A/N: Hell froze over, considering I'm doing a non canon pairing... gasp and it's from Twilight! All right so I might get flamed, I'm entirely sure that I will by some devoted EdwardxBella forever fans, don't get me wrong I respect Meyer's and her writing, but somehow the romance didn't strike me as something to fall in head over heels, and I haven't read Twilight in ages, considering I bought none of her books, but my local Library has her series and I did read them.
To each their own though, so flames and comments do your stuff.
Summary: Ending a storm is down right impossible, especially if that storm is coming from Edwards Cullen's heart. It makes you wonder who is left to calm down the storm, some poor sap probably, but what are friends for? EdwardxOC
Ending a Storm
There he sat, the melancholy figure drenching himself in the rain, in some stupid attempt to somehow let his pain just wash away. How funny, and yet so human it was that it brought a small tear to this non-existent heart of mine. How long had he been there on that green park bench? How many times did he walk out into the rain in the hopes to somehow just be washed of what he calls a sin? How many times did he think of her? More than I could probably count in my entire lifetime.
"Edward…" I said softly watching the dim color in his gold colored eyes, he would need to feed soon. "You've been there for two hours already… your clothing, it's going to well, you know, get ruined…"
He seemed distant now, all contact I tried to make with him just went in one ear and out the other, it was really starting to annoy me, but I tried my best to keep my emotions under wraps, he needed comfort from someone. Still it was strange that he didn't go to his own coven for this, maybe because all of them were attached to her in someway and it pained him as he could read their thoughts. Someone like me didn't have those memories, nor would I know how to cope with him if I ever met her.
He looked up slightly noticing the black umbrella that hovered over his head and he looked down at the ground. The droplets of sky water fell against the protective covering and slide down the sides. I didn't need the umbrella, he needed it for himself and his heart somehow. I already had an umbrella literally so to speak. This gentle vampire didn't speak at all, but his body language said it all. 'I miss her…' that's what was going through my head, I could sense what he was thinking by his language in posture, his eyes seemed distant as if he was thinking back to a memory.
"You're never lost someone…" he whispered, it was low. I still heard it despite the rain.
I sighed for a moment and looked up at the black sky, at least he spoke to me instead of just drifting off into another memory, but I didn't know what to say. He wasn't his calm and collected self anymore, that piece probably died off with him some time ago. 'She's been gone for some time now, Edward…' I thought, and I noticed the vampire shift in his seat, his grip on the umbrella seemed to loosen. I heard him growl, but I didn't back down.
"You have to understand something. Mr. Cullen," I said softly. "She would not want you to live your life like that…"
"But she was my life," I don't know how many times I heard that same line over the past couple of weeks. "I lived for her, and only her, protecting her, giving her happiness…"
"But you have to live your own life now Edward…" I said sternly. "I know she meant much to you, I know she did, but think of what she would want for you. This isn't a 'Romeo and Juliet' thing anymore, this is reality Edward, and you're not living in a dream…" I whispered. Somehow maybe my words hit his non-existent heart considering I heard him growl more, I was just trying to wake him up.
"You don't understand…" he said in his defense. "There was a point that I couldn't live without her, I was depressed, and I would curl myself into a ball..."
"You fell in love with her because of her scent and it was like a drug for you, you craved her to the point where you felt that it was love," I said rubbing the back of my head. "That's hardly enough to justify what you just said, it was all too quick for a normal relationship to start, even if you aren't normal. You wanted her scent, and it wasn't until that business with that tracker did you start to gradually realize that you did truly love her… That's from my own viewpoint on what you told me…"
"…" there he went back into his little ball.
He immersed himself in his own world with Bella's smile and laughter, her touches and her kisses, her caress and her whispers. Maybe he was thinking back to when their roles switched when he became the old fashioned woman and she was the modern man when it came to marriage and sex. Whatever kind of action that took place was best left for his memory and his alone.
"Until the time is up I can't give up on you…" I whispered softly thinking back to a song I had heard recently. It caught his attention, I could hear what seemed like a small chuckle or something from his 'velvet' voice. I rolled my eyes and leaned the open umbrella on my shoulder. "I haven't heard you play the piano… Or did that die when she left as well?"
He didn't say anything, and again it just pushed him father into the little ball of darkness that he had created. I wasn't trying to push him away, but he was rather difficult to deal with especially in the rain. I sighed and apologized, somehow the words would reach him later, and with that the two of us just sat there in the rain watching things move so slowly. The clouds weren't moving so much, but there was wind as it moved the rain to the side as it fell.
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I said noticing his eyes, they seemed to be making a hole in my own eyes. "You said that once… to her, am I right?" I chuckled. "You really are something Edward Cullen, tell me, what was she like… You never talk about her as much…"
"An angel… beautiful, clumsy…" he chuckled thinking back to a happier time from what was on his face. "She was everything I wanted…"
"That and her scent must have been intoxicating…" I said noticing a small smile on his lips.
