Oh, God… Why do I do this to myself? Why? Just… why…?
This story is a sad mess of sadness inspired by the song St. John, performed by We Are the Fallen. I claim no ownership of the song, band performing it, or Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's. Everything is rightful property of its respective owner. Also, the cover is a fanart I found on random internet searches. It's not mine and credit goes to the original artist. Although I did color it and add the title.
Beta read by the awesome RobotFish! Thanks for dealing with my depressing, masochistic depression ^_^
Questions Without Answers
She ran as quickly as she could, her oversized light pink shirt rustling around her in the dark of night. Cackling laughter echoed around her, foolishly mocking her as she tried to run from it. Shadows danced in her peripheral vision, but when she turned to glance at them, there was nothing there.
She never saw a soul, never another person. She was alone in this desolate apocalypse, but always heard them. Their laughter was everywhere, never ceasing. They rarely spoke words, but when they did, it was a series of three words, never in the same sequence.
"Rose."
"Black."
"Witch."
"Rose."
"Black."
"Rose."
"Black."
"Witch."
"Black."
"Rose."
"Witch."
Black Rose Witch. She couldn't remember what it meant to her, but the words caused her pain. It caused her an agony she couldn't describe. It broke a part of her to hear the calls of their voices, tormenting her with a part of her she couldn't recall. Whatever 'Black Rose Witch' meant, it haunted her. It haunted her in this barren wasteland, leaving her in a state of sharp mental pain.
She tried to run. She ran as quickly as she could, as far as she could. But she could never get far enough away. Wherever she went, their voices followed. They laughed in her ears and left her feeling miserable. She fell to her knees, gripping her fingers in her hair, begging them to stop. They never did, only increasing in volume and delighting in her pain. Except… They did stop when…
"Akiza, be strong! You can beat this!"
She paused, slowly releasing her hands from her hair and looked around. The laughter stopped. It always did when that voice would chime through the air. Still, there was no other presence in her world, but as she turned to the collapsed concrete of a long-broken building, a shadow stood in its center. It was a part of the slab as much as it wasn't, its spiky-shaped head leaving a sense of familiarity in her gut. It moved upon the surface, shifting one hand from the pocket of its pants and slowly reaching out to her.
"Be strong. You'll get through this!"
That voice… It rang out through the sky at times, always warding away the laughter and bringing her peace for a time. She loved that voice. It was always so gentle and sounded so sweet. So calming and firm. As always, when the voice rang out, a sweet darkness would wash over her and take her away, letting her break free from her nightmares for a time.
…
"Doctor, please tell me you have good news."
The man in the white coat held a clipboard in one hand and gradually shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sir. There's nothing we can do besides make her comfortable."
Yusei took two steps forward and paused by the window, glancing into the room below where the magenta-haired woman lived. She sat on the floor in a giant pink shirt, curled on the floor and fast asleep after the sedative took hold of her consciousness. His hand touched the window and his forehead rested on the glass in saddened thought. "I see."
The doctor stood behind him, setting his clipboard down beside the microphone used a moment ago to calm her down. "The only things we've found that help seem to be the sound of your voice, Sir, and that of-"
"I know. But it isn't fair to make him watch this."
"I understand, Sir."
Why? Why did she break down to this state? When did the strong, poised woman he'd known, fallen in love with, married, become so frail and brittle? What happened to make her mind crack, causing her to live a world conjured inside her own head? Her days as the Black Rose Witch were far behind her, she was a successful doctor at New Domino General, and she had been so level-headed through everything. How did someone with such strength built up crack and become a quivering mess in a white room with padded walls?
He shook his head and forced himself to look away. "What have you tried?"
"Only what you've given us permission for, Doctor Fudo. Hypnosis gives a glimpse into her world, but it doesn't bring her out. The medications we've tried have little effect at a safe dosage and we don't want to risk going any higher. The best luck we've had is with the risperidone, but we can't risk increasing the dose. She can acknowledge her surroundings vaguely under its influence, but I'm afraid it isn't much of a result. Sedatives will knock her out, but we only use it as a last resort."
He frowned and crossed his arms, biting back the tears that pricked at the backs of his eyes. "What results do you get with that drug?"
"The risperidone? She gains a slight amount of awareness. Only vaguely, though. During her episodes where she's faced with a running nightmare, she'll run through her room. Oftentimes, she's on the floor when they occur, so she's left running in place. Under the risperidone, she actually climbs to her feet and runs, and even realizes when she reaches one of the walls. I'm afraid it isn't a good enough-"
"Increase the dose."
The man looked utterly confused. "I'm sorry, Doctor Fudo?"
He turned to face him, his lips forming a thin line as he repeated, "Increase the dosage."
"But, Sir… We've given her the highest recommended dose. Any higher and…"
"And what?" he pressed, wanting answers more than anything.
"And it could form a health risk. The medication could react with her heart and cause a permanent defect or, worse yet, it could cause her heart to fail."
Yusei swallowed his spit and forced himself to keep his eye contact. "I said, increase it. If there's a chance we can get through to her because of it…"
"But, Sir…"
"I appreciate your concerns, Doctor Seen. Really, I do. But look at her!" he said, using every ounce of control he possessed to keep from shouting as he gestured towards the window behind him. "She's in pain, suffering in a world we can never understand! Akiza… My wife… She would rather be dead than live a life like this."
