It had been a long day at the shrine temple for Kagome Higurashi, the wife of the half-breed demon Inuyasha and lead spiritual priestess of the village who used her purifying abilities and kind, pure heart to ease suffering and help. Her friends, Miroku the monk and his wife, Sango the renowned female demon slayer of her village of demon slayers, the small fox demon Shippou, Kirara the cat demon pet of Sango, Sango and Miroku's twin daughters and her son, and of course Inuyasha himself. It was like old times again, sitting under the open starlit sky in a forest somewhere on the rough patches of dirt and soft grass. Everyone was beat and full of the delicious fish they had caught down by the river. The girls, Kishi and Sachiko, were curled against each other fast asleep while their little brother, Chokichi was wrapped up warm and snug right where he belonged; his mother's bosom.
Miroku welcomed sleep happily as it fell onto him like a heavy load of laundry and Shippou was sleeping on his back, a bubble of snot inflating and deflating out of his short, pointed nose. Inuyasha leaned up against the tree with his eyes closed but he wasn't asleep, he told himself to stay awake and stand guard. Kagome was sitting upright with her hands under her legs, looking up into the dark blue mass that was the sky and all the shimmering diamonds that were stuck in it. It was beautiful to her and the stars here were always closer here than at home. Home. It struck a pang in her heart. She missed her little brother Sota and gramps and her mother especially but when she had made her choice she accepted the cons as well as the pros. A life without Inuyasha was no life at all and she didn't dare try to go back for fear of never seeing him again. She promised, though, that one day she would figure out the mysteries of the well and the connections to her world and try to get there and back in one piece.
"Kagome, you alright? "
"Yeah I'm fine. Think I'll turn in a little later, just want to keep looking at the stars."
"I don't understand you. They're just a bunch of little dots in the sky, they don't mean anything. They aren't special."
"Sometimes, something small can be very important. Like the moon isn't important to some people but to you it can decided whether to make you human or not."
"Yeah, but the moon is huge. You do what you want just hurry up and go to bed, I'm tired of sittin' here waiting for you to fall asleep. You're making me nervous."
"Don't worry I'm fine."
"You should lie down anyways, the doctor says you require a lot more sleep and you've been working all day. Women are so damn stubborn, I tried to help but you were all like 'Inuyasha, Sit boy!' I mean, what the hell did I do to YOU?"
"Nothing! Just know I can handle myself. I'm a strong woman. After all, it was me who-"
"Made the wish that destroyed the Shikon no Tama and with it, Naraku. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah stop parading around like some hero."
"Well excuse me I happened to have saved the whole feudal era! I think it's a big deal!"
"Whatever. Just go to sleep."
"UGH! You can be such a pain! Don't you ignore me!"
"Pipe down, will ya?"
"PIPE DOWN! I'LL SHOW YOU PIPE DOWN! Inuyasha….SIT! SIT! SIT!"
Each sit sent him straight into the ground over and over. Kagome stormed off in a fit of anger. Miroku opened one eye and chuckled. Just like old times, indeed. Kagome wondered into a forest to cool off. She needed air. Sometimes that Inuyasha acted just like his old self, stubborn, arrogant, boorish, and brazen with all the cocky pride of a lion. Kagome sat down on a patch of grass huffing out air.
"Who does he think he is? Sure he's my husband but he definitely can't ignore me like that! Erg! Though…I should be getting back, it is late and dark and I forgot all my bows and arrows. I'm such an idiot. Kagome girl you've gotta think before you act."
"Kagome," a soft female voiced whispered
Definitely not Inuyasha but it was familiar. Kaede? No, the voice was younger. Sango? No, older than that and not her voice either. The voice had a melodic sadness to it with a honeyed touch of happiness but yet it was in that sadness that she found comfort because of the eerie familiarity. When the body that went with the voice appeared Kagome found herself at a standstill.
"Kagome," the woman whispered again, this time in a joy as if she had found something.
The woman in front of her was somebody Kagome knew all too well, somebody that was a present factor in her everyday life, until, of course, she died. Kikyo. The very priestess Kagome was reincarnated from. Inuyasha's first love, the woman that occupied a massive space in his heart, a space that Kagome had to accept she could never replace or fill. She knew, their relationship was complicated, hers and Inuyasha's and when Kikyo was reborn from ashes and Kagome's spirit it only made things all the more complicated. A love triangle that made Kagome's head spin at night had formed and sometimes in the deep darkest reach of her pure heart she would feel jealous and even bitterness toward Kikyo and Kagome hated herself for this reason. This, however, did not stop her love for the dog-eared half demons he came to know but made it all the stronger. She had questioned her place here, with him, in the feudal era but she couldn't stay away. He was her purpose, that was all there was to it.
