You've been dreading this day since you made it back to the surface. When the gang decided to settle down in a warmer climate, your heart dropped. You looked to the sky, praying for the clear blue sky to turn dark but the smiling sun continued to beat down on you. You hoped this day wouldn't come for a while. Actually, you hoped this day would never come ever. Oh well…
"Prepare yourself Human!" Papyrus' voice boomed through the house. You were sitting in your room. Once they made it to the surface, the skeletons built a house similar to the one back in Snowdin. Your room was where the painting was. You felt kind of bad when they were building it because it was obvious they missed home. "Today is the day we are heading to the 'beach' that is in all of those movies Alphys showed us!"
You pulled your bathing suit from the back of your drawer and sneered at it in disgust. You quickly changed into it, but even quicker covered yourself up with a large jacket. You hear Papyrus call up to you again.
"Human? I have prepared a delicious picnic for us to enjoy while sitting on the beach! Hurry down so we can get there as soon as possible!" You couldn't. You didn't want to hurt Papyrus' feelings, but you just couldn't. You poke your head out from your room and call down your response.
"Um… actually Pap…" He looked up the staircase at you, his smile slightly smaller. "I have a really bad h-headache… I think I'm going to sit this trip out. Sorry Pap."
Your excuse was half-assed, you knew it. You cringed, hoping Papyrus wouldn't see through your lies. His grin dropped into a very concerned frown.
"Oh no! Human, do you require The Great Papyrus to remain behind and nurse you back to full health?" You blanched. That was the last thing you wanted. Besides, he's been looking forward to this trip for days.
"No, no. You go enjoy the beach for me. I'll be right as rain after a nap."
"Not rain! That will ruin our beach day!"
"I-it's just an expression Pap." You could almost see a large drop on his forehead as he glanced away.
"I knew that…" He grabbed the basket and put his foot on the first step, uncertain.
"Just go and have fun Pap." He smiled at you brightly.
"Good bye Human! I will send you many pictures on your mobile device!" You wave lazily at him as he dashed out the door. Your smile faded as you felt tears sting your eyes. You hurried back to your room, closing the door with a slam and turning your music on as loud as it could go. You took off your jacket and went up to the full sized mirror on the back of your closet door.
A tear made its way down your cheek as you stared at your body.
Sans teleported in front of his house. He was planning on meeting Papyrus and everyone down at the beach, but had to grab something from his room first. Pap told him about how you had a headache and so you weren't going with them.
He was planning on sneaking in and out as quietly as possible, as not to make your headache worse, so opening the front door and being bombarded by muffled music tipped him off that something wasn't quite right. If you actually had a headache, you wouldn't have music blaring. Why would you lie to Pap?
He went up the steps, not bothering to do so quietly. You wouldn't have heard a train in the living room with how loud the music was. Sans stood in front of your door, trying to hear past the melodic singing. Faintly, he heard a soft heaving.
He rested his hand on the doorknob, afraid of intruding, but the worry overtook his fear of angering you and opened the door a crack. He peered in and felt his eyes widen. You were standing in front of the mirror, holding a knife in one hand. You must have been crying because he could see your shoulders moving up and down harshly. Over the music, Sans heard you yelling at your reflection.
"You're so ugly. You're so fat. Fat! Fat! I wish I could just cut it all off!" One hand gripped some stomach skin while the other held the knife to it. Sans did the only thing he could think to do at the time. He threw the door open and smacked the knife from your hand.
You spun around and made eye contact with the skeleton for a split second before snatching up your jacket and put it on, covering yourself us as quickly as physically possible. Suddenly, the music cut off. You glanced over and saw a blue wisp fading from the power button.
"What's up Kiddo?" His head was down, his eyes looked pure black. He was no longer smiling, his usual grin in a small frown. His hands were shoved in his pockets, but you could see them faintly shaking.
"Nothing." Your voice cracked, your throat sore from crying. It was obvious you weren't okay, but you weren't planning on talking about it. Your whole face felt tight with drying tears.
"You and I both know that's a load of bull kid. Come on, it's time to spill your guts." You shake your head and hold our jacket even tighter around yourself. You just couldn't make eye contact with your friend.
"Come on kid…." He didn't sound amused, but you kept a firm hold on your jacket and your eyes trained on the carpeting. You heard him give a frustrated sigh. He takes a step towards you and you take a step back. He took another step towards you and you bump into the mirror. You were now cornered.
All of a sudden, your hands were thrown from your jacket. You felt them pinned to the wall. Startled, you tried struggling, but your hands were trapped. You kept your head down. You were afraid of what Sans' expression was. You felt his fingers tuck your hair behind your ear. A finger trailed down your cheek, trying to coax you into looking at him, but you resisted. His fingers laced through your bangs and forced your head up. It wasn't painful, but you couldn't stop him from making you look at him. You stared over his shoulder.
"Kid." You stare over his shoulder.
"Kid…" You continue to stare over his shoulder.
"Look at me!" Your eyes snapped to his instinctively, and you found you couldn't look away. His eyes weren't angry, like you thought they would be. The light in his eyes filled more of the darkness than it usually did. He looked scared.
