Author's Note: I recently rewatched the trilogy, and since Adam and Averman are my favourite characters I came looking for fic of that pairing but couldn't find any. So I wrote one myself!
I don't normally post fic on here anymore (I use Ao3, same username) but it seems like more people would read it here than on Ao3? So here it is.
BTW, thanks to my friend Tinzelda for looking this over for me. :)
When Adam first noticed the posters, he had expected the whole school to explode in outrage, and he didn't for one second think he would ever go. But... nothing happened. He hadn't heard anyone even discussing it. And the idea started gnawing at him. Maybe he could go, maybe it would be okay.
So that's how he found himself in the empty hallway at four o'clock on a Monday afternoon, staring at the door to the classroom where the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting was being held. A small guy with blond hair and glasses poked his head out the door and noticed Adam standing there.
"Hi," he said, "are you here for the meeting?"
"Um."
"You can come in. We won't bite."
Adam looked around, but no one else was there. No one was watching him. "Uh, okay."
The first person he saw when he entered the classroom was Charlie's ex-girlfriend Linda. He immediately began to panic. Would she tell Charlie? Could he get kicked off the team for this? Was it really worth the risk? Hockey was his life.
She smiled at him. "Hi, Adam."
"Hi."
"Take a seat, we'll start in a minute." She didn't act like there was anything strange about him being there. He didn't know what he had expected.
He sat in the third row from the front of the classroom. There were four other students there. Adam didn't know any of them by name. But they all looked at him curiously. He turned to the front of the room and pretended he didn't notice.
"Well, I guess we should get started," the blond guy said. "I thought there would be more people, but that's okay. Welcome to Eden Hall's first ever Gay-Straight Alliance meeting. Since it's a small group, why don't we all go around and introduce ourselves? I'll start. I'm Steve. I like art, movies from the 1930s and dogs. Oh, and I'm bisexual by the way. But there's no pressure for anyone here to reveal their sexuality or label themselves at all. But if you want to, this should be a safe space and that needs to be something we all agree on. We can come up with some rules for these meetings together."
Adam relaxed a little. He wasn't ready to tell anyone he was gay yet. But he didn't want to lie about why he was there either.
Before Steve could say anything else, the door opened and he looked towards it. "Hey! You made it."
Adam looked to see a storm of curly reddish hair and plaid fall through the door. "Sorry, I'm late."
"Averman ?"
Averman turned his attention to Adam. So did everyone else. He instantly wished he could melt into the floor. He didn't normally speak before thinking, but he'd been so surprised it just burst out.
"Banks?" Averman looked shocked. And speechless. Probably for the first time ever.
Despite being on a team with Averman for six years, Adam still didn't know him that well. They got along fine, and Averman was one of the few people who had never really been hostile towards him. But they weren't close. Not at all.
He knew maybe three things about Averman: 1. He was the class clown and liked quoting movies at inappropriate times. 2. His glasses were too big for his face. And 3. He was terrible at talking to girls. It was kind of a thing with the Ducks to make fun of his lack of skills in that area. It suddenly struck Adam that maybe all this time Averman's failure with girls was intentional.
Averman took a seat beside Adam and they both looked back to the front of the class, where Linda had begun introducing herself. "I'm straight," she said, "but I really believe in this, and I hope I can be a good ally."
After the other kids introduced themselves, Steve pointed to Adam and said, "Your turn."
He shifted in this seat. "Uh, hi, I'm Adam. I like playing hockey. A lot. Um, my favourite subjects are history and English. My favourite book is 'The Outsiders'. And... yeah. That's it."
Steve smiled. "Welcome, Adam." Then he pointed to Averman.
Averman sat up straighter and waved to the room. "I'm Lester Averman. You can call me Les, or Averman. Most people call me Averman, even my parents. Just kidding."
Everyone else in the room looked at Averman like he was a lunatic, but the joke made Adam smile. It was strangely comforting to have Averman there, rambling on like he always did.
"I'm a junior," Averman continued. "I like 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. I'm a big Angel fan for... obvious reasons." He glanced at Adam. "I like hockey too. And um, I'm gay," he nodded, "yeah."
"Thanks, Les," Steve said. "Okay, now why don't we discuss meeting guidelines?"
That took up the rest of the meeting. Adam didn't say much. He mostly just nodded and said "Yeah" occasionally. Especially when the others were discussing one of the rules being to never pressure anyone to come out.
When the meeting was over, he followed Averman out the door and grabbed his arm.
"Hey. Um, you're not going to tell the Ducks about this are you?"
Averman looked offended. "I wouldn't do that."
"Right. Sorry, I just, umm." Apparently he was incapable of forming a coherent sentence today. He realised he was still holding Averman's arm and dropped it as if it had burned him.
"Hey, it's cool," Averman said. "I understand. It's not like I've told them either."
"Well. I'm not even sure I'm… you know." That wasn't really true, but he didn't like that Averman had just assumed .
"Okay."
They started walking along the hall and Adam searched his brain for something else to say. "Do you know Steve very well?" It seemed like he did. Maybe they were together?
"Yeah, he's in my art class."
