My usual disclaimers; all copyrights go to those who rightfully own them.
This is part songfic and tribute (don't worry, I'm not going to put up the lyrics. If you want to listen, you can follow along on the soundtrack or YouTube). I was listening to the song As Long As He Needs Me from the musical Oliver! And it reminded me of the Doctor's companions. Throughout all 11 incarnations, the companions that been memorable to me (such as his granddaughter Susan way back in the '60's and Rose) are the ones who have not only been with him through thick and thin, but have given up everything else. So this is a tribute to the loyal companions.
Constructive Criticism is much appreciated please. Please no flames. I know I probably got the Doctor's characterization wrong (haven't really followed it in a quite a while) and yes; this is an OC companion (that I wasn't patient enough to flesh out as much as I wanted). If you don't like this, then don't read or comment.
Oh, and also, it's been a very long time since I've seen The End of Time and I can't find it anywhere without paying for it and since I'm dirt poor, I had to improvise. So gently remind me where I goofed up. (I got some of the quotes from the IMDB website). And I'm American but I tried to keep the Doctor and Wilfred's lines as close to British English as possible. Again, let me know and I'll fix it.
Now I'll shut up and let you guys enjoy and destroy.
As Long As He Needs Me
"NO!" Rassilon screamed as the white light enveloped him and the Time Lords. There was a loud whistling sound.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the imminent blast of light. There was a loud explosion and the resulting shock wave blew me off my feet. Though my eyes were closed, I could tell it was very bright. All I could do was curl up into a ball and hope we wouldn't die.
I felt myself sliding down the marble floor, towards the light. No! Large hands gripped mine. I tightened my hands, desperate to not get pulled into the Time Lock.
Just as suddenly as it appeared, the light and sound vanished. We were plunged into a dark silence. For several tense moments, I didn't open my eyes or let go. It was only when I heard shuffling by me that I did.
The Doctor and I were the only ones in the room; he had kept me from flying into the Time Lock. His legs were wrapped around the shattered remains of the White Point Star, thus anchoring him. I didn't see the Time Lords, the Master or Wilfred. The Doctor, covered with scratches and cuts, was shaking as he stood up amid the broken glass. His brown eyes were the size of saucers and his bony face was ashen.
"You ok?" I asked, getting up and brushing the glass off my blue jeans. After everything we'd been through together and his recent morbid thoughts of his supposed death, I was worried about him. While I was skeptical of prophecies, the events of that Christmas made me wonder if there was some truth to this prophecy of the four knocks.
"I'm alive." His voice was a whisper. "I'm alive!" The Doctor shouted.
All emotions overcame me. I was crying and laughing in relief. "See! What'd I tell you?" I hugged him.
He shrunk back from me. "Nancy! Nancy! Ribs! Ribs!" The Doctor groaned in pain.
In my excitement, I had forgotten that he had fallen through the glass ceiling high above. "Oh! Sorry!" I said, letting go and watching the Doctor double over. Wiping my face, I took a deep breath to calm down. "I'm just so happy that you're not…you know…"
"'Not toast' as you're so fond of saying?" The Doctor straightened up, brushing off his brown coat. The rare and goofy grin crossed his face and he began to laugh. It was so contagious; I couldn't help but join. The Doctor returned my hug; it was my turn to be surprised.
Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! What was that? I looked over the Doctor's shoulder and saw Wilfred, trapped inside the radiation chamber. Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! He knocked again, looking at us pleadingly. I saw the situation. If Wilfred tried to escape, he'd get blasted with a fatal dose of radiation. The only way he could be saved was if somebody else went into the adjoining chamber and took the radiation.
No…a pit formed in my stomach. No…no! Not after all we've been through! The Doctor let go of me and looked back; the same realization was crossing over his face.
"I'm so sorry." Wilfred said with a sorrowful voice. "Look, just leave me." The old soldier in him came out. He was prepared to go down.
