A/N: Now, I've read as many Marriage Law fics as the next person, but I know that they are silly. As I was thinking about how I would feel, I came up with a different solution. So I wrote this, in which Hermione comes up with the same solution. Please read because it's short and fun and really not any less plausible than your average Marriage Law fic.

I've edited it recently to fix a few typos, one of which I will share for its hilarity: "fart-fetched" instead of "far-fetched." I'll let you come up with your own mental images for that.

Evading the Marriage Law

"They've passed it, Molly."

Molly Weasley faltered for the smallest fraction of a second in her scrubbing as her husband uttered the words she had been dreading for weeks.

The Marriage Law.

The war had ended, but not all was well. There had been significant losses on both sides, plunging the wizarding world into danger of fading away. There simply weren't enough people. Still, the article glossed over that aspect, the pain still too close. It lauded the law as helping to destroy the discrimination that had caused the war in the first place. The law did not simply require wizards and witches of age to marry, you see. It required a mixing of purebloods and non-purebloods wherever possible. Naturally, not every marriage could be between a pureblood and a non-pureblood because there were even fewer purebloods after the war than there had been before. Still, it was cause for worry.

The law worked in a somewhat backwards way, given the still traditional ideas of wizarding society. The men applied for the women. Outdated, Molly shook her head. Still, it reduced the work she had to do. Two girls. Tonks, if she would accept the help, and Hermione, too young to worry about such things.

Members of the Order would be best, naturally, though they all seemed too old for the Hermione. Still, Death Eaters roamed free and all the members of the Order, as well as those close to them, were now well known. Yes, the Order was safest.

"We should call everyone together."

"What's going on?" Ron poked Harry, asking his question quietly. Harry shrugged, but Hermione, who was sitting a few seats down, grimaced. She had been racking her brains since Arthur had called everyone together, but no other option had come to mind.

It was only marriage, she tried to convince herself. And, in all honesty, it wasn't the idea of being married to someone she didn't love that bothered her. It was the sex. Hermione, while she had dated, had never had sex. And now there was this law, which would surely require consummation because there was no point in forcing people to marry if they were not also forced to produce children. So her first time, the time she had hoped to look back on fondly, would be tainted by this law. It was also invasive. She would be forced to have sex and children with some man just because the law said so. They had no right interfering in such personal affairs. The idea was preposterous, but, unfortunately, not far-fetched.

Hermione clenched her fists in anger. It was just unfair. She was giving in to her anger for a moment and to come up with some creative insults with which she could taunt the Ministry, but she was interrupted by Arthur.

"There's no easy way to say this," Arthur began, "so I'll get it over with. The papers this morning reported that the Marriage Law has been passed."

Every heart in the room dropped to the floor simultaneously.

Hermione closed her eyes, her mind already racing. Tonks fell out of her chair, but no one could laugh. Ron's mouth hung open. Harry frowned. Molly looked around at everyone, eager to comfort, but not knowing how. Remus frowned and shook his head. Ginny shifted in her seat, waiting for the ages to be announced. The other Weasleys weren't at home.

"How will it work?" Hermione asked, sitting up straight in order to get herself fully informed.

"The wizards apply for witches who are of age," Ginny relaxed, "and the witches choose, but," Arthur scanned the article, "the mixing of purebloods and non-purebloods is encouraged."

"And the stipulations?" Hermione pressed.

"Consummation after a month and a child after two years."

"Hermione, marry me," Ron stood up.

"Ron, I- we broke up," she faltered.

"But you need to get married and we're friends. What if some Death Eater applies for you? What if you end up with Snape?" Ron looked rather queasy at the suggestion.

"Ron, I- thank you, but I can't just get married because of some law," Hermione explained helplessly.

"What else can you do?" Molly asked.

Hermione thought. And thought. And thought. And thought some more. Ron yawned. Harry stared off into space. Remus borrowed Arthur's paper. Ginny examined her nails. Tonks poked Remus, who eventually got so fed up that he looked over. She proposed through erratic gestures and he nodded. And, still, Hermione thought.

"I… could I tell them I'm a lesbian?" she faltered, breaking the silence.

This was met with silence, though a few people couldn't help smiling at the suggestion.

Arthur scanned the article. "It doesn't say anything…"

"But if they're making people get married, would sexual orientation really matter?"

"That's prejudice, Mrs. Weasley," Hermione grinned. "What did we fight this war for if not to stop prejudice?"

"But why would they believe you? You've been linked to men countless times in Rita Skeeter's articles," Molly protested.

"Tonks, would you mind?" Hermione waved her over. After a moment of thought, Tonks grinned and nodded, throwing an apologetic look at Remus. "Snap a picture, would you?" Hermione asked before engaging Tonks in a rather convincing kiss.

Flash and the two broke apart.

"But Tonks isn't a lesbian," Harry pointed out.

"She was experimenting," Hermione shrugged.

"Well," Molly began, looking at the picture she held in her hand, "I guess that's it, then."