The End Of Forever
Disclaimer and Important Author's Note: After years of successful therapy I can now calmly say "I do not own Gundam Wing." It pains me with every syllable, but I know that it's the truth. So please, direct all lawsuits elsewhere. Also, before you read the story I'd like to set up the scene. Hilde is pregnant with Duo's baby in this fic. But they're not married, just living together. Thanks and N'Joy!
Hilde entered the unusually quiet Maxwell with an air of apparent caution. This was way too strange. Things were never as silent as they were now, even when only one or two people were in the house. With a small jingle, she hung up her car keys on the post by the door and flung her coat on the bench. "Hello?" she ventured, padding down the empty hallway in her multicolored toe socks. "I'm home!"
Her statement was greeted by the faint sound of murmuring, glasses clinking, and silverware scraping coming from inside the dining room. Hilde blinked and followed the source of the sound, becoming extremely worried. Dinner was never held in the dining room, even on holidays. It was either the kitchen, TV trays, or possibly even your lap. What was going on?
She tiptoed closer to the dining room and peered around the corner, then gasped in surprise. Everyone was seated around the dining room table, like civilized human beings, and they were actually having a meal. Would wonders never cease?
Relena was the first to notice Hilde's entry. She looked up from her plate of mashed potatoes and grinned. "Nice of you to join us, come on-- pull up a seat." Hilde nodded mutely and plunked herself down in a chair, pushing it back a little to allow room for her now melon sized stomach. She blinked a few times, then cleared her throat. "All right, what's going on?"
Everyone stopped eating to look at her in puzzlement. Finally, Quatre spoke. "Dunno what your talking about," he mumbled through a mouth full of fried chicken. "We're just eating dinner." Hilde nodded emphatically and spooned some corn on her plate. "That's my point! We never eat dinner, especially like a family! What are you guys trying to pull?" Everyone stared at her again as she carefully scooped some corn onto her spoon and sniffed it. "You didn't poison this, did you?"
Trowa began to laugh, which was an oddity in itself. "Didn't anyone tell you? Duo forfeited cooking today. Heero made dinner, so we felt obliged to do the whole family bit." Hilde looked at Trowa in amazement. "I didn't know Heero could cook!" Trowa shrugged and passed her the mashed potatoes. "Try some, they're surprisingly good."
Hilde scraped the last bit of the bowl onto her plate and smiled, contented. It was nice to sit and eat, surrounded by friends. Only…something was missing. "Where is Duo? He didn't cut out because he didn't get to 'cook', did he?" The occupants of the table exchanged worried glances. "Come to think of it," Relena began, setting her fork slowly down on her plate. "I didn't see much of him tonight…"
Her comment started a chain reaction of what seemed like thousands of voices arguing over Shinigami's location. Hilde's peaceful world was turning into a scene straight out of a stock market buying floor. "Quiet!" she roared, and everyone shut their mouths with a snap. "Heero, did he tell you where he was going?"
Everyone turned to look at Heero, who had been eating this whole time. He nodded. "Well?" Hilde pressed, leaning further in her seat. Heero took his time chewing what last bit of chicken that was left in his mouth before answering. "Church." Hilde leaned back in her seat, shocked. She hadn't expected him to say that. In fact, she would have felt more comforted if he'd said 'strip bar' or 'casino'. At least then she'd know Duo was okay. But church? If there was one serious bone in his body, Duo reserved it especially for his devotion to God. And when he went to the church, it usually meant something was bothering him.
"I'll be right back," Hilde said abruptly, standing up quickly and watching as her napkin fluttered uselessly to the floor. "I'm going to go find him." Everyone immediately objected to this, grabbing at her arms and telling her to stay. "It's raining out," Quatre supplied desperately, as Hilde wormed her way out of his protective grasp. "What if you slip and fall?" Hilde turned to look at them all, disgusted. "Oh honestly," she complained, slipping on her jacket. "You make it seem as though being pregnant is some sort of fatal handicap. I can take care of myself." Before anyone could protest further, she was gone, opening up her umbrella and heading off through the rain.
* * *
It was dark outside. Not dim, or dusky, but dark. Hilde could have sworn someone spilled an ink bottle across the sky, blotting out the moon and stars and staining everything an empty pitch black. At least the church would be easier to spot, they always had their front lights on. Hilde sighed and shifted her umbrella from one hand to the other, never breaking the fast pace she had set for herself. The rain was coming down in heavy torrents now, blowing in her face and soaking through her clothes. Her shoes felt like two twin aquariums. She sighed and gritted her teeth, trying not to focus on the fact that she could feel ice cold water slowly dripping down the back of her shirt.
*Damn all churches.* Hilde thought bitterly, rounding a corner and crossing the street. *They always seem to over rank me in Duo's eyes.* She sighed and continued on her way, splashing angrily as she went. She did hate that the church seemed to be a part of Duo in a way that she never would be. But she couldn't blame him. He had grown up in a church, even called a priest his father. But where did it leave him? Alone and helpless, watching as his entire life was reduced to a pile of ashes in mere minutes. But that wasn't enough to stop him from coming. Far from it. Every weekend, he was there. It didn't matter what church, or what town. There was always some place to welcome him.
Hilde was so lost in thought that she almost ran right past it. The church's windows were dark and forlorn, beaming the universal message that read 'We're closed. Go home.' But Hilde knew better. There was no church in the world that was safe from Duo Maxwell. To him, the cathedrals were open 24/7, and no one could convince him otherwise. Sure enough, as Hilde drew closer, she could see a single bobby pin lying on the ground in front of the entrance doors. She bent down and picked it up, then proceeded to slip it in the lock. A few twists and turns in the right place, and a familiar click reached her ears. Hilde dropped the bobby pin and closed up her umbrella. Then, taking a deep breath, she pulled on the ancient wooden handles and stepped inside the narthex.
Hilde shook the rain water out of her hair like a dog stepping out a summer storm. Tiny droplets of water bounced everywhere, leaving tear drop stains on the worn tile floor. She walked quietly, careful for her footsteps not to make any noise. The church was almost as dark as the outside world, and Hilde was certain that she was about to walk head on into a wall at any moment. Carefully and quietly, she made her way over to the official entrance of the church, and gave the door a good tug. It slipped open under her finger tips, and she ventured on inside.
Unbelievable. The entire church was aglow, not by regular lighting, but by rows and rows of pure white candles lining the floor. This was definitely Duo's doing. Hilde felt her breath catch in her chest as she saw him. He was kneeling in the front pew, his head bowed and resting gently on his folded hands, as his lips moved in silent prayer. Hilde took a shuddering breath and inhaled the perfumed smell of incense wafting lazily through the air. Slowly, she took one step forward. Then another. The rows of candles below winked up at her, casting eerie shadows on her face. She was getting closer. Somehow, it just didn't feel right intruding on him like this. Why was she here anyway? It's his life, let him do whatever he wants with it.
*You need him,* a voice whispered in her head, carrying the definite tone of a conscience talking. *And you know he needs you. He needs another human's touch, not the faraway love of some god.* Hilde quickened her pace, watching as Duo's face, somber and reserved in prayer, draw ever closer.
"Duo," she whispered, moving up to stand towering over him. He didn't respond. She blinked back unidentified tears and whispered his name again. "Duo, please talk to me." He didn't answer, only clenched the silver cross in his hands tighter. Hilde slowly sank to her knees and knelt next to him, one hand resting lightly on his shoulder. "Duo…"
He looked up at her, his eyes red as though he'd been crying. He gave her a half smile and studied her face. "Hiya Hilde." He rasped, then cleared his throat. She kissed his forehead and cupped her hands around his still clasped fingers. "Are you okay, Duo?"
He didn't answer right away, but looked away into the flickering flames of the candles he had lined the aisles with. After a moments pause he turned to lock eyes with her again. "I'm scared Hilde," he confessed, feeling as though he were baring a part of his soul to her. "I've never been so scared in my life." Hilde smiled, but it was one of unmistakable sorrow. She unclasped his hands, and he held them out to her. She laughed through her tears as she saw that his cross had left an imprint on both his palms.
"I'm scared too Duo," she whispered, taking his hands and putting them on either side of her stomach. "But I love you." Duo half smiled again as he felt the baby give a little kick underneath his fingertips. "I love you," he repeated, savoring the words. He leaned forward and kissed her, and she fell into him, lost in the moment. His hands moved from her stomach to her back, and they both felt the little wriggle of the baby in between them.
When they broke off the kiss, Duo had tear stains on his cheeks from Hilde's stream of crying. She gave a frightened little giggle and wiped them off. He gazed off into her eyes, that were reflecting the flickering flames of the candles surrounding them. And he realized that he did love her, and would love her, no matter what happened. Forever. "Hilde," he said, then froze. Something was wrong.