The Doctor took a deep breath and smiled. "Ok, right then, I will." The smile vanished and his long legs began pacing. "'Cause you had to go in there, didn't you? You had to go in there and get stuck, oh yes! 'Cause that's who you are, Wilfred! You were always this, waiting for me, all this time!"
"No, really, just leave me. I'm an old man, Doctor. I've had my time." Wilfred begged. The Doctor's pacing was making me nervous. I gently touched his arm, trying to get him to stop.
The Doctor brushed my hand away. There was a look in his brown eyes. A look of cold anger and violent frustration. The last time I had seen that look was when he had destroyed the Weeping Angels that had sent me out of my time frame. It was a look I had prayed to never see again. "Well, exactly, look at you, not remotely important. But me... I could do so much more." His soft voice turned into a yelling rage. "So much more!" He stopped by the desk, his voice again soft. "But this is what I get. My reward. IT'S NOT FAIR!" The Doctor screamed, swiping his hand across the desk, sending its contents to the floor with a loud crash.
"Doctor, let me do it." I gulped down my fear. I didn't want either man to die, especially the Doctor, as I had grown very…attached…to him. "I don't belong anywhere anymore. No thanks in large part to those weeping creeps."
He didn't respond to me. Instead, he looked down at his cut and bleeding hands. "But I've lived too long." He stepped into the empty chamber.
"No Doctor! I'm an old man! If anything, I'm the one who's lived too long!" Wilfred begged.
"Don't go." I began to cry, the reality of the situation was beginning to sink in. "Don't leave me here!" I yelled.
"Nancy, crying won't do us any good. Wilfred, it's an honor." The Doctor gently scolded us as he closed the door. "Better make it quick. Three. Two. One." He slammed his hand on a large button inside. A loud humming noise filled the room as the Doctor collapsed.
I wanted to look away. The pained look on his face was unbearable. Yet I couldn't. Or rather, I didn't want to. I watched him. If he had any idea how much I wanted to take away his pain…about how much I wanted to help the man who had done so much for so many. Who had done so much for me…
The humming noise stopped and both doors unlocked. Wilfred and I hurried to the Doctor's side. Yanking the door open, we each stood on one side and helped the Time Lord up. "Easy. Easy." Wilfred comforted. He was trying to stay calm. I'll admit that I was waiting for the Doctor to collapse on us. But he didn't. After a few shaky seconds on his feet, he took a step or two. I dared to hope and apparently so did Wilfred. "See, you're going to be ok." The soldier smiled, an attempt to cheer up the Doctor.
"Maybe." The Doctor groaned, rubbing his eyes. The radiation would've killed any human. But the Doctor wasn't human, I reminded myself. Maybe there was a chance. As his shallow breathing stabilized, I felt that hope grow. Then I noticed his long fingers.
"Your hands…" I touched the now perfect hands. He put down his hands; the cut face was now healed. There wasn't even a trace of scarring. Oh no…my hope was now completely crushed. There's only one way I can describe the feeling of despair I had; I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hell, I wouldn't even wish it upon the Weeping Angels, the ones that had caused me so much grief.
"It's starting," the Doctor said grimly. This was it. No more misguided adventures. No more lame jokes back and forth. No more wide smiles. No more bursts of manic laughter echoing through the TARDIS. He was dying. And there was nothing we could do about it.
Now sobbing, Wilfred embraced the Doctor. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The Doctor hesitated before returning the hug. His face was guarded. Now I couldn't look at the man who had made the ultimate sacrifice. Instead, I kept my eyes to the floor, not wanting him to see me cry. But I felt his large hand gently squeeze mine.
The TARDIS sympathetically beeped as the Doctor finished putting in the coordinates. He slumped into the chair, his face still pensive and unemotional. Wilfred was sitting on a nearby step, watching him. I was sitting in the space between two support beams, still feeling helpless.
Ever since Wilfred and I got him back to the TARDIS, the Doctor had been completely silent. I couldn't stand the feelings of helplessness anymore. He must have something that needs or wants to be done. Even if it just was to make him comfortable. I got off my perch, straightened out my red sweater and walked over to him.