This woman was Kikyo, yes, but not her in body but in spirit. She was a ghost. The apparition in front of her was glowing a ghastly white, silver, and blue everywhere, even her eyes which were usually a cold brown were nothing but hot rocks of white. Her usual priestess attire wasn't on but instead she wore a flowing kimono of light blue, white, and silver that glowed and she was floating. A look of peace on her face along with happiness Kagome never saw on Kikyo's face before. Her long black hair, now dulled silver-white, was out and floating in the air around her, a pool of glowing white.
"Kikyo?"
"Yes, Kagome, I am an apparition, come from the spirit world to say my final farewells before descending back into the depths of the fiery pit."
"You mean…you're not an angel? But you look so lovely."
Kikyo laughed, soft and genuine. Yes, that bliss was something unfamiliar to Kagome, at least in terms of this specific woman. She smiled at Kagome contentedly.
"Sweet, naïve Kagome. Because I am free to love, to be happy, to let go of all that built up venomous hatred inside me I come in this form but I'm sure with time I will be very gruesome indeed. I am impure, now, and there is no escape from my fate, I knew this all too well. I had sealed my own demise in falling for Inuyasha, in helping Onigumo, in becoming a priestess. My life was chosen from birth, I was cursed at the womb and now I will forever haunt the nether region in the deepest depths of hells pit. However, now I can be happy, and that is something I am eternally grateful for. However, I can feel longing, deep despair, pity, remorse, and regret mixed with guilt. All leave a bile taste in my mouth that will never wash. I've come for a purpose. To say goodbye."
"Goodbye? You've said your goodbyes to Inuyasha. Do you wish to say goodbye to Kaede?"
"No, I already did when I died for the last and thankfully, final time. It is you that I seek, you who I did not bid farewell to."
"Me?"
"Without me there is no you and vice versa. Kagome, I know I hurt you. My very existence poisoned your budding romance with the one who stole the heart I tried to keep locked up. It was never meant to be, the living cannot be with the dead. Yet, he still tried, so hard, to be with me when you were in plain sight. He ignored you, he hurt you, he shunned you away after all your useless efforts to worm your way into that broken space I left when Naraku ensnared us in his evil trap. It was all because of me. I caused so much pain. I know you were glad to see me dead, I would have been."
"No, no, you've got me all wrong, Kikyo. I could never wish death upon anybody unless it was Naraku, of course, Aheh-heh-heh. Don't worry about it, really, I'm fine."
She narrowed her eyes then in a flash was two inches away from Kagome's face.
"You're lying."
Kikyo knew pain now but she had no concept of full bodied pain and wanted to know just what Kagome was feeling and what she was about to do would help. She placed her glowing icy hands on Kagome's skull, making Kagome go empty and blank, her eyes all white. Kikyo was feeling Kagome's feelings, living through her eyes, her heart was Kikyo's and vice versa, they were one, essentially. Kikyo was going through each memory, each sad pain-filled memory that involved herself and Inuyasha, bonded to the fast beating human heart that was alive and well inside Kagome's chest. Sharing these memories through Kagome's brown eyes, Kikyo was Kagome and she could hear her thoughts during this time and feel that hurting.
'Inuyasha…with Kikyo…I shouldn't be here…I don't belong here….I don't belong with him. Not now, not ever, not in this lifetime, this era, this world. I belong in my world…what am I doing here? Should I even be alive? What is my purpose?'
These thoughts, these words, and others, reverberated in Kagome and Kikyo's shared skull. Kikyo continued to watch and listen, seeing the trademark white hark stark against the red robes that was Inuyasha, holding her but she wasn't seeing it as Kikyo but Kagome.
'Why can't he see me…this isn't where I belong…there's no room for me in his heart…he's chosen…what am I here for? Am I just a jewel collector? Is this all I'm good for? Is this all he needs me for? Does he need me? He has Kikyo…who am I? I just want o curl up and die…he wouldn't miss me…'
Kikyo let go, flying back a few feet, she couldn't take the extreme misery and ultimate suffering, it was too much for her. Kikyo and Kagome were panting, out of breath, exhausted from the experience. Kikyo was shaken.
"Kagome, I had no idea just how much my being alive hurt you, my interfering, and meddling. That was the most numbing pain I had ever felt and I literally felt the heart I don't have split in half."
Kagome noticed Kikyo was crying but a sad smile graced her glowing face. Kagome walked over to her, unsure of what to say.
"Forgive me, if I had any idea how much you were hurting…I was so blinded by rage that I just didn't know what was wrong and right anymore. "
"Its fine, you're forgiven, really. It's just the way things are, and I had to learn to cope with it. I'm sorry you had to see all that, but maybe you could warn a girl next time."