Her face, once smiling, was now back to being coursed with tears. She bit her lip to keep from screaming. "Hilde!" Duo said more urgently, jumping to his feet. "What's wrong?!" Hilde's breath came out in ragged gasps, as though inhaling was something she had to remember to do. The incense in the air floated around her, smothering her words. She crashed backwards, catching her fall with her arms. "Duo…" she moaned through gritted teeth. "The baby, I hurt…" Duo, eyes wide in horror, whipped out his cell phone and punched in the numbers 911.
"Hello?" he whispered into the phone. "This is Duo Maxwell. My girlfriend, she's pregnant, something is wrong with her. No- it's too early for the baby. Just, please, you've got to help! We're at the church on 43rd. You've gotta hurry!"
Hilde gazed up at Duo with pleading eyes and he bent down to sit next to her, holding onto her hand as though it were the last stable thing in the universe. "I'm here, Hilde," he choked out. "Don't worry."
She gave his hand a reassuring little squeeze before she passed out in his arms.
* * *
Beep Beep Beep. The throbbing, pulsating noise of the pace maker sliced through the quiet hospital room like a knife. If it hadn't been there for the sole purpose of helping Hilde, Duo would have liked to do nothing better than to rip it off the wall. Instead, he contented himself by playing around with the fringe of Hilde's hospital gown, while she lay pale and motionless in the cot next to him.
Beep Beep Beep. The sound was beginning to bore into his brain, drowning out all remains of rational thought. Soon, the pace maker was joined by the steady, rhythmic drip of the IV, and the low, monotonous hum of the radiator. It was a thousand times worse than any nightmare, and the most terrifying part of it was, Duo was wide awake.
Hilde's little moan took his focus off the insanity of the situation and he hovered over her expectantly, wishing she'd wake up. The doctor said he'd be right back. That was over an hour ago. Duo sighed and sat back down in his chair, wondering if they only took patients in who were bleeding from every pore in their body, or merely motioned them to the waiting chair with a plastic cover.
"Duo!" a voice called, interrupting his thoughts. He whirled around to see Relena and Heero standing in the doorway, their arms locked around each other. "What happened?" Duo got to his feet, every muscle in his body screaming in protest, and hobbled over to talk to them. Heero eyed him with his usual cold, calculating stare before speaking. "Why are you walking like that?" Duo shrugged and winced as his shoulders ached with a fiery passion. "Just stressed out, I guess." he mumbled, as Relena gave him a forced smile. "That's the understatement of the year. Come on Duo, go sit down again. We'll come in." Duo nodded and half walked, half crawled back over to the chair next to Hilde's bed. Relena and Heero followed, sitting opposite him and trying to ignore the fact that their friend was lying unconscious only a few inches away.
"Do the doctors know what's wrong?" Heero asked, trying to figure out how to look sympathetic and failing miserably. Duo shook his head slowly, feeling as though there was a hole in the place where his heart used to be. "They say it has something to do with complications on the baby. The baby is probably going to be born earlier than expected."
Relena blinked, open mouthed. "It'll be way to premature! C-Can it survive?" Duo shrugged his shoulders, contemplating the fact that it felt like 10 pound weights were tied to them. "If the baby does manage to live, it won't be very healthy." At this point, Relena jumped out of her chair and enveloped Duo in a giant bear hug, crying the tears he couldn't show. She sobbed something into his shoulder that sounded vaguely like "I'm so sorry, Duo." Heero still sat in his chair, silent and emotionless as ever, not quite knowing how to handle the situation. He wasn't good with feelings.
The doctor strolled back in a minute later, clipboard under one arm and stethoscope hanging freely around his neck, looking very professional indeed. Duo pried Relena off him and plopped her down in the chair next to Heero, where she immediately turned to him for support. Duo got shakily to his feet, hoping that the floor would stop trying to slide out from underneath him. Doctor Something-Or-Other extended his hand, and Duo shook it. "Are you Miss Shibeker's husband?" he inquired politely, picking up the chart taped to Hilde's bed and studying it. Duo shook his head, feeling a little upset at the answer. "No," he said, pausing. "I'm her boyfriend." That word had never sounded so lame before. The doctor nodded and scribbled something down on his notepad that Duo didn't really care to read. When he was finished with his footnotes, the doctor gave a furtive in the direction of Heero and Relena. "I need to talk with you Duo," he said, clearing his throat pointedly. "Alone."
Duo motioned for the two of them to make themselves scarce. Heero nodded, shooting Duo a look of what he hoped was filled with moral support, and led Relena out of the room by her arm. As the door closed behind them, Duo collapsed back down in his chair, his face literally drooping in sadness. The doctor frowned and took a seat as well, then began to speak. "Duo, this is never an easy thing for me to tell anyone, but the truth is the only thing I can give you." He paused momentarily to take a breath, and Duo wondered if the doctor could see his heart pounding through his chest. "Hilde and the baby are, at the moment, just fine. Yes, Hilde is unconscious, but she should be waking up anytime soon. However, it's not as simple as that.
"The baby has suffered some sort of trauma during the incubation period that has led to it being premature. If this was the only problem, our hospital staff would be more than well equipped to handle the situation. But even more dangerous complications could arise in the actual hours of birth, that could be fatal to both baby and mother." The doctor trailed off into silence, then folded his hands neatly on his lap. "I'm going to leave you to your thoughts now, Mr. Maxwell. But in my opinion, an abortion would be the solution to all of your problems." Duo greeted the doctor's words with silence, letting them wash over him without really allowing to let their meaning penetrate. The doctor exited the room during his silence, once again leaving Duo alone with the insistent beeping of hospital machines, and the rancid smell of sickness and death hanging in the air.
"Oh Hilde," he said quietly, snaking his hand over to her bedside and enclosing her small, motionless hand in his. "Please, wake up."
* * *
Duo blinked and opened up his eyes slowly. His neck was stiff and sore, and his eyes were swollen and red. Funny, he didn't remember crying. As his vision cleared, Duo could make out a small, flesh colored shape, squeezing his hand gently. He shook his head groggily, remembering only he was in the hospital room with Hilde. He must have fallen asleep. And then, he heard her voice, sounded melodious as ever, like an angel. His angel.
"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!" she said, pushing his chestnut colored bangs out of his eyes. "I'm getting lonely talking to myself." Duo sat up instantly, feeling bile rise in the back of his throat as he did so. "Hilde?" he gurgled, swallowing the acidy mixture and trying not to puke. She gave a hollow laugh and squeezed his hand again. "Duo, you're more clueless than usual after you've just woken up. Nothing has changed since you decided you needed a nap. Same room, same bed. Same me."
As Duo officially rejoined the world around him, all of the things the doctor had told to him came flooding through his mind like a tidal wave. He shook his head slowly, as if waking from a bad dream, and squeezed Hilde's hand back. "You okay?" she inquired, peering down at him curiously. He laughed, and was surprised at the harshness of his own voice. "That's what I should be asking you, huh?" She blushed and folded her hands over her stomach. "I'm fine now. It's probably nothing. The doctors- they didn't tell you it was serious, did they?"
Duo looked up at her, her eyes open and trusting, brimming with hope but hinted with fear. Her face was suddenly pale and sallow, her skin hugging taut to her cheekbones, transforming her into a skinny, scared skeleton sitting in a bright green hospital gown. Duo swallowed hard and sat up on the bed next to her, bringing his arm around her shoulder and holding her close. She gave a small whimper in fear of the words he was about to say. "They think we should get an abortion."
Her fear morphed to anger in the blink of an eye. She pushed away from him, sitting up quickly and doubling over in the effort. "How could you??" she hissed out, her eyes blazing. "How could you even consider that?" Duo threw his hands up in the air, looking almost as shocked as he felt inside. "Hilde! I didn't tell him anything! He just-"
Hilde's wrapped her arms around herself, glaring at Duo defiantly. Her eyes flashed, and she covered her stomach with a pillow protectively. "Duo Maxwell there is no way in hell that anyone is taking this baby away from me." She said, her voice low, but unmistakably audible. "Not you, not anyone."
Duo felt his own temper flaring. "Hilde!" he practically shouted, leaping off the bed and waving his arms around angrily. "Don't be such a stubborn asshole! If you don't get rid of the baby, it'll die. You'd be in danger too! Is that what you want?!" Hilde looked up at him with the eyes of a wounded deer, hurt and vulnerable, but still willing to trust. Duo clamped his hand over his mouth, wondering where the words he had just spoken had come from. It couldn't be himself talking, it couldn't. How could he wish for anything as dire as the death of his unborn baby?
He looked at Hilde who began to speak, her voice nothing short of a whisper. "There's a chance…there's always a chance, that the baby will be just fine." Duo opened his mouth to talk, but Hilde's hauntingly quiet voice cut his words neatly in two as she continued. "And if there's any chance in this world that I can have this baby, then God knows I'll take it."