Adam didn't take art. He wasn't good at stuff like that.
They'd walked out the front door by this point. Adam looked to his car, sitting lonely in the parking lot. "Do you want a ride?"
Averman smiled. "Sure! Beats the bus."
Adam usually avoided giving the team rides, not on purpose, he just stayed after school a lot to study in the library. Which was lucky, because it meant he hadn't raised any suspicions by staying late for the meeting that day.
As Averman got into the passenger seat, Adam wondered if they'd ever been alone together before. They spent a lot of time together but that was because all the Ducks spent a lot of time together. Adam knew where Averman lived, in an apartment complex not too far from his house, but he'd never been inside. Only now did he think about how strange that was.
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Adam turned on the radio, hoping it would cover up the awkward silence that had fallen over them.
"Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys started playing, and Adam waited for Averman to complain about it. It was not the kind of music the other Ducks listened to. When Averman said nothing, Adam looked over to see he was tapping his hand on his knee.
"I actually really like this song," Adam volunteered.
"It's a good song!" Averman said. "You don't have to be ashamed of your musical tastes around me, Banksie. And if Charlie, for example, tries to make fun of you for it, I happen to know that he is secretly a big Ace of Base fan."
A week later, Adam was the first to sit down at their regular lunch table. A moment later Averman dropped his tray down beside him. "Hey."
Adam looked up from his sandwich. "Hey. Hey! You got new glasses!"
"Whatever takes the focus off my head," Averman said.
"What?"
"It's from that movie 'Liar Liar.'"
Adam stared at him blankly.
Averman waved his hand. "Nevermind. You're actually the first person to even notice."
"I am?" That surprised him. The glasses had browline frames and were bit smaller than the other ones Averman had had. They really suited him. "Well, you look good. I mean, they, the glasses look good. You look nice with the new glasses. Not that you looked ugly before or anything."
He knew after stumbling over his words the helpless look he gave Averman was probably quite pathetic, but Averman was laughing. He had a great laugh. Adam started laughing too. It was hard not to. Averman's laugh was contagious. Maybe rambling was contagious too. Adam didn't remember being such a rambler a week ago.
Averman lowered his voice, "Are you going to the meeting today?"
Adam nodded but didn't have a chance to say anything else because Guy and Luis appeared. They didn't say anything about Averman's glasses. When Dwayne and Russ showed up they didn't say anything either.
Averman didn't appear to be bothered by it, but for some reason Adam was. When all the Ducks were there and still hadn't said anything, Adam found himself speaking up. "Hey, haven't any of you guys noticed Averman's new glasses?"
Everyone turned to stare at him and Averman.
"Oh yeah," said Charlie, "nice."
"Sorry, Averman," said Connie, "they look good."
"It's fine. Uh, thanks." He looked really embarrassed, and Adam didn't know why he'd made such a big deal out of it. He remained silent for the rest of the lunch period.
After practice on Wednesday afternoon, Adam, Averman and Charlie were walking out of the school together when Averman suddenly stopped. "Damnit, I left my history textbook in my locker. I've gotta go get it. Wait for me?" he asked. Adam nodded.
After Averman had rushed back inside, Charlie gave Adam a funny look. "Since when have you ever waited for Averman?"
Adam felt his face grow warm. "I said I'd give him a ride."
"Oh, you're giving rides now?" Charlie asked.
"I've given you lots of rides, Charlie. I can give you one now if you want." He was starting to get prickly.
"I'm just surprised you're giving Averman one, that's all."
"Why? We're friends."
"Yeah, but not that friendly."
"What do you mean by that?" He was really getting annoyed now. Was Charlie trying to imply something? Did he know about the GSA meetings?
"Nothing, I just didn't know you were close."
"There's a lot of things you don't know, Charlie."
Charlie looked mad. But Adam was mad too. Why did Charlie have to be so nosy? What did it matter to him if he and Averman had become better friends?
"Fine then. Cake eater," he muttered as he stormed off in the direction of the bus stop. Adam was relieved to see him go.
When Averman came back they headed to his car. "Where did Captain Duck go?"
Adam shrugged. "He left. Hey, do you wanna go and get a milkshake or something?" he asked.
Averman made a face. "I'm broke right now."
"That's okay. I'll get you something."
"I don't know…"
Averman had definitely tricked Adam into buying him and the other Ducks stuff before, so he didn't understand why he was being so weird about it now.
"Come on. It's just a milkshake. And you guys like to remind me how rich I am all the time, I can afford it."
"Okay, okay," Averman said as he slid into the passenger seat. "You can buy me a milkshake."
They drove to the Dairy Queen the Ducks frequented, and when they were inside Averman grabbed them a booth while Adam ordered their shakes.
He handed Averman his mint-cookie-blast, or whatever it was, and sat down opposite him. Averman stared at him incredulously.
"What?" he asked.
"Vanilla? Did you really just order a vanilla milkshake?"
He looked down at his milkshake, then back at Averman. "I like vanilla."
Averman just shook his head. "I don't know why this surprises me."
"What's wrong with vanilla?"
"It's so boring! Are you sure you're g–" He stopped short and gave Adam a panicked look. "Nevermind. Sorry."
