. Boromir and Aragorn flexed their muscles menacingly. Legolas simply stared at the offending tree stump and Gandalf smoked his pipe.
"Let's get out of here," Gimli yelled over his shoulder as he ran away. The other members of the fellowship followed him.
"Wait a second," Aragorn said. "We can't just run away from that thing, we don't even know what it is."
"It seems we need to find out what that thing is," Gandalf said. "The question is who should go over there and find out what it is."
"Let's have the pointy-eared-bow-twanger to go over there and find out what it is."
The other members of the fellowship all looked at Legolas. Legolas looked back at them.
"Oh are you guys talking about me?" He asked.
"Yes Mr. Legolas I think they are," Sam said. "Well I guess Aragorn could be classified as a bow-twanger too, but you're the only one here with pointy ears that can use a bow."
"Alright then," Legolas said, "I'll go over there and see what that thing is."
With that Legolas skipped over the tree stump and said to it, "excuse me, but may I ask you what you are."
"I'm a Penguin of course," The tree stump replied.
"Viddy well," Legolas said. He then turned around and skipped back to the fellowship.
"It turns out that the tree stump isn't a tree stump at all, it's a penguin." Legolas told the fellowship.
"What's a penguin?" Frodo asked. "And where did it come from."
"I don't know, you didn't tell me to ask it that." Legolas said. "Lets all go over there and ask it."
The members of the fellowship all nodded and walked over to the penguin. "What's a penguin and where did you come from?" Frodo asked the penguin.
"Well a penguin is a type of bird; except I don't fly I swim. And I'm from Middle Antarctica." The penguin answered politely.
"What is your deal," Gimli said, "You look like a bird, you swim like a fish and you're friendly like a dog. Pick a side you little flip-flopper, or I'm gonna pick one for you."
"Gimli that's not very nice," Legolas said. "What are you doing in middle earth Mr. Penguin?"
"Well I'm actually here because I hear that Middle Earth has the best pipe weed in the world. I was hoping to get some while I was here." The Penguin said.
"Well that a coincidence," Pippin said, "It just so happens that Gandalf just got some great pipe weed."
"Lets all sit down and have some," Merry said.
The rest of the fellowship agreed and they all sat down and had a smoke with their new penguin friend.