"I am sorry, Kagome. Please, accept my apology and also do tell my sister I miss her."
"I will do that and I have forgiven you."
"Take care of Inuyasha, treat him well."
Kagome huffed slightly, remembering the fight.
"Petty fights aren't anything to fuss over, I'm sure you'll make it up. Knowing him he'll come running to you. Hmm…you're warm. I had forgotten what it was like to be warm and have a strong beating heart. I wish things hadn't been the way they were or we could have been great friends."
"It would have been nice. If only fate wasn't so cruel."
"Yes, Fate is cruel and is never in anyone's favor. This grudge that stained what could have been because of what had been can only be smudged with begs of forgiveness but it will never erase, not until I am gone from his memory. You do not hate me, that much is sure but I was jealous of you…you could breathe, run, and live and do so freely with him. I yearned to be by his side just once more and now I fear, I am too late. Swallowed by anguish and bitter hatred I could not see the light. Kagome, before I go I must ask of you one simple favor."
"Of course. Anything."
"To keep my memory alive I want you to name her after me, your firstborn."
Kagome gasped and rubbed her stomach. How did she know she was expecting? It wasn't that obvious…right? Kikyo tilted her head and smiled warmly.
"I felt another heart and a kick. I could feel a feminine presence that wasn't yours or mine. She's strong, like you dear Kagome. You will remember to name her after me?"
"Yes, of course. I'm sure Inuyasha won't mind."
"I wish I could see him just once more before I depart…but I suppose it cannot be so and I will have to live with this torment."
"I only wish I could help you."
"You have and you will. My spirit will always be there with you to help you guide the villagers into peace and prosperity. Let my knowledge and judgment before my descent be your guide and never let me fade. Let everyone know of my past, my story as so they will not make the same tragic mistakes that I once did. Retell it so that generations will never forget."
Kikyo opened her arms and started to disappear, little bits of her sparkling and disintegrating until all that was left was her slowly sifting torso and face.
"Farewell Kagome. Send my love to my sister and Inuyasha. My heart is bound with him but my spirit is bound with yours."
"KAGOME! KAGOME!? Where are you?!"
Kagome turned to hear the slightly gruff voice of her husband calling out her name in desperation, muttering curses to himself about how he let her slip away. He was close. It wasn't long before Kikyo got her dying wish, to see Inuyasha before departing. All that was left was her head but that was enough for Inuyasha. He stopped upon seeing the glowing form of his former lover.
"Kikyo…."
A look of hopeless love and forbidden, unspoken longing burned within her radiating eyes then grief, regret, and empathy. She faded slowly into nothing, leaving the impression of her sad smile behind.
"Kagome…was that Kikyo…it couldn't have been…could it?"
"It was her spirit; she came to speak to me."
"Well, what did she say?"
"It's personal stuff really but she said hello to you and Kaede and asked how you were faring."
"That's all?"
"She asked for a favor."
"What was it?"
"To name our firstborn after her."
"She knew?"
"Yes…she knows everything now. She's a part of me and I'm a part of her and without each other we cease to exist. I know you'll never forget her, she was your first love, and I'm no replacement I'm just a new woman in your life, and I don't want you to think of me as her but as Kagome, an individual, your wife. I love you and she loves you still and now she knows all the hurt that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I owe her one because I stole you from her and it was wrong of me to do so…"
"Kagome…"
"Still, I will name her Kikyo, after the great priestess and I will tell the story of the Kikyo prior."
"Kagome…what do you mean by 'the hurt you wouldn't wish upon anyone'?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Come on, tell me. You can tell me."
"You don't need to know."
"I'm your husband! I do so need to know!"
"Butt out of it, okay?!"
"Kagome…did I do something?"
"….No…"
"Kagome…come on spit it out."
"Leave it alone."
"No!"
"I said drop it!"
"NO! Tell me!"
"SIT BOY!
"GAHHH!"
Kagome walked away rubbing her stomach and whistling happily. One day she would share her pain with Inuyasha, but not yet, he wasn't ready yet. Inuyasha pulled himself out of the ground and settled next to Kagome staring angrily at her.
"Whatcha do that for?"
"You wouldn't leave me alone."
"I can't leave you alone, don't you understand that? I love you Kagome and I'm your husband, it's my job to worry. Look, if you don't tell me, fine, whatever…I don't give a rat's ass but know I care…okay?"
Kagome was silent but her cheeks were rosy with blush. At first Inuyasha was aggravated because Kagome had drifted off to sleep but then he calmed down and snuggled close to her, smiling in her hair. He stroked her back lovingly then her stomach, feeling for the baby's kick then smiled knowingly when he received a light one.
'You will be born into this world with pride, for you are the daughter of a great priestess and named after one too…little Kikyo."