Adam sheepishly stared into his drink and didn't say anything. He hadn't planned on drinking the whole thing anyway, but now he'd completely lost his appetite for it. They sat in uncomfortable silence for what felt like forever. Finally, he cleared his throat and peaked a look at Averman. "Can I ask you something?"
Averman's shoulders seemed to relax. "Of course. Shoot."
"Have you told your parents about... you know."
"Yeah. I have. I told my mom."
Adam was impressed. "What did she say?"
"She cried a little. But she said she still loves me. I guess I might have cried a bit too. It was very emotional, you know. But it was good. I guess you haven't told your parents?" he asked.
"Are you crazy? You know what my dad's like. His head would probably explode."
Averman smiled at him. "Maybe not. He might surprise you."
"Yeah right."
"I'm sure he just wants the best for you. Maybe he'd be worried your life would be harder if you were gay? But I bet he just wants you to be happy."
Adam thought about that, and he wondered why Averman had never shown this side of himself before. He still didn't believe it though, and luckily, he didn't have to dwell on it, as Averman started a comical performance over his brainfreeze.
It was Friday afternoon and Adam caught Averman in the hallway before last period. "Do you want a ride after school?" He was hoping maybe they could hang out. Go to a movie or something.
"Nah, my dad's picking me up, I'm staying at his place this weekend. Thanks though."
"Oh."
"I gotta go. Mr. Crowley is gonna kill me if I'm late!"
"Bye."
He watched as Averman's curly head disappeared into the crowd of students. He didn't know why he was so disappointed.
One Monday morning, Adam was getting his French book out of his locker when Linda approached him. "Hi, Adam."
"Hi." He glanced around. They weren't really friends. Would people wonder why they were talking? He'd been going to the meetings but still hadn't actually said that he was gay. He didn't say much at the meetings at all, but thankfully, no one pushed him to.
"I just came to tell you the meeting room has changed today," Linda said. "It'll be in the second floor science lab."
"Okay, thanks."
"Tell Averman, okay?"
"I will."
Suddenly, Charlie appeared out of nowhere. "Hi, Linda!" he said, getting a little too close to her face.
"Hi, Charlie." She backed away, looking wary.
"I've been thinking," Charlie said, and Adam had to fight back the urge to say "Really?" It was the kind of thing Averman would do. Clearly, Adam had been hanging out with him too much.
"About what you said a few weeks ago," Charlie continued. "About going to that GSA thing? You're still doing that right? I think it's a good idea, I should go, and get the rest of the Ducks to go too. If people see us going then–"
Linda must have seen the panicked look on Adam's face. She looked pretty panicked herself. "What?"
Charlie's spiel died down. "The GSA meeting?"
Linda laughed nervously. "Oh that. You know what? It's fine. Don't worry about it."
Charlie looked disappointed. "Oh."
"I have to go," she said, and briskly took off down the hallway.
Charlie turned to Adam. "What were you two talking about?"
"Uh, just science class stuff. Nothing interesting."
"She didn't want to talk to me. Do you know if she already has a new boyfriend? Wait... It's not... You two aren't...?" he floundered over his words.
"What? No way. No." Adam shook his head vigorously. "Um, but I don't know if she has a new boyfriend. Sorry."
Charlie sighed and turned to walk dejectedly to his next class.
Adam grinned at the big 'A' at the top of the test his history teacher had just passed back. He turned to Averman who sat behind him and his smile fell. Averman looked upset. "I got a C," he said. "Coach Orion is gonna to kill me."
"I can help you, if you want," Adam said.
Averman glanced up from underneath the rim of his glasses. He pushed them up his nose. "Really?"
"Yeah. I'll come to your place after school tomorrow."
"My place?" He looked uncertain.
Adam realised maybe Averman was embarrassed. Adam still hadn't been inside his apartment, and just recently, Averman and a few of the other Ducks had been to Adam's house to watch a game on the Banks' new flat screen TV. Maybe Averman was thinking about that. Adam had a bad habit of forgetting how privileged he was compared to the rest of the Ducks.
"I just thought it would be easier? But we can go to my house if you want. I don't mind. I can drop you back home later."
Averman shook his head. "No. Of course we can go to mine. I really need help. Thanks."
At dinner that night Adam's dad asked him if he'd got his history test results back.
"I got an A."
"Well done," his dad said, with a nod.
"I'm going to go to Averman's house tomorrow to help him. He didn't get a good grade, and Coach Orion says we need Bs or better to stay on the team."
"Averman. Is he the kid who never shuts up?"
"Um… yes."
"Well, just as long as it doesn't affect your grades or interfere with hockey practice."
"It won't."
As he lay in bed that night, he found himself looking forward to it.
Averman lived with his mom. The apartment was small compared to Adam's house but it was nice. Adam had to admit, Averman's mom probably had better decorating skills than his mom did.
Averman had movie posters all over the walls of his bedroom. "Cool," Adam said.
Averman shrugged. "I get them for free at work."
"I like the 'Good Will Hunting' one. I loved that movie."