Wordlessly, Duo sat back down next to her, and she leaned against his chest, breathing slowly and irregularly. He closed his eyes. He was glad Hilde was so obstinate sometimes. He could always count on her to make the right decision, for both of them.
* * *
It was morning when Duo opened his eyes again. He was still lying on the stiff hospital cot with Hilde curled up in his arms. He tried to smile, but felt his lips automatically turn downwards into a grim frown. Things were not looking so cheerful.
"Morning, Duo, Hilde."
Duo looked up at the sound of the voice, expecting another overly chipper candy striper popping in to just "say hello." Instead, he saw the Princess of the Cinq Kingdom bustling about the room, straightening, cleaning, and trying to set things right. "Relena?" he asked through a yawn, as she yanked open the curtains above the bed. "What are you doing here?" She didn't respond, only shoved a plate of eggs and bacon under his nose. He glanced at her questioningly and she smiled.
"Don't worry, they're not from the cafeteria. I made them." Duo gulped. Relena rolled her eyes at his reluctance to sample her cooking and added, "Heero helped. And you know he's perfect at everything." Deciding it was to early in the morning to have an argument on that subject, Duo took a tentative bite of the bacon and smiled. It was not only edible, but enjoyable. Underneath his right arm, Hilde stirred and sniffed the air. "Bacon?" she murmured and Duo laughed in spite of himself.
He looked up from his breakfast plate to see Relena was already off across the room, adjusting the pictures on the wall and shoving Duo's duffel bag under the bed. He chewed his eggs thoughtfully and watched her clean up a storm for awhile before he spoke again. "I repeat, what are you doing here?" She looked up from dusting off the Hospital Award of Excellence plaque in surprise. "Duo, I'm your friend. I care about you and Hilde. Is it so wrong to want to visit when you both need some cheering up?" Duo responded to this with silence, which Relena felt obligated to fill. "I would have brought the others with me, but…you know how they can get."
Duo rolled his eyes and offered Hilde some of his eggs. "Okay, fine. But what's with the cleaning?" Relena grinned and adjusted the bandanna she had slipped on over her hair, but refused to answer. Duo finished the last bit of bacon, momentarily forgetting all of his problems. "Let me guess. You tried to rearrange Heero's room again and he sent you over here?" Relena nodded and then ducked out of sight, undoubtedly vacuuming underneath the tables. Duo's sighed, wishing he could go back to sleep.
After awhile, Relena began to run out of things to clean. Duo watched with a slight interest as she allowed herself to sit down in the chair next to the bed, while her eyes lingered on the vacuum cleaner in the corner, longingly wishing that the room contained more carpeting. "Relena?" Duo asked tentatively, and she gave a small jump at the sound of his voice. "Gomen, Duo…" she whispered, never meeting his eyes but remained staring at the floor. "I didn't mean to bother you like this—it's just…I felt like you might enjoy the company."
Duo managed to force his lips to twist into what her hoped was a wry smile. "Thanks," he said flatly, all too aware of Hilde's still sleeping form cradled in his arms. "Thanks."
* * *
It was a few hours later when Relena finally left to go back to the house. Duo took this opportunity to take a break from hovering over Hilde to go and grab himself a soda from the machine down the hall. He strolled along the cramped hallway, his hands jammed roughly in his pockets and his eyes to the ground. People stopped to stare at the braided pilot, who's all black clothes stood out drastically from the blinding white interior of the hospital ward. Duo tried to ignore the other occupants of the maternity ward, all of which were smiling happily, and talking hopefully amongst each other. Every single cheerful face made Duo's stomach twist into knots.
He reached the soda machine and roughly jammed a dollar bill into the slot. Without even looking to see what choices there were, he blindly punched a number and jumped as the metallic clang of the can reverberated through the machine. He snatched the soda quickly and sat down on the bench, grasping the little aluminum can as though it were a life preserver. "God…" Duo sighed, his brow furrowed and his face taut, screaming out to anyone who could read expressions that he was almost at the breaking point. "Why her?" He sighed again, his chest heaving with the exhale, and opened the can of soda with a faint pop.
At the exact same moment the hiss of the carbonation reached his ears, another faint, yet shrill sound, accompanied it. Duo strained his keen hearing to try and detect what it was, but all he could come up with was nails on a chalkboard. He shrugged and lifted the can to his lips, the bubbles tickling his nose. Too bad he would rather do anything than smile. The sound came again, higher and more insistent this time, growing closer with every passing second.
"Mr. Maxwell…" An urgent voice implored, tapping him raptly on the shoulder. "There's been a problem." Duo felt the soda slip out of his hands before he knew what was happening. He jumped to his feet and nearly slid down into the sticky, orange, sugary mess that now coated the floor. "S-Sorry," he mumbled, sidestepping the spill and heading off down the hallway like some sort of madman. There was a problem. There was a problem. What in God's name did that mean?
"Hilde?!" he croaked, rounding the corner and coming into view of her room. The door was standing wide open, revealing a sea of doctors in green smocks and masks clustered around the bedside, each yelling at one another to move faster. The shrill humming noise became even louder.
"Move!" Duo called, elbowing away the nurses that had somehow flocked in front of him to partition the doorway. "Get outta the way!" One of the nurse's shook her head sadly and gave a crooked little smile. "I'm sorry sir, no visitors now." Duo could barely contain his rage at the oblivious nurse. "I'm not a visitor, I'm the only one she has. Now either you move right now or I'll do it for you."
The nurse's smile never wavered, but she motioned for her fellow staff members to dissolve the blockade formed around the doorframe. Duo barreled through them all and plunged into the army of doctor's all cramped into the single hospital room.
"What's going on?" Duo shouted, his cobalt blue eyes wide with fear and anger. "Someone tell me, WHAT'S GOING ON? Hilde?! HILDE!"
"Sit," someone commanded, placing a hand firmly on his shoulder. Duo found himself getting pushed into a chair and came eye to eye level with the same doctor who had seen Hilde a few hours earlier. "Duo," the doctor began, fully aware that the young boy was ready to render him unconscious if he kept him in the dark for too long. "The baby, premature as it is, has gotten the umbilical cord wrapped around it's neck. The cord is at such a dangerous position that I'm afraid it has to be delivered sooner than expected or else it's life, and Hilde's is in danger. Do you understand?" Duo swallowed hard, then nodded. A c-section this early? He didn't even bother to ask what the long term effects would be. He couldn't bear to hear the answer.
"You need to keep a cool head through all of this," the doctor was saying, trying to re-capture Duo's wavering attention. "If everything goes smoothly-"
Duo turned to the doctor with a grim smile on his lips. "You honestly believe that everything will go smoothly?" he asked bitterly, getting to his feet. The doctor said nothing and Duo stalked away from him, pushing through the mass of surgeons to Hilde's bedside.
"Hilde," he whispered, kneeling down next to her head and gently stroking the damp hair out of her face. Her face shone with beads of sweat, and her lips were the same color tone as her skin.
"Hi Duo," she said gazing at him and finding comfort in his eyes. "They told me we're going to have a little girl." Her face was full of pain, both physical and emotional, and it nearly broke Duo's heart to look in her eyes. Something broke inside him and he felt salty tears well up in his own eyes as well. "That's great babe," he said carefully, never letting his voice waver. "But I guess now we can't name her Solo."
Hilde smiled feebly and locked his eyes with hers. "Promise you won't leave me?" she whispered as the hovering doctors clenched the railing around her bed and began to wheel it out of the room. Duo nodded, feeling an icy hand squeeze his heart. "I'll be here, don't worry. I love you Hilde." She nodded and closed her eyes, while the beeping got louder. "I love you too Duo," she said quietly, and the sea of green smocked doctors swallowed her up.
"We're moving her to the OR." a nurse said matter-of-factly, brushing past Duo and following the other doctors and Hilde out of the room. "I'm sorry but you'll have to wait outside. You'll have to understand Mr. Maxwell," she added, pausing to look meaningfully at him. "There is always a chance that the baby will not make it through this."
Numbly, Duo nodded, trailing after the miserable procession and stopping short at the large blue doors marked 'Operating Room'. He watched helplessly as Hilde was pushed through the doors and wheeled off down the hall, out of his sight. Duo sat down in one of the hard backed plastic chairs and lost himself in a wave of tears. In his mind, he replayed the night when he first found out that he and Hilde were going to have a child. When everything was perfect; happy.
(FLASH BACK)
~It was sometime around Christmas, he could remember that much clearly. Powdery white snow blanketed the ground, giving a serene and picturesque look to the entire town. Duo always loved winter because the natural falling snow was an unmistakable reminder that he was finally living on the Earth. He and Hilde had just come back from seeing a play with Heero and Relena and were strolling down the empty street, their arms linked and her head resting on his shoulder.
