This came to me while I was trying to write chapter 14 of 'Adrift part 3' I have to just quickly mention that I haven't actually seen any of series 8/9 which is when I think the Paraguay episodes were, so sorry if I have portrayed it wrong. All I know about the eps I have got from spoilers and fanfic.
Also, I do have just have to point out that Paraguay is in fact a beautiful and friendly country (in most places) so don't believe everything that you read/see in the media!
The song, repeated thousands (well 2) of times is 'Here without you' by 3 Doors Down.
North of Union Station, 3 days before Valentines Day
The rain was falling heavily. Every few minutes lightening illuminated the early morning sky. It was 3am and the streets were completely empty apart from a couple of homeless men searching for protection against the forces of Mother Nature. Had these men looked up, they would have seen lit up by the flashes, a man sitting in one of the windows staring blindly out at the night sky, a few stray tears running down his face as the radio played softly in the background.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It's only you and me
The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go
'Never' the word was resounding in his head. "Never, never, never.' How could she say that? He wondered to himself, this thing we have. It's always been there. Denying it would be like saying that the Earth was square. If I can't have Mac in my life, what kind of life will it be? How did we get to this? His mind flashed back over a dozen moments from his past: the Rose Garden, getting his flight status back, finding about the truth about his father, finding his half brother, Sydney, his plane crash, Afghanistan, Paraguay. Mac had always been there. Not always happy with him, but she had always been there. She had been right when she had told him he only showed his interest when she had one foot out of the door; he panicked every time she left, scared that she wouldn't come back, that she wouldn't always be there. And now she had destroyed all his hopes with one single word. 'Never.'
"Like hell" he suddenly said out loud to the empty room, slamming his hand down in anger. I cannot let her leave my life. I can't lose her. She's all I have. The song was still playing the background.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
You're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It's only you and me
Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It's only you and me
It had been 3 days since he had finished working for the CIA, and god was he happy to be out of it. It wasn't exciting, it certainly wasn't glamorous and it had made him come to realize how much he enjoyed being a lawyer. He loved to fly; there was nothing quite like it. But he now recognized that flying for a living would not help him to achieve his goals; a family with the woman that he loved. Could it be that he had finally grown up?! He thought, a trace of ironic amusement breaking through the black cloud that had perpetually followed him since Paraguay. A plan started to form in his mind.
Georgetown, the same evening
On the other side of town, Mac was lying in bed, watching the storm through her window. Her usual inability to sleep had been replaced by an ability to fall asleep almost straight away, only to be woken up an hour or so later by dreams of Harm's death, unable to get back to sleep. The dark circles, to dark to be hidden by make up, that had appeared under her eyes since her return from Paraguay were testament to the turmoil that she was doing her best to hide inside. Where did it all go wrong? She thought sadly. I miss him so much. I wish I knew where he was. Since they had got back from Paraguay, Webb had been an unmitigated jackass. He wouldn't leave her alone; pressing her time and again to go out on a date with him. In the end she had snapped; screaming at him for a good twenty minutes to leave her alone, unless he was going to tell her where Harm was or at the very least, if he was ok. One more that one occasion the nightmares she had been having had lead her to walk to the local off license in the middle of the night, where she would stand, looking at the bottles of gin for ten or fifteen minutes trying to fight the idea that they would bring her happiness. In the end it was only the thought of what Harm would say that would make her turn away slowly and walk out of the store, back to her apartment and another sleepless night. The song on the radio caught her attention: it was 'Here without you' by 3 Doors Down. Is he somewhere listening to this too? She wondered briefly, a small flash of hope in a mind devoid of any positive emotion. Probably not, she reminded herself, he's probably moved on, found another Renee and forgotten all about me.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
God Harm, she thought, where are you? I'm sorry for what all the things I've said. I love you and I miss you, please come back to me. She felt the tears running down her face, powerless to do anything but let them fall.
The next morning, Harm went about putting his plan into motion. He needed someone from JAG's help but he had no idea who he could call anymore. He had barely seen his friends since he had left to go after Mac in Paraguay, and seeing as he was a persona non grata around Headquarters at the moment, he had no idea who to turn to. Sturgis wasn't an option. He wouldn't understand, and he and Harm hadn't parted on the best of terms.
Coates and the Admiral weren't possible either. That left Bud. Harm hated to put him in an awkward position, after all he was Mac's friend too. He sighed, reaching for the phone and dialing Bud's direct line at HQ.
"Roberts." Buds cheerful voice came over the line.
"Bud? It's Harm." He said nervously. There was a clunk at the other end of the line. "Bud? Are you there?"