"More than you could ever now… she was incredibly sweet, a little stubborn sometimes and well, she was Bella. That's what describes her… Though to be honest I loved her full name despite the fact that she didn't but I was happy to please her even if that meant calling Bella. I think you would've liked her…"
"I probably would've had more fun analyzing her…" I said thinking about it for a moment. "What made her tick… not to be mean but seriously some of things she did were rash…"
"You may call them rash…"
"No, stupid is more like it…" I said. "But, you loved her and it didn't matter so long as she tried to keep himself out of harms way… you know how that went." I said quickly before I angered him again. "But true, I might of liked her just like Alice did. I'm still wondering why you didn't talk to Seth Clearwater about this…"
"He has connections to Bella as well…" Edward said dryly. "Besides you're a psychologist…"
"You only found me out because of my profession, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen I am truly appalled…" I said closing my eyes. "And here I thought we were friends…"
"You are a friend…" he said quickly, he could probably see all the flashbacks that were playing in my mind. "Besides you have something…" he paused for a moment.
"So that's what it was really about then…" I said letting the rain take its course, it started to drown out my words as I looked away. 'Was it stupid to think that you would get over this…?' I asked myself, I didn't care if Edward read my mind he was just being a jerk, just like the last time when he had done an unforgivable act to Bella in my eyes. "It did strike me as odd when you said you wanted to talk to me in person…" I looked back at the permanent 17 year old. "But… as a friend, I'm not upset, well a little, that's true, but I'm not going to push you out or anything of that sort…"
Again there was silence between us, I wasn't treating him like a some patient but more as a friend. I had stayed with him for about two months, and somehow time moved fairly quickly with the two of us throughout those 60 days, but today things seemed to slow down as if we were the only two beings in existence. I didn't know how to cope with him, sure I had seen my fair share of losses, but not the way he described his. Sometimes I couldn't help a person and so that was my loss, others didn't want to change and continued with their behavior, and again I would lose.
People weren't passing by this side of the park, considering it was still raining late into the night, no normal sane person would walk into the park in the night let alone when it was raining. I stood up and looked back at Edward Cullen, it depressed me just watching him there, it was as if his world had suddenly fallen around him. Maybe I was being heartless but he was still alive I wanted him to understand that. He blocked my hand as I was going to grab his wrist.
The rain continued to fall amongst the trees and the earth, along the concrete and the muddy dirt that led to a beautiful trail, I had seen it once with Edward, but its beauty was in full bloom at the morning hours and probably magnified when the sun was high up in the blue and white canvas known to this race as the sky. I began to walk away, I didn't end the session, but I did not care if Edward followed, he could sit moping in the rain if he wanted to. The shoes began to create ripples as I walked and I looked down at the ground, each ripple branched off.
"Maybe your heart is having a ripple effect…" I said and looked back to expect to see the 17 year old sitting on the green colored bench. He wasn't there this time. "How can you cure an ailing heart of a vampire when they don't even have a beating heart to begin with…?"
In front of me there stood my friend, he didn't seem tense at least not at the moment. He started walking in the rain letting the umbrella shield him this time around. Did he feel lost? Did he need her pulling at him and hugging him to feel secure? Was she his compass in life? And if that was so, he would need to change to live his life like she wanted him to. He would need to wake up with no hesitation; he would have to hear her say that to him.
"That's why…" I mouthed out and felt a snarl etch on my face. "But if that's what you wish…" I mouthed out silently and walked after him.
"I'm sorry, if my reason upsets you…" he said in a hoarse whisper, he hadn't forgotten emotion. "It goes against what you practice considering that to you it may not seem like an extreme case."
"To me my friend's, my companions, are cases I can not overlook, and as such I do label them an extreme case… So don't worry about that Edward, I'll help you till I can't help you anymore." I said. The rain was beginning to turn into a light drizzle and maybe it was a sign that I shouldn't overlook. "I never would've thought that the well known Edward would be asking help from a lowly psychologist…"
"You are not…lowly…" he said, almost as if he thought the word would offend me. "You are… well a good friend. You shouldn't think so low of yourself. You're suppose to help people, and the only way you can is by helping yourself first, remember?"
I laughed, it was a real laugh, and so far my sense of humor had not left me after all those years. If my laugh had pleased him, then I did a good deed even if it was a small one, and it made me think, maybe he should take his advice once in a while as well if he didn't want to hear it from me. Two individuals walking in the rain with the help of their own umbrellas, I doubt this would be ethical from my profession, but it made him feel better. I could see it in his step, it wasn't as 'heavy' so to speak, little by little there was an imaginary chisel breaking away the stone that was on his shoulders.
"Should we take the usual route?" I asked catching up with him.
"If you mean that coffee establishment…" he said.
"That very one Edward…" I said laughing again.
I hadn't laughed so much, in a while I needed to at least have one friend with me to make me feel happy. I missed company but I was the one who decided to keep a distance when I wasn't working, so if was my own fault I suppose.
The grass was beginning to collect raindrops from what I could see, and the trees were letting gravity take its course as the raindrops that fell then slid onto the already damp grass. Nature was beautiful, something that no being should take for granted and yet they do and it saddens me to a degree. There's nothing to do but just watch as humanity tries to go forward for the better, if it is not for the better, then they will realize the worst at the end.
"You shouldn't think like that…" the young Cullen boy said. "You're supposed to be the doctor."
"Of what, humanity?" I asked. "I'm just here to try, I'm not a miracle worker Mr. Cullen, do well to remember that."