With your hands pinned to your sides, you couldn't stop him from pulling your jacket apart. He took a deep breath and really looked at you. Your bathing suit wasn't anything outrageous. It was a two piece, the top light blue with yellow and white ruffles at the top and a tie in the middle. The bottoms were the same blue, with the same yellow and white ruffles forming a kind of skirt. You felt hideous in it. His eyes roamed your stomach and thighs. You desperately wished he would stop, stop learning about your sins.
You felt your wrists let up, just to be spun around to face the mirror. You couldn't move. Sans stood behind you, looking at you in the mirror. His boney hands rested on your shoulders. With a quick jerk, he slipped the jacket off. Discarding it on your bed, he turned back to you.
You were staring at your reflection with such hatred he was a little surprised the glass wasn't shattered. His hands rested on your upper arms.
"What do you see?" His voice wasn't cold or harsh, but it lacked any real emotion.
"I see a monster. A disgusting, fat monster. I'm just a gross bag of jello. No one will ever be able to love me." Tears blurred your vision of the reflection, and you felt his hands tighten on your arms.
"Wrong. Try again."
"Try w-what again?" Your voice was shaking.
"What do you see?" You shook your head, but he kept staring at you in the mirror until you answered him.
"I'm disgusting." His fingers tighten again on your arms and he gives a shuddery sigh.
"What do I see?" He asked himself. You refused to make eye contact in the mirror, but an invisible hand forced your chin to look forward. He held your gaze through the glass. "I see a beautiful young woman. I see someone who's hurting. Someone who doesn't like themselves, though I can't imagine why."
"You really can't? Look at me." You tried to wriggle but were still firmly held in place. "I'm grotesque. My thighs, my stomach, my sides, my arms. Every inch of me is repulsive. And this dammed bathing suit makes everything look even worse."
"What's wrong with those things?" You give him a look that screamed what the fuck do you mean 'what's wrong'. "I've seen some of the art in the museums up here, and none of that even compares with the master piece I see in front of me. No statue can dim the light you shine."
"Sans…"
"You think you're fat? I adore your softness." A hand trailed down your stomach causing you to shiver. "Every inch of you is so beautiful. And it's not just your legs, and stomach, and sides, and arms. It's your smile, and how your cheeks and nose scrunch up. How your eyes twinkle in the right light. You try to find all that, and it hurts.
"You think you're unattractive, and that hurts because I can't stand to see you hating something I love so much. I… I've noticed how you avoid wearing anything revealing. How you brush off compliments so casually. Why can't you see what I do?"
You felt the force holding you in place drop, and your knees buckled. Sans was right there to catch you, a gentle hand slipping around your waist. His fingers dug into your side gently, and you felt bile rising in the back of your throat. You could feel your fat oozing between your fingers and you wanted to throw up.
Sans helped you right yourself and you grabbed for your jacket again. Just as you were about to snag it, a blue wisp pulled it from your reach. It disappeared into thin air, and you knew if you turned around it would be in Sans' hand.
"You stop that."
"Give me my jacket Sans."
"Not until you talk to me about this. How long have you felt this way?"
"Sans please. Just give me my jacket."
"Who told you these things?"
"Sans please!"
"Do you really think you're unlovable?"
"For the love of god Sans give me my jacket!" You were screaming, but you weren't mad. You were scared and sick to your stomach. Sans was startled to say the least. He handed you the jacket and you wasted no time covering yourself, hiding your shame.
You felt your stomach heave, and you ran for the bathroom, not bothering to apologize as you pushed past him. You barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up what little food you ate for breakfast. The combination between actually eating, the stress and emotions from earlier and the feeling of your side squishing between Sans' fingers was too much on your stomach. You heaved until there was nothing left.
A cold hand held your hair back, the fingers grazing the back of your neck. Another hand was rubbing soothing circled into your back. You felt your breathing return to normal, or at least calmed down a little bit. Sans was humming something you couldn't quite place but was familiar none the less. He kept rubbing your back as you rested for forehead on the cool porcelain of the toilet, willing the sheen of sweat to go away.
You started crying, out of shame and self-hate. How could you ever face him again after what he's seen? He probably thinks you're disgusting too. He hates you now. He'll never touch you again. He'll never be able to look at you again…
"-o. Kiddo!" You slowed your sobs slightly. "Please breath. You're going to get sick again if you keep crying like that."
But you couldn't. You just kept crying. You let the last few months of piled up emotions spill out at once. Sans picked you up and carried you out of the bathroom, the light magically turned off behind him. His footsteps calmed you a little, but you realized what was happening.
"Put me down! Put me down! I'm too heavy! I'll hurt you. Please put me down." You began wiggling as much as you could without actually hurting him. Your weight was probably hurting him enough as it is. But he kept a firm grasp on you.
"Nuh-uh. You're weightless to me. You're not hurting me at all." He opened the door without his hands and placed you on the edge of your bed. You crawled back so your back was against the wall and brought your legs up to your chest, hiding your stomach. You rested your chin on your knees and stared straight ahead.
"You're missing the beach day." Your voice was emotionless.
"Oh well. There will be plenty more. You're more important than any beach day." His came to sit next to you on the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him.