"Is there anything you need or want, Doc? Some water? A blanket? A cup of tea? There must be something I can do for you." I asked nervously, unsure of the reaction I was going to get. If there was one thing about the Doctor that irked me, it was just how unpredictable he could be at times like this.
"Pears…" he muttered, still not looking at me. The Doctor tapped his chin in thought. "Wonder what they taste like on toast."
"I thought you hated those." I chuckled, wondering if he was trying to cheer me up.
"I do, I was just thinking aloud." He looked up and we saw the jar of marmalade sitting on the console. "Funny. I don't remember getting marmalade." I had completely forgotten about it.
"I got it." I wrung my hands as I explained. "In… in London when we met up with Wilfred. It was meant to be a Christmas present. You told me once about how you liked it, how you'd eat the stuff right out of the jar, not bothering with a spoon. I meant to wrap it before…well…"
"That'd be nice then." The Doctor looked at me. "Marmalade on toast, I mean." I thought I saw him smile.
"As you wish." I smiled, leaving to find the kitchen. The TARDIS was huge and sometimes, I think she liked making things difficult for me. One time, I got lost for a good hour or two inside and when I would try to backtrack, I would come upon a different room. I don't know why she didn't like me. Which was fine by me, because I didn't trust the police box.
Fortunately, I did find the small room with its many cabinets and few appliances. A small hotplate, teeny-tiny fridge, and a toaster. Perfect. Now to find the bread. Wilfred came in as I was popping the bread in the toaster.
"Nancy, the Doctor says he's going to take both of us home. Where is that for you?"
Home…I missed it so much. I wanted to go home and be with my Mom. "New York." I explained as I got out a couple of plates. "He's promised to take me back since he picked me up. But we'd always end up somewhere else, where there was a problem to fix or an adventure to have."
Wilfred nodded. "So will you be leaving him when he drops you off?"
"Of course," I said quickly, not wanting to admit my own doubts about doing such. "I miss my mom so much and I've got a life to live. I was on the fast track to Broadway when I was attacked…"
"I understand that," Wilfred stopped me. "But can't you stay with him for a little bit longer? I've begged him to let me stay with him but he refused. Please. You've been with him for quite some time. He'll listen to you. He doesn't deserve to die alone."
I shook. I wanted to go back. I needed to go back. And not just because of Mom. I was on my way to my senior recital at the Academy of Performing Arts when the Weeping Angels attacked. I had been training my whole life for my chance to be on Broadway. I couldn't throw it away now.
But…the Doctor had done so much for me in the year or so we've been together. He saved my life. He had given me a home. He had even given me a reason or two to laugh again. And now…now, he was dying…
My mind spun. I wanted to go back. He needed someone to face the end with. I wanted to be a star. He needed a friend. Wilfred was watching me, patiently waiting for an answer. Except I didn't know how to tell him that I didn't have one.
Then we heard it. The grating and humming noise of the TARDIS dematerializing. We were landing. "Wonder where we are." I changed the subject.
"We're home, Wilfred." The Doctor said as he came into the kitchen.
"Thank you, Doctor." Wilfred nodded and offered his hand. "Well…best wishes in whatever you choose to do, Nancy."
"You too, Wilfred." I shook his hand gratefully and let the two men leave. Something told me that they wanted this to be a private farewell. The toast popped up. I put them on the plate and then began toasting a couple of pieces for the Doctor.
Wilfred's words replayed in my mind as I nibbled on my toast. He doesn't deserve to die alone. The reality of his dying hadn't sunk in yet; I suppose you could say that I was still in shock. Mentally, I knew what was going to happen. But my heart was still in denial. I wanted this to be just a really bad nightmare. Any minute now, I would feel the Doctor poking me awake, telling me we've landed.
Mindlessly, I took out my IPod and turned it to my favorite song, As Long as He Needs Me from the musical Oliver! I had been named after the character who sang it and I also picked the song as part of my senior recital. It shouldn't surprise anybody that I know every inch of this song, the measures, the notes, the melody, the lyrics.
