CATEGORY: Humor/drama/vignette/slashy/stuff/nonsense
SUMMARY: Why has Bruce come to Smallville to visit Lex?
DISCLAIMER: These characters don't belong to me. Unfortunately.
NOTES: I wrote this very hastily because DebC thinks nobody loves her and I needed to prove her wrong. This is kinda sorta Smallvilleverse. Ish. Also kinda building on a lot of Bruce/Lex fanon.
"So, what have you been up to these last years?" Bruce asked, crossing his legs and reaching out for the glass of scotch.
Lex chuckled. "Right. Like I'm going to tell you something Wayne Enterprises can use."
"Ah Lex, always so trusting." Bruce's lips quirked before he took a sip. "Good stuff."
"Would I have anything else?"
"Of course not."
The fire crackled, casting strangely-shaped shadows on the wall. Lex frowned at the shadow above and behind Bruce. "How do you do that?"
Bruce didn't turn. "Do what?"
"Cast a bat-shaped shadow while wearing a Perry Ellis suit."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Bruce said with a completely straight face.
"Uh huh." Lex rolled his eyes and got up to poke at the fire. "You and the farmboy think you keep secrets so well. At least you're a good liar when I don't already know you're lying. Clark couldn't lie well if his life depended on it. When his life depended on it."
"Clark is...unique."
Lex turned around and leaned against the wall next to the fireplace, enjoying the warmth against his side. "That's one way to put it. You're really in fascinating company these days: an Amazon, a couple of aliens, the fastest man alive..."
Bruce's puzzled face would have fooled nearly anyone else. "Do they work for Wayne Enterprises? I really can't keep track of all of our employees. It's nearly all I can do to stay afloat in our numbers most days."
Lex poured himself two fingers more of the scotch, enjoying the burn in his throat and chest. "The man who taught me differential equations really shouldn't try to convince me he can't read a budget."
Bruce just smiled.
"Okay, fine. We'll play it your way." Lex reluctantly decided against any more to drink. He wanted to remember everything in the morning, after all. "You're not Batman. Clark's not Superman. And I'm Bugs Bunny."
"You wascally wabbit," Bruce murmured into his glass.
"Cartoons? You?" Lex put a hand to his heart.
"I do have a son, remember?" Bruce's smile was real and very nostalgic. "Dick and Alfred ganged up on me and insisted on a certain number of cartoons before I was allowed to work."
"That makes more sense. Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern together couldn't resist those two if they were serious about something. You didn't have a chance. So, how are they, anyway?"
"Dick's in college. Alfred still makes certain I eat, forcibly if necessary. They're both well."
"I'm glad." Lex was entirely sincere. He didn't know Dick well, but Alfred...he'd been a lifeline of sanity during their childhood, the only thing that convinced Lex that not every adult was a complete nutter.
"How are you doing?" Bruce looked up, pinning him with the look that meant he'd better tell the whole truth or there would be consequences.
"Me?" Lex was honestly surprised. "I thought you knew. I'm doing wonderfully. I threw a big party last year when dear ol' Dad died. Didn't you get your invitation?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I was unavoidably detained."
"Right, that was the week the Justice League was fighting that weird alien virus, wasn't it? I think I had my secretary send you a get well card."
Bruce didn't bother to respond, sipping his scotch and looking into the fireplace. His shadow no longer looked like a bat, but the light reflected up onto his features, turning his classic good looks into something more sinister. Lex could see why he scared so many criminals.
"So," Lex ventured, "not that I'm unhappy to see you, but what are you doing in Smallville?"
Bruce hesitated. "I can't simply decide to visit an old friend?"
"If I didn't know you so well, I'd assume you were spying on Wayne Enterprises' main competitor. But you wouldn't do it by talking to me, so that's out." Lex put down his empty glass and crossed to sit on the couch next to him. Crossing his arms, he leaned back and waited. Knowing Bruce, this could take a while.
Bruce stared down into his glass, swirling the liquid slowly. "I thought it was time to reconnect with some old friends."
"Are we old friends?"
"Yes, we are. And old enemies as well. They're not that far apart, are they?"
"Not for us, I suppose." Lex had an inkling. "How did it happen? I mean, what made this time different than the others?"
Bruce's head shot up. "What?"
"Since your life is filled with near-death experiences, I just wondered what was different this time."
Bruce's mouth twitched. And twitched some more. And his hand was unsteady as he put his glass down on the floor next to his leg. He appeared unable to speak.
Lex sat up in alarm. Bruce wasn't going to cry, was he? What the hell would he do with a crying man in his living room?
Bruce's voice was unsteady. "You think I'm here because of a near-death experience?"
"Yeeees." Lex wondered it if it was inappropriate to go retrieve the box of tissues from the bookshelf now.
Bruce coughed into his hand, bringing his face under control. "You've leaped to a conclusion, Lex."
"What?"
"I'm not here because of a near-death experience. I'm here because I've just received an invitation to our 20-year reunion and it inspired me to look you up. Really, Lex, you see drama everywhere, don't you?" Bruce's grin was broad and annoying.
"I hate you, you know that, right?"
"Of course, Lex."
"Did you want to have sex now?"
"You're just as romantic as I remembered."
"Is that a no?"
end--