"Duo," she had said, warm and cozy huddled up next to him, despite the bitter cold winds. "I've been meaning to talk with you about something." He grinned down at her and winked mischievously. "Is that so?" he began, forming the perfect joke in his mind. "Well-"
Not needing a sixth sense to determine he was about to say something inappropriate, yet funny, Hilde hit him lightly with her mitten. "I'm serious." she had said, stopping in her tracks and turning to face him. "I know we weren't exactly trying, but I thought…what I mean to say is, you've always wanted, wait…" Bemused at her loss for words, yet still concerned about what she had to say, Duo took her chin in his gloved hand and tilted her head to look him right in the eye. "Come on Hilde, just say it."
Hilde nodded, took a deep breath and blurted, "We're going to have a baby."
Duo was silent for a moment, and the deafening sound of the winter wind swirling around them roared in both their ears. He blinked, taking in the information, then burst into a wide joyful smile. "Hilde that's-- that's GREAT!" he exclaimed, picking her up by her waist and twirling her around. She laughed, her eyes sparkling happily. "I'm so glad," she murmured as he put her down. "I thought you might be angry."
He arched his eyebrows. "Angry? Me?!" She smiled and nodded sheepishly. "I never know what you're going to do Duo Maxwell. You're the most unpredictable person I've ever met." He smiled seductively and pulled her in closer. "Ooh, you know you like it." he teased and tickled her sides. She shrieked with laughter and struggled uselessly. In the end, she found herself in his arms, like she always did. It was the only place in the world where she felt safe, and truly loved. "This is it Hilde," Duo said, the snow spiraling around them. He gazed down at her, his eyelashes spotted with snowflakes and she laughed happily. "Yeah," she sighed, for once in her life completely contented. "This is the real beginning." ~
(END OF FLASHBACK)
Duo was brought crashing violently back to the present when an ear piercing scream shook his very soul. He jumped to his feet, the hands at his sides clenching into fists. "Dammit, I can't take this." he growled, his nails digging into his palms. "They can't keep me away from her. They can't do this." Duo slammed into the swinging doors to the Operating Room with such force that they hit the walls and dented them before swinging rapidly shut again. He stalked down the hall, tears blurring his vision, as he made his way to the sound of Hilde's pained screams.
Almost immediatley a wave of attending nurses and physicians swarmed towards him, yelling at him about something that Duo refused to tune in. Their mouths moved rapidly, their faces warped with anger, but no sound reached his ears. The only noise he heard, save the frantic beating of his own heart, was the desperate wail of Hilde's voice. The nurses clawed at him and grabbed him, trying to restrain him. Their motions came slowly, as though all of it were nothing but a bad dream. Duo shook them off and pushed passed them, his eyes focused on the door far at the end of the hall which he was positive they were operating on Hilde and the baby.
The nurses had disappeared and quickly returned in more numerous numbers, accompanied by a few burly doctors. Duo increased his pace, wondering if the long hallway would never end. He had to see her, to know she was all right. It was insanity that these people were trying to keep him from her just when Hilde needed him the most.
"Stop sir, please stop!"
Their voices were coming into focus now, louder in volume with every step he took.
"Hilde!" Duo called, feeling their arms catching him and holding him back. "Hold on, Hilde! Just hold on!"
"I'm sorry sir, you're not allowed back there." One of the nurses was saying, motioning for the burly doctor to tighten the hold he had on Duo's thrashing body.
The doctor nodded and increased the pressure, but Duo still struggled, kicking and punching anyone who stepped within his range. "Hilde!" he called again, tears swimming up in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "I'm not going to leave you!"
Duo knew he was being close to hysterical, but he just couldn't hold it in any longer. All his torment and sorrow that he kept bottled up inside exploded in a fresh wave of sadness, and the only thing he could think of was how Hilde was all alone. And so was he.
"Let me go!" he yelled, trying to escape them again. One of the doctors sighed heavily and opened up a small silver box presented by a nurse. "Forgive me, Mr. Maxwell, but you're becoming a danger to yourself." There was a sharp pain in Duo's arm and then there was nothing at all. Blackness surrounded him and he went limp in the doctors grasp.
"Please, take him somewhere where he can lie down," the doctor said to his assistants. "And when he wakes up notify him immediatley of Miss Schbeiker's condition."
* * *
~He was falling. Falling through a void of darkness that stretched on for all eternity. A scream tore from his lungs but it was swallowed up by the blackness and lost forever. He tried to twist around and see what lay beneath him, but he found he was frozen in place, his descent increasingly growing faster. And through it all he could hear her screaming, her voice sounding like a cry for help.
"Hilde?" he questioned, feeling the darkness creeping around him.
Suddenly, his body hit the ground with a sickening crack.. He looked up at the dark void surrounding him through a red mist of death.
"Hilde?" he whispered again, feeling the life ebbing away from him.
The screams turned to the sound of a baby crying and then everything was silent.~
Duo sat up abruptly, breathing heavily and trying to shake off the eerie feeling of being suffocated. He felt drowsy and disconnected from himself, as though her were a pair of eyes watching his own frightened form. He took no consolation in the fact that the terrible illusion he had just witnessed was only a nightmare, because the fact was, his life was transformed into a bad dream.
He looked around at his surroundings and found he was crammed into a stuffy little cot in a room that wasn't big enough to be considered a closet. He swung his legs out of the bed and flung open the door immediatley. The somnolent feeling never left him, and he felt detached and empty inside. "Please," he said in an unusually calm voice, tapping a passing by doctor on the shoulder. "What's the condition of Hilde Shibecker and her baby?" The doctor turned to look and him and frowned deeply. He placed a cold hand on Duo's shoulder and turned to him with sympathetic eyes. "I'm sorry Mr. Maxwell," he said quietly. "We did all we could but we weren't able-"
"Stop." Duo said, pushing away from the doctor in disbelief. "Stop it." The doctor opened his mouth, undoubtedly trying to finish his practiced consolation, but Duo backed away, his eyes wide and haunted. "I don't believe it. The baby's alive, you hear me? She's just fine. I'm her dad, she can't…she isn't…"
"Mr. Maxwell, I'm so sorry, but…"
Duo turned on his heel and fled, his shoes echoing noisily on the worn tile floor. He screamed silently with every step, and felt as if he ever stopped running, the terrible truth of what the doctor was saying would catch up to him. If he just ran a little faster, maybe everything would be okay. Maybe he and Hilde could go back to that moment in time where the world seemed to stop and envy their happiness. He would wrap his arms around her and gaze down into the tiny little face that was his first child and truly be gratified. If only…
Duo pushed roughly past patients and doctors alike, running as though some demon chased him. He exited the hospital and flung himself down on the small patch of grass outside, the warm sunlight beating down upon him and glowing brightly in sick irony. Duo, hunched over in sadness, beat the ground lividly with his fist.
"Why?" he whispered, "Why?" He had never even known her, and now she was gone. Duo closed his eyes and gave himself up to the last memory he had of the one he treasured.
~Duo placed his head carefully against her belly and listened to the steady thumping of the baby's heartbeat inside. There was a pressure against his temple as the baby squirmed. He straightened up and looked Hilde in the eye, running his hands along her stomach. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, giving him her famous half-hug half-cuddle. "What if it is a girl?" she asked, her voice hinting at something. He laughed. "Well, in that case, what if we name her after you?"
She made a face. "Hilde? I hate my name." Duo shook his head and kissed her softly on the lips. "No, lets name her Hope. Because that's what you are to me."
"Oh Duo," she said, smiling brightly. "It's perfect. She'll be perfect.."~
Epilogue-
He hated coming here, to this very same place day after day. And yet, if he didn't come, he couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything else. Duo kept his gaze on the ground, and the sunlight that filtered through the trees, striping the sidewalk a glowing yellow. He walked along, his head bent low, as the soft, sweet song of birds singing reached his ears. It was a bit of a walk, but he took it every day, weaving his way through the massive field scattered with graves to the small knoll that overlooked the water.
The spot was serene and peaceful, and was always quiet. The grass was dotted with tiny flowers that bloomed all year round, and an ancient willow tree towered over the spot where the headstone stood. The calm lapping of waves against the shore was the only sound heard for miles, and Duo knew in his heart that she would have loved this place.
He bent over slowly, and kneeled next to the gray granite headstone that was still flawless and new. He placed a single white rose in front of the grave and got to his feet, the gentle breeze blowing his braid. He sighed and shifted his weight, gazing down at the tiny pink bundle he held in his arms.
"Hope," he said, addressing the bundle with a quavering voice. He glanced down at the tombstone again, then back in his arms, when the bundle started to stir. He closed his eyes and found the strength he thought was lost forever. Gazing reverently at the tombstone, he whispered to the angelic baby in his arms,
"I'd like you to meet your mother."