As we walked out of the park we saw several cars pass by, and one car caught the young boy's attention, I could tell his body tensed watching the sporty Mercedes-Benz s600 Guard station itself at a red spotlight. If he were a human, his throat would feel dry and then a memory would start to sink in, but for Edward he could not have his throat dry it was impossible, he was cold but a memory did sink in. I sighed for a moment and watched the car move past the two of us, splashing some water on our pant legs. 'Stupid celebrity…' I thought to myself and imagined slashing the tires of that precious car and denting the hood with a baseball bat.
"Only diplomats or celebrities, the higher-ups in general, have cars like that…" I said groaning in disgust as I noticed a muddy stain on my left pant leg. I watched the red taillight of the car as it disappeared amongst a crowd of cars off in the distance. "Sadly the majority of those beautiful cars protect corrupt portions of humanity…"
"It protected my angel…" Edward said almost as if he were in a dream, the tone in his voice was strange for him; there was no 'velvet' in it. "When her Chevy finally went and kicked the bucket so to speak…"
"There's no limit with you and money… how do you sleep at night knowing you're cheating…"
"I rest in luxury…" of course he was joking, the look in his eyes said it all as well as the way his hands were positioned. I didn't need an ability like Edward's to read someone; their posture was like a book in itself. He gave me a crooked smile, and I thought how many times Bella Swan had seen his smile, more than I had seen them. "Are you all right? Your mind it just decided to hush for a moment…"
"Oh…" I chuckled. "I just thought of something," I said there was no point in hiding my thoughts from him, he could read my language just fine as well. "She was very luck to have you…"
"True…" he said in a low whisper.
Before long we were on the other side of the street gracing down the sidewalk with a pace that seemed to make time stand still. The rain began once again, as we reached the coffee establishment. It was warm in there, and the place had dim lights as well as several booths that were covered in shadows. It was our 'hang out' place after sessions or just talks in general. We were never bothered when we went in considering Edward had been a local favorite for some time now, his tips were too generous for my liking, but he always told me that it was because he wanted to.
"Chivalry isn't dead…" I said laughing.
He paused for a moment watching me as I ordered something. I always did order something out of politeness to this establishment, it was mellow and they provided what I thought was excellent customer service. The young Cullen sat in a booth somewhere far way from the rest of humanity, with his brown raincoat on a small rack next to the booth, and my extra umbrella at his side. His disarrayed hair was slightly dripping down his face and I could see him move a pale hand over one side of his cheek, almost as if a person were drying their eyes after crying.
I walked down the area with some ease, holding a cup of coffee in my position. I breathed in after what seemed like hours, and the scent of the warm liquid sent me back to a happier time, I shook my head and took my seat next to Edward. He was staring at the cup in my hand, watching the creamy liquid for a moment, there was no reflection in it because it was too thick with cream and sugar.
"I thought…" he paused for a moment and sighed. "I get it… you do it for the experience…" the Cullen boy leaned back in his chair, hearing the music that was playing from within the establishment.
It was warm, that heat from that small cup radiated towards my hands and I toyed with the warm feeling before it left, I let a warm hand touch my cheek and then let the cup hover over Edward's exposed hand. He scolded me but I didn't mind, I was having fun in a strange way.
"The heat leaves our bodies quickly…" he said almost trying to sound cold. There was a strange expression on his face though as he spoke. "It reminds me… when she asked if she developed my picture…"
"I remember," I said and nodded politely letting him continue, but that was all he had to say. With that I decided to explain myself a bit more. "I do it for the memories the liquid brings back…"
"Memories?" he asked, he raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling me you're willing to open up to a friend now?"
"Somewhat, I'll only tell you one thing…" I said toying with the warm cup again. The heat would soon leave and it would be cold all over again. "My mother, when I was younger she made me café con leche at the age of 3 and I grew addicted to caffeine…"
"I can see how that turned you into the person you've become now…" he said, again there was a smile on his facial expression.
"Yes, well we know why I'm short…" I said shaking his head. "That's not the point though dear Cullen, that memory is fuzzy, and I can only remember drinking coffee with my father once because that was something that genuinely struck my heart… That's all I'm telling you though."
"That's why you purchase it… to relive the past?" he asked. Edward tilted his head for a moment. "It's strange, but then again you're not normal by those standards…"
"What about her? How did she act once… well you know?"
He didn't say anything and decided to change the subject once again, he wanted to keep that matter to himself, and maybe someone like a friend would not be able to obtain even a faint hint of an answer. The other Cullens would know, but I couldn't ask them considering I was treating this as my own personal case.
"Why didn't you…?" he asked, taking the cup away from me. It was still full of the caffeinated liquid.
"I have my reasons…" I said softly. The heat didn't seem to fade for a while now. "But they are ones I like to keep for myself, if you know what I mean."
Time passed and before long it was time for us to go 'home' in a sense of the word. He offered to drive me back to the apartment I had not that far from the coffee shop and I agreed, it was the least that we could do out of the goodness of our hearts. The rain stopped, but there were gray clouds as far as the eye could see. Along with that there was the smell of damp earth that would be stained into my memory.
"Rainforest…" Edward muttered and I sighed for a moment closing my eyes. That was useless but it was habit.
There in the distance I could see Edward's Volvo, his S60R. I shook my head and thought back to how the Cullens gained their money and in a way Alice and Carlisle were the breadwinners of the coven from what this boy had said. Despite that notion I still wanted a ride home.