This time was different though. I had never really connected with the song before. Now I had. Everything the character was feeling, I was feeling too. Despite him snapping at and scaring me sometimes with his behavior, I still stood by him…I found myself missing him even though he was still alive and I never told him how much I cared about him…He needed me there and I could be strong for him…
Finally, I realized something. The Doctor knew how to get me home…he didn't want to because he'd be alone again…and I wanted to stay with him…because I cared about him…for as long as he needed someone.
The song finished, leaving me on an emotional high. I shivered and shook, out of determination. It was like a path had been laid out in front of me. I couldn't see the future yet I wasn't afraid.
I could do this.
I would do this.
I got the sense that I wasn't alone. That somebody was watching me from the doorway. Turning, I saw the Doctor standing there, holding the jar of marmalade. He was watching me, his face guarded. "Uh, Wilfred got home ok?"
"Yeah." The Doctor stepped closer to me. "You forgot the marmalade." He held up the jar.
"Thanks, can't make toast with marmalade without the marmalade now can I?" I chuckled, taking the jar. I saw that the toast had long since popped up. "Well, just in time too." I took out the toast and put them on the plate.
We didn't talk as I spread marmalade over the toast, the room filled with an uncomfortable silence. How am I going to tell him? Maybe I should wait for him to make the first move.
"Here you go." I said, holding up the plate.
"Thanks." The Doctor took a piece and bit into it. "Nancy…I…forgot the last time you sang aloud. You haven't done it in a long time…"
My cheeks flushed pink and I realized that he had overheard me. "Sorry, force of habit. Was I too loud?"
"No, not at all. Actually, I'm going to miss it." The Doctor had finished his first piece and was moving onto the second one. "Nancy…"
Now or never. "Doctor, I'm staying with you. Now let me finish. You've done so much for everyone, all without asking for anything in return. But isn't it time somebody did something kind for you? I know you're lonely or else you wouldn't procrastinate in taking me home. I want to stay with you, to whatever end." I nervously rushed my sentence. The Doctor took a deep breath. Uh oh, "The only way you're going to kick me out of this box is by dragging me off kicking and screaming. Besides, I can put off my dream for a while longer…"
"Nancy." The Doctor said, gripping my hand. I stopped talking. He was looking at me gratefully. "Thank you."
He was going to let me stay. "You're welcome." I said. "Now, where are we off to?"
"I'm going to say goodbye to some friends…my reward…"
The Doctor said his farewells. I stayed in the TARDIS, sensing that he wanted some privacy. But each time he returned and we set off to another time and location, I saw he was growing weaker and weaker. He was walking more slowly, his breathing was labored and his brown eyes were losing their light. The radiation poisoning was taking its toll on him.
As we traveled through time and space, the Doctor filled me in on what was going to happen. That he wasn't really going to die but 'regenerate', becoming a new man in the process. That he was going to look, sound and act differently. And that he was going to be very weak after the regeneration and act almost erratically during his recovery.
On our final stop, the Doctor stepped outside. I could see it was snowing. Fat white flakes fluttered down. Maybe I should go with him…no…he would've asked me to go with him. I think he wants to be alone. I tried to reassure myself. No…I had to help him. Grabbing my coat, I opened the TARDIS doors and hurried out.
The Doctor was standing in an alleyway across the street, talking to a young woman with long blonde hair. I saw it in his eyes…a sweet and loving glance…I didn't move, instead, I watched in case he collapsed or something. By this point, I was really worried about him.
"Have a Happy New Year." The woman said as she turned to her apartment building.
"You're going to have a great year." The Doctor called back. The woman smiled and ran inside. He watched with a sweet look but it was also very sad. I stood and watched him walk back to the TARDIS. It was dark out and the streets were deserted. "Augh!" The Doctor collapsed in the middle of the street.