End.
Disclaimer and Important Author's Note: After years of successful therapy I can now calmly say "I do not own Gundam Wing." It pains me with every syllable, but I know that it's the truth. So please, direct all lawsuits elsewhere. Also, before you read the story I'd like to set up the scene. Hilde is pregnant with Duo's baby in this fic. But they're not married, just living together. Thanks and N'Joy!
Hilde entered the unusually quiet Maxwell with an air of apparent caution. This was way too strange. Things were never as silent as they were now, even when only one or two people were in the house. With a small jingle, she hung up her car keys on the post by the door and flung her coat on the bench. "Hello?" she ventured, padding down the empty hallway in her multicolored toe socks. "I'm home!"
Her statement was greeted by the faint sound of murmuring, glasses clinking, and silverware scraping coming from inside the dining room. Hilde blinked and followed the source of the sound, becoming extremely worried. Dinner was never held in the dining room, even on holidays. It was either the kitchen, TV trays, or possibly even your lap. What was going on?
She tiptoed closer to the dining room and peered around the corner, then gasped in surprise. Everyone was seated around the dining room table, like civilized human beings, and they were actually having a meal. Would wonders never cease?
Relena was the first to notice Hilde's entry. She looked up from her plate of mashed potatoes and grinned. "Nice of you to join us, come on-- pull up a seat." Hilde nodded mutely and plunked herself down in a chair, pushing it back a little to allow room for her now melon sized stomach. She blinked a few times, then cleared her throat. "All right, what's going on?"
Everyone stopped eating to look at her in puzzlement. Finally, Quatre spoke. "Dunno what your talking about," he mumbled through a mouth full of fried chicken. "We're just eating dinner." Hilde nodded emphatically and spooned some corn on her plate. "That's my point! We never eat dinner, especially like a family! What are you guys trying to pull?" Everyone stared at her again as she carefully scooped some corn onto her spoon and sniffed it. "You didn't poison this, did you?"
Trowa began to laugh, which was an oddity in itself. "Didn't anyone tell you? Duo forfeited cooking today. Heero made dinner, so we felt obliged to do the whole family bit." Hilde looked at Trowa in amazement. "I didn't know Heero could cook!" Trowa shrugged and passed her the mashed potatoes. "Try some, they're surprisingly good."
Hilde scraped the last bit of the bowl onto her plate and smiled, contented. It was nice to sit and eat, surrounded by friends. Only…something was missing. "Where is Duo? He didn't cut out because he didn't get to 'cook', did he?" The occupants of the table exchanged worried glances. "Come to think of it," Relena began, setting her fork slowly down on her plate. "I didn't see much of him tonight…"
Her comment started a chain reaction of what seemed like thousands of voices arguing over Shinigami's location. Hilde's peaceful world was turning into a scene straight out of a stock market buying floor. "Quiet!" she roared, and everyone shut their mouths with a snap. "Heero, did he tell you where he was going?"
Everyone turned to look at Heero, who had been eating this whole time. He nodded. "Well?" Hilde pressed, leaning further in her seat. Heero took his time chewing what last bit of chicken that was left in his mouth before answering. "Church." Hilde leaned back in her seat, shocked. She hadn't expected him to say that. In fact, she would have felt more comforted if he'd said 'strip bar' or 'casino'. At least then she'd know Duo was okay. But church? If there was one serious bone in his body, Duo reserved it especially for his devotion to God. And when he went to the church, it usually meant something was bothering him.
"I'll be right back," Hilde said abruptly, standing up quickly and watching as her napkin fluttered uselessly to the floor. "I'm going to go find him." Everyone immediately objected to this, grabbing at her arms and telling her to stay. "It's raining out," Quatre supplied desperately, as Hilde wormed her way out of his protective grasp. "What if you slip and fall?" Hilde turned to look at them all, disgusted. "Oh honestly," she complained, slipping on her jacket. "You make it seem as though being pregnant is some sort of fatal handicap. I can take care of myself." Before anyone could protest further, she was gone, opening up her umbrella and heading off through the rain.
* * *
It was dark outside. Not dim, or dusky, but dark. Hilde could have sworn someone spilled an ink bottle across the sky, blotting out the moon and stars and staining everything an empty pitch black. At least the church would be easier to spot, they always had their front lights on. Hilde sighed and shifted her umbrella from one hand to the other, never breaking the fast pace she had set for herself. The rain was coming down in heavy torrents now, blowing in her face and soaking through her clothes. Her shoes felt like two twin aquariums. She sighed and gritted her teeth, trying not to focus on the fact that she could feel ice cold water slowly dripping down the back of her shirt.
*Damn all churches.* Hilde thought bitterly, rounding a corner and crossing the street. *They always seem to over rank me in Duo's eyes.* She sighed and continued on her way, splashing angrily as she went. She did hate that the church seemed to be a part of Duo in a way that she never would be. But she couldn't blame him. He had grown up in a church, even called a priest his father. But where did it leave him? Alone and helpless, watching as his entire life was reduced to a pile of ashes in mere minutes. But that wasn't enough to stop him from coming. Far from it. Every weekend, he was there. It didn't matter what church, or what town. There was always some place to welcome him.
Hilde was so lost in thought that she almost ran right past it. The church's windows were dark and forlorn, beaming the universal message that read 'We're closed. Go home.' But Hilde knew better. There was no church in the world that was safe from Duo Maxwell. To him, the cathedrals were open 24/7, and no one could convince him otherwise. Sure enough, as Hilde drew closer, she could see a single bobby pin lying on the ground in front of the entrance doors. She bent down and picked it up, then proceeded to slip it in the lock. A few twists and turns in the right place, and a familiar click reached her ears. Hilde dropped the bobby pin and closed up her umbrella. Then, taking a deep breath, she pulled on the ancient wooden handles and stepped inside the narthex.
Hilde shook the rain water out of her hair like a dog stepping out a summer storm. Tiny droplets of water bounced everywhere, leaving tear drop stains on the worn tile floor. She walked quietly, careful for her footsteps not to make any noise. The church was almost as dark as the outside world, and Hilde was certain that she was about to walk head on into a wall at any moment. Carefully and quietly, she made her way over to the official entrance of the church, and gave the door a good tug. It slipped open under her finger tips, and she ventured on inside.
Unbelievable. The entire church was aglow, not by regular lighting, but by rows and rows of pure white candles lining the floor. This was definitely Duo's doing. Hilde felt her breath catch in her chest as she saw him. He was kneeling in the front pew, his head bowed and resting gently on his folded hands, as his lips moved in silent prayer. Hilde took a shuddering breath and inhaled the perfumed smell of incense wafting lazily through the air. Slowly, she took one step forward. Then another. The rows of candles below winked up at her, casting eerie shadows on her face. She was getting closer. Somehow, it just didn't feel right intruding on him like this. Why was she here anyway? It's his life, let him do whatever he wants with it.
*You need him,* a voice whispered in her head, carrying the definite tone of a conscience talking. *And you know he needs you. He needs another human's touch, not the faraway love of some god.* Hilde quickened her pace, watching as Duo's face, somber and reserved in prayer, draw ever closer.
"Duo," she whispered, moving up to stand towering over him. He didn't respond. She blinked back unidentified tears and whispered his name again. "Duo, please talk to me." He didn't answer, only clenched the silver cross in his hands tighter. Hilde slowly sank to her knees and knelt next to him, one hand resting lightly on his shoulder. "Duo…"
He looked up at her, his eyes red as though he'd been crying. He gave her a half smile and studied her face. "Hiya Hilde." He rasped, then cleared his throat. She kissed his forehead and cupped her hands around his still clasped fingers. "Are you okay, Duo?"
He didn't answer right away, but looked away into the flickering flames of the candles he had lined the aisles with. After a moments pause he turned to lock eyes with her again. "I'm scared Hilde," he confessed, feeling as though he were baring a part of his soul to her. "I've never been so scared in my life." Hilde smiled, but it was one of unmistakable sorrow. She unclasped his hands, and he held them out to her. She laughed through her tears as she saw that his cross had left an imprint on both his palms.
"I'm scared too Duo," she whispered, taking his hands and putting them on either side of her stomach. "But I love you." Duo half smiled again as he felt the baby give a little kick underneath his fingertips. "I love you," he repeated, savoring the words. He leaned forward and kissed her, and she fell into him, lost in the moment. His hands moved from her stomach to her back, and they both felt the little wriggle of the baby in between them.
When they broke off the kiss, Duo had tear stains on his cheeks from Hilde's stream of crying. She gave a frightened little giggle and wiped them off. He gazed off into her eyes, that were reflecting the flickering flames of the candles surrounding them. And he realized that he did love her, and would love her, no matter what happened. Forever. "Hilde," he said, then froze. Something was wrong.
