All In The Timing
Chapter 1: Sure Thing
Disclaimer: All Sonic characters belong to Sega, and the original play All In The Timing belongs to David Ives, I've only rewritten it slightly just to fit the Sonic crew in it. So here it is.
Amy is reading at a cafe table. An empty chair is opposite of her. A bell is on the table, and every time this bell rings, an event is repaeted, only in a different way as if to make the situation worse or better for the person who rings it. Sonic enters.
Sonic: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?
Amy: Excuse me?
Sonic: Is this taken?
Amy: Yes it is.
Sonic: Oh. Sorry.
Amy: Sure thing
(Sonic rings the bell softly)
Sonic: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?
Amy: Excuse me?
Sonic: Is this taken?
Amy: No, but I'm expecting somebody in a minute.
Sonic: Oh. Thanks anyway.
Amy: Sure thing.
(Sonic rings the bell softly)
Sonic: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?
Amy: No, but I'm expecting somebody very shortly.
Sonic: Would you mind if I sit here till he or she or it comes?
Amy: They do seem to be pretty late…
Sonic: You never know who you might be turning down.
Amy: Sorry. Nice try, though. Sonic: Sure thing.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: Is this seat taken?
Amy: No, it's not.
Sonic: Would you mind if I sit here?
Amy: Uh, yeah.
Sonic: Oh.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: Is this chair taken?
Amy: No it's not.
Sonic: Would you mind if I sit here?
Amy: No. Go ahead.
Sonic: Thanks. Everyplace else seems to be taken.
Amy: Mm-hm.
Sonic: Great place.
Amy: Mm-hm.
Sonic: What's the book?
Amy: I just wanted to read in quiet, if you don't mind.
Sonic: No. Sure thing.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: Everyplace else seems to be taken.
Amy: Mm-hm.
Sonic: Great place for reading.
Amy: Yes, I like it.
Sonic: What's the book?
Amy: The Sound and the Fury.
Sonic: Oh. Hemingway.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: What's the book?
Amy: The Sound and the Fury.
Sonic: Oh. Faulkner.
Amy: Have you read it?
Sonic: No! I've sure read about it, though. It's supposed to be great.
Amy: It is great.
Sonic: I hear it's great...Waiter!
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: What's the book?
Amy: The Sound and the Fury.
Sonic: Oh. Faulkner.
Amy: Have you read it?
Sonic: I'm a Mets fan myself.
(Amy rings bell)
Amy: Have you read it?
Sonic: Yeah, I read it in college.
Amy: Where was college?
Sonic: I was lying. I never really went to college. I just like to party.
(Sonic starts acting like a maniac as Amy rings the bell. Sonic sits back down.)
Amy: Where was college?
Sonic: I went to Oral Roberts University
(Amy rings bell)
Amy: Where was college?
Sonic: ITT Tech!
(Amy rings bell)
Amy: Where was college?
Sonic: Metro!
(Amy rings bell)
Amy: Where was college?
Sonic: Harvard.
Amy: Do you like Faulkner?
Sonic: I love Faulkner. I spent a whole winter reading him once.
Amy: I've just started,
Sonic: I was so excited after the first ten pages that I went out and bought everything else he wrote. One of the greatest reading experiences of my life. I mean, all that incredible psychological understanding. Page after page of gorgeous prose. His profound grasp on the mystery of time and human existence. The smells of the earth…What do you think?
Amy: I think it's pretty boring.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: What's the book?
Amy: The Sound and the Fury.
Sonic: Oh! Faulkner!
Amy: Do you like Faulkner?
Sonic: I love Faulkner.
Amy: He's incredible.
Sonic: I spent a whole winter reading him once.
Amy: I was so excited after the first ten pages that I went out and bought
everything else he wrote.
Sonic: All that incredible psychological understanding.
Amy: And the prose is so gorgeous.
Sonic: And the way he's grasped the mystery of time--
Amy: --and human existence.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: --and the smells of the earth
(Amy rings bell)
Amy: I can't believe I've waited this long to read him.
Sonic: You never know. You might not have liked him before.
Amy: That's true.
Sonic: You might not have been ready for him. You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.
Amy: That's happened to me.
Sonic: It's all in the timing. My name's Sonic, by the way.
Amy: I'm Amy.
Sonic: Hi.
Amy: Hi.
Sonic: Yes, I thought reading Faulkner was…a great experience.
Amy: Yes.
Sonic: The Sound and the Fury…
Amy: Well. Onwards and upwards.