"This isn't professional of you…" Edward said opening the door for me as I helped myself in. I blinked and noticed that he was now in the driver seat, the door had closed not that long ago as well. "So why did you agree this time?" he asked, starting up the car with a flick of his wrist.
"The weather…" I responded flatly. "But it could also be that I wanted to spend time with my friend…"
"Fifty percent of that state is true…" he said as the car pushed itself to its limits.
I gave him a simple thought of where I lived and he memorized which street to go on in an instant. He was somewhat interesting, but to me he would always be ordinary for some reason. I would see girls hold their breaths or just look at him with desire. Some of them were genuine others were just in it as to have him as another trophy on their walls. We could read people without even saying a word, my thoughts were his reassurance.
I thought back to the empty coffee cup we had left there, after collecting our items from the small rack that was stationed by the booth. Even as the liquid was decreasing there was still no reflection, and at the end of it all that was left would be a cup, lukewarm, cold, or piping hot sometimes. Could the heart be like that, so murky and yet it could be neutral like Switzerland, cold, or even passionate about something?
"We're here…" he said softly and I found myself outside without his help. I heard him mutter something under his breath and I shook my head. "You… want… me to stay?" he asked almost in disbelief.
"As a friend, just for the night, of course neither one of us is going to sleep…" I said running a hand through the bangs that covered my face. The rain was making the conditions of my hair unbearable; at least I was acting somewhat normal today. "Though if you decide not to stay I won't hold it against you… I understand where you're coming from."
"You… do?" he asked. It was called to my attention that he seemed relived that I had said it.
"Need I remind you?" I asked looking at him.
He was by far taller than me, and I remember once he told me that I was a little taller than his angel, Bella. Which brought another curious though in my head, I couldn't really fathom as to why Edward said that Bella found his voice irresistibly 'sexy' I couldn't hear the velvet in his voice, probably because I did consider him as a friend, but still I asked myself what if I'm doing this out of more than just the act of a friend?
A best friend perhaps, in a sense that I want him to overcome what is ailing him, and we have time, at least he might have time considering well I told him I would help him till I could not go on, but then who would help him if my time was up? 'I have to do this soon, and he's been wondering when I'm going to proceed as well… I can sense it in him…' I thought and said.
"Would you be ready?" I asked looking at him. He was unearthly compared to the color of his Volvo.
"Our sessions have been preparing ourselves for this, am I right?"
"Well you haven't been making my job easy you know…"
"I apologize wholeheartedly, you know that… but it's been… rather difficult…"
"Point taken I suppose Edward…" I said sighing for a moment. My mind was calm now and my body felt cold despite the end of the rain. "Edward, would you be so kind as to close your eyes for a second…?"
This was going to be a cruel awakening, but he had to have this done, he asked me to, I needed to do this to feel better as well. I just hope that I could pull it off, and hopefully it would help him, and if not I tried, but I would lose him as a best friend.
Is it the emotions or the illusions that I believe that makes me feel that I need to be with you?
And there she was, right there in the rain, it was pouring but somehow she didn't care about that. Her hazel eyes were on mine and for a moment maybe it was fear I felt. My goddess, my beautiful creature, but I knew that this was all part of the plan, and yet this was like a dream, a beautiful illusion I didn't want to ruin. I thought that if I spoke I would frighten her and she would leave. This would be the point where I would hold my breath. Her figure was genuine, there was no imperfection on her and I could smell her, her scent was intoxicating.
"Edward…" my goddess spoke, her voice was like a song from the heavens themselves, this wasn't a dream!
"Bel…" I felt my voice flatter for a second. "Bella…"
"Kinda looks like you've seen a ghost…" she said chuckling. "What's wrong?"
"I thought… that you would hate me…" I said almost ashamed, it was strange. "For what happened…"
"You know I could never…" she said walking forward. Her scent still lingered there even as she hugged me. "I've missed you…" she whispered.
"I don't know what to do Bella, even then…" I said, almost afraid. "When I… lost control I couldn't bring myself to accept what I did…"
"I'm not blaming you Edward…" Bella said looking into my eyes. Looking at her now like this I just felt more pain in my mind, but this was what I wanted. "I could never blame you for what happened…"
"If you hadn't stepped in you might…" she hushed me gently placing a finger on my lips. "Bella…"
"Please Edward, don't talk like that, okay?" I could tell she was trying to make me feel better, but this all felt out of place, and yet I didn't care. "You know, I watch you. Everyday silly, I can see you here without difficulty, and it kind of upsets me, knowing how you're living out your life Edward…" I didn't' say anything and I let my angel continue. "I know you said you would die if I died because there would be no point in living in a world without me, but… come on Edward be realistic, just a little bit. There could be hope…"
"No… there isn't hope Bella…" I said stroking her hair for a moment and taking in her scent. "You were my hope… my everything…"
She groaned for a moment and sighed:
"Edward I want you to be happy! H-A-P-P-Y… you've got your family with you and friends to help you along the way and I don't want to bring you down… I know you tried to protect me that day, and I wanted to protect you…" she gave a fake laugh trying to cheer herself up. "Some rescue mission that turned out to be… Even being a vampire there was always a risk… But hey come on I saved you didn't I?"