"Why did you say all those things?"
"Because they're true. I think you're beautiful, and I would bet you money that everyone else does too. They're just not as good at noticing things as I am."
"No they don't."
"I'll sit here all night if I have too. I'll just keep telling you how beautiful you are until you believe me." You don't say anything. You know you should tell him not too, but deep down you really need to hear something good.
He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest. His other hand found yours and he began speaking, his baritone voice rumbling deep in your chest.
"You're absolutely gorgeous. Every day I find myself captivated by you. All I want to do is make you smile, so I keep telling those awful puns. With all that's happened down in the underground, puns don't seem like they fit anymore, but I know you laugh at them. I tell them just to see your smile again and again.
"Remember that time we all went to that party, and you wore that beautiful dress? You were so self-conscious but I thought you were stunning. The way you moved on the dance floor made my soul beat faster." He moved slightly, so his head was resting on your chest. He closed how eyes and took a deep breath. "Even your heart beat is captivating…"
"Sans…" You really didn't want to cry again, but what he's saying was everything you wanted – needed – to hear for such a long time.
"You're the most beautiful human I've ever seen, and that includes since we got out. I've seen the movies, the sculptures, the paintings, the magazines. None of them can hold a candle to the light you give off. You're the light of my life. You're every sunset, every winter day, every rainfall and twinkling star in my world.
"You're the most perfect thing I've ever laid eyes on." The tears won over, and they dripped down your face again, plopping onto his jacket. He had pulled you into his chest again. You buried your face into his jacket and sobbed, but you were smiling.
"Thank you… thank you. Thank you." You sobbed into his chest, not even sure he could understand what you were saying. He just rubbed your arm and began humming once again. His hold on your tightened comfortably.
Your sobs slowed, and stopped all together, but you didn't move. His warmth was all you needed at that moment. You didn't want to break this frail reality.
Glancing out the window, you noticed the sun had set and your back was sore from sitting up against the wall. You sat up and stretched, your back cracking in several places. Sans made a strange noise and you glanced over at him. His face had a light blush over it, but he was already talking, trying to distract you.
"You must be starving. Here, I'll make you something."
"You can cook?"
"Yeah, it's just easier to go out to eat. But you're special." His grin softened and he offered you a hand up. You followed him downstairs and sat at the table as he and his magic made short work of the actual cooking. In no time, he had made baked chicken with mashed potatoes.
You had a small plate, feeling your stomach curl at the thought of eating, and he noticed. At first he just gave you a questioning look, but when you got up to throw out what was left on your plate, a hand on your arm stopped you.
"You can't be full already." You tried to pull away while giving some transparent excuse. His grip tightened and you found yourself back in your seat with the plate in front of you. You blinked, and realized he used his powers again.
"Look, I think I know what's going on here. But you have to start eating normally again. It's not healthy to avoid eating. It won't help you lose weight, if that's what you're trying to accomplish. Besides, why would you want to lose any weight? You're perfect right now. It would be a shame to destroy such a masterpiece." A small forkful of potatoes appeared before your mouth, but you refused to open our mouth. The glowing fork gently tapped against your lips, but you refused.
"Come on kid. You have to eat." You turned your head to the side like a child. "If not for you, do it for me"
You sigh. You couldn't deny that. You opened your mouth and eat the bite of potato with a scowl. You could already feel your stomach revolting. Sans used his actual hand this time to hold the next forkful of dinner to your mouth.
You couldn't finish the whole plate, and he respected that, but he was proud of you for eating as much as you did.
"I'm so proud of you kid." He ruffled your hair and cleaned up the kitchen with the snap of a finger, quite literally. Just as you were leaving the table, you heard voices from outside. The front door slammed open and everyone piled into the living room.
Papyrus somehow go sunburnt, the top of his skull a rosy pink. Undyne's hair was still dripping and Alphys was covered in sand. Even Mettaton was there, but he was pristine as usual, a floppy sun hat covering his hair.
"Human! How are you feeling? The beach was so much fun! I do wish you had come." Papyrus came over and gave you a crushing hug. "And Brother! You never came! What happened to you?"
"I heard the kid wasn't feeling too hot so I decided to chill at home."
"You missed out on a truly magnificent adventure!" Sans chuckled lightly.
"We had our own adventure here Pap."
"Hey! There's food in here!" Undyne called from the kitchen, and Papyrus bolted to her. Sans came up to you and took your hand in his.
"Listen. I'll be here to tell you all that and more everyday if I have to. You don't have to go through this alone." You hold his hand tighter and kiss him gently on the forehead.
"Thank you. For everything."
So if anyone read my other Undertale story, "Afterthought", then you know I like to write stories where Sans comforts the reader in ways I wish someone would comfort me in real life. I used to have major issues with the way I looked, but lately it hasn't bothered me as much.
I don't know how long this positive body image thing will last, but this chapter is what I needed in my lowest time. I don't know how many others can relate to this specifically, but this helps me cope with not so friendly thoughts.
Thank you for reading! If you have any constructive criticism, please let me know. I'm always looking for something to help me improve.
Until next time~
-Starlight