Sonic: Waiter--?
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.
Amy: That's happened to me.
Sonic: It's all in the timing. My name's Bill, by the way.
Amy: I'm Betty.
Sonic: Hi.
Amy: Hi.
Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?
Amy: Actually I'm just in town for two days from Pakistan.
Sonic: Oh. Pakistan.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: My name's Sonic, by the way.
Amy: I'm Amy.
Sonic: Hi.
Amy: Hi.
Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?
Amy: Every once in awhile. Do you?
Sonic: Not so much anymore. Not as much as I used to. Before my nervous
breakdown.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?
Amy: Why are you asking?
Sonic: Just interested.
Amy: Are you really interested, or do you just want to pick me up?
Sonic: No, I'm really interested.
Amy: Why would you be interested in whether I come in here a lot?
Sonic: I'm just…getting acquainted.
Amy: Maybe you're only interested for the sake of making small talk long
enough to ask me back to your place to listen to some music, or because you've just rented this great tape for your VCR, or because you've got some terrific unknown Crush 40 album, only all you really want to do is have wild sex, which you won't do very well-after which you'll go into the bathroom and pee very loudly, then pad into the kitchen and get yourself a beer from the refrigerator without asking me if I'd like anything, and then you'll proceed to lie back down and confess that you've got a girlfriend named Stephanie who's away at medical school in Belgium for a year, and that you've been involved with her-off and on-in what you'll call a very intricate relationship for the past seven YEARS! None of which interests me, mister!
Sonic: Okay.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?
Amy: Every other day, I think.
Sonic: I come in here quite a lot and I don't remember seeing you.
Amy: I guess we must be on different schedules.
Sonic: Missed connections.
Amy: Yes. Different time zones.
Sonic: Amazing how you can live right next door to somebody in this town and never even know it.
Amy: I know.
Sonic: City life.
Amy: It's crazy.
Sonic: We probably pass each other in the street everyday. Right in front of this place, probably.
Amy: Yep.
Sonic: Well the waiters here sure seem to be in some different time zone, I can't seem to locate one anywhere…Waiter! So what do you--
Amy: I beg your pardon?
Sonic: Nothing. Sorry.
(Sonic rings bell)
Amy: I guess we must be on different schedules.
Sonic: Missed connections.
Amy: Yes. Different time zones.
Sonic: Amazing how you can live right next door to somebody in this town and never even know it.
Amy: I know.
Sonic: City life..
Amy: It's crazy.
Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?
Amy: Actually I was.
Sonic: Oh. Boyfriend?
Amy: Sort of.
Sonic: What's a sort of boyfriend?
Amy: My husband.
(Amy shows off her ring finger to Sonic)
Sonic: Ah-ha.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?
Amy: Actually I was.
Sonic: Oh. Boyfriend?
Amy: Sort of.
Sonic: What's a sort of boyfriend? Amy: We were waiting here to break up.
(Amy starts crying and Sonic rings the bell, Amyy immediately stops crying)
Sonic: What's a sort of boyfriend?
Amy: My lover. Here she comes right now!
(Sonic quickly rings the bell before anyone can come in)
Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?
Amy: No, just reading.
Sonic: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?
Amy: Do you think so?
Sonic: Well sure. What's a good-looking woman like you doing out alone on a Friday night ?
Amy: Trying to keep away from lines like that.
Sonic: No, listen-- (Amy rings bell) I was..just… (Amy rings bell) Please….
(Amy rings bell three times)
Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?
Amy: No, just reading.
Sonic: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?
Amy: I guess it is, in a way.
Sonic: What's a good-looking woman like you doing out alone on a Friday night anyway? No offense, but…
Amy: I'm out alone on a Friday night for the first time in a very long time.
Sonic: Oh.
Amy: You see, I just ended a relationship.
Sonic: Oh.
Amy: Of rather long standing.
Sonic: I'm sorry. Well listen, since reading by yourself is such a sad occupation for a Friday night, would you like to go elsewhere?
Amy: No…
Sonic: Do something else?
Amy: No thanks.
Sonic: I was headed out to the movies in a little while anyway.
Amy: I don't think so.
Sonic: Big chance to let Faulkner catch his breath. All those long sentences get him pretty tired.
Amy: Thanks anyway.
Sonic: Okay.
Amy: I appreciate the invitation.
Sonic: Sure thing.
(Sonic rings bell)
Sonic: You weren't waiting for someone when I came in, were you?
Amy: No, just reading.
Sonic: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?