I stayed motionless, this was her at least I thought it was, I couldn't read her mind so maybe I had passed on into the next life or something close to it. But that couldn't be it I was outside and now I'm still here with her outside, as if she was still in the flesh.
"Live your life, please don't live it as if you died with me that day…" she said stroking the side of my cheek. "You have those who want to reach out to you, am I right?" she tilted her head noticing something. "Did you really stop playing the piano because of me?"
"…" I looked away and breathed in once more.
"This isn't the gorgeous and protective Edward Cullen I married…" she said softly. "He would find a way to compromise, right?"
"Compromise…" I echoed for a moment.
"Please Edward move on with your life, for your sake." She said softly kissing the side of my cheek. I couldn't control myself and I kissed her. Just to feel her against me for that one small moment, to hold her carefully as if she were made out of glass. They were emotions I bottled up for so long. She kissed back with the same passion and smiled, it was a genuine smile. "Now, can I rest easily?"
"I just can't let you go like that…" I said cupping her face with both hands.
"I know that silly, but hey a little day by day things will get better you'll see, and who knows I might see you on the other side…" maybe she was just trying to make me feel better but she knew how I felt about vampires and their damned souls. "You'd better not screw this up you know…"
There was a flash of bright light and just like that she was gone. Her image forever stained my memory and somehow I felt somewhat at ease, but it was complete, I just wanted to hold her for a little while longer. I turned slightly and noticed that my car was still there, but my friend had disappeared somewhere. I breathed in and noticed a figure sitting quietly on the steps ahead of me. Her umbrella was back in her hands now and I looked up, I could picture Bella's smile as clear as day.
"Have you been hiding there this whole time?" I asked her and she nodded slightly.
"I take it she had a couple of insightful things to say?" her tone seemed rather genuine at this point as if she truly did care.
I nodded and she looked away, losing herself in a memory. There it was, as loud as thunder, a group of some sort running through the rainforest and a blood-curdling scream. If I were still human I would cringe at the fact that her mind could reproduce the sound of breaking bones. There was a loud scream and soon it died with a sob following after. A voice from a strange language and still the figure was sobbing. She had done well to block out the faces, most of her mind did that as a defense mechanism.
"Today is the day my family passed away…" she said licking her lips for a moment. Something else triggered her mind. 'More coffee?' I thought to myself and rubbed the side of my head. "When it would rain back in my country my mother's side of the family would cook these little yucca dishes with homemade syrup and we would drink it with warm beverages… rainy days remind me of that…"
She was in emotional pain, I could tell, and still she didn't say anything, she was trying to act strong, just like Bella. Always putting others in front of her, that was my Bella for you. This was hard, for both of us a professional treating me as a friend and a patient treating the professional as a friend, she didn't have to do this, but she had all the patience in the world, like that of a saint it would've driven Bella crazy.
"What did she say?" she asked.
"You weren't paying attention?" I asked looking at the side of her coat, a small droplet of water collected itself there. I looked back up at her and she shook her head.
"It was between you and her…" she said blinking for a moment. "So what did your angel say?"
"Compromise…" I echoed once more. "Live life as if she didn't die…"
"It shouldn't be that hard…" she said stretching for a moment.
"Again as I've said before…"
"You haven't lost some…" she said alongside my voice. "I know that Mr. Cullen, you've expressed it over and over again over these past two months, I could tell when you're ready to say it because your right hand twitches a bit…"
"Have you really been reading body language?" I asked.
"You are no exception…" she said. "You're not a god Edward…"
You and I, we are friends are we not?
Days passed since that event and he talks a bit more now, still it's not what the imaginary Bella had hoped for, but it would have to do since I try not to do the same thing twice. And there it was I found the 17 year old Cullen sitting on a black colored bench gazing at the ivory keys that somehow held no expression in them. I didn't play that well like this little 'genius' but I knew a thing or two about pianos, but bass wasn't my favorite part of it.
"I didn't think you would come today…" I said lazy moving towards the leather couch. "Considering the excuses you were throwing left and right days ago."
"I still need someone to talk to…" he said letting his left hand hover over a couple of keys.
"What about Jacob?" I asked hearing a melancholy tune emit from my black colored piano.
"He's up in Canada last time I tried making contact, but I think… well let's just say we aren't exactly friends, but it would be a good excuse to fight him after what he did to Bella…"
I mused over that fact for a moment, but there was nothing I could do, it just made me smile, to know that he was capable of feeling jealously after all of that. He was living in his own way at least that was enough to ease my mind.
"Meh, I would've done the same thing in Bella's shoes…" I said looking up at the ceiling for a moment. "If I could respond to those urges…" it was at that point I felt my hand twitch for a moment and somehow Edward played a sour note on the piano, and it was a shame considering that the melody was beautiful.
"What?"
"Abstinence…" I responded flatly. "You better not go and tell the rest of your family… or anyone else!"
"You are joking, right?" he asked. I knew he was old fashion and somehow he believed that I was a modern girl, was he ever wrong about that thought.
"Yes well… for you it would be… well okay let's try it like this. If Bella were still human when the two of you did engage in the action of showing your love for one another, with passion set ablaze… that would be necrophilia. Good lord Edward, you got lucky… she agreed to doing that the old fashion way."