Averman looked towards the poster Adam was pointing to. "Yeah," he said. "Matt Damon's a hunk."
Adam laughed. "Okay, we should probably start studying now. Before you get too distracted by Matt Damon. Why don't we go over your test and see where you went wrong?"
Averman sighed, "Okay." He pulled his desk chair out and a grey Scottish Fold peered up at him. He pushed it off and it meowed indignantly as it shot out the door. "That's Mr. Miyagi," Averman said. "I used to have a mouse named Daniel but, well, we don't talk about that."
He got one of the chairs from the kitchen table for Adam, and they sat down at his desk. They had been studying for about an hour when Adam realised he wasn't setting a very good example – they were both supposed to be reading a section of their textbooks, but instead, Adam had been staring at Averman. He had his tongue poking out in concentration. It was kind of cute. Adam couldn't believe he'd just thought something Lester Averman had done was cute, but it was.
Averman looked up and caught him staring. Adam quickly looked away.
"Can we take a break?" Averman asked.
"Huh? Oh, sure."
"Stay here," Averman said. "I'll get us a snack." He looked at the glass of water sitting by Adam's hand. "Are you sure you don't want a Coke or something? We have diet."
"I'm fine."
Averman came back with chocolate chip cookies and a couple of apples. Everyone knew Adam tried not to eat a lot of junk food, to stay in shape. It was hard though, when he watched Averman eat the cookies.
"Just have one," Averman said, obviously aware Adam wanted one. "Then I'll put them away."
"That's okay." He picked up an apple and began munching on it.
"So. You know about me and Matt Damon. What about you? Who's your celebrity crush?" Averman asked.
"I don't have one."
"Everyone has one."
"Not me."
"Fine. Do you have a crush on anyone at school?"
"No." Averman eyed him suspiciously but Adam just shrugged. "What about you?" he asked. "Are you and Steve…?"
"Steve? No, we're just friends."
Adam nodded. Wondering if Averman and Steve were together had been bothering him. He was relieved they weren't, but he wasn't sure why. The conversation probably could have ended there but for some reason Adam decided to ask, "Have you ever had a crush on any of the Ducks?"
Averman looked momentarily surprised, then pretended like he was thinking very hard. "Well, Luis is pretty hot." Adam nodded in agreement. "But... don't laugh, I had a little bit of a crush on you, way back in peewees."
"What?" Adam squawked. "You did ?"
"Yeah. It was probably just because you were new and shiny, so don't get a big head about it."
"You knew you were gay, all the way back then?" Adam asked.
"I guess so."
"Have you ever... kissed a guy?"
"No. Have you?
"No."
Averman seemed to be thinking about that for a minute. Then he started to speak. "We could…" He stopped.
Adam knew what he was going to say and he was both terrified and excited by the idea. Adam had kissed a few girls before, but he wanted to kiss a guy. And in that moment he really wanted to kiss someone.
"I mean, you probably don't want to," Averman said, "but just for, like, practice maybe we could–"
"Okay."
Averman raised an eyebrow. His green eyes seemed to sparkle. "Really?"
"Yes." He sat up straighter in his chair and turned to face Averman. "Come on."
Adam leaned close. He'd never noticed the freckles on Averman's nose before. He liked them. Without further thought, he moved forward and pressed his lips to Averman's. Averman made a little noise of surprise, but then he kissed back, and after a moment Adam felt his tongue poke tentatively between his lips. Adam accepted it. Averman's mouth tasted like chocolate from the cookies. He tasted good.
When they pulled apart, Averman looked a little flushed, and Adam thought he probably did too.
"You know," Averman said, "you kind of look like Matt Damon."
Adam laughed and punched Averman on the arm. "I do not!"
"Ow! You do! I swear."
"Whatever," he rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, "let's just get back to work."
Adam was distracted during practice. He laughed too hard at Averman yelling "I am the walrus!" when he scored a goal during scrimmage and worried too much when Portman knocked him down. Averman had such a big personality that Adam often forgot he was smaller than him and some of the other players.
And during the whole practice his dad's voice was in the back of his head, telling him he could only tutor Averman as long as his hockey performance didn't suffer. Why was that so much harder to obey than he thought it was going to be?
In the locker room, Averman decided to sing a ridiculous rendition of "I Believe I Can Fly." Adam snickered, but apparently he was the only one who thought it was funny, because everyone else groaned and yelled at Averman to shut up.
Suddenly, Adam was annoyed. "C'mon guys. Do we have to do that all the time?" he said.
Everyone turned to stare at him. "Do what?" Russ asked.
"Tell Averman to shut up."
They all looked at him like he'd lost his mind.
"Uh, it's okay Banks," Averman said. "I was being annoying. It's fine."
"I just don't like it," he said, turning back to his locker.
"Did you hear that everybody?" Portman yelled. "Preppy doesn't like it, so we'd better stop."
"That's not what I meant!"
Just then Coach Orion entered the locker room. "What's going on in here? I want this locker room cleared out in," he looked at his watch, "eleven minutes."
They spent the rest of the time rushing through quick showers and getting changed. No one said anything else. When they were outside, he watched Averman glance at him, then walk off with Goldberg, presumably to catch the bus.