No… "Doc!" I ran to him, my feet crunching the hard packed snow down. He struggled to get up, I saw the suffering in his eyes. The pain he was feeling was no doubt unbearable. Oh how I wished I could take it away. I knelt down next to him. His breathing was labored, I could tell he was struggling to keep the inevitable regeneration at bay. "Are you ok?!"
"Nancy…" he moaned as I draped his long arm over my shoulders.
"Not now, wait until we're in the TARDIS."
"Stop…" He was looking forward, we weren't alone. Looking up, I saw him…the squid like face…the leathery skin…the sphere connected to his mouth…Ood Sigma…
"We will sing to you, Doctor." Sigma soothed. "The universe will sing you to your sleep." The Doctor looked calm and peaceful, he touched my temple so I could hear it. It was so sad and calming…a melancholic lullaby…sweet voices layering in harmony…singing in a language I didn't understand…but it didn't matter because it was the most beautiful song I had ever heard. I wondered if this was what angels' singing sounded like. At once, I felt at peace. "The song is ending…but the story never ends." Another prophecy…? Not now, later. The Doctor needed to get into the TARDIS and fast.
"Come on, Doc. I can't pick you up by myself." The Doctor removed his hand, breaking the telepathic connection. The song stopped, but it still echoed in my head. He braced his legs, nodding at me that he was ready. "On three. One. Two. Three." We stood up. I almost fell over on account of his weight. But he pushed up, keeping us both steady. "Ok, not much further, maybe twenty paces. One foot in front of the other. Twenty. Nineteen. Eighteen…." I counted down with each step we took.
The closer we got, the stronger the Doctor got. Eventually he didn't need to lean on me anymore and took his arm off. "See, we're there." I said when we reached the doors as they opened. We stepped into the TARDIS. The Doctor locked the doors. "That young woman, what's her name?"
"Rose." The Doctor said as he took off his long trench coat and tossed it over the railing. His eyes were distant, lost in a memory.
"Rose? She's beautiful." I smiled.
"She was." The Doctor said, walking to the console. A tragic ending…I said no more. He looked at his hand, which was now glowing gold. "Nancy…I'm sorry."
"For what, Doc?" I asked as he put the coordinates into the computer. The console began rising and falling in rhythm. I heard the familiar grating and grinding noise as we faded into the time and space continuum.
"Not taking you back…when I got the navigational problem fixed, I didn't…I didn't get you a Christmas present."
I knew what he was trying to say. He didn't want to be alone. "Doc," I took his hand. He looked at me weakly. "Don't feel bad, ok? No hard feelings."
He nodded, I let go as the glow had spread to his other hand and up to his face. I began to cry. This was it. No going back now. He'll be coming back a different man, but he'll still be the same…I tried in vain to reassure myself. The new Doctor would be different. No trench coat. No Converse trainers. No spiky brown hair and lame jokes. No bright brown eyes and manic laughter… The Doctor looked at me sadly.
"I don't want to go."
"I know…" I whispered, stepping back as the glow was now brighter.
Through my tears, I kept my eyes on him. He gave me one last look before he exploded. Light radiated out through the hems of his trousers, his hands and his head. The brightness blinded me and resulting roar deafened me. The TARDIS began to shake and groan. I heard things crashing to the floor. Something sparked and I could feel heat from several small fires. But I kept my eyes on the Doctor, he didn't deserve to die alone.
The Doctor screamed in sheer agony. The sound was the worst thing I had ever heard. What made it worse was knowing that I could only watch. God…don't let me hear him scream like that again…The brightness and roar receded and the Doctor's screaming stopped.
At first I hoped that he hadn't changed as he was still in his ratted suit. But looking at him confirmed that the regeneration was complete. He had a thick head of brown hair. He had a long face and prominent nose. And his eyes were a bright blue.
He looked around before looking at his legs. "Legs! I've still got legs!" He raised a knee and kissed it.
Despite myself, I stopped crying and started laughing. He's ok. The Doctor's ok. "Of all the things for you to be worried about…!"