"It's always the quiet ones…" he said, with some hint of laughter in there somewhere. "Didn't really think you were capable of thoughts like that…"
"There's a lot you don't know about me Edward, and I of you so I think we're even, right?"
"Still… I want to know why, why didn't you join when you were given the option?"
That was his burning question, ever since a certain person had pointed me out of a crowd so long ago when that boy was still fresh. If I told him I would assume that I would get an answer to a question I asked of my choice, but knowing him he would try and dodge it seeing as his wounds were still trying to heal, I could entertain him with another story. Or maybe I could just make him wait, but that wouldn't be fair of me.
"I didn't partake in it because, well… that's not the life I want." I said softly. The piano seemed to echo the last chords he played out. "That should be more than enough of a reason Edward."
He didn't say anything, and I could tell he seemed a bit 'hurt' at my statement. He wanted me to open up just as I needed him to open up; probably he was trying to compromise something with himself. 'Exchanging information for more…' I thought and sighed. Bella still sat somewhere in his mind, talking to him through the sheer result of daydreams he probably had. It didn't bother me, if anything it entertained me seeing as how I could tell what kind of daydream it was by the way his eyes seemed to flicker, or the way his hand moved a bit. Sometimes the body language would be a bit more than I wanted, like say how his shoulders would relax and he somehow had a longing expression.
Those were the expressions that pained me, his heart was still healing but it felt like the recovery wasn't going as fast. 'Give it time to heal…' that was something that kept me going, and it didn't bother me that I wasn't paid for these sessions, considering I turned down his money time after time. But still it made me wonder, how long would he be clinging on to my help? How long would it be before he started abusing my abilities?
I shook my head, that wasn't the Edward I knew. That wasn't the friend I made some time ago.
"Edward…" I noticed him break out of his daydream. "Would you mind playing that Jyongri song, Lullaby for you?"
"I don't mind…" he said in that same tone of his.
"But… pretend Bella was here…" I said quickly. "Or else the piece loses all meaning with just the two of us…"
"Will you sing it for Bella?" he asked me. Up until now he never asked of me to do anything other than my job. I agreed and he started the tempo. "I think she would like this song… if she knew Japanese…"
I chuckled and heard the chords; he didn't play it with great speed as he tried to match the tempo of the voice. The words themselves even if someone didn't know Japanese would somehow stir something in the heart, just because of the voice it self and the notes that the singer would hit. 'May tomorrow be wonderful too…' I thought letting those words stir something in my non-existent heart.
Could you hear this Bella, where ever you were?
Could you really see Edward, can you see him playing for you?
I wish she could answer, it would make things better, but she can't.
Will you be watching over him, Isabella? Long after my time is up?
I know you don't know what I'm singing to you, little Bella, but it's a nice piece. Almost as good as the lullaby he wrote for you, at least in my opinion. He's playing this with so much feeling little one, I really wish you could be here. You're the reason he's still alive, he could hear your voice long after that event, just like you could hear his, but he doesn't put himself in danger little swan.
He's trying as hard as he can to go with your wishes, he talks more now, and that makes me feel a bit happier. Until recently, I'll be honest with you Bella, I just wanted to give up, they take so much for granted it wouldn't matter if I passed on, but I couldn't leave my profession, and then Edward just decided to call my office out of the blue.
Though times like this makes me wish I could just close my eyes, and just escape reality, I envied you Bella considering you could do something like that some time ago. Why though, why did he have to come here? Answer that for me my dear Bella, did you tell him through one of his mild revelations? I might not get these answers considering you won't answer me but I wanted to at least try considering that's what some of my patients do.
'You know Doc, you're taking things a bit too far…' I could hear something, maybe it was my own conscious with Bella's voice. 'I want him to be happy, and well he mentioned once that you two use to be friends. I asked him why did he go and visit, we were supposed to go and visit you… as a family…'
"STOP!" I yelled clutching my head. "Stop… stop…" her voice wouldn't leave me alone now. Maybe this was what they called a mental breakdown. Edward wasn't here now, considering he had to go eat, or feed whatever they called it these days. "Stop… please just stop…"
'Then stop asking me questions…' she said. 'Or was it because I hit a nerve… it must be true then you do-'
"Don't be ridiculous Isabella!" I gritted my teeth for a moment.
'Bella… call me Bella…'
"You mother didn't rack her brain for nothing coming up with a name for you…" I muttered. "I can't believe I'm arguing with you…"
'Yes, and you're losing Doc…'
"Don't remind me… so what if I do?" I asked looking up at the ceiling; I was referring to another question. "What if you are right, then what?"
'Help me… Come on, they don't call you the doctor for nothing, right?' I could hear her let out a small laugh.
"I have to do your job for you?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
'It should be good… considering your condition… with um, well you know,' oh God even my own mind was bringing that up as well. 'For all you know I could be an illusion or the real deal…'
Months passed, and it was probably over a year already since those events and we continued on with our normal lives, so to speak. He would drop by once a week and sometimes ask me to come with him and eat, but naturally I declined, my job was starting to take most of my time now and I didn't mind. People needed my help no matter how mundane their problems may have seemed.