Charlie came up to him. "What was all that about? We were just joking around."
"It's just not cool, okay? It grates on me."
"You've never cared before."
"I did. I just didn't say anything." That was a lie, but he wished it was true. He felt disloyal for never defending Averman before.
"Did Averman say something to you about it? Is he upset?"
"No, he didn't. It's just me."
"Okay," Charlie said. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"No," Adam said, with more force than he intended.
"Whoa. Okay. But you know I'm here, if you do want to talk, right?"
Adam sighed. "I'm going home."
That night Adam was studying in his room when he heard the phone ring. A minute later his mom yelled, "Adam, phone for you!"
He went out onto the landing to get the cordless. "I've got it! You can hang up now!" he yelled down the stairs. He listened for the click before saying, "Hello?"
It was Averman. "What was all that about after practice?"
Adam sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I lost my cool."
There was a pause before Averman spoke. "It's okay. But don't you think the Ducks will be… I don't know, suspicious now?"
"I don't know," Adam said. "Maybe."
"I don't really care what they say about me. But I know you do."
"Yeah." He didn't know what else to say.
"Well, thanks for defending my honour."
Adam rolled his eyes. "Shut up."
"Hey! You're not allowed to say that to me! Hypocrite!"
Adam laughed. "No, I'm allowed. It's just that nobody else is."
Averman's voice turned high-pitched and creepy, as he started doing one of his impressions. "You insensitive prick!" he said. "Do you have any idea how much that stings?"
"Do you have to quote every terrible movie you've ever seen?" Adam asked.
"Yes. Yes I do."
"You know, if you used that memory space for history, you'd probably get straight As."
"Priorities, Banksie."
"They're not even good quotes either," Adam prodded.
"I beg to differ."
Adam was grinning. "Do you want to go to the movies on Saturday?"
Averman groaned. "I'm working at the movie theatre this weekend. I need cash. I still owe you for that milkshake."
"And the hot fudge sundae and the cheeseburger and the million other things you made me pay for over the last six years."
"I don't recall any of that," Averman said.
"Why don't I meet you after you've finished work, and we can go get a burger or something?"
"I thought you were on a diet."
"I'm not on a diet, I'm just careful about what I eat," he said. "Anyway, I can have a day off. You can even buy me a milkshake. You owe me."
"You're not doing a very good job of convincing me, you know."
"Come on."
"Okay, but it has to at least be a chocolate shake."
Adam had had a great weekend. He hung out with Averman for several hours on Saturday night, and then on Sunday after Averman had finished his shift, he snuck Adam into a movie with him for free. It was a really bad movie, but Averman had made it entertaining by whispering a sarcastic commentary throughout.
Adam hadn't wanted it to end.
He wasn't normally grumpy about coming to school, but he was still in a bad mood on Tuesday morning. Going to the GSA meeting the previous afternoon hadn't helped either. It had just made him feel more out of sorts, though it hadn't been different from any of the other meetings he'd been to.
"Hey dude, dudeness, duder, El Duderino." Immediately, Adam's mood picked up and he turned from his locker to smile at Averman.
He got a shock to see blood pouring from Averman's nose. "Whoa! Nosebleed."
"What?" Averman said. He put his fingers to his face and then looked at them to see they were covered in blood. "Damnit."
"Come on," he seized Averman by the sleeve and dragged him to the nearest bathroom. He went into one of the stalls and grabbed a wad of toilet paper. He gently tugged on Averman's hair, pulling his head back so he could hold the toilet paper under his nose.
He'd seen this happen a hundred times. Averman had always been that kid who got nosebleeds all the time for no apparent reason. He hadn't seen it happen in a while though.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I feel fine."
After a moment, he realised he was stroking Averman's hair. Their faces were really close too. He wondered if it was weird to want to kiss someone who had blood all over their face. Probably.
He shook his head and pulled the toilet paper away. "I think it's stopped now."
"Thanks," Averman said in a husky voice. He went over to the sink to wash his face. He handed Adam his glasses. "Will you hold these for a sec."
Adam held the glasses for a moment before he decided to try them on. He peered at himself in the mirror. He could barely make out his features. "Wow, you really can't see anything, can you?"
Averman plucked the glasses from Adam's face and put them back on. "Yeah, well, you look terrible. At least I look good in them."
"You do," Adam agreed. Then they were staring at each other again, and it was awkward, but also felt kind of good. Adam had butterflies in his stomach. He leaned forward and pecked Averman on the cheek. "Come on, we'll be late for class."
Adam went to Averman's place after school. As soon as they were in the door they turned to each other. There was a moment when they just stared, then they were kissing, and Adam didn't know who had made the first move.
They made their way to the couch and somehow he ended up on top of Averman. Averman stopped to remove his glasses and put them on the coffee table, then they were kissing again. Their noses bumped into each other, and their lips parted, desperate to deepen the kiss. Adam moaned. It felt really good pressing his body against Averman's.
Suddenly, there was the sound of a door closing and a voice said "Whoops!" They instantly flew apart, sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
Averman scrambled to put his glasses back on. "Mom!"