"Later, Nance. Arms? Hands? Ooh fingers, lots of fingers!" he wriggled his long fingers before feeling the rest of his face. "Ears? Yes. Eyes too. Nose. I've had worse. Chin? Blimey. Hair?" He pulled a lock of long hair in front of his eyes. "I'm a girl!" His voice cracked and went up an octave.
"You don't look like one to me!" I laughed and then the TARDIS lurched and began tumbling like clothes in a dryer. I grabbed a column, desperate to not fall over. Now I was worried, I stopped laughing and was getting scared. "Hey Doc…?!"
"Not now, Nance! No! No!" He touched his Adams apple. "I'm not a girl!" He studied his hair again. "And I'm still not ginger!"
Exasperated, I yelled out. "I'll get you a bottle of hair dye next Christmas! Now stop us before we crash!" I could feel the TARDIS dropping like a rock.
The Doctor manically tapped his head with his finger in thought. "There's something else, something else important…I'm, I'm, I'm…" BOOM! I fell down and the Doctor hurried over to the console. "Ha ha! Crashing!" He smiled widely…good God…
"Excellent observing, Captain Obvious! Now stop this crazy thing or we'll both die!" I wrapped my arms and legs around a support column. Hopefully I wouldn't lose my grip and fall off.
The Doctor laughed. He must be going nuts…he gripped the console. Warnings went off throughout the TARDIS. We're dangerously close to landing… "GERONIMO!" He screamed in excitement.
He is nuts.
I braced myself for the inevitable and closed my eyes. Maybe staying with him wasn't such a smart idea after all…
The landing was just as rough as I feared. BOOM! BANG! CRASH! I struggled to hang on as we rocked and rolled for what seemed like forever. Please don't let us die, God. Please don't let us die. I begged as the Doctor's laughter rung in my ears.
As suddenly as we landed, we stopped. But I still held on. That's when I noticed that the Doctor wasn't laughing anymore. Had he been…?
"Oh dear, now this is a lovely mess, isn't it?" I heard him stand up and step carefully amidst the debris. "You poor sexy thing." I also heard the sound of his hand as it rubbed against the console. "I'll get Nancy to clean this up later on, how does that sound, darling? Nancy! Where is that girl? Nancy!"
I didn't answer, still dazed and frightened. Oh God…we could've died…
"Nancy?" I heard him come closer to me. His cool hand touched my cheek. "Nance?" His voice was gentler.
I opened my eyes. The TARDIS had landed on her side, the room looked like a Tornado had gone through. Structural parts and other odds and ends of things had thrown around. The Doctor was standing just below me. He was holding both hands up below me. "It's ok. We've stopped now." His blue eyes were looking at me sympathetically, as if apologizing for the hell he had put us through. "You can come down now. I won't let you fall."
He seemed calmer. I decided to trust him. My legs went first. The Doctor braced my back and legs. Now my arms. I felt stiff and sore as the Doctor helped me down. "Ouch." I rubbed my arms and legs.
"You…you ok?" The Doctor asked. He was concerned.
"I will be as soon as I stop shaking." I said. "And you?"
"As long as I've got my legs and hands, I'm fine. Need to see where we're at." He was about to climb up to the doors when he held out his hand to me. Just like the first day when he saved me from the Weeping Angels. "You coming along or not?"
He was still the Doctor. Everything was going to be ok. I smiled and took his hand. "Always."
A/N: I know the Doctor didn't want to keep companions after what happened with Rose and Donna because he didn't want to get hurt again. But he really needs them, because I'm sure he would've turned out like the Master. The companions keep him human. And for those of you wondering how in the world he let Nancy stay with him, I had it that he basically gets stuck with her after he saved her at their first meeting. And he wasn't able to take her home right away because of a problem with the TARDIS. By the time he got it fixed, he was afraid of being alone again.
It was easier working with Eleven over Ten. And I would like to work on more stories with Nancy and The Doctor. But that's only up to you guys. What do you think? Reviews appreciated.