Her face, once smiling, was now back to being coursed with tears. She bit her lip to keep from screaming. "Hilde!" Duo said more urgently, jumping to his feet. "What's wrong?!" Hilde's breath came out in ragged gasps, as though inhaling was something she had to remember to do. The incense in the air floated around her, smothering her words. She crashed backwards, catching her fall with her arms. "Duo…" she moaned through gritted teeth. "The baby, I hurt…" Duo, eyes wide in horror, whipped out his cell phone and punched in the numbers 911.
"Hello?" he whispered into the phone. "This is Duo Maxwell. My girlfriend, she's pregnant, something is wrong with her. No- it's too early for the baby. Just, please, you've got to help! We're at the church on 43rd. You've gotta hurry!"
Hilde gazed up at Duo with pleading eyes and he bent down to sit next to her, holding onto her hand as though it were the last stable thing in the universe. "I'm here, Hilde," he choked out. "Don't worry."
She gave his hand a reassuring little squeeze before she passed out in his arms.
* * *
Beep Beep Beep. The throbbing, pulsating noise of the pace maker sliced through the quiet hospital room like a knife. If it hadn't been there for the sole purpose of helping Hilde, Duo would have liked to do nothing better than to rip it off the wall. Instead, he contented himself by playing around with the fringe of Hilde's hospital gown, while she lay pale and motionless in the cot next to him.
Beep Beep Beep. The sound was beginning to bore into his brain, drowning out all remains of rational thought. Soon, the pace maker was joined by the steady, rhythmic drip of the IV, and the low, monotonous hum of the radiator. It was a thousand times worse than any nightmare, and the most terrifying part of it was, Duo was wide awake.
Hilde's little moan took his focus off the insanity of the situation and he hovered over her expectantly, wishing she'd wake up. The doctor said he'd be right back. That was over an hour ago. Duo sighed and sat back down in his chair, wondering if they only took patients in who were bleeding from every pore in their body, or merely motioned them to the waiting chair with a plastic cover.
"Duo!" a voice called, interrupting his thoughts. He whirled around to see Relena and Heero standing in the doorway, their arms locked around each other. "What happened?" Duo got to his feet, every muscle in his body screaming in protest, and hobbled over to talk to them. Heero eyed him with his usual cold, calculating stare before speaking. "Why are you walking like that?" Duo shrugged and winced as his shoulders ached with a fiery passion. "Just stressed out, I guess." he mumbled, as Relena gave him a forced smile. "That's the understatement of the year. Come on Duo, go sit down again. We'll come in." Duo nodded and half walked, half crawled back over to the chair next to Hilde's bed. Relena and Heero followed, sitting opposite him and trying to ignore the fact that their friend was lying unconscious only a few inches away.
"Do the doctors know what's wrong?" Heero asked, trying to figure out how to look sympathetic and failing miserably. Duo shook his head slowly, feeling as though there was a hole in the place where his heart used to be. "They say it has something to do with complications on the baby. The baby is probably going to be born earlier than expected."
Relena blinked, open mouthed. "It'll be way to premature! C-Can it survive?" Duo shrugged his shoulders, contemplating the fact that it felt like 10 pound weights were tied to them. "If the baby does manage to live, it won't be very healthy." At this point, Relena jumped out of her chair and enveloped Duo in a giant bear hug, crying the tears he couldn't show. She sobbed something into his shoulder that sounded vaguely like "I'm so sorry, Duo." Heero still sat in his chair, silent and emotionless as ever, not quite knowing how to handle the situation. He wasn't good with feelings.
The doctor strolled back in a minute later, clipboard under one arm and stethoscope hanging freely around his neck, looking very professional indeed. Duo pried Relena off him and plopped her down in the chair next to Heero, where she immediately turned to him for support. Duo got shakily to his feet, hoping that the floor would stop trying to slide out from underneath him. Doctor Something-Or-Other extended his hand, and Duo shook it. "Are you Miss Shibeker's husband?" he inquired politely, picking up the chart taped to Hilde's bed and studying it. Duo shook his head, feeling a little upset at the answer. "No," he said, pausing. "I'm her boyfriend." That word had never sounded so lame before. The doctor nodded and scribbled something down on his notepad that Duo didn't really care to read. When he was finished with his footnotes, the doctor gave a furtive in the direction of Heero and Relena. "I need to talk with you Duo," he said, clearing his throat pointedly. "Alone."
Duo motioned for the two of them to make themselves scarce. Heero nodded, shooting Duo a look of what he hoped was filled with moral support, and led Relena out of the room by her arm. As the door closed behind them, Duo collapsed back down in his chair, his face literally drooping in sadness. The doctor frowned and took a seat as well, then began to speak. "Duo, this is never an easy thing for me to tell anyone, but the truth is the only thing I can give you." He paused momentarily to take a breath, and Duo wondered if the doctor could see his heart pounding through his chest. "Hilde and the baby are, at the moment, just fine. Yes, Hilde is unconscious, but she should be waking up anytime soon. However, it's not as simple as that.
"The baby has suffered some sort of trauma during the incubation period that has led to it being premature. If this was the only problem, our hospital staff would be more than well equipped to handle the situation. But even more dangerous complications could arise in the actual hours of birth, that could be fatal to both baby and mother." The doctor trailed off into silence, then folded his hands neatly on his lap. "I'm going to leave you to your thoughts now, Mr. Maxwell. But in my opinion, an abortion would be the solution to all of your problems." Duo greeted the doctor's words with silence, letting them wash over him without really allowing to let their meaning penetrate. The doctor exited the room during his silence, once again leaving Duo alone with the insistent beeping of hospital machines, and the rancid smell of sickness and death hanging in the air.
"Oh Hilde," he said quietly, snaking his hand over to her bedside and enclosing her small, motionless hand in his. "Please, wake up."
* * *
Duo blinked and opened up his eyes slowly. His neck was stiff and sore, and his eyes were swollen and red. Funny, he didn't remember crying. As his vision cleared, Duo could make out a small, flesh colored shape, squeezing his hand gently. He shook his head groggily, remembering only he was in the hospital room with Hilde. He must have fallen asleep. And then, he heard her voice, sounded melodious as ever, like an angel. His angel.
"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!" she said, pushing his chestnut colored bangs out of his eyes. "I'm getting lonely talking to myself." Duo sat up instantly, feeling bile rise in the back of his throat as he did so. "Hilde?" he gurgled, swallowing the acidy mixture and trying not to puke. She gave a hollow laugh and squeezed his hand again. "Duo, you're more clueless than usual after you've just woken up. Nothing has changed since you decided you needed a nap. Same room, same bed. Same me."
As Duo officially rejoined the world around him, all of the things the doctor had told to him came flooding through his mind like a tidal wave. He shook his head slowly, as if waking from a bad dream, and squeezed Hilde's hand back. "You okay?" she inquired, peering down at him curiously. He laughed, and was surprised at the harshness of his own voice. "That's what I should be asking you, huh?" She blushed and folded her hands over her stomach. "I'm fine now. It's probably nothing. The doctors- they didn't tell you it was serious, did they?"
Duo looked up at her, her eyes open and trusting, brimming with hope but hinted with fear. Her face was suddenly pale and sallow, her skin hugging taut to her cheekbones, transforming her into a skinny, scared skeleton sitting in a bright green hospital gown. Duo swallowed hard and sat up on the bed next to her, bringing his arm around her shoulder and holding her close. She gave a small whimper in fear of the words he was about to say. "They think we should get an abortion."
Her fear morphed to anger in the blink of an eye. She pushed away from him, sitting up quickly and doubling over in the effort. "How could you??" she hissed out, her eyes blazing. "How could you even consider that?" Duo threw his hands up in the air, looking almost as shocked as he felt inside. "Hilde! I didn't tell him anything! He just-"
Hilde's wrapped her arms around herself, glaring at Duo defiantly. Her eyes flashed, and she covered her stomach with a pillow protectively. "Duo Maxwell there is no way in hell that anyone is taking this baby away from me." She said, her voice low, but unmistakably audible. "Not you, not anyone."
Duo felt his own temper flaring. "Hilde!" he practically shouted, leaping off the bed and waving his arms around angrily. "Don't be such a stubborn asshole! If you don't get rid of the baby, it'll die. You'd be in danger too! Is that what you want?!" Hilde looked up at him with the eyes of a wounded deer, hurt and vulnerable, but still willing to trust. Duo clamped his hand over his mouth, wondering where the words he had just spoken had come from. It couldn't be himself talking, it couldn't. How could he wish for anything as dire as the death of his unborn baby?
He looked at Hilde who began to speak, her voice nothing short of a whisper. "There's a chance…there's always a chance, that the baby will be just fine." Duo opened his mouth to talk, but Hilde's hauntingly quiet voice cut his words neatly in two as she continued. "And if there's any chance in this world that I can have this baby, then God knows I'll take it."