"Les," she paused and looked at Adam, "is this your boyfriend?" She had curly hair and oversized glasses, just like Averman, and she was holding a bag of groceries.
Averman had gone bright red. Adam was pretty sure he had too. He adjusted his trousers.
"Um." Averman avoided the question by saying, "Mom, do you know Adam Banks, from the Ducks?"
"Oh yes, but I don't think we've properly met."
"Nice to meet you," Adam said, meekly. He would have stood up to shake her hand, but standing up wasn't the best idea in his embarrassing situation.
"Adam's helping me with history," Averman said.
"Is he now?"
"Well, not at this particular moment. But he has been."
"Are you staying for dinner, Adam?" she asked.
He wanted to say no, but he thought he might come across even worse than he already had if he did that. And he was kind of shocked at how cool she was being about what she just saw. "That would be nice. Thank you very much, ma'am."
Averman rolled his eyes at Adam's formality, but his mom nodded in approval.
"Uh, we're going to go study for a while," Averman said. He grabbed Adam's hand and yanked him towards his bedroom.
"Okay, keep your door open!" she called after them.
"Wow, sorry about that," Averman said as he fell onto his bed. "That was embarrassing."
"Yeah, it was… Your mom's kind of awesome though. I don't want to think about what my dad would do if he walked in on…" He wanted to say "us" but found he couldn't. He settled on "that" instead.
"Hmmm," was all Averman said in response.
"What do you mean 'hmmm'?"
Averman shrugged. "Who knows. He might be okay with it."
"That's easy for you to say. Man, you're so lucky."
"Oh, do you think my life's easy or something?" There was a hint of anger to his voice that Adam was not expecting.
"I didn't say that. You just don't know my dad. This is the man who wore a Hawks jacket to a game where I was playing against them! Don't you remember that?"
"I remember, Adam. I also remember him being there for you when you were injured. At least he was there . My dad has never even been to one of my games. I doubt he even watched me playing in the Junior Goodwill Games on TV. I only ever get to see him when he feels like it, usually because he's got nothing better to do." He stared into Adam's eyes and it made him uncomfortable. He had to look away.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"It doesn't matter."
Adam didn't know why they were suddenly fighting. He'd been feeling so good only a few minutes before.
"I thought," Averman started.
"What?"
"I thought you'd started opening up a bit. Letting yourself be yourself ."
Adam didn't know why Averman saying that made him so irritated. "You don't understand the pressure I'm under," he said. "My dad's counting on me to make something of myself. To have a career in hockey."
"You're just a kid, Adam! You worry too much."
"You just don't understand."
Averman really looked angry now. "I understand that you're emotionally constipated." He got up from the bed and yanked his desk chair out. He sat down and slammed his history book open. He turned to look back at Adam. "I do understand. We're all under pressure. I get it."
"You don't. You don't get it because you aren't ever going to play professionally."
Averman glared at him. "That was mean."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." He couldn't believe he'd said that. He regretted it instantly.
"Yeah, you did. And it was true. But still mean."
"I just meant... You know how much hockey means to me," he pleaded.
"Yeah. I know."
"Please–"
"I think you should go."
"But…"
Averman turned away and didn't say anything else. Adam stood dumbly for a moment, hoping Averman would change his mind, but it was obvious he was ignoring him.
As he walked past the kitchen door on the way out, he saw Averman's mom preparing the meal. He coughed, and she turned around.
"Thanks for the dinner offer, but I have to get home. I just remembered, my dad has important people over and wants me to be there," he lied.
"Okay, honey." She smiled at him. "Maybe another time." He wasn't sure there would be another time.
He felt bad about lying, but what was he supposed to say? Averman had kicked him out because he was being a jerk? She had probably heard them yelling anyway, which made it worse.
Once he got into his car, he turned the radio off and drove home in silence. He felt as if he'd just lost a really important game. He felt defeated.
He was trying to study in his room after dinner when he heard the phone ring. After a moment his dad yelled up the stairs, "Adam!"
He ran out onto the landing to grab the phone. "Got it!" He went into his room and shut the door. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's me." He hadn't been expecting Averman to call. In fact, he'd been expecting Averman to never speak to him again.
He rushed into an apology. "I'm really sorry, Averman. If you want to go pro, I can help you. We'll practice everyday. You can do it."
"Adam, stop. It's ok. I forgive you."
"You do?"
"Yes, and I'm sorry too. Just because my dad's a jerk doesn't mean I know what it's like with your dad. If I implied you should come out to him, I never meant to. I wouldn't pressure you to do that."
"Thanks," Adam said quietly.
"And I'm sorry I said you were emotionally constipated. It's just that sometimes I feel really close to you. It makes me feel special, because I don't think you're like that with anyone else. But then other times…"
"What?"
"I don't know. You close up."
Adam didn't know what to say. He was keenly aware he was doing exactly what Averman had just accused him of.
"Adam, are you still there?"
"Yeah." He wracked his brain for something to say. "Do you want to go to the Gophers game on Saturday? I have tickets." He'd had the tickets a whole week and had been waiting to ask Averman if he wanted to go with him. He knew Averman supported them. Of course, he chose the worst possible time to ask.