The doctor nodded once. "I understand, Sir. We'll try it when the sedative leaves her system in approximately eight hours. I hate to ask you, but I'll need-"
"-me to sign my approval? Fine," he muttered, reaching out and taking the tablet from the doctor and scanning the contract text on the screen before taking the stylus and jotting his signature. That digital swirl of a garbled form of 'Yusei Fudo' may very well have been his wife's death sentence.
As he said, he knew she would rather die and be at peace than live in this horrible world. He had come here several times since her breakdown almost a year ago, and he had seen how quickly her consciousness had diminished. He had watched as she writhed on the floor in pain, screaming out wordless calls to the heavens. When he spoke to her over the microphone, she would calm somewhat and the staff could administer a sedative, but it was only temporary.
She needed something permanent. She needed to get her mind back so he could talk to her and find out exactly what was happening. If he could, he would do anything it took to make her happy. Money was no question. Until then, he would do what was necessary to bring her what peace he could.
Love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and be true to her in all things until death do you part…
He swallowed the lump in his throat, shifting to rotate the golden ring he wore on his left hand. It wasn't supposed to be like this. After seven years of being apart, their lives were supposed to connect and become easy. They had fallen in love as teenagers, but hadn't been able to explore that feeling until they were well into adulthood. They had married within two years of being reunited and had spent the six years since in a chaotic but happy life.
Both were successful doctors of highly differing fields, but they had made their relationship work. They had worked hard to make time for each other and live a life beyond their jobs. It was a difficult way of life, but they were able to be happy together.
The thirty-six year old physicist glanced at the doctor in charge of his wife's care and asked, "Is there anything else?"
He glanced down at the tablet Yusei had just signed before shaking his head. "Er, no, Sir. That's all. I'll be in touch with her results."
"Thank you," he said, giving a brief nod and walking out of the room. He knew his way through this building by now. He had visited so many times. He made his way back to the waiting room and paused before walking out to it, taking a deep breath. Once he was sure he had a grip on his emotions, he pushed the door open and glanced around the room, masking his fears with a smile at the pair of people seated in the room.
The red-headed woman sat on the couch, holding a book on her lap and sharing the text inside with the other occupant of the seat. The raven-haired boy looked up as the door opened and, when he saw Yusei, climbed off the couch and ran to him excitedly, calling out, "Daddy!"
Yusei lifted his six year old son in his arms easily and held him, wearing that same false smile while greeting him. He glanced past him towards the woman and nodded once, saying, "Thank you for staying with Seero, Setsuko. I appreciate it."
The boy's grandmother shifted to stand and tucked the book under her arm and nodded a response before asking, "How is she?"
He shook his head once, indicating he didn't want to discuss it in front of his son. "We can talk later, when Hideo's around."
She hummed a slight confirmation before saying, "Seero read a whole chapter on his own."
"Did you?" Yusei asked his son, glancing at the third-grade level book with a faintly genuine smile. His son was intelligent, that was for sure. He was reading books a full two grades ahead of him and had already taken an interest in math. He'd mastered the concept of addition and subtraction before he'd entered first grade, and by now had started to learn about working with multiplication. Seero Fudo was a genius in his own right.
Yusei just smiled bitterly, knowing his mother would more than likely never see him succeed. The concept felt like a knife through his heart, but he fought to keep his composure in front of the boy. He hadn't done anything to deserve this. He was a good kid, never asking for anything. Still holding him on his hip, he managed another smile and said, "Come on, let's go get your sister from Aunt Luna's, okay?"
He nodded, reaching up to play with his father's spiky hair that mirrored his own. He looked almost just like Yusei himself did, except with slightly darker skin and pale blue eyes like his own father had. He wasn't sure if he should be happy or saddened by the fact that neither of his children looked a lot like their mother. His daughter had her pale skin, but she had his own eyes and hair color.
He could be thankful that he wasn't haunted by Akiza's face at every turn, or he could be sad that he didn't see her in his children. Either way, he felt a twinge of guilt in his chest when he looked at them, knowing they wouldn't know their mother as they should.
Frowning, he reached up and touched the faint scar on his son's temple, hidden by his bushy bangs and bit back a curse. He had been hurt when Akiza's insanity had started to show and she'd thrown a book at him, screeching that he was some kind of monster. Yusei was thankful he didn't have any memory of the event, grateful it was blocked out by an emotional barrier. He wasn't sure what he would do if his only son remembered being attacked by his own mother.
Sighing, he took a deep breath and walked for the door, turning back on what could possibly be the last time he would see his wife alive.
Thanks for reading! Your first glimpse of my headcanon son of Yusei's and Akiza's, Seero Fudo. Don't worry. This fic itself isn't a part of my headcanon. Just something crazy I was inspired to write and spit out in about two hours. Please, let me know what you think of today's dose of depressing!
Oh, and the mentioned drug, risperidone, is an anti-psychotic I found via Google search. I don't know if it actually does what I described, but the internet is particular about drug details. If I used it incorrectly, please tell me.
Please review!
-Valk