Disclaimer: All characters belong to the BBC; I'm just playing with them for a bit.
Notes: Slight spoiler for Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
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After one hell of a day that technically didn't happen, Jack was happy to just sit in his office and lose himself in his thoughts. John's last words ringing in his head, they'd found him, after so many years, John had found him. Honestly, Jack wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. But with a sip of a strong drink he hadn't bothered to check, Jack shook his head to himself. A lot of memories had been brought up, none of them good. He remembered his time as an Agent, everything he'd done, all the people who had to suffer because of him. He remembered much too clearly the last time a time loop happened, only a few days ago, but an entire year rather than a day that time. This of course led to thoughts of the Doctor and Martha. Martha Jones, one hell of a women, he hadn't really got to know her, what with the Utopia project, and the whole 'Master taking over the world' fiasco, but he knew what she did for the planet, the trials she must have faced. After all, the Doctor only took the best. Jack gave a snort at that thought, the best except for him. Then again, the Doctor didn't pick him up, or choose him as a companion, he was just a tag-along. Over the short few months Jack was first with the Doctor and Rose he'd tried to prove himself, tried to be a better man, but from the second Rose said the words 'Time Agent' he new he didn't stand a chance. There was always a guarded look in the Doctor's eyes when he'd discovered Jack's line of business. The Doctor didn't trust him, and Jack couldn't blame him. But as time went on, Jack thought he was doing better, each day getting closer and closer to becoming that better man, even if he doubted it himself, he could see it within the Doctor. As time went on, the Doctor relaxed more around him, spoke more freely around him, but always kept a guard up, even if just a small one.
Then he'd been left behind. He'd fought for the Doctor and Rose, but that obviously wasn't enough. One good deed not enough to change all the bad. After getting back to earth and drinking himself into unconsciousness Jack thought about going back to his old life style as a con, but he couldn't do it, he'd tried, but just could not bring himself to go threw with it. In a way, Jack hated the Doctor more for making him a good man than he did for abandoning him.
The next morning it was fair to say the last thing Jack expected to hear was the sound of the universe. And so without pausing to think Jack raced out of the hub, leaving his bewildered team in his wake, and headed up out into Cardiff city. Running out of the information centre which was Torchwood's cover, Jack spotted the TARDIS within seconds. Slowing down to a quick walk, Jack watched as the Doctor exited his ship and immediately looked his way with a large grin.
Feeling a smile of his own creeping up onto his face, Jack came to a stop in front of the Time Lord. "Doctor." He greeted with a nod.
"Captain." The Doctor replied, his grin brightening slightly.
"How are you?"
"Good. Just got back from Alerxva IIV, nasty big alien there, almost destroyed the sun, and I got covered in rather a lot of horrid sticky goo, honestly, took me seven hours to get it off my skin, so you can imagine what it was like getting it out of my hair! And it was all over a toothbrush, can you believe it? See, I had this electronic one which changed colour depending on your mood, and he had a boring old brown one. He wanted mine, but I wouldn't let him have it, so he went on a killing spree; very bad temper. I told him to stop it, but would he listen? Nope! All of that over just a silly little thing…and he broke my toothbrush." He ended with a pout.
Jack just nodded slightly. "Uh huh, that's nice. But I meant feelings wise, you know, after everything."
For a few seconds the Doctor looked confused. "What do you mean? …Oh, the Master, right. Fine, yeah, I'm fine, never better, brilliant. You know, I even met myself a few weeks ago! It was great seeing the back of my own head, but the vegetable, I certainly don't miss that." He pulled a slight face here. "And do you know what? I actually thought I was a fan, can you believe it? I mean come on, how stupid could I get? Ooh, maybe I should have asked myself for an autograph! Do you th- Hey, what are you laughing for?"
"You're really cute when you ramble." Jack winked. "But you're just trying to avoid the question."
Frowning the Doctor looked Jack over. "I told you." He said bluntly, all the cheer gone from his voice. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure, I mean you seem a little-"
"How many times do you want me to say it Jack! I'm fine!" He snapped angrily, giving the immortal a piercing glare.
The days events, and the bad thoughts of his past quickly caught up with Jack, and he matched the Doctor's hard look with his own icy scowl. "Well, I'm sorry for giving a damn! You no what? I'm bloody sorry for everything! I'm sorry I could never live up to the great Doctor's opinion! I'm sorry for being such a damn freak! But most of all, I'm fucking sorry I ever met you! You ruined my life!" Jack faulted in his rant as all of the emotions he'd bottled up over the years finally caught up with him. He chocked on a suppressed sob, and the Doctor's face softened. "You made me care, you made me want to be a better person, and it was hard. So many times I wanted to take the easy way out, go back to how I was, but I couldn't, because you were always damn there! How could I con and cheat when I believed in you? What the hell was I supposed to do after you left me?!"
"Oh Jack." The Doctor sighed, he pulled the captain against his chest in a tight hug, which made Jack lose the fight to keep his tears in. "I'm so sorry."
"Did you even care? After you and Rose left, did you even think, just once, if I were ok?" Jack's voice was slightly muffled by the Doctor's jacket, and strained due to his tears.
He was met by silents.
Jack pushed away from the Doctor when he didn't get a response; he whipped away his tears and got his emotions under control. He tried to look into the Doctor's eyes, but the Time Lord refused to meet his gaze. "Not even once? I didn't even cross your mind for even a second?"
"Jack." The Doctor began quietly, but he cut over him with a bitter laugh.
"You no, my biggest mistake was making you a priority in my life, when I was only an option in yours. Don't you get it? I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anybody. Even over a century and a half, multiple deaths, you letting me no how 'wrong' I am didn't stop me. I've died for you; I'd die a thousand more times for you! Even if it meant I'd stay dead, I wouldn't hesitate…but it means nothing doesn't it? It's insignificant. I'm just another stupid ape with silly feelings." Taking a deep breath, Jack locked gazes with the alien he adored more than anything. "Well its not stupid, but I know that it's nothing, because you could never let it be anything could you? You could never give a damn about me."
The Doctor sighed heavily. "Your wrong, you do mean something to me, your feelings mean something to me, and there not stupid. But I can't, won't, give you what you want. You know how I am Jack, and that isn't me. I'm sorry, I really am, but I don't love you, and I never could."
He couldn't look at him now, biting his lower lip, Jack turned his gaze to the ground and gave a slight nod of his head. "I-I know…goodbye Doctor." Still not looking at him, Jack turned away, maybe for the last time, it certainly sounded like he was saying a final goodbye. Heading back for the hub, Jack didn't run, instead he walked slowly, and it killed him inside that the Doctor didn't care enough to stop him.