Amy: I guess I was trying to think of it as existentially romantic. You know-cappuccino, great literature, rainy night…
Sonic: That only works in Paris. We could hope the late plane to Paris. Get on a Concorde. Find a café…
Amy: I'm a little short of plane fare tonight.
Sonic: Damn it, so am I.
Amy: To tell you the truth, I was headed out to the movies after I finished this section. Would you like to come along? Since you can't locate a waiter?
Sonic: That's a very nice offer, but…
Amy: Uh-huh. Girlfriend?
Sonic: Two, actually. One of them's pregnant, and Stephanie--
(Amy rings bell)
Amy: Girlfriend?
Sonic: No, I don't have a girlfriend. Not if you mean the castrating bitch I dumped last night.
(Amy, freaked out, quickly rings bell)
Amy: Girlfriend?
Sonic: Sort of.
Amy: What's a sort-of girlfriend?
Sonic: My mother.
(Amy gives Sonic an odd look then rings bell)
Sonic: I just ended a relationship, actually.
Amy: Oh.
Sonic: Of rather long standing.
Amy: I'm sorry to hear it
Sonic: This is my first night out alone in a long time. I feel a little bit at sea, to tell you the truth.
Amy: So you didn't stop to talk because you're a Moonie, or you have some weird political affiliation--?
Sonic: Nope. Straight-down-the-ticket-Republican.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: Straight-down-the-ticket-Democrat.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: Can I tell you something about politics?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: I'd like to think of myself as a citizen of the universe.
(Amy rings bell three times)
Sonic: I'm unaffiliated.
Amy: That's a relief. So am I.
Sonic: I vote my beliefs.
Amy: Labels are not important.
Sonic: Labels are not important, exactly. Take me, for example. I mean, what does it matter if I had a two-point at college?
(Amy rings bell)
BILL-TABLE #3: Three-point at college?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: Four-point at college? Or if I did come from Pittsburgh?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: Cleveland?
(Amy rings bell)
BILL-TABLE #1: Jersey?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: What's wrong with Cleveland?
(Amy rings bell three times)
Sonic: Westchester County?
Amy: Sure.
Sonic: I believe that a man is what he is.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: A person is what he is.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: A person is…what they are.
Amy: I think so too.
Sonic: I mean, so what if I admire Eggman?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: So what if I had a total-body liposuction?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: So what if I don't have a penis?
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: So what if I spent a year with the Freedom Fighters? I was acting on my convictions.
Amy: Sure.
Sonic: You just can't hang a sign on a person.
Amy: Absolutely. I'll bet you're a Scorpio.
(Sonic rings bell many times)
Amy: Listen, I was headed to the movies after I finished this section. Would you like to come along?
Sonic: That sounds like fun. What's playing?
Amy: A couple of the really early Woody Allen movies.
Sonic: Oh.
Amy: You don't like Woody Allen?
Sonic: Sure. I like Woody Allen.
Amy: But you're not crazy about Woody Allen.
Sonic: Those early ones kind of get on my nerves.
Amy: Uh-huh.
(Amy rings bell)
Sonic: Y'know I was headed to the-
Amy: (simultaneously) I was thinking about-
Sonic: I'm sorry.
Amy: No, go ahead.
Sonic: I was going to say that I was headed to the movies in a little while, and…
Amy: So was I.
Sonic: The Woody Allen festival?
Amy: Just up the street.
Sonic: Do you like the early ones?
Amy: I think anybody who doesn't ought to be run off the planet.
Sonic: How many times have you seen Bananas?
Amy: Eight times.
Sonic: Twelve. So are you still interested?
Amy: Do you like chili dogs?
Sonic: Last night I went out at two in the morning to get one. Did you have an Etch-a-Sketch as a child?
Amy: Yes! And do you like Brussels sprouts?
Sonic: No, I think they're disgusting!
Amy: They are disgusting!
Sonic: Do you still believe in marriage in spite of current sentiments against it?
Amy: Yes.
Sonic: And children?
Amy: Three of them.
Sonic: Two girls and a boy.
Amy: Harvard, Vassar, and Brown.
Sonic: And will you love me?
Amy: Yes.
Sonic: And cherish me forever?
Amy: Yes.
Sonic: Do you still want to go to the movies?
Amy: Sure thing.
Both: Waiter!
--
Well, that wraps up the first chapter, you know, they had this play at my school, I auditioned and I didn't make it, but it was a small cast. Oh well, next time. I hope you enjoyed it and please R&R.