"Sorry, I can't, I'm working."
"Okay," Adam said, disappointed. "Well, I should get back to studying."
"Yeah, all right. See you in school."
"See ya."
He set the phone on his desk. Instead of going back to his books, he turned on the radio and lay facedown on his bed. The new Backstreet Boys song came on. It was a love song. He turned it off in disgust.
Averman had barely spoken to Adam since their phone call, so Adam was relieved when the weekend arrived. He spent the better part of Saturday morning doing endurance drills in the backyard.
It took his mind off things for awhile. But as he sat down to study after lunch, his mind wandered.
He found himself remembering that speech Coach Bombay had given him when he found out about the injured wrist Adam had been hiding. Coach had told him his dad was proud of him and loved him, and it didn't matter how many goals he scored.
Maybe his dad would love him no matter what? Even if he was gay.
His dad did push him too hard sometimes. He could even be a jerk. But maybe he was being too hard on his dad as well. He'd already made up his mind about what his dad would do without giving him a chance. It was almost like he wanted to blame his dad for the fact that he was scared.
Averman was right. Adam was scared of being himself. He'd gotten so used to catering to other people's feelings that he held everything inside. He was so afraid if he said and did what he wanted, he would hurt someone.
He'd still hurt Averman anyway.
Averman was so carefree by contrast. Adam wished he could be like that. He should be like that. He didn't like that he'd become so inhibited. So consumed with wanting to be perfect. Over the past several weeks he had felt more like himself – more like who he wanted to be anyway. He'd thought he'd known who he was and what he wanted to be: a great hockey player. But now he realised he wanted more than that.
He took Charlie to the game that night. He was still moping and probably wasn't the best company. He just kept thinking about how much fun he would be having if Averman was there.
"Do you think I'm emotionally constipated?" he asked Charlie as he was driving them home.
"What?" Charlie sputtered. Then he laughed. "Who told you that?"
"No one. Just answer the question." He was already regretting saying anything.
"Well, you're quiet," Charlie said, "but that doesn't mean you're emotionless. But you don't like to tell people when something's wrong either. So... maybe?"
"Great," Adam said dryly.
"Are you going to tell me why you're asking this?"
"No."
Charlie gave him a pointed look. "Well, there's your answer, Banksie."
"I'm home!"
"Hi, sweetie!" his mom called. "How was the game?"
"Good," he replied, though he barely remembered it. "Gophers won."
Instead of going straight up to his room, he walked into the living room where his parents were watching TV. He knew what he had to do.
"Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you."
They both looked at him curiously. His dad turned the TV off.
He sat down on the oversized ottoman and faced their matching chairs.
"Oh my God," his dad said. "You got someone pregnant."
"What? No! You don't need to worry about that. Actually, um, that's really not going to happen." He paused. They looked at him with concern. His mom gestured for him to continue and he sighed. "I'm gay."
They just stared at him.
"It means–"
"We know what it means, Adam," his dad said.
He hung his head. "I'm sorry."
"Oh honey." His mom leaned forward and took his hand. "Are you sure?"
He nodded.
"We wondered."
"What?" He finally looked up. "How?"
"That boy has been phoning up a lot…"
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's been good to know you have a close friend. We just wondered if maybe he was more than that."
"Averman? He's not my… I mean, I don't know."
He looked at his dad who hadn't said anything else yet. "Dad?
His dad sighed and leaned forward in his chair. "Adam, you're my son. I love you. I'm glad you told us."
Adam felt himself choking up. "I thought you would be angry."
"That's my fault. I know I put a lot of pressure on you. It's what I do to myself, and I don't do a very good job of separating that from how I treat you. And I'm sorry about that. But I just want you to be happy."
He stood up and pulled Adam into a hug. It was by far the longest embrace they had ever had. It was like he knew Adam needed it and he was finally giving himself permission offer it.
Adam got to the GSA meeting before Averman on Monday afternoon. He was surprised that when Averman did arrive, he sat in his usual seat beside Adam. "Hey," he said.
"Hi," Adam replied, maybe a little too eagerly. Averman had sat at the opposite end of the lunch table that day and they hadn't spoken on the phone in days. He missed him.
As the meeting got started, Adam's nerves got worse. His stomach was in knots, and his palms were sweaty. He hadn't heard a single thing anyone had said.
"Can I say something?" he blurted out.
Steve looked only mildly annoyed at the interruption. "Sure, Adam."
"I just want to say… to tell you all… I'm Adam Banks and I'm gay. I, uh, told my parents that the other night. That I'm gay I mean, not the name part. Obviously." He knew he'd gone bright red.
He could feel Averman watching him but didn't have the nerve to look back. He told the story of what he'd told his parents and how they responded. He left out the part about what they'd said about Averman.
"That's wonderful, Adam," Linda said. Everyone else agreed.
Finally, he turned to Averman. "My dad said exactly what you said he would. That he just wants me to be happy."
Averman smiled at him. "I'm happy for you too. It must have been really hard to do."
Adam exhaled. "Oh my God. It was. But I'm glad I did it."