Still I would find myself staring at the ceiling late at night, and I could imagine the bags under my eyes. That was the only time I ate, when I couldn't control my hunger anymore. But it wasn't bad, if anything it was quick and I was back home in less than an hour, though there were no deaths, at least he taught me something valuable. 'What was that thing I told him about vegetarians?' I couldn't remember but it would come back sooner or later.
'You're falling for him…' it was Bella's voice and that of my own.
"Can both of you be quiet…" I asked placing a cold hand on my forehead. "I'm trying to rest."
'Riiight… come on Doc you know it's true!'
Maybe it was but it would be most likely for all the wrong reason, only because he was my friend. Bella's voice was nagging about something and I groaned trying to drown out her voice but that was no use, if anything that just made her mad and she started all over again.
'He'll take some time though… I mean he did just lose his angel…' her voice said, I think she was feeling sorry for me. 'You pulled him out of a rut though, and I am forever in your debt Miss Doctor. Also thanks for the song!'
I just wanted to kill myself right now; this really wasn't fair to my sanity. Still somehow I would get over this as well, and manage to take that event and laugh at it. Though right now I just felt like killing both of the little voices in my head, they were starting to nag at me, telling me to open my mind and stop acting stupid.
"Someone my status shouldn't even be dealing with something like this…"
'And yet you are…' Bella's voice sounded like it was teasing me. 'If you ask me I don't think you're going crazy…'
"Because hearing that makes me feel so much better Miss Bella…" I rolled my eyes. "It's been almost a fucking year… go home already!"
'No way, I like it here, and besides you have to keep your part of the deal, remember?'
"Screw the bargaining we made… I doubt it'll work anyway."
'Playing matchmaker isn't really my specialty… but come on; I know it when I see it!'
I groaned again, probably hissing more than I needed to as a defense mechanism. I just let it go, I'd probably go and drop hints the next time he would come in, but that seemed as though I would just be wasting my 'breath' on him. He loved Bella, and probably that was the only love in his life. I was glad that he found someone he could love unconditionally even after death. Maybe I was an idiot for thinking someone could love another person after something like that.
Until this time is up I will not give this up, or on you
She was smiling a smile that could only make me think of one person, Bella. When she does act like that it means that she's had a good meal, and I'm glad. But somehow I see Bella in her more and more, and less of the good friend I came to know. Something's wrong then, she's not acting like Bella, but I want her to be, and it's absurd she can't replace her, but I don't want Bella's image to replace my friend either.
Again we found ourselves at the park, though there was no rain this time around. It was dark of course, and we were walking down a trail of some sort, it was her pick today. In a way sometimes I treat her like a child even though she could be older than me. I didn't ask her and she didn't ask me questions now, we just enjoyed the company. The fact that someone was there physically seemed to do the trick for both of us.
"…I bet this place looks ten times better when it's morning…" she said looking back at me. "Wouldn't you agree Edward?"
"We could have someone take a picture of it… or we'll just come on a cloudy day." I said watching her move forward.
"You're doing better though…" she said softly. "Why are you still killing your time here, if you don't mind me asking…" I knew something was on her mind.
"Because…" I can't say I felt sorry for her because at one point maybe I would have said that to her. This time, it was because she reminded me of Bella, true she did not act like Bella or look like her, but there was something about her. "I'm curious about you… I know nothing of you as you know nothing of me…"
She grinned and let that sink into her mind. She was strange, then again she wasn't normal by human standards or by our standards. She was the good ol' Doctor of the soul in some way just like Carlisle was, almost as if Carlisle were female. Then that notion made me think, if someone fell in love with her, would that person fall in love with Carlisle as well?
"You said the rainforest once…" she said looking at a small flower that had fallen onto the ground. "You didn't read all of it, did you?"
"No, I didn't Atl…" I caught myself. There was a small smile on her face, she seemed pleased.
"It's the first time in a year that you've said my real name…" she said holding the flower in her hand now. It was a severed white lily. "You know, my mother once told me that if the gods would let her turn into a flower, she wanted to be a white lily because of their scent."
I let her speak now, and she told me a story of her homeland, how it was the largest conquering race of it's time in the New World before the Europeans invaded. She told me of their bloody rituals, and how she had to cope with it. Their religion was pessimistic with the Age of the Fifth Sun, and how that if they failed to offer the heart to their god their world would be destroyed. Their culture was richly decorated with gold and turquoise, feathers, and the sun, the very thing that exposed us. It was a paradise to her, and she told me of her fist encounter with a jaguar, and of a leopard. She had seen her world crumble before her eyes, and emerged as a different being.
"It was probably around the mid turn of the 12 century or so…" she said walking me through her history. "My family and I were running away from an invading party, but they were as fast as demons, their speed was not human. Their growls were beastly and they seemed so cold… they pitied me for some reason, considering they were only attacking the adults that were around me. I was only 60 seasons old when that happened…" she paused for a moment, and I could hear her thoughts, she was giving me imagery.
"You were 15…" I said, almost amazed. She seemed older than 15, which meant they kept her alive till she reached whatever age she was now.