"Sorry Commander, I dropped the phone" Bud replied sheepishly.
"It's just Harm now," Harm reminded him sadly, "How is everybody doing?"
"They're alright. It's not the same here without you." Bud replied, glad that his office door was shut. The Colonel had been upset enough recently, she didn't need to walk past his office and realise that it was him Harm was calling and not her. "Shall I tell them all you say hello?"
"No" Harm said quickly, he couldn't let Mac know he had been in contact with Bud. "Listen Bud, would you be able to meet me for lunch? It's important."
"Of course. I'm due in court at 1500, but I could meet you at 1300?"
"That would be great. See you at Potbellies?" Bud was momentarily taken aback. He had presumed they would meet a Mc Murphy's, or at least at somewhere in Fall's Church. Potbellies was right in the center of Washington.
"See you then." He replied quickly, going to hang up the phone.
"Oh and Bud?"
"Yes si..Harm?"
"Don't tell anyone you are meeting me. Not even Harriet ok? Just for the moment." Now Bud was more confused.
"Not a problem. See you then."
Potbelly Sandwich Co, Central D.C
"It's good to see you." Bud said as he approached Harm who had been sitting in the sandwich place for the last twenty minutes nursing a cup of coffee. "We've been worried about you." A bittersweet smile appeared on Harm's face.
"I'm sure not everyone is missing me Bud, but thanks all the same. For the record I miss you all too."
"Do you think you'll ever be back?" Bud asked curiously, JAG and the Navy had been Harm's life, and it was strange to see him out of uniform in the middle of the day.
"I hope so." Harm replied with a wistful smile. "How is everybody doing?"
"It's been a bit of an adjustment, but we're getting there," he hesitated, "I'm worried about the Colonel. She's been snapping at everyone a lot recently, even the Admiral once or twice." Harm's face was unreadable.
"Well I'm sure Webb must be doing his best to cheer her up." He said, bitterness evident in his voice. Bud looked surprise.
"Webb?" he said, not oblivious to his friend's tone, "There's nothing going on between her and Webb. She gave him a complete dressing down in front of the entire bullpen. Told him to leave her alone and never speak to her again," he hesitated again, "unless he was going to tell her where you were." A small spark of hope ignited in Harm's heart at Bud's words.
"How are kids? And Harriet?" Harm asked quickly, not wanting to get onto the subject of Mac just yet.
"They are fine. Jimmy's teething, keeps us up a bit at night. And little AJ is fine, he's got a lot of energy which I find it a bit hard to keep up with at times, but he's a good kid. He misses his Uncle Harm though. Every time he sees Mac he asks where you are."
"I'm sorry Bud." Harm looked ashamed of himself, "Tell AJ I'll come and see him at the weekend will you? I miss the little guy, I just didn't want to see anyone."
"That's ok, we understand. It must have been tough on you." Harm smiled ruefully.
"I've been a complete coward Bud and you know it. You don't have to be nice to me. I've let you all down recently."
"Honestly, you don't have to worry about it. I went through similar stages after my accident." Bud admitted, "Only Harriet's love got me through a lot of it."
"You are so lucky you have Harriet Bud, I really envy you sometimes." Harm replied, "I wish I had someone I could rely on like that." Bud gave him a disbelieving look. Even he could see how the Commander and Colonel felt about each other. Was he really as oblivious as he seemed. Harm seemed to almost read his thoughts.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about Bud. I need your help." Bud looked intrigued,
"I'll do anything I can to help you and the Colonel, I owe you both so much. Just name it." Harm looked at him gratefully.
"Well obviously we haven't been getting on too well recently. We had a bit of an arguement before and when we were in Paraguay, and I need to sort things out." Harm looked at his friend desperately, "I need to sort things out and apologise. Will you help me?" Bud nodded enthusiastically. Something inside him told him that Harm had finally come to his senses and was ready to do something about his feelings for Mac.
"What can I do?" Harm took a deep breath, looked quickly around him and explained his plan to Bud.
"Can you do it?" Bud nodded,
"No problem. I hope it works sir." At Harm's look he shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, force of habit!"
"Thank you so much Bud. I'm really going to owe you after this." Harm said with a relieved smile. "So I'll meet you at 0730 on Wednesday to give you this first bit." Bud nodded, "And Bud?" Harm continued, "Can you keep this to yourself? If Harriet asks, then by all means tell her. I'm not going to be responsible for a husband lying to his wife. But it has to be a surprise for Mac ok?"
"Don't worry, I won't breath a word." Bud assured him as they got up to leave the café.
all reviews welcome :o)