A/N: None of this is mine…Harry Potter stuff obviously belongs to J.K. Rowling, and the song belongs to Keane.
Severus paused, listening to the Muggle radio coming from across the Great Hall. Some Mud—Muggle-Born was shoving their music down everyone else's throat—or through their ears. Severus scowled, angry that this had come on a day when he couldn't possibly be more irritated at the students of Hogwarts. Beginning to make his way across the Hall, he began fantasizing about the punishments he could give the student—20 points from their house, detention for a week, the possibilities were endless.
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Only with his skill at Occlumency did Severus prevent himself from gasping at the second verse of the song. His face in a permanent frown, he continued storming across the room, hurrying past the student with the radio, and, feeling the need to make the reason for his anger obvious to the students, gave detention to one who was "talking too loudly." He hurried out of the Hall, staying in close enough range to hear the song that had, for the first time in years, made it difficult to keep his emotions locked away.
Memories flooded his mind, memories that he had kept hidden since that day over a decade ago, when she had gone forever.
He was once again fourteen, sitting in front of the Black Lake with Lily by his side. Their favorite tree hung above them, providing shade from the sun. It was a few days before they went home, before he was forced to return to his father abusing his mother. He would spend most of his summer at Lily's home. He was sitting with his legs extended, Lily leaning against him, putting her head on his shoulder. He was stroking her hair, believing their lives would stay like this forever. After a few minutes of this, she looked up at him sadly.
"It's another year gone, isn't it?" she said.
He gave her a sad smile. "Another year gone of Hogwarts, yes. But we still have three more, and then the rest of our lives." He hoped his implied meaning would come across to her.
It did. She sat up straighter, giving him a knowing look. "What's that mean?"
He gave a slight smirk, a kinder one than would flit across his features many years later. In reality, he felt extremely nervous, but he was already learning Occlumency. "I-it means that I-I love you."
She took a deep breath, and offered a shy smile back. "I-I love you too, Sev."
Happiness exploded inside him, and he slowly closed the space between them, giving her a gentle kiss.
In his mind, everything was perfect.
Since her death, he had dreamed about this moment millions of times. The song had hit home in the worst way possible. This was the only way to break him.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
He knew she was gone, but he also knew that the second line was true: he needed her. He could no longer live in denial that anything had happened. Severus knew that her son, that wretched Potter's child, was coming to Hogwarts, but he also knew that he couldn't do anything to help him, or show him favoritism. He knew that the child would be just like Potter—he didn't deserve Severus' help. His transfer to the Order of the Phoenix was enough—he could still continue to punish Potter, while helping Lily at the same time.
The next two lines made him wince. He was never going to see her again. She would never let him into her life. It was gone.
As the song approached its end, Severus was reminded of another incident, one that had occurred less than a year after their kiss. It was only days after his life had been turned around forever. He winced at the memory; it still hurt him to think about it.
He had stood outside the Gryffindor Common Room for hours. He had convinced a girl named Mary that if she didn't fetch Lily, he'd sleep in front of the famous painting. When she came out, he apologized over and over, trying to convince her he made a mistake. This was another of only a few instances where he had had difficulty applying Occlumency. Severus had lost the one person who was most important to him; it was as if a million dementors were chasing him and he had no happy thoughts to repel them with.
After the conversation heard years later by her son, he had stayed until morning, when she exited the Common Room for breakfast.
"Lily, please."
"You're not sorry, Severus. Just go away."
"Lily. Can't we just—can't I just talk to you? Please. Let me explain."
She had turned, glaring at him.
"No. You've had your chance. You weren't supposed to do this." He could tell she was trying not to let her voice break; he had heard her cry many times, privately, to him.
He sighed. "Lily, I'm sorry. I—"
"No."
And she walked away forever.
It was the end of everything.
Severus sighed, composing himself and resuming his stony expression of old. There were times to show emotions. This was not one of them; standing in the Great Hall breaking down because of a Muggle song would not help his control over the students.
So he stood up straighter, took a deep breath, and went downstairs to teach the next potions class.