Wordlessly, Duo sat back down next to her, and she leaned against his chest, breathing slowly and irregularly. He closed his eyes. He was glad Hilde was so obstinate sometimes. He could always count on her to make the right decision, for both of them.
* * *
It was morning when Duo opened his eyes again. He was still lying on the stiff hospital cot with Hilde curled up in his arms. He tried to smile, but felt his lips automatically turn downwards into a grim frown. Things were not looking so cheerful.
"Morning, Duo, Hilde."
Duo looked up at the sound of the voice, expecting another overly chipper candy striper popping in to just "say hello." Instead, he saw the Princess of the Cinq Kingdom bustling about the room, straightening, cleaning, and trying to set things right. "Relena?" he asked through a yawn, as she yanked open the curtains above the bed. "What are you doing here?" She didn't respond, only shoved a plate of eggs and bacon under his nose. He glanced at her questioningly and she smiled.
"Don't worry, they're not from the cafeteria. I made them." Duo gulped. Relena rolled her eyes at his reluctance to sample her cooking and added, "Heero helped. And you know he's perfect at everything." Deciding it was to early in the morning to have an argument on that subject, Duo took a tentative bite of the bacon and smiled. It was not only edible, but enjoyable. Underneath his right arm, Hilde stirred and sniffed the air. "Bacon?" she murmured and Duo laughed in spite of himself.
He looked up from his breakfast plate to see Relena was already off across the room, adjusting the pictures on the wall and shoving Duo's duffel bag under the bed. He chewed his eggs thoughtfully and watched her clean up a storm for awhile before he spoke again. "I repeat, what are you doing here?" She looked up from dusting off the Hospital Award of Excellence plaque in surprise. "Duo, I'm your friend. I care about you and Hilde. Is it so wrong to want to visit when you both need some cheering up?" Duo responded to this with silence, which Relena felt obligated to fill. "I would have brought the others with me, but…you know how they can get."
Duo rolled his eyes and offered Hilde some of his eggs. "Okay, fine. But what's with the cleaning?" Relena grinned and adjusted the bandanna she had slipped on over her hair, but refused to answer. Duo finished the last bit of bacon, momentarily forgetting all of his problems. "Let me guess. You tried to rearrange Heero's room again and he sent you over here?" Relena nodded and then ducked out of sight, undoubtedly vacuuming underneath the tables. Duo's sighed, wishing he could go back to sleep.
After awhile, Relena began to run out of things to clean. Duo watched with a slight interest as she allowed herself to sit down in the chair next to the bed, while her eyes lingered on the vacuum cleaner in the corner, longingly wishing that the room contained more carpeting. "Relena?" Duo asked tentatively, and she gave a small jump at the sound of his voice. "Gomen, Duo…" she whispered, never meeting his eyes but remained staring at the floor. "I didn't mean to bother you like this—it's just…I felt like you might enjoy the company."
Duo managed to force his lips to twist into what her hoped was a wry smile. "Thanks," he said flatly, all too aware of Hilde's still sleeping form cradled in his arms. "Thanks."
* * *
It was a few hours later when Relena finally left to go back to the house. Duo took this opportunity to take a break from hovering over Hilde to go and grab himself a soda from the machine down the hall. He strolled along the cramped hallway, his hands jammed roughly in his pockets and his eyes to the ground. People stopped to stare at the braided pilot, who's all black clothes stood out drastically from the blinding white interior of the hospital ward. Duo tried to ignore the other occupants of the maternity ward, all of which were smiling happily, and talking hopefully amongst each other. Every single cheerful face made Duo's stomach twist into knots.
He reached the soda machine and roughly jammed a dollar bill into the slot. Without even looking to see what choices there were, he blindly punched a number and jumped as the metallic clang of the can reverberated through the machine. He snatched the soda quickly and sat down on the bench, grasping the little aluminum can as though it were a life preserver. "God…" Duo sighed, his brow furrowed and his face taut, screaming out to anyone who could read expressions that he was almost at the breaking point. "Why her?" He sighed again, his chest heaving with the exhale, and opened the can of soda with a faint pop.
At the exact same moment the hiss of the carbonation reached his ears, another faint, yet shrill sound, accompanied it. Duo strained his keen hearing to try and detect what it was, but all he could come up with was nails on a chalkboard. He shrugged and lifted the can to his lips, the bubbles tickling his nose. Too bad he would rather do anything than smile. The sound came again, higher and more insistent this time, growing closer with every passing second.
"Mr. Maxwell…" An urgent voice implored, tapping him raptly on the shoulder. "There's been a problem." Duo felt the soda slip out of his hands before he knew what was happening. He jumped to his feet and nearly slid down into the sticky, orange, sugary mess that now coated the floor. "S-Sorry," he mumbled, sidestepping the spill and heading off down the hallway like some sort of madman. There was a problem. There was a problem. What in God's name did that mean?
"Hilde?!" he croaked, rounding the corner and coming into view of her room. The door was standing wide open, revealing a sea of doctors in green smocks and masks clustered around the bedside, each yelling at one another to move faster. The shrill humming noise became even louder.
"Move!" Duo called, elbowing away the nurses that had somehow flocked in front of him to partition the doorway. "Get outta the way!" One of the nurse's shook her head sadly and gave a crooked little smile. "I'm sorry sir, no visitors now." Duo could barely contain his rage at the oblivious nurse. "I'm not a visitor, I'm the only one she has. Now either you move right now or I'll do it for you."
The nurse's smile never wavered, but she motioned for her fellow staff members to dissolve the blockade formed around the doorframe. Duo barreled through them all and plunged into the army of doctor's all cramped into the single hospital room.
"What's going on?" Duo shouted, his cobalt blue eyes wide with fear and anger. "Someone tell me, WHAT'S GOING ON? Hilde?! HILDE!"
"Sit," someone commanded, placing a hand firmly on his shoulder. Duo found himself getting pushed into a chair and came eye to eye level with the same doctor who had seen Hilde a few hours earlier. "Duo," the doctor began, fully aware that the young boy was ready to render him unconscious if he kept him in the dark for too long. "The baby, premature as it is, has gotten the umbilical cord wrapped around it's neck. The cord is at such a dangerous position that I'm afraid it has to be delivered sooner than expected or else it's life, and Hilde's is in danger. Do you understand?" Duo swallowed hard, then nodded. A c-section this early? He didn't even bother to ask what the long term effects would be. He couldn't bear to hear the answer.
"You need to keep a cool head through all of this," the doctor was saying, trying to re-capture Duo's wavering attention. "If everything goes smoothly-"
Duo turned to the doctor with a grim smile on his lips. "You honestly believe that everything will go smoothly?" he asked bitterly, getting to his feet. The doctor said nothing and Duo stalked away from him, pushing through the mass of surgeons to Hilde's bedside.
"Hilde," he whispered, kneeling down next to her head and gently stroking the damp hair out of her face. Her face shone with beads of sweat, and her lips were the same color tone as her skin.
"Hi Duo," she said gazing at him and finding comfort in his eyes. "They told me we're going to have a little girl." Her face was full of pain, both physical and emotional, and it nearly broke Duo's heart to look in her eyes. Something broke inside him and he felt salty tears well up in his own eyes as well. "That's great babe," he said carefully, never letting his voice waver. "But I guess now we can't name her Solo."
Hilde smiled feebly and locked his eyes with hers. "Promise you won't leave me?" she whispered as the hovering doctors clenched the railing around her bed and began to wheel it out of the room. Duo nodded, feeling an icy hand squeeze his heart. "I'll be here, don't worry. I love you Hilde." She nodded and closed her eyes, while the beeping got louder. "I love you too Duo," she said quietly, and the sea of green smocked doctors swallowed her up.
"We're moving her to the OR." a nurse said matter-of-factly, brushing past Duo and following the other doctors and Hilde out of the room. "I'm sorry but you'll have to wait outside. You'll have to understand Mr. Maxwell," she added, pausing to look meaningfully at him. "There is always a chance that the baby will not make it through this."
Numbly, Duo nodded, trailing after the miserable procession and stopping short at the large blue doors marked 'Operating Room'. He watched helplessly as Hilde was pushed through the doors and wheeled off down the hall, out of his sight. Duo sat down in one of the hard backed plastic chairs and lost himself in a wave of tears. In his mind, he replayed the night when he first found out that he and Hilde were going to have a child. When everything was perfect; happy.
(FLASH BACK)
~It was sometime around Christmas, he could remember that much clearly. Powdery white snow blanketed the ground, giving a serene and picturesque look to the entire town. Duo always loved winter because the natural falling snow was an unmistakable reminder that he was finally living on the Earth. He and Hilde had just come back from seeing a play with Heero and Relena and were strolling down the empty street, their arms linked and her head resting on his shoulder.