Averman reached out and grabbed Adam's hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm proud of you."
"I really am sorry about what I said. I want us to be okay again," Adam admitted.
"Yeah," Averman said. "We're okay."
Adam had almost forgotten that everyone else from the group was still there listening to their conversation. There was an awkward silence as they looked around the room and back, trying to decide whether they should pretend to hear or not. A month ago, Adam would have been mortified. But now he didn't care. Because he and Averman were okay.
"No music, it's a distraction."
Averman pulled his hand away from the radio and pouted at Adam. "You're a distraction," he said, then turned a shocking shade of pink.
"I could leave," Adam said innocently.
"No! I need help. Do you want me to fail history? Do you really want that on your conscience?"
Adam smirked. "I have an idea. After you read a page of this textbook, I'm going to ask you some questions about it. If you get them right, you'll get a reward."
Averman raised an eyebrow. "What kind of reward?"
"You'll have to wait and see."
"How am I supposed to concentrate on this boring stuff when you go and say something like that?" Averman said.
Adam shrugged. "Well if you don't want the reward…"
"I didn't say that!" He stared at the textbook with determination. "I can do this."
When Averman got the questions right, Adam kissed him on the cheek. "If you want me to get to your mouth, you've got at least five pages to go."
Averman scowled but nodded. "Challenge accepted."
Adam stayed for dinner that night. He couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun just eating dinner. Maybe it was because he was lettinghimself have fun. Averman had him laughing uncontrollably, and Averman's mom didn't seem to mind that they were both acting really silly.
He felt lighter than he had in a long time.
Just as the GSA meeting was getting started the next Monday afternoon, the door banged open, and Charlie strolled into the room followed by Connie, Guy, and Fulton. "Hi," he announced. "We would like to offer our support to our fellow students…" He looked around the room, and when his eyes fell on Adam and Averman they looked they were about to fall out of their sockets. "Averman? Banks? What are you.. oh. Oh ."
Averman slouched down in his seat, and Adam put his hand over his face. As if he could hide.
"Hey guys," Steve said, "you're welcome to join the meeting, but please take a seat quietly."
Charlie nodded and took a seat at the front. The other Ducks sat beside him. He kept turning around throughout the whole meeting to stare at Adam. He didn't seem to notice Linda shooting daggers at him.
Adam made a dash for it as soon as the meeting was over, but Charlie was right on his tale, following him down the hallway. "Hey, stop!"
Adam stopped and slowly turned to face him. He had to stop running. It wasn't what he wanted to do anymore. The other Ducks arrived then, including Averman. They formed a group around him and Charlie. "Why didn't you tell me?" Charlie asked. "I would've been cool with it. I am cool with it. We all are, right guys?" They nodded.
"Not everything's about you, Charlie. I don't have to tell you anything," Adam said.
Charlie turned to Averman who shrugged. "I never found the right time…"
Charlie looked between him and Adam. "Are you two…?"
Straight away, Adam started to deny it. "No! We're–"
He looked at Averman. The hurt in his eyes left a sharp feeling in his chest. He couldn't stand hurting Averman again. He didn't want to lose him. "I mean, I'm not sure if we… Are we? I want to be."
The spark came back into Averman's eyes and he nodded. "I want that too."
"Wow," Fulton said. "I was not expecting this."
"I think it's adorable," said Connie. She smiled at them encouragingly. Guy nodded in agreement.
"I'm happy for you guys," Charlie said. He grabbed them both by the shoulders. "Really." He looked like he meant it.
"Oh God!" Averman said, slamming his palm to his forehead. "Wait until they tell the rest of the Ducks about this. Wanna escape to Mexico?"
Adam laughed. He peeled Averman's hand away from his head and held it in his palms. "Nah. It'll be okay."
Gossip spread fast with the Ducks.
On Tuesday morning, before class had even started, Portman was the first to approach Adam. "Averman? Really Banksie?"
"Yes really," he replied, already defensive. "I like him a lot."
"Hey, whatever, man. As long as you're happy." He thumped Adam on the back and sauntered off.
Ken and Julie were the next to see him, on his way to science class, and they were supportive. Then he saw Dwayne, who was weirdly ecstatic about it. Though he generally had a positive attitude about everything.
He'd been so scared of the Ducks finding out, but now that they knew, it wasn't like any of the nightmare scenarios he had imagined. Just like with his dad, it had turned out much better than he had anticipated. They accepted him. They were his friends.
He didn't have any classes with Averman all morning, so it was lunchtime by the time he saw him. He slid in behind him in the lunch line and tapped him on the shoulder.
Averman grinned when he turned and saw him. "Hey! What's up? I've had so many congratulatory slaps on the back today I think I may have slipped a disc. How about you?"
"My back's still intact, thankfully. Especially considering Portman thumped me so hard my knees buckled."
"Yeah, he got me too. Do you know any good chiropractors?"
Adam laughed. "I'm so happy to see you."
"You are?"
"I'm always happy to see you." He realised then that he always had been. He'd just never noticed it before.
Averman beamed and Adam's stomach flip flopped. He was happy.