"I still kept my name, once I reached 19… I kept their morals in top shape, and if they needed something I would help to the best of my abilities. I could be who ever I wanted with them, somehow fitting in and helping them cope. I think that trait passed along with me, using illusion to mold the world of who ever I want… it helps me deal with my clients… The Volturi gave up on me ages ago, considering I wanted nothing to do with them. I'm not pure, I did have human blood and it increased my power by the tenfold, but I knew it was wrong…"
At this point her mind was branching off and racing with other thoughts, it was making it harder to read.
"I had lost touch with my coven after the Volturi asked for me to join them, and when I finally tracked them down, a small coven informed me that the coven had vanished. No doubt that some trackers were out sniffing for some food and found them instead… Now, in this day and age I'm considered a prodigy with my own office, of course I still have some doctors there to overlook my work, but there's never been a need to call them in. Still I like having them know they are useful…"
"Atl relax your thoughts are starting to…" it was no use, I couldn't control the noise in her head, and somehow I could hear an ancient language, one I wasn't familiar with at all. Then I could hear Bella's voice now, something about a compromise, and I heard a scream that was enough to make me blink. It was the doctor's voice telling Bella's voice to quiet down. Was she losing her grip on reality already?
"I wanted to say thank you Edward…" she said softly. I didn't have time to react as she hugged me for less than a second. "We both wanted to say thank you, for everything."
'We?'
Could she really be referring to Bella now as her own conscious? Maybe her illusions were proving to be too real to her.
"I know Bella wants you to be happy Edward…" she said softly.
"I'm doing my best…" I told her. "You and she both know that…"
"I know…" Atl said rubbing the back of her head. "I want you to be content as well. Ah, but enough of that sappy crap… We were supposed to have a good day today, considering you're doing well with your sessions. I'm sorry if I ruined the majority of the day with this." That was Atl for you. She acted like that after she feed, it was very apparent; she was sort of like a content child. "No coffee this time, we're just going to walk through this trail, and see where it ends."
"Walk, normally?" I asked humoring her. "You do realize that dawn would rear its ugly head once we come back."
"I know, which is way I'm going to give you some lessons from the old days." She said, somehow I think her sanity was starting to slowly fade.
"I think I'll pass…"
"Suit yourself Mr. Cullen," Atl shook her head for a moment and looked up at the sky.
We were alone, just the stars above us and multiple trees that ran through the trail. There were different kinds of flowers scattered all about the trail, and the sound of running water off in the distance. To her this must have seemed like walk back into the old days, well to some extent.
Something else alarmed me, she wasn't reading my body language at all today, and somehow I had gotten use to the idea that someone else could read other people. Things were slowly changing, but I didn't know if it was for the better.
"You know Mr. Cullen, at one point I wanted to move to California…" she said, that strange part was that she was being truthful about it. "The heat there, reminds me of home… and sometimes I do get homesick…" she whispered softly. She point to a star with one long slender arm and finger. "My families up there somewhere, watching me from afar with our ancestors…"
She seemed content now, and that made me content as well for some reason. She would ramble at times, which made me smile considering I could tell how she still longed to be human. She had taken with her the compassion she had for life, especially for vampires considering they were the first ones who were able to established an emotional bond with the human known as Atl. Because of that, I saw Bella move in my mind, standing side by side with Atl.
'I want you to be happy…' Bella's voice wouldn't leave me, and somehow it seemed to grow louder when ever I was around the doctor.
I knew that if I left Bella for a second time that she could move on, but I wouldn't. Instead Bella left me for the first time and I still couldn't move on, it was out of my reason. I knew she couldn't come back, and that no one could replace her. She would always be my wife, my everything. Atl meant well and it was hard to see us acting like how I acted with Bella. There was something in the air around Atl, it was somewhat mythical, probably because of the time she lived in. Her whole world had been centered on rich language and tales as old as time in some way.
She was different, as Bella was different, but they weren't exactly the same. She wasn't clumsy like Bella, nor was she a brunette, she wasn't human when I met her. She's a vampire, one of my own kind who still wants to be treated like a human, and above all that I could read her mind, with some ease. Her mechanism was different from Bella's she could lie within her own memories, again using her ability of illusions. I could see why the Volturi would want someone of her ability it somewhat mirrored Bella's as well.
Bella could peer into memories, and manipulate them. Atl needed to directly establish some form of physical connection before creating an illusion, with that illusion the person could give her a memory. All Bella needed was eye contact and there she could use the soul's window and start her performance. There were differences on both of them, including skin color. Bella was pale to being with, and I had no problem with it. Atl was of a darker shade, probably brown or light brown when she was human, and her skin was somewhat lighter, almost tan or just a little darker.
There was something that made my mind wander, Alice told me something. It was basically around the same thing the Bella from my illusion said, not to screw this up. Had she seen something between the two of us?
She was looking at me for a moment, her dark eyes seemed to be reading my posture, I guess I had spoken too soon. She chuckled for a moment and shook her head, was she trying to reassure me of something?
"Let's just call it a day, and go home…" she said.
Her pale colored hand touched my shoulder for a moment. It triggered a memory from when I was watching television with Bella, there had been a commercial break and someone gave someone else a pat on the back, and in another frame someone else was given a pat on the shoulder. At least I knew what that meant.
"You're welcome, Atl…" I said softly walking beside her.
"No problem Edward…" she said and looked up at me for a moment, she gave me her own trademark smile.
A/N: I don't know if I should just end it there, but whatever take your pick people. And thank you for reading.