"Duo," she had said, warm and cozy huddled up next to him, despite the bitter cold winds. "I've been meaning to talk with you about something." He grinned down at her and winked mischievously. "Is that so?" he began, forming the perfect joke in his mind. "Well-"
Not needing a sixth sense to determine he was about to say something inappropriate, yet funny, Hilde hit him lightly with her mitten. "I'm serious." she had said, stopping in her tracks and turning to face him. "I know we weren't exactly trying, but I thought…what I mean to say is, you've always wanted, wait…" Bemused at her loss for words, yet still concerned about what she had to say, Duo took her chin in his gloved hand and tilted her head to look him right in the eye. "Come on Hilde, just say it."
Hilde nodded, took a deep breath and blurted, "We're going to have a baby."
Duo was silent for a moment, and the deafening sound of the winter wind swirling around them roared in both their ears. He blinked, taking in the information, then burst into a wide joyful smile. "Hilde that's-- that's GREAT!" he exclaimed, picking her up by her waist and twirling her around. She laughed, her eyes sparkling happily. "I'm so glad," she murmured as he put her down. "I thought you might be angry."
He arched his eyebrows. "Angry? Me?!" She smiled and nodded sheepishly. "I never know what you're going to do Duo Maxwell. You're the most unpredictable person I've ever met." He smiled seductively and pulled her in closer. "Ooh, you know you like it." he teased and tickled her sides. She shrieked with laughter and struggled uselessly. In the end, she found herself in his arms, like she always did. It was the only place in the world where she felt safe, and truly loved. "This is it Hilde," Duo said, the snow spiraling around them. He gazed down at her, his eyelashes spotted with snowflakes and she laughed happily. "Yeah," she sighed, for once in her life completely contented. "This is the real beginning." ~
(END OF FLASHBACK)
Duo was brought crashing violently back to the present when an ear piercing scream shook his very soul. He jumped to his feet, the hands at his sides clenching into fists. "Dammit, I can't take this." he growled, his nails digging into his palms. "They can't keep me away from her. They can't do this." Duo slammed into the swinging doors to the Operating Room with such force that they hit the walls and dented them before swinging rapidly shut again. He stalked down the hall, tears blurring his vision, as he made his way to the sound of Hilde's pained screams.
Almost immediatley a wave of attending nurses and physicians swarmed towards him, yelling at him about something that Duo refused to tune in. Their mouths moved rapidly, their faces warped with anger, but no sound reached his ears. The only noise he heard, save the frantic beating of his own heart, was the desperate wail of Hilde's voice. The nurses clawed at him and grabbed him, trying to restrain him. Their motions came slowly, as though all of it were nothing but a bad dream. Duo shook them off and pushed passed them, his eyes focused on the door far at the end of the hall which he was positive they were operating on Hilde and the baby.
The nurses had disappeared and quickly returned in more numerous numbers, accompanied by a few burly doctors. Duo increased his pace, wondering if the long hallway would never end. He had to see her, to know she was all right. It was insanity that these people were trying to keep him from her just when Hilde needed him the most.
"Stop sir, please stop!"
Their voices were coming into focus now, louder in volume with every step he took.
"Hilde!" Duo called, feeling their arms catching him and holding him back. "Hold on, Hilde! Just hold on!"
"I'm sorry sir, you're not allowed back there." One of the nurses was saying, motioning for the burly doctor to tighten the hold he had on Duo's thrashing body.
The doctor nodded and increased the pressure, but Duo still struggled, kicking and punching anyone who stepped within his range. "Hilde!" he called again, tears swimming up in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "I'm not going to leave you!"
Duo knew he was being close to hysterical, but he just couldn't hold it in any longer. All his torment and sorrow that he kept bottled up inside exploded in a fresh wave of sadness, and the only thing he could think of was how Hilde was all alone. And so was he.
"Let me go!" he yelled, trying to escape them again. One of the doctors sighed heavily and opened up a small silver box presented by a nurse. "Forgive me, Mr. Maxwell, but you're becoming a danger to yourself." There was a sharp pain in Duo's arm and then there was nothing at all. Blackness surrounded him and he went limp in the doctors grasp.
"Please, take him somewhere where he can lie down," the doctor said to his assistants. "And when he wakes up notify him immediatley of Miss Schbeiker's condition."
* * *
~He was falling. Falling through a void of darkness that stretched on for all eternity. A scream tore from his lungs but it was swallowed up by the blackness and lost forever. He tried to twist around and see what lay beneath him, but he found he was frozen in place, his descent increasingly growing faster. And through it all he could hear her screaming, her voice sounding like a cry for help.
"Hilde?" he questioned, feeling the darkness creeping around him.
Suddenly, his body hit the ground with a sickening crack.. He looked up at the dark void surrounding him through a red mist of death.
"Hilde?" he whispered again, feeling the life ebbing away from him.
The screams turned to the sound of a baby crying and then everything was silent.~
Duo sat up abruptly, breathing heavily and trying to shake off the eerie feeling of being suffocated. He felt drowsy and disconnected from himself, as though her were a pair of eyes watching his own frightened form. He took no consolation in the fact that the terrible illusion he had just witnessed was only a nightmare, because the fact was, his life was transformed into a bad dream.
He looked around at his surroundings and found he was crammed into a stuffy little cot in a room that wasn't big enough to be considered a closet. He swung his legs out of the bed and flung open the door immediatley. The somnolent feeling never left him, and he felt detached and empty inside. "Please," he said in an unusually calm voice, tapping a passing by doctor on the shoulder. "What's the condition of Hilde Shibecker and her baby?" The doctor turned to look and him and frowned deeply. He placed a cold hand on Duo's shoulder and turned to him with sympathetic eyes. "I'm sorry Mr. Maxwell," he said quietly. "We did all we could but we weren't able-"
"Stop." Duo said, pushing away from the doctor in disbelief. "Stop it." The doctor opened his mouth, undoubtedly trying to finish his practiced consolation, but Duo backed away, his eyes wide and haunted. "I don't believe it. The baby's alive, you hear me? She's just fine. I'm her dad, she can't…she isn't…"
"Mr. Maxwell, I'm so sorry, but…"
Duo turned on his heel and fled, his shoes echoing noisily on the worn tile floor. He screamed silently with every step, and felt as if he ever stopped running, the terrible truth of what the doctor was saying would catch up to him. If he just ran a little faster, maybe everything would be okay. Maybe he and Hilde could go back to that moment in time where the world seemed to stop and envy their happiness. He would wrap his arms around her and gaze down into the tiny little face that was his first child and truly be gratified. If only…
Duo pushed roughly past patients and doctors alike, running as though some demon chased him. He exited the hospital and flung himself down on the small patch of grass outside, the warm sunlight beating down upon him and glowing brightly in sick irony. Duo, hunched over in sadness, beat the ground lividly with his fist.
"Why?" he whispered, "Why?" He had never even known her, and now she was gone. Duo closed his eyes and gave himself up to the last memory he had of the one he treasured.
~Duo placed his head carefully against her belly and listened to the steady thumping of the baby's heartbeat inside. There was a pressure against his temple as the baby squirmed. He straightened up and looked Hilde in the eye, running his hands along her stomach. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, giving him her famous half-hug half-cuddle. "What if it is a girl?" she asked, her voice hinting at something. He laughed. "Well, in that case, what if we name her after you?"
She made a face. "Hilde? I hate my name." Duo shook his head and kissed her softly on the lips. "No, lets name her Hope. Because that's what you are to me."
"Oh Duo," she said, smiling brightly. "It's perfect. She'll be perfect.."~
Epilogue-
He hated coming here, to this very same place day after day. And yet, if he didn't come, he couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything else. Duo kept his gaze on the ground, and the sunlight that filtered through the trees, striping the sidewalk a glowing yellow. He walked along, his head bent low, as the soft, sweet song of birds singing reached his ears. It was a bit of a walk, but he took it every day, weaving his way through the massive field scattered with graves to the small knoll that overlooked the water.
The spot was serene and peaceful, and was always quiet. The grass was dotted with tiny flowers that bloomed all year round, and an ancient willow tree towered over the spot where the headstone stood. The calm lapping of waves against the shore was the only sound heard for miles, and Duo knew in his heart that she would have loved this place.
He bent over slowly, and kneeled next to the gray granite headstone that was still flawless and new. He placed a single white rose in front of the grave and got to his feet, the gentle breeze blowing his braid. He sighed and shifted his weight, gazing down at the tiny pink bundle he held in his arms.
"Hope," he said, addressing the bundle with a quavering voice. He glanced down at the tombstone again, then back in his arms, when the bundle started to stir. He closed his eyes and found the strength he thought was lost forever. Gazing reverently at the tombstone, he whispered to the angelic baby in his arms,
"I'd like you